Dyatlov Pass [Chapter 10/12]

[x-carnivale-x.livejournal.com]

Title: Dyatlov Pass.
Author: x_carnivale_x
Pairing: Chip/Jeff.
Rating: R/NC17 [violence, homosexuality, graphic description of gore]
Summary: The causes of the accident are still unknown. Neither the official inquest, nor attempts by enthusiastic unofficial investigations have solved the mystery.
Author's Notes: Just to give you a visual, the image I'm trying to create in Jeff's flashback is somewhat inspired by the Poughkeepsie Tapes clip [link at the bottom of the page].
Previous Chapters: Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine //



The first time Jeff woke up screaming, Chip thought that something awful were happening to his friend. His screams were enough, they sounded, to make his throat raw and bleed, and to even cause the room to resonate. Chip flung himself up to a sitting position as soon as the yells rung out, and at first, he wasn't sure what was happening. But he immediately took Jeff into his arms as the raven struggled and thrashed about. Jeff, despite his thinness, could be strong when he wanted to be (or was it 'needed to be'? Chip wasn't sure.) Chip was normally strong enough to subdue Jeff in his struggles, in any situation, but not this time. Chip felt an elbow hit his stomach and his breath left his lungs and Jeff left his arms. He flung himself from Chip's grip and receded to the corner of the room, his back pressed against the wall, and his face hiding in his knees, crying loudly and hysterically.

Once Chip could muster enough air to breathe again, he attempted to ease his way towards Jeff. He slid down from the bed onto the floor, sitting for just a moment, and proceeded then to slowly crawl towards Jeff. Chip watched him carefully, and he saw Jeff's head lift, but as soon as their eyes locked, Jeff's blue eyes widened in horror and he only recoiled further towards the wall, pushing himself backwards into the plaster, as if he could possibly go through it. Chip stopped immediately at the look in Jeff's eyes. The boy was horrified; Chip swore that his eyes had changed color. They were quivering and glistening over, and Chip could see that even though they twinkled, over that twinkle was a haze of unadulterated fear. Jeff was terrified of him. Chip knew it would be best to leave Jeff there for the time being, at least until he calmed down.

The two were separate for a matter of hours. Chip had retreated back to the bed, where he had sat up against the headboard, watching Jeff carefully. He knew not to push the younger man, but Chip also had that sinking feeling in his stomach that told him that if he didn't push, something bad, something worse could happened next time. He watched Jeff until his arm moved up to the wall and started to trace something onto the whiteness of the wall. Chip shook his head in defiance and flung himself from the bed again and grabbed onto Jeff. Jeff screamed. But Chip put his hand's on his cheeks and yelled his name back at him.

"Jeff!"

The raven silenced, and Chip stared back at him.

"It's okay, Jeff, it's okay."

Jeff breathed heavily and Chip wrapped his arms around him and picked him up and carried him back towards the bed. His normally lightweight body felt now like dead weight, but luckily the walk was short. Chip laid Jeff back on the bed and Jeff just stared at him, deathly silent. Chip sat next to him silently too, and remained there for the rest of the night. Jeff had finally drifted back to sleep in the very early hours of the morning, and Chip had done nothing but watch him. After a few hours of gentle sleep, Jeff seemed fine, or as fine as he could be.

The second time Jeff woke up in the middle of night, he didn't scream out. Instead he yelled prayers. Hail Mary's, if Chip could comprehend the Finnish just right. (Why on earth Jeff had chosen Finnish and Spanish as his languages of choice, Chip hadn't the faintest idea, but after being around him for so long, Chip had begun to pick up tidbits of both, or he could at least figure out what SOME things were.) For the most part, Jeff was incomprehensible. His words were broken, then slurred, then yelled, then whispered, sobbed and screamed. He sobbed. Uncontrollably. Chip leant forward and held onto his cheeks once again, and Jeff stared back with desperation and fear in his tearful eyes.

