wl_fanfiction | Choices

Title - Choices
Rating - NC-17
Pairing - Colin/Ryan, Greg/Ryan, mentions of Colin/Deb and Pat/Ryan.
Summary - Life is full of difficult choices, sometimes it's hard to know whether to follow your head or your heart....
Disclaimer - I only own the story...blah blah blah!
Feedback - is fabulous! :o)

Okay....here's the next part peeps. I'm not entirely satisfied with this one but if I look at it anymore my head's gonna explode! I present it to you and will be interested to hear what you think......try not to be too harsh though! Many thanks to you all for following this story. x

Part Seven

Ryan sat on the beach next to his shoes and socks and looked out over the ocean, his toes sinking into the soft, golden sand. The sun was making its inexorable way to the horizon, warming his face and casting flashes of colour on the water. It was always peaceful in this small secluded cove; not many people knew of it's existance, hidden away and hard to find unless you knew where to go. Colin had always joked that it existed only for them, a private sanctuary against the world.

They had found it by accident while exploring the coastline a few years ago. Neither of them liked the overcrowded, bustling beaches which the tourists flocked to so had decided to search for something better and they'd certainly found it.

That had been a perfect summer's day, filled with the laughter and easy conversation that had always come so effortlessly to them. As the day had drawn to a close and they'd watched the sun begin to set, very much like it was now, Ryan had finally admitted what he'd known for years.

His eyes slipped shut as he allowed the memory of that evening to wash over him.

*Flashback*

"Hey, are you still awake over there?"

Ryan opened his eyes and turned his head to meet the warm brown eyes of his companion who was lying next to him on the sand, resting on his elbows, and smiling.

"I was just taking a moment to soak up the peace and tranquility Col."

"Oh....the peace and tranquility I just ruined by talking you mean?"

"That's the one," Ryan grinned. Colin's smile widened as he turned back to the ocean and Ryan continued to watch him. The dying rays of the sun were bathing Colin in a golden light so that his skin appeared to glow and, for a moment, Ryan was mesmerised by it, his heart beating a little faster.

The strong bond of friendship, which had existed since the moment they'd met, had blossomed over time into something infinitely more profound and Ryan had initially been shocked by the realization. He'd since come to accept it as something which he had no control over and he'd given up trying to fight it. He wasn't sure if Colin felt it too but there were moments when a simple touch or look would make time seem to stop.

He shook himself out of his daze, smiling as his eyes moved up to the cap covering the top of Colin's head. Colin's pale skin was easily burnt by the californian sun so he always had to smother himself in lotion and protect his sensitve scalp. Ryan, of course, never passed up an opportunity to rib him about it.

"You can take that off now," he said, gesturing to the cap when Colin turned to look at him questioningly, "I don't think you're in any danger of getting sunburnt....or are you just scared the birds will use your head for target practice?"

Colin elbowed him in the side and muttered,"Bastard," his words lacking any heat as he tried and failed to suppress a smile and Ryan chuckled. "It happens to be shielding my eyes from the glare."

He paused a moment, looking at Ryan's long body stretched out on the sand, before adding, "You know you shouldn't lie there too long, you might get mistaken for driftwood."

"Touche," Ryan smirked, seeing the amusement dancing in Colin's eyes.

Colin suddenly shifted position to lie flat next to Ryan, their thighs brushing together, and looked up at the sky. Ryan shivered at the touch and lifted his arms to rest them behind his head as he looked up as well. A comfortable silence descended on them as they lay side by side, listening to the waves breaking gently a little way off. The sky was streaked with colour and the first few stars were appearing as the sunlight waned.

"This is nice," Colin said softly after a few minutes.

"Mmmm," Ryan murmured.

"Can we just stay here?"

Ryan smiled, keeping his eyes on the course of a bird flying overhead in the darkening sky. "What....forever?"

"Sounds good to me."

Ryan turned his head to find Colin looking at him intensely and found his breath catching in his throat. There was something in Colin's eyes he'd never seen before, something stronger and deeper, and he felt hope spring up in his chest. "Okay," he smiled.

Colin returned his smile, his whole face lighting up, which made Ryan's heart skip a beat and he rolled onto his side and raised his head, leaning on his elbow as he hovered above Colin's face. Colin gazed up at him steadily, his smile slowly fading as his expression turned serious, and Ryan couldn't help getting lost in his chocolate brown eyes. Staring into their depths he could understand why some people called them "windows to the soul" because it felt like he was looking straight into Colin's and it was beautiful.

He had no idea how long they stayed that way; it seemed like they had been building up to this moment for years but both were afraid to cross that invisible line. Ryan's heart was hammering in his chest as he slowly closed the distance between them, watching Colin closely for any signs of unease, and joined their lips together gently.

The touch only lasted a second before he pulled back to gauge Colin's reaction. Finding nothing but love and trust in Colin's eyes and a reassuring smile, Ryan cupped his face and kissed him again; this time allowing himself to melt into it as Colin opened his mouth with a moan which went straight to Ryan's groin.

The kiss was better than anything he could have imagined, a far cry from the platonic kisses they'd shared over the years on the show. It felt like he was flying, taken to dizzying heights he'd never come close to before. The moment Colin had begun to respond something had awakened in Ryan and, for the first time ever, he felt truly alive. He knew that there was no going back from this and he didn't want to. This over-powering feeling made him realize that what he thought was love for Pat was but a shadow in comparison.

He didn't want the kiss to end but it inevitably had to and he reluctantly lifted his head to gaze at Colin's face. Colin slowly opened his eyes and looked at him with an expression of complete contentment and the words flew out of Ryan's mouth before he even had time to think about it.

"I love you Col."

Colin raised a hand to trace Ryan's cheek gently as he looked into his emerald eyes. "I love you too."

*End of flashback*

Ryan thought he could hear those words echoing in the wind as he sat there. He opened his eyes, suddenly convinced that he'd find Colin sitting beside him and smiling, but the beach was exactly the same as when he'd arrived; deserted. As this last glimmer of hope was extinguished, the dam holding Ryan's emotions back suddenly broke and a wave of despair made him drop his head into his hands and squeeze his eyes shut against the onslaught.

How could it have come to this? Colin wasn't just the love of his life; he was his best friend, his partner on-stage and off, and the only person in his life who he could always count on. The thought of losing him for good was unbearable, physically stealing the breath from his body until he was gasping for air while sobs racked his body. It felt like he was desperately clinging onto a rock in the middle of a stormy sea, battered by wave after wave of pain and hopelessness.

Just when he thought he was unable to hold on any longer and would be washed away by the force of it, a strong pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and he clung on to them like a lifeline. He was sure they were a hallucination and didn't dare open his eyes as he cried Colin's name, but his call was immediately answered.

"Shh....I'm here Ry....I'm here."