be here now - ficlet

[xrockoutx116.livejournal.com]

Title: Be Here Now
Author: madge
Rating: mild R
Pairing: Chip/Jeff
Summary: After a night like tonight, Chip never expected this to happen.
Word Count: 3939
 

Jeff sat at the bar at the club. Why he was here, even he couldn’t answer that. It was after the final show of the season of Whose Live, and Ryan, Greg, and Chip had suggested they go to a club. Jeff had protested, asking why they couldn’t just go to a bar, but they simply ignored him.

 

Now that he thought of it, it was kind of weird for the three of them to want to go here. If he wanted to go here, he could understand, but the three of them? He was in his late twenties. People his age still went to clubs. Greg and Ryan were approaching fifty, while Chip was in his forties. That was tipping the scale a bit too far in Jeff’s opinion.

Swallowing the last bit of beer in his bottle, he looked over to Greg and Ryan, who were in the seats beside him. They hadn’t moved since they had arrived.

 

Feeling a bit annoyed, Jeff turned to them. “Why the fuck are we here? You two are just sitting at the bar looking like complete morons, and I sure as hell don’t want to be here…”

 

Ryan raised an eyebrow at him while Greg simply sighed. Jeff quickly decided that the two of them had a reason for coming here; they just didn’t feel like sharing it with him.

 

“Well?” Jeff persisted, the edge in voice continuing to grow.

 

“It’s Chip. He has this whole thing about never growing up. Peter Pan-ish. It just hasn’t seemed to hit him yet that he is a grown man. He enjoys going to places like this, so why deny him of it if we only do it once?” Greg explained, tinge of sadness in his voice. As Jeff slowly took the idea into account, he felt his anger disintegrate.

 

Greg traced the mouth of his bottle with his index finger. “He’s our friend, and he’d do the same thing for us. We endure it for one night, and then we don’t have to even think about it again for another year.”

 

Ryan looked up from his empty shot glass. “Jeff. You know Chip. It’s almost impossible to say no to him without feeling like you’re kicking a damn puppy. So he knows we’re doing this for him. And he eventually repays us. Understand?”

 

Jeff tried to nod, but he felt like his neck was a spring. He wasn’t exactly sure why this was distressing him so much – it was simply that Chip wanted to pretend he was young – but this was having an affect on him. His heart was pounding so loudly that he could it was all he could hear. His palms began to sweat, and he suddenly had a funny feeling in his stomach.

 

Ryan quickly turned to Jeff, a flash of anger present in his eyes. “You can’t let on to Chip that you know about this. If you do, he’ll get all awkward. And if you do, I’ll make your life a living hell. Got it?”

 

Jeff, slightly surprised the protectiveness Ryan and Greg had for Chip, nodded dumbly. He muttered something about the bathroom. Feeling light-headed, he stumbled to the back area of the dark club and slipped into one of the stalls.

 

He didn’t have to use the bathroom; he simply needed to get away from Greg and Ryan. He needed to get this whole thought through his head.

 

Slamming the stall door behind him, he leaned against it. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

 

‘It’s Chip. He has this whole thing about never growing up.’

 

As Greg’s words began to play over and over in Jeff’s head, he just could not come to terms with them. Chip was a great guy; that was true. But afraid to grow up?

 

What was so bad about growing up? Ever since Jeff was little, he could remember that he couldn’t wait to get older. When he was in high school, he couldn’t wait till college. Once he was in college, he wanted to be in the real world. Once he was here, he wanted to get to the next step. He was closer friends with his co-workers who were close to fifty instead of the ones who were just over forty. Jeff was the type of person who always looked for what was bigger and better in life.

 

“Shit,” Jeff muttered under his breath, laying his head back against the stall door.  That explained everything. Chip never wanted any of this to end. If Chip grew up, he grew closer and closer to losing everything he had to now.

 

Jeff was taking everything he had for granted, while Chip was desperately clinging to what he had left. Jeff had the youth that Chip wanted, and Jeff didn’t even care about it.

