[identity profile] knowyourlips.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] wl_fanfiction

Title: Dirty Little Secret (Part 4)

Pairing: Ryan/Colin

Rating: R/NC-17 (to be safe?)

Summary: He'd known Colin was in love with him, even as he turned his face away from his friend's kiss. Colin's lips had lightly grazed his cheekbone, and he'd yanked his head away, pretending to sneeze.

Author's Notes: This is a little shorter, I think, because the story needed to be broken up into ... stages, or something. Still not the end. But thanks for the comments, guys =)

 

Part Four: You are the only one that needs to know

 

He'd known Colin was in love with him the first time he'd fucked him; he'd braced one hand against the head of the bed and had gripped Colin's hip tightly with the other. His friend had squeezed his own hands tightly, until his knuckles had taken on a mottled white-pink colour

He'd released Colin's hip, eventually, and had reached around to grip the other man's cock; he'd tried to time his hand movements with his thrusting, and Colin had arched his back, trying to push both back and forwards into his touch.

When he'd come, he'd leant further over his friend and softly kissed the side of his neck; his face had hovered there, for a moment, and Colin had tilted his head slightly to the side, and Ryan had been able to see - even in the relative darkness of the room - that Colin's eyes were tightly closed.

He'd known Colin was in love with him as he'd gently eased out of him; he'd hissed when he'd withdrawn completely, and Colin had silently rolled onto his side. He'd flopped onto the bed, stomach first and waited there for a moment; eventually, he'd found the energy to roll onto his back, and Colin had looked at him for a long moment.

He'd known Colin was in love with him, even as he turned his face away from his friend's kiss. Colin's lips had lightly grazed his cheekbone, and he'd yanked his head away, pretending to sneeze.

He'd refused to meet his friend's gaze immediately after that.

And Colin had never tried to kiss him again.

 

He'd lain next to his friend, in the almost pitch-black motel room, not quite touching him; he'd listened to Colin's breathing slow, and he'd known his friend truly was in love with him when the older man had finally nodded off - he'd snuggled into Ryan's side in his sleep, and Ryan had only swallowed.

He'd known Colin was in love with him before he left him, in the early hours of that morning; he'd slipped out of the room as quietly as he could, only toying for a moment with the idea of leaving his friend a note.

He'd paused in the doorway - he actually had; he'd thought about staying, and he'd thought about waking Colin to say good-bye.

But he'd decided, ultimately, that it wasn't worth it, so, gently, he'd pulled the door shut after him.

He'd leant against the door for only a few seconds; he'd closed his eyes, and his hand had still loosely gripped the doorknob, and he'd rested his head on the wood paneling.

 

He'd known Colin was in love with him the first time he'd pulled away from him backstage; Wayne had rounded the corner - they'd been talking on a couch, their heads so close together their temples nearly touched - and Ryan had whipped his face away from Colin's.

He'd coughed, then adjusted the right leg of his pants, and Wayne had pretended not to notice anything, and he's pretended not to notice Colin's expression.

 

He'd known Colin was in love with him even when the older man had told him, quietly, that he couldn't do it anymore. His friend's words had been halting, and his eyes had darted away from Ryan's, and he'd shoved his hands into his pockets, and Ryan had merely watched him.

He'd known Colin was in love with him when - less than two weeks later - he'd caved in; Colin had stared out the car window, silently, as Ryan had chosen the motel; Colin's foot had tapped, restlessly, against the floorboard, and only then had Ryan noticed that his own fingers were drumming an impatient rhythm on the steering wheel.

Date: 2005-11-28 04:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stilmoch.livejournal.com
Ryan had better be nice to Colin soon or I'm gonna have to send someone in to "talk" to him. *G*

Date: 2005-11-28 05:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] clayangel.livejournal.com
You don't know how impatiently I wait for you to update this. ^_^ This is so good and just so damn interesting. I love the image of Ryan with his hand braced against the head board -- very hot.

Date: 2005-11-28 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foureyedsnail.livejournal.com
Ohemgee, it's a CIRCLE OF ANGST.

Colin is miserable because he gets no love, and Ryan is miserable because he's making Colin miserable, and it never ends!

The duality fascinates and amazes. On the one hand, you have Ryan, taking advantage of his best friend's unconditional love, reaping the physical benefits of a relationship without the emotional responsibility, keeping Colin in happy agony and knowing it...knowing how it's confusing him, hurting him...

And then on the other hand, you have Ryan the confused, Ryan the regretful, Ryan who knows what he's doing is wrong, Ryan who looks into his best friend's eyes and see what he's wrought... and though he regrets it so, he can't because he doesn't even know why he's doing it in the first place...

Oh, I love a good dichotomy.

*claps*

Date: 2005-11-28 07:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] indybaggins.livejournal.com
*Points to the comment above* Duality + Angst + sex = Good.

It's so deep, and wrong, and sad, and aaaaahhhhh... :)


Date: 2005-11-28 07:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leatharegee.livejournal.com
ditto to EVERYTHING everyone has said here. I love this angsty circle...how Ryan wants colin to be happy no matter what, even if he's miserable and whatnot. It's like a really slashy catch 22, if you will. I cannot WAIT for whats coming next! Excellent job!

Date: 2005-11-28 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] violent-rabbit.livejournal.com
Seconded all above comment.
And dude this hurts so good. :D

Date: 2005-11-28 10:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jessica-whoser.livejournal.com
I agree with everyone. Great job.

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