"T-terve Maria, armoitettu,
Herra s-sinun kanssasi
Siunattu sinä naisten jou-joukossa ja
siunnattu kohtusi hedelmä Jesus.
Pyhä Maria,"

Chip tried to get him to stop. He held his face and kissed his forehead and Jeff accepted the affection. He wrapped his arms tightly around the older man and sobbed into his chest. But he didn't stop praying. Pressed against Chip's abdomen, he continued.

"P-phyä Maria...

Isä m-meidän...
äkäkä saata meitä kiusaukseen
v-vaan päästä meidät pahasta..."

Jeff wasn't religious as far as Chip knew. Or as far as anyone knew. To hear him pray was foreign and honestly, that combined with the sick desperation that resounded in his voice, the entire affair sent chills up Chip's spine. He held Jeff tightly, and by this point the boy was just sobbing and muttering incomprehensible words and phrases. Chip assumed he was still praying somehow. Jeff's face was pressed against Chip's stomach, and Chip was sure it was soaking wet from how much he was crying and sputtering. Chip didn't care about that. One hand held him tightly against his abdomen, occasionally caressing his hair, the other held around Jeff's torso as best it could. It was a futile attempt to steady him. Jeff quaked and sobbed and Chip felt him hyperventilating and Chip felt a new wave of panic. He knew he'd have to release his friend in favor of an inhaler.

He tried to tell him that he was just moving to help him, but in the panicky haze, it only made Jeff want to cling more tightly to him, sobbing and choking it seemed. Chip felt a wave of horror pass through him. Finally, out of desperation, he shoved Jeff away roughly, sending him upright, his back at the headboard. Jeff clutched his chest and hung his head down, whimpering as much as he could given his lack of oxygen. Chip moved quickly, fondling around in the dark for Jeff's inhaler, and still trying to watch Jeff to make sure he was alright. He saw his head bent down and his body hunching over.

"Jeff, you've gotta sit up!" Chip yelled while still feeling the floor for the medicine. He wasn't sure which was more important, making sure Jeff wasn't making it worse, or making sure he could stop it by finding the inhaler. Jeff didn't sit up.

"Jeff, keep your back straight and your arms up. It'll help." Chip turned away again, "Goddamnit." He muttered to himself as he retreated to the floor at his nightstand to feel for the inhaler. He watched Jeff and the floor, going back and forth, and he could feel himself crying, until finally, a piece of plastic beneath his fingers. He exhaled quickly in relief and stood back up and practically flung himself to Jeff's side on the bed. He forced Jeff to lift his head and pressed the inhaler to his lips. Jeff suddenly seemed to realize what was happening and he flung his own arm forward and pressed down on the top of the inhaler, releasing the medicine into his lungs.

Chip could see him clenching his eyes shut, longing to exhale, but knowing he had to hold the medicine in for at least 20 seconds. It was the longest 20 seconds Chip had ever experienced. And then, Jeff exhaled shakily and let a sob slip out with it. His head fell back to the headboard and he stared upwards, and Chip saw tears still falling from his eyes as he breathily cried. Chip couldn't help but fling towards him and hug him tightly. But he didn't cry anymore, he couldn't for Jeff, he had to stay strong... Had to. He expected Jeff to just lie there, but he didn't, Chip felt his arms wrapping up and around him and Chip could only pull him tighter.

"It's okay, Jeff." Chip muttered. And Jeff nodded.

"It was a dream... It wasn't real." Chip whispered, attempting to be soothing. But this time, Jeff didn't nod.

"It was real..." The raven muttered breathily, his voice quivering.