 

Feeling a bit depressed all of the sudden, Jeff unlocked the stall and began to walk out of the bathroom. Greg and Ryan would understand if he explained to them why he was leaving so soon.

 

His eyes were focused at the bar where they were still sitting. He then crashed into someone who was also not paying attention.

 

“Hey watch it!”

 

“Watch where you’re fucking going!”

 

They turned to each other only to realize that it was Jeff and Chip. Chip began to laugh while Jeff immediately paled.

 

“Where you off to so fast, Davis?” Chip said, grinning. When Jeff looked at him, he couldn’t help but smile. He had this confidence and demeanor about him that exuded friendliness.

 

Jeff had never said this to anyone, but there was a small part of him that always wanted to be like Chip. Chip made everything seem so effortless. His style, his laugh, even his jokes seemed to come with ease.

 

“I – I – um, I don’t really know anymore…” Jeff said, beginning to laugh. Chip laughed at this.

 

Chip grabbed onto Jeff’s forearm. “Come on then!” he exclaimed, pulling Jeff into the masses of people. Before Jeff had a chance to protest, the two of them were in the middle of the floor.

 

Jeff was shaking his head immediately, trying to pull himself back to the outside of room. But Chip knew Jeff too well, as his hand was still clamped around his forearm.

 

“Just move with the music Jeff!” Chip said. And with that, Chip began to simply sway his hips with the beat. It was a bit awkward because his arm was still connected to Jeff’s, but Jeff had to admit, he knew what the hell he was doing.

 

Jeff stood there clumsily, feeling a bit like his tall friend back at the bar. He sighed. He had a choice right now. He could stick to his guns and do what he always did – act like an arrogant jerk who thought he was always right. Or, he could what his friend wanted him to. Maybe even what he wanted to as well.

 

He eventually smiled, rolling his eyes. “Damn you Chip. You are impossible to say no to.” As he began to laugh, he felt his own body begin to react with the thumping music.

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

For the first time in Jeff Davis’ life, he finally felt his age. And to his own surprise, he was enjoying it.

 

For who knows how long, Chip and he had been dancing on the floor. Hours had gone by, and slowly, people were beginning to leave the dance floor. Yet something was keeping Jeff there.

 

His blazer had been shred long ago and thrown along on the side of walls. If he had been in his right mind, which now, he knew he definitely wasn’t, he would’ve killed himself.

 

There was nothing to hide himself under. No arrogant façade, no ‘I think I’m so damn smart’ blazer, none of them. All he was now was Jeff, the 29 year old.

 

And that’s what was slightly scary. Chip had managed to break that all away with a few words.

 

As the two of were dancing, Jeff realized why Chip enjoyed this so much. He should’ve figured so much, but Chip knew how to dance.

 

Trying not to keep his eyes on Chip for to long was proving to be hard. The way his body moved, the way his hips would pop, and always that smile on his face.

 

Jeff’s mind was still in the clouds when Chip stopped dancing. He started saying something to Jeff, but Jeff couldn’t hear him. Jeff stopped dancing. Chip grabbed his arm and pulled him off the floor.

 

“I was trying to say Ryan and Greg are ready to leave. I know, it is kinda hard to hear out there,” Chip stated, pulling Jeff along.

 

“They’re still here?! Meaning they didn’t leave?! They’re old! They have bedtimes!! Why haven’t they left?!” Jeff exclaimed, his voice raising an octave in anxiety. He hadn’t expected them to still be here. They were going to give him a shitload of grief over this.

 

Chip and Jeff walked over to where Greg and Ryan stood. As Ryan and Greg slowly took Jeff’s mussed, sweaty look into account, they both raised their eyebrows, smug looks appearing on their faces.

 

“I thought you guys were ready to go,” Jeff snapped. Ryan slowly turned around and walked out followed by Chip.

 

Jeff was starting to feel like a dog when Greg grabbed him by the arm and pulled him close. “So, what have you been doing for the past two hours?”

