FIC; Nothing in life is free.

[iloveanyonebutu.livejournal.com]

So apparently all of the newbies are coming out of the woodwork and I've decided to jump on the bandwagon.
Hi! I bring fic!

Title: Nothing In Life Is Free (1/3 or 4)
Rating: R, but could go up to NC-17 because of subject matter.
Pairings: Colin/Ryan, Dan/Ryan, Greg being awesome.
Summary: It isn't a secret that Ryan 'spoke up' on Colin's behalf to get him a seat on the show. What is a secret was what that meeting involved; when Colin finds a tape everything changes.
Warnings: Dub-con/blackmail sex, angst, angst and more angst. No Beta.
Word count: For this chapter; 1,496.
A/N: So this fic is mostly written it just needs editing. It is also my first that I have posted to a community; so I would love con-crit :) hell, I would love any kind of review :P
(also my first time doing an lj cut - so I hope this works!)

It all started when Colin opened the usually locked drawer in Dan’s desk and saw a tape with Ryan’s name on it.

Scratch that.

It started with ABC hiring a production assistant who wanted her hero Colin Mochrie’s autograph.

Scratch that.

It started with Ryan saying “I love you”.

Scratch that.

It started with a crappy strip-club, with old, worn out strippers and a disinterested audience full of alcoholics and the desperate. It started with a spotlight falling on a stage and the person stood on it – tall and awkward in youth, with big feet and hands, and a halo of golden hair. It started, as everything seems to, in an unlikely place with the most unlikely of characters.

***

Colin didn’t know why he had agreed to come. When Jim said he had heard that there was a hilarious stand-up working at a little known strip-club (that he, of course, never went to) Colin thought that that in itself was an oxymoron. If the stand-up was hilarious the strip-club he was working in wouldn’t be obscure, and if the strip-club was obscure clearly the comedian wasn’t that funny. Nevertheless, Colin had noticed he was increasingly lacking a social life that didn’t revolve around him getting quietly drunk in front of whatever b-movie was showing on late-night telly, so he agreed to go under the premise that Jim would pay for at least some of the drinks.

However, now that he was actually sitting at the bar, Colin wished that he was back on his ratty couch with the cheapest beer he could find; so far he had been groped, leered at and bought two beers – he was also almost entirely sure that he was stuck to the barstool.

“Jim; I just wanted to say that unless this comedian is the funniest person I have ever seen I am never going with you anywhere again!”

Jim had his eyes fixated on the breasts of the bored looking stripper who was barely making the effort to move up and down the pole. He grunted in reply.

Colin sighed and started trying to unstick himself from the layers of alcohol on his barstool, and getting ready to leave. At that moment the stage (or what can be more accurately called a wooden box) was lit and a young man stepped onto it. It was clear that the regulars both recognised and liked him as he fended off a few half-hearted hecklers and the crowd settled down quickly. Soon they were asking for their favourite jokes and Colin found himself inadvertently laughing along to the enthusiasm the amateur displayed. All too soon it was over and the crowd groaned as the man ambled over to the bar. Colin decided to grab his chance; he didn’t know if it was the whiskey and beer he had consumed, or the fact that Jim had left to harass the strippers and he had no-one to talk to, but he introduced himself to the performer.

“Um, hi, I’m Colin – I thought you were really great; I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?”

“Hi Colin, I’m Ryan – buy me two and we’re friends for life.”

And it was as easy at that.

***

When Colin had first seen the tape, he mostly ignored it in the search for a pen.

***

Colin had been on his way from the studio to the parking lot where he could finally, finally, get a cigarette when he was accosted by the new Assistant Producer brandishing a pen and a clipboard. Thinking she had another issue with the show, or the current taping he tried to get rid of her as quickly and as politely as possible.

She had only managed to blurt out; “Mr. Mochrie? Hi, I was just wondering if...” before Colin had interrupted -

“I’m sorry, but I only have a ten minute break; so would it be possible for us to sort out whatever issues Keith or Dan have after it? The recording won’t start straight away anyway.”  