::

Chip managed to lull Jeff back to sleep, and he stayed for a good hour after Jeff closed his eyes. His breathing was even and his face was placid, his lips plush and red, and Chip wondered what colour his eyes would be now. After a little bit, Chip slid from the bed, leaning over and kissing Jeff's cheek softly, calling him sweetheart even though Jeff couldn't hear it. He slipped out the bedroom door and to the foyer area where his cellphone had been forgotten on the coffee table. He picked it up and plopped onto the couch, never letting his back touch, instead he leant forward, his elbows on his thighs and began to flip through his contacts. He pressed the phone to his ear and waited as the phone rang. And rang again. And rang again. And just when he thought no one would answer, it clicked and a voice greeted him.

"Hey, Ryan..." Chip responded to the hello; the four of them must have made it back home already. How long had he been in Helsinki? He swore he'd just seen his friends a couple days ago. He didn't know. He'd lost track of the days. He knew that they had gone home, but how long ago? He couldn't remember... And by this point though, he started not to care.

"Chip, where are you? Are you still in Finland?"

"Yeah, Ryan, listen I need to talk to Greg."

He waited as the phone was transferred over and as Greg's shrill and worried voice sounded across the line.

"Goddamnit Chip, why haven't you called? Are you still in Helsinki? Did you get Jeff? Is he okay? Are you okay?!"

"Greg, chill, it's just been a couple days. I saw you just a few... Nevermind, Greg I need your hel-"

But Greg continued.

"We were so worried, Chip, about you and Jeff both, did you get him out of the hospi-"

Chip cut him off.

"Greg please! I... You were with us for a lot of that.... What are you talking about? You should know... But that's not important. Greg I need help...."

Greg was silent.

"Greg I... I don't know what to do..."

"Chip, I dont think you've asked for help since you were 20. What happened after we left? Is Jeff okay? What's wrong?"

"Jeff's... well he's okay physically still. But he's been having these awful nightmares. And I feel like he's just moving farther and farther away. ...I-I'm losing him."

"Where are you two now?"

"We're at that same hotel you guys stayed at."

"You've been staying with him?"

"Yeah, I took him there from the hospital, but he's not coming out of this, Greg. Something happened out there, and he isn't shaking it. No matter what I do, I cant get him away from it."

Chip was crying by now and Greg bit his lip.

"I don't know what to tell you, hun. I don't know what happened... I'm as in the dark as you. But whatever it was, it was bad. Really bad. You... we... may never get him back..."

Chip startled slightly, and yelled this time, standing up, irrational anger coursing through him. He paced forward, towards the hallway and pressed his back against the wall.

"Don't say that! You know Jeff... He can come out of this... What the fuck kind of advice is that? I need help, Greg... and you tell me th-"

Greg cut him off, and upon his stern but sure voice, Chip slid down the wall to a sitting position, his fingers threaded through his hair and holding tightly, listening to his friend.

"Chip, listen. Something happened to him that you can't change. And with that kind of trauma, you... you may never get him back... He may not ever be the person we knew. But that doesn't matter, you still have to try... If you can bring him out of this, you'll do it by being there, because you know he needs you. You've gotta be there, Chip."

"I am here." Chip whimpered into the phone pathetically, tears spilling from his eyes.

"I know you are, baby. But you've gotta be strong, okay? We've built each other to be strong for each other; that's what friendships are, and now here's the chance to show that friendship and love you have for him. I know you can. And then, hell, you could get him back to who he was. I've seen you two together and you... are each other's worlds. He loves you, so let him know you love him. Be there for him, Chip. That's what, if anything, will ground him, as much as he can be grounded again."

Chip started to reply, but something to his right caught his attention. He turned his head and was met with Jeff's body, standing thinly in the hallway, looking down at him. His eyes glancing at Chip, and then at the floor, then back to Chip.

"Chip, you there?" Greg's voice sounded through the receiver.

"Huh? Oh, yeah." But Chip stared up at Jeff. He was crying.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah, Greg, I need to go. I'll call you later."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I need to go, Jeff needs me."

"Okay." Greg muttered uncertainly, but Chip didn't stay to hear the response.

He'd already closed the phone and was staring at Jeff, quickly wiping away the tears that had formed in his own eyes during his phone call.