 

Sighing, Jeff snapped “I know what it looks like, and you know what, it is exactly what it looks like.”

 

Greg laughed at this. “Relax, Mr. Hormonal. Just asking a question. But really, why? You and Chip aren’t that close, and you seem like you’d never stoop that low to…do something like that.”

 

Jeff grimaced as he realized all the words Greg had said were true. Chip was usually a person he tried to avoid. And what he had just done was so out of character for him.

 

“Look, I know that what just happened is something that no one expected, especially not myself. But for some reason, after what you and Ryan told me, I felt like I needed to do something to be nice Chip. And it is impossible to say no to him, so I had to stay.” Jeff decided it was best for his sake to leave out the part that he was also having a good time out there with Chip.

 

Greg shrugged. “Hey, whatever floats your boat. It’s just…really weird to see you like this. Usually you’re a self-absorbed cocky prick; now, you’re doing stuff for people?”

 

Jeff smiled despite the insult. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

 

Back at the hotel where they were staying, Jeff locked himself in his room, trying to piece back his sanity, or at least what was left after it after tonight.

 

Sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands, he had to figure out why he did all of this. The real reason. Because he knew he was lying to himself right now. It wasn’t only because Chip asked him to. There was some part of him that had been dying to go out there.

 

It wasn’t the music. He hated crappy electro-dance music.

 

It wasn’t the thought of dancing. Ever since his high school prom, Jeff had decided that he had been born with two left feet.

 

It definitely wasn’t the thought of mingling with dozens of sweaty people who he didn’t know. He could do that at the bar.

 

“So what the fuck was it?” Jeff whispered aloud, messing his tangled, matted hair up.

 

He lifted his head from his hands slowly, breath caught in his throat, when an answer came into his head.

 

No.  Never. Not million zillion years. It could never be.

 

…

 

…

 

Could it?

 

“No, that’s ridiculous. Never would I even think like that. I mean, it’s Chip,” Jeff exclaimed aloud to himself, jumping off of his bed.

 

‘Stay rational, Davis. It was only Chip. There must be some other reason you’re overlooking. Chip is just another one of your old-guy friend you don’t talk to. That’s it.’

 

Jeff slowly began to pace the floor of his room, feeling slightly uneasy. A little voice in the back of his mind was going off, telling him that maybe it was because of Chip.

 

Chip, not that he was thinking of it, was only 42, making them the closest in age besides Jeff and Wayne. And the voice was slowly pointing out that maybe there were reasons why Jeff never talked to Chip.

 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”

 

Just before Jeff was about to jump out the window of his hotel room, there was a knock at his door. He sighed, figuring it was Greg, hoping to make his life even more miserable.

 

Swinging it open, he never expected to see Chip on the other side of it.

 

“Oh. Chip. Hi.”

 

“Hi Jeff. I figured you wouldn’t be asleep yet,” Chip stated, smile not as bright as it always was.

 

Jeff nodded, feeling a bit awkward in the position, especially after the past few revelations he had just had. The two stood in silence for a moment before Jeff asked “Is there anything you wanted Chip?”

 

Chip grinned. “Oh yeah, that would help. I wanted to talk to you for a bit. Is that okay?”

 

Jeff shrugged. “Sure, I guess so.” Suddenly feeling sick to his stomach, Jeff opened the door to Chip. What could Chip possibly want to talk to him about? Did Chip somehow catch on? Was there some neon flashing light above Jeff’s head that everyone but him could see?

 

Chip walked in slowly. Jeff shut the door behind him and tried to stay there as long as he could, dreading every second of what was about to come. He took a deep breath and tried to put all of his ‘brilliant’ disclosures behind him. If he didn’t think about them, hopefully Chip wouldn’t think about them either.

 

Sitting down on the edge of Jeff’s bed, Chip clasped his hands together. He knew he had to put this just right, or else Jeff would go screaming into the night. It was already awkward because they never talked to each other. This subject wasn’t going to make it any easier…especially if Jeff was already this nervous.

