Okay...Kinda Depressing

[graciewoooo.livejournal.com]

Title: Alone
Pairing:..Umm…Not sure if there is one. Might be a little Ryan/Greg
Form: Ficlet
Summary: I always suck at these but here we go. Ryan’s struggling with being alone with himself.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. I don’t own any characters, and the story is just fictional :P
Author’s Notes:…Um, you could say this is depressing. I guess. Probably the best thing I’ve written in a LONG time though so…whatever. Anyway. Comments are love. If you don’t like it, you can say, I honestly don’t mind haha.
WARNING: Self Harm. Separation. Desertion. Yeah O_o

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Tears fell. Silently. Leaving tracks down his face, like cuts. Every tear seeming to scar his cheek with past memories hidden safely inside them. And as they dropped onto the floor, they shattered. His heart fell with them. Like everyone else he’d had in his life, they’d gone. Deserted him. Pictures lay strewn across the floor, buried under shards of cracked, broken glass.

They’d been arguing. So it was expected really, for this to happen eventually. But even if he expected it to happen at some point, nothing could prepare him for the time it actually came true. He remembered the fateful day he had returned home from work, only to find her and the children gone. Nothing was left of them, but the pictures strewn across the floor. They’d left nothing. Their clothes were gone, all of their belongings were gone. The only thing he’d had left to remind him of what he’d lost was the small, white fluffy teddy bear with a pink bow in it’s hair. The only thing he had left of his children at all, aside from the pictures. Claire’s teddy bear.

At this memory, he shuddered. How ghostly it appeared to him. He’d never heard from them after that. Pat hadn’t called him, to tell him where they were. That wasn’t surprising, he’d broken her heart. He’d broken all of their hearts, because he had given them all up for someone else. Someone else who’d now left him also. Used him….Colin. He gave everything he had to Colin, gave him his love, his loyalty, and all he did was throw it back in his face. Left him alone. Destroyed his heart.
The minute Colin had announced he was touring with Brad, he knew it was the end of their relationship. For Good. All of that hard work, all of the times he had tried for him, it was completely wasted. And now he had lost his family, many of his friends, he was well and truly alone.

Tears continued to drench his anguished soul with memories, the good times all but clouded in the dark frightening happenings that have plagued him for the rest of his time alone. He lay still, closing his eyes tight, writhing slightly in disgust as his own pain and tears echoed around him. It was too much. If this was how he’d be for the rest of his life, he didn’t want to live it. No one would care anyway. He was all alone

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“Hello?” He pushed the unlocked door slowly open, glancing around cautiously. He stepped through the empty kitchen, hearing his footsteps echo throughout the deserted house.
“Ryan?” he called, no response to his voice. He frowned slightly, his heart pounding in his chest. He must be here somewhere, he thought to himself, he just has to be.

He slowly made his way to the door he knew was Ryan and Pat’s bedroom. Well, now only Ryan’s. He swallowed hard when he saw the door was already open a tiny crack. He bit his lip, apprehensively reaching towards the door, slowly pushing it open. The door creaked slowly, echoing in the empty room….the near empty room. Ryan slowly glanced up from the bed.
“Greg…?” he croaked.

Greg felt tears immediately sting his eyes. His heart literally skipped a beat, as he stared in horror at the former shell of his best friend, completely broken, lying like an injured animal across the bed. His stomach squirmed when he spotted the glass shards across the bed, the fact that Ryan was lying across it all and honestly not giving a shit. His heart skipped another beat when he realised the red sheets underneath where Ryan’s body was lying, was blood. Ryan’s forearms were caked with dried crimson, deep lines tracing from his wrist up to his elbow. He was a lot thinner than he had been before, and his eyes were dark and had lost the sparkle they had held once before.

“Oh….Ryan..” Greg gasped, a tear dripping down his cheek. Ryan glanced away from him quickly, looking ashamed. Greg hurried to him, literally diving across the bed, wrapping his arms around Ryan tightly.
“Get off Greg.” Ryan ordered weakly, trying to pull himself from Greg. “Just leave me here to die.”

“No..Ryan..you can’t do this.”

“Why not? There’s no one here who cares anymore Greg. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever loved, I don’t want to be here anymore!” Ryan tried to sound strong, but his voice cracked slightly, his pain evident.
Greg wrapped his arms tighter around Ryan.
“I still love you Ryan, you’re my best friend. I’m not going to let you waste away!” Greg said seriously, his voice strong with conviction. Ryan gazed up at him, tears dripping down his hollow cheeks again. He shook his head slowly, still trying to push away from Greg.

“I’ve been here for months Greg. No one even realised I was gone.”

“I did! I’ve been looking for you for ages. No one had seen you, I had no idea you’d still be here!” Greg tightened his hold on Ryan, wanting to squeeze some sense into him, wanting to show him he cared.
Ryan grunted slightly angrily, trying his hardest to push Greg away from him.
“Just fuck off Greg!” He screamed, trying his hardest to tear away Greg’s hands from around him. “I don’t have anyone !! No one would care if I dropped dead right now!!!”

“I would!!” Greg screamed back, not loosening his grip on Ryan at all. Ryan was silenced immediately, quivering slightly. He swallowed hard as silence surrounded them again.

“I care Ryan.” Greg eventually spoke quietly, still gripping Ryan tight. Ryan sniffed again, clutching at Greg’s shirt like he was a lifeline.
“I have no one Greg.” He responded hoarsely.
“You have me. And I’ll be here as long as you need me buddy.”
Ryan sniffed again, burying his head in Greg’s chest, cuddling him tightly, still gripping his shirt, as if Greg could disappear at any moment. He couldn’t be alone again. He wouldn’t survive. He couldn’t face the silence and nightmares again.

“Please don’t leave me.” He muttered quietly, his tears soaking into Greg’s shirt. “Everyone’s left me….I don’t want to be alone again…” He closed his eyes, for the first time in a long time, feeling the warmth of the hug, not feeling numb anymore like he had before. Greg held him close, rubbing his back tenderly.
“I’m here to stay man.”