"What is it?"

Jeff said nothing and Chip stood up. He reached his hand out to Jeff and surprisingly, Jeff took it.

"I didn't mean to leave you alone, I just needed to call Greg."

Jeff shook his head and just stepped closer to Chip, still holding his hand.

"Ch-Chip?" he whispered quietly, sounding as if he had to force his vocal chords to vibrate.

"Yeah."

"Will you hold me?"

Chip was slightly confused by the question; he honestly hadn't expected it. But he nodded and started to walk towards Jeff to go past him to the bedroom, but Jeff stopped him before he could move past him.

"No... not there."

"Oh. Y-yeah, come on."

Instead, they turned and walked where Chip had been, towards the living room and towards the couch. Chip sat the two of them down together. Steadily, he moved to his back, pulling Jeff back with him until finally the two rested together, Jeff on top of Chip, his head lying on his chest. Chip petted his hair and said nothing. Jeff pulled his head out from under Chip's fingers and looked down at the him. Chip looked up, and tilted his head slightly, and was utterly shocked at how vibrant Jeff's eyes had become, and brightly they shown even in the putrid darkness of the night.

"Your eyes are blue."

Jeff paused for a second, and forced out a stagnant reply.

"My eyes are always blue."

"No. Your eyes are blue."

Jeff looked away from Chip, breaking their eye contact. And Chip saw the glisten leave Jeff's orbs as they turned away. Jeff laid his head back on Chip's chest and the two sat in silence. Chip suddenly felt very tired, and he could only hope that Jeff did as well, because he didn't think he'd be able to keep himself awake this time. He let his eyes slip closed and he breathed in deeply, wishing he could stay to watch Jeff. And as he drifted in and out, he felt Jeff's lips moving against his chest, mumbling something. Something about eyes. About missing eyes. But Chip was tired, and he was pretty sure he hadn't heard Jeff properly anyway.

Before he could even think further on the matter, Chip was out.

::

Jeff screamed and screamed. He screamed a scream that managed to pierce the night and ring across the mountainside, and yet it was still as if no one had heard him. Still on his rear, he shoved himself backwards as quickly as he could. His fingernails scratched the floor and he attempted to crab-crawl away from whatever it was that was before him. The room was dark, and he could hardly see, but he could hear, and he knew what he'd heard.

"Poistaa..." it muttered again.

Jeff still screamed. The darkness in front of him started to move, and he swore he saw a white and expressionless face staring at him, but Jeff wouldn't stay to watch. He flung himself even further backwards. He was met with another wall, but he turned around to his knees and felt against the rough concrete for anything, any way out. His entire torso was pressed against the rough concrete wall, he felt his face rubbing against it and scratching, but he ignored the stinging. He was probably bleeding, but he didn't care, all he could think of was getting out. He groped and felt around the wall, and it felt like he was searching for minutes, when really it couldn't have been more than two seconds. But it was whispering and laughing with a scratching voice, and Jeff was groping and clawing and moving until suddenly there was no wall, and Jeff was stumbling past the concrete wall into openness.

He didn't have to think, he was clawing at the floor, trying to push his legs and arms as hard as he could beneath him. He had no idea where he was; were there multiple floors? Was he up? Or down? What would he do once he got out? He didn't care, he ran. The area was dark and Jeff's feet collided with something solid and he fell forward on top of it. He didn't move for a moment. But he started to pull his arms up underneath him and he felt himself on top of something solid, yet tender. It was cold, whatever it was. Jeff knew he shouldn't have, he could hear shuffling coming upon him from the room he'd just left, but he couldn't help but pause to feel whatever he'd fallen on. He let his hands fondle the large object until his fingers landed on what were obviously facial features. A body. He screamed again, desperately trying to shove himself forward. He was running, but it felt more like he was crawling. His legs would hardly support him, he felt it was an act of god that they did at all. His hands met stairs roughly, and he felt splinters dig into his palms, but he didn't care. He continued to claw up them, up and up and up until there was no more up, until it was flat, and he was running again.

He hit a wall, except it wasn't a wall, he felt a handle, and he could only pray it was a way out. He tried turning it and pushing and it didn't budge, he felt himself breathing heavily, his chest pained and an unpleasant sensation gripping his insides. He heard steady thumps coming from behind him and the noise was approaching. Coming up the stairs. He screamed aloud again and shoved on the door again, but it didn't budge, and he let his body fall backwards into a small slump of defeat, and when he did, the door flung open towards him. He paused for a mere minute before tearing through the open door. He felt a wave of relief spread through him when he heard the crunching of leaves and snow, but he didn't stop to revel in it. He ran and ran, screaming out into the night,

"Somebody help me!" but no one answered. No one at all except for the distance gasping laugh he heard across the woods. Jeff tore onward until his foot caught on the old dead root of tree and he fell face forward into the snow. He tried to breathe, but he found his chest tightening. The laugh had faded, and he could hardly think at all before he passed out again.


::

The third time Chip woke up in the middle of the night, it was not because of Jeff's rampant screams. Quite the opposite really, the room was strangely silent when Chip woke up, and he wondered for a moment what had caused him to start awake. He slept quite heavily normally. He opened his eyes and looked around the living room and saw that he was the only one in there. He looked at the opposite end of the couch, almost as if he expected Jeff to be there.

He sat up and rubbed his eye, and took another glance around him and behind him towards the hallway. With a quick stretch backwards, he could see fully down it towards the bathroom at the end of the dark hallway. He saw that the bathroom light was on and the door wascracked ever so slightly. Chip stood up and started down the hall, as he got closer he realized he could hear the water running in a steady stream. Without bothering to knock, he entered.

Jeff sat in the tub, fully clothed, with his knees pulled up to his chest, and his head resting on top of them. The water poured down, and Chip could see the large amount of steam in the bathroom. The drain in the tub should have been draining faster, but Chip saw that it wasn't, as the water was beginning to pool around Jeff's ankles and butt. Chip didn't say anything, and he certainly didn't move to turn the water off, even though he knew he should've. Instead he just stood there and stared at Jeff, who stared emptily at the white tiled wall. At least it wasn't green. Chip sniffled lightly; he wasn't crying, but he felt the need to; Jeff's head snapped up immediately and stared at him, and Chip felt compelled to approach his friend. He walked slowly and knelt down beside the tub. He reached his hand out towards his soaking friend, and felt the scorching water hit his arm as he did, but he refused to cringe, instead he let it continue on its path and he touched Jeff's face, stroking his cheek. Jeff only stared, and Chip felt himself quivering under his friend's turbulent blue eyes. Chip bit his lip and spoke, his voice quaking as soon as his mouth open, and he felt a tear fall down his cheek.

"I-I m-miss you."

Jeff's mouth moved back into a smile, but it wasn't a smile, it was the kind of smile a person gets when their mouths open to sob in some desperate plea for happiness. And he did cry, he let out a choked sob, and he brought his hand up and placed it on top of Chip's, which still rested on his alabaster cheek. Chip heard him sob and he pursed his lips together. Without a second thought, he leant forward towards Jeff, letting his head slink into the stream of steaming water. It burned his face as soon as it hit, but he didn't care this time, he hardly felt it. He kept moving and finally reached Jeff and pressed their lips together, and he stared into those blue moon eyes.

[Chapter Ten Cut]


Also, if anyone wants to visualize Jeff's flashback from this chapter, I took a lot of inspiration from a clip from the Poughkeepsie Tapes.
Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmK8AdvkvLg

But yeah. So, tell me, was it terrible? I don't know, this was a hard chapter for me to write. I feel like the descriptions weren't very good. What did you think?



REVIEW PLEASE.D