 

“Jeff, why did you do that tonight?” Chip asked quietly, looking at Jeff. Jeff, leaning against the wall, raised an eyebrow.

 

“What? Why does it matter? I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he scoffed, laughing nervously, hoping that if he could manage to lie, Chip would be fooled.

 

Chip chuckled. “You’re good at many things Jeff, but lying is definitely not one of them. Why did you, Jeff ‘I only do what’s going to help me’ Davis, come out and dance with me tonight? I know you hate those types of situations, so there has to be some other reason.”

 

Jeff bit his lip. He sighed. “Greg and Ryan told me why they go. The true reason behind it. When I crashed into you after I was leaving the bathroom, something just told me that I needed to do it.”

 

Chip nodded, staying quiet. He got to his feet, walking up to Jeff. “And what was that something?”

 

Jeff dropped his head, looking to the ground. He couldn’t lie anymore, so all he could resort to now was staying silent. If he opened his mouth now, everything would come spilling out, and he couldn’t let that happen. Especially because he was positive this was all a big mistake.

 

Chip grabbed Jeff’s chin in his hand and lifted it so their eyes met. “Jeff,” he said softly. “You and I both know why this happened. I’ve known for a while now. You simply don’t want to admit it.”

 

Jeff became angry. “Who are you to tell me how I feel?” Realizing how close their faces had come together, Jeff pushed Chip away. Chip simply stood there, head cocked to the left. He crossed his arms, watching Jeff begin to yell.

 

“You have no right to come in here and – and start throwing these lies and these fake stories in my face, Chip! You don’t even know who I am, and yet you think you’ve got me all figured out? Dream the fuck on, Chip!” Jeff exclaimed, breathing heavily.

 

Chip couldn’t help but smile to this.

 

First, there was lying. Then, there was the silence. And finally the unexplained anger. It all pointed to one thing.

 

He walked up to Jeff. In the same soft tone, Chip stated, “If I’m so wrong in my accusations, Jeff, then tell me. Tell me the whole story, and make it the goddamn truth. Why did you come out there?”

 

Jeff pursed his lips tightly. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t bring himself to speak the words, yet he knew that no answer was worse than any other answer.

 

Chip was now so close, Jeff could feel his warm breath. It smelled of an odd combo of mouthwash and Jack Daniels. Odd, but yet strangely appealing.

 

“Jeff,” Chip whispered, placing his hand on Jeff’s jaw line, tracing it slightly with his index finger. Jeff wanted to pull away so bad, but under Chip’s touch, he melted. He felt completely powerless. Jeff shut his eyes, hoping this was all going to go away, yet wanting it to never end.

 

The hand that had been lingering over his jaw slowly slipped to the back of his neck, fingering his dark hair. Chip pulled Jeff closer until their lips met. Jeff tried as hard as he possibly could to pull away, but Chip’s arms were placed firmly on the back of his neck.

 

Chip, beginning to sense Jeff’s anxiety yet knowing that he was enjoying it, began to tease him. He traced his tongue along Jeff’s thin lips. Chip could slowly feel the tension in Jeff’s shoulders subsiding.

 

Jeff was never one to give in. Ever. He always was the self-proclaimed guy that was never going to ‘fuck around’ with any of his cast mates. In fact, Jeff was one that always looked down upon Ryan and Colin. They were grown men, and they couldn’t control themselves?

 

Yet here he was right now, pinned up against a wall by Chip, and from the blood that was rushing southward, he was enjoying it. Smiling inwardly, Jeff gave into temptation. He placed his hands on the back of Chip’s neck pulling him closer as if he never wanted to be let go. His mouth opened, letting Chip enter. Chip followed his lead. Soft moans escaped their throats as their tongues tangled with each other.