She looked flustered when she answered, “Oh, it’s not about the show, well it kind of is, but not this taping, although this taping is great too, it’s just that...” she trailed off before taking a deep breath and saying, “I really admire you and your work and I know that this is all kinds of unprofessional of me but I was really hoping you’d give me your autograph?” This was followed by a hopeful look.

He grinned. He never minded signing photographs for fans, and when the fan is the assistant producer, well, so much the better. Maybe she’d be able to rein Dan back a bit.

“An autograph? Sure!” He grabbed the proffered pen and started to write his name. As luck would have it, it ran out half-way through and after both of them checking their pockets and coming up blank, Colin hit an impasse. On the one hand, if he went to search for a pen then there would almost certainly be no time for a cigarette; if he didn’t have his nicotine fix, the likelihood that he would try to kill his fellow-performers during the next two hours of taping would rise significantly. On the other hand if he just walked off without signing this autograph he would seem like a bastard. In the end manners won through. Luckily, the corridor they were currently stood in had several offices.

“Look, don’t worry – I’ll just run into this office and borrow a pen, it’ll only take a second.”

With that Colin opened the nearest door without even looking at whose office he was entering. When he saw the mahogany desk, the teetering stacks of paper and scattered tapes he realised that it was Dan’s, and unlocked for the first time since the balloon incident (Ryan had filled the office with balloons as a ‘present’ for Dan’s birthday. They had taken several hours to remove and Dan had been furious, but Ryan had brushed off his anger with the reminder that he could have filled it with something a lot less pleasant. Eventually Dan had subsided, and the cast called it a victory.).  Nevertheless Colin felt slightly uncomfortable being in the room without Dan there also, which was a bizarre feeling considering he had a valid reason to be there, and was certainly not intending to play a prank. He glanced at the top of the desk, but was loathe to disturb the stacks of paper, so decided to rummage through the drawers instead. It was in the second one down that he found both the pen and the tape. He had ignored it at first, because God knows Dan had enough tapes scattered around his office; out-takes, censored scenes, games that weren’t so much funny as tragic even the occasional porno that the visitors to his office pretended not to see. Hey, the guy had one of the most stressful jobs out of both the cast and crew; who were they to begrudge a man his method of relaxation?

But on closer inspection, instead of having the usual date that the footage was recorded on, and the number of the episode it could potentially be edited into, it had Ryan’s name. This was unusual enough to grab Colin’s attention; but not enough for him to take an active interest – before it occurred to him that it might well be a recording of Ryan’s original audition, Dan was pedantic enough to keep something like that, and if it was it would provide Colin with both entertainment and blackmail material for several weeks. Happily, he grabbed the tape and pen, before shoving the latter into his pocket and jogging out into the corridor towards the patiently waiting assistant producer.

***

When Colin pressed ‘play’ everything changed.

***

The video was of poor quality and it took Colin a while to recognise the room which had now appeared on the screen – it had been several years since he had seen it last. The angle was strange also, seemingly shot from the top of a cupboard but the location was unmistakable; the heavy wooden desk which the owner refused to leave behind, the stacks of paper, the ever-present tapes; all spoke of Dan Patterson. Indeed the man himself (who was almost out of shot) was sitting behind his desk in the top corner of the screen. Colin grinned, it might not be blackmail material on Ryan, but it would most definitely contain something that Dan blatantly didn’t want people to see. Colin secretly bet himself that it was going to be a film of Dan shagging some poor production assistant, or most likely a hooker. Smirking, he turned his attention back to the TV. The door to the office was opening and Colin leaned forward slightly in anticipation; promising himself to turn the tape off as soon as he saw who the ‘lucky lady’ was.

Who he didn’t expect to see was Ryan.

 

(Also, would it be possible for me to have an author and story tag please? Sorry to be a pain!)