Reminiscence [Fic]

[thalionlainiel.livejournal.com]

Title: Reminiscence
Author: Thalionlainiel
Rating: PG/PG-13
Pairings: one-sided(?) Chip/Ryan, hints of (one-sided) Chip/Colin, hints of Colin/Ryan(depends on how much you read into it of course), mentioning of Brad/Wayne
Summary: Chip is slashy
Word Count: 1654


Chip sat reading the newspaper he hadn’t finished that morning, waiting for his wife to get out of the shower so they could eat supper together. They were home alone, so even though he wasn’t prepared to see her come into the kitchen wearing nothing but her underwear and a robe casually slung over her shoulders, he wasn’t surprised, and kept reading the newspaper just to tease her. When he heard her singing though, he jerked his head up.
Was she humming the hoedown tune?
She had noticed the flurry of movement, and turned to him with a smile.
“What, you can’t come up with anything?”
She came up behind and stole her arms around him, planting a light kiss on his cheek.
“I’ve got one,” she said, and sang softly:
“Now I shouldn’t let the secret slip, but my mama started drinking when she married Chip.”
And she laughed again as she