 

Chip pulled away to catch his breath. He began to let his lips linger slowly from Jeff’s down the column of his throat until they had reached a sensitive spot on his collarbone. Unsure of how to react to this, Jeff’s breath is shaky. He’s never done this before, but Chip had a way of making him feel comfortable in every way. A new feeling arose in him. Once just a friend, Chip was now his saving grace. Jeff felt that if he was to let go, he’d crash. He moved his arms from around Chip’s neck to his shoulder, pulling them closer together if it was even possible.

 

Chip’s hands had found a way under Jeff’s t-shirt, running his thin fingers over Jeff’s slightly toned abdomen. The fingers traced small circles, causing Jeff to whimper. He dug his fingernails into Chip’s shoulders.

 

Burying his head into Chip’s shoulder, Jeff whispered something the Chip could only decipher as “Promise you won’t leave me.”

 

And just like that, Chip felt like he couldn’t keep going anymore.

 

He pulled away from Jeff, who was now looking at him with a pair of extremely empty eyes.

 

“What?” Chip asked.

 

“Don’t leave me. I can’t – couldn’t handle it if you did. Please. Don’t,” Jeff whispered, desperation in his voice.

 

Chip took a step back from Jeff. He felt his mouth drop open a little bit. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Jeff’s eyes were pleading with him. His hands were trembling. He looked like he was going to break down at any moment. For the first time in Chip’s memory, Jeff looked vulnerable.

 

Chip took a deep breath. What had happened to Jeff tonight? He was doing things he’d never do, and now he was acting like a completely different person than usual.

 

Yet the more that Chip look at the Jeff, the more he realized that he had seen this look before. It was the neediness that he saw in the younger man’s eyes that brought made Chip realize that this was a look he’d often given people in the past. Maybe not as severe as Jeff’s state was now, but many times Chip had found himself in a similar position, clinging to someone and never wanting them to leave. They had obviously left him because he still was alone.

 

Chip took the step towards Jeff and grabbed his hands, which were now surprisingly cold. He led him over to the bed on the other side of the room and eased him to a sitting position. As he looked at Jeff, who he was scared was going to go catatonic on him at any minute, he saw his lips were moving with no sound. His eyes were heavily lidded.

 

“Jeff,” Chip said loudly, beginning to get scared. This mostly wasn’t something to worry about for an average person, but for Jeff, this was worrying. Chip couldn’t figure out what had caused this, so he couldn’t even start to think of what to do.

 

“Jeff, look at me.”

 

Jeff ignored him. The room was now silent. Chip could hear the words that were being muttered from Jeff’s lips.

 

“- need you. Please. Don’t. you can’t. don’t do it. Not fair. Please. Don’t.”

 

A picture of Jeff hugging his knees, rocking himself back and forth on floor, muttering these same words to himself.

 

Chip bit his lip. He didn’t know where to even start, but all he knew was that he couldn’t bear to watch this anymore. He wrapped his arms around Jeff’s tremulous figure and pulled him close.

 

Jeff leaned his head into Chip’s shoulder. The mumbled words eventually ceased. Chip buried his head into Jeff’s hair. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you.”

 

Chip didn’t know what he had just promised but what he did know was that he was willing to keep it. What had happened tonight made Chip realize that he actually was older than some of his friends, and he needed to start acting like it. Jeff needed him tonight, and he was willing to step up to the plate, for several reasons.

 

He wasn’t exactly sure why Jeff broke down, and he wasn’t sure he cared. All that mattered was that he was calm now. Chip looked down at him. His eyelids were beginning to droop. Chip smiled. He grabbed Jeff under the armpits and pulled him up on the bed, resting his head on the pillow. Chip laid down next to him, draping an arm over Jeff. Jeff sighed and moved closer to Chip.

 

Chip smiled. Whatever the case was, whatever tonight had been, Jeff had needed him and he came through. As Chip started to absent-mindedly run his finger up and down Jeff’s spine, he realized that, yeah, he could do this.

 

Screw Peter Pan. If being himself got this, he’d take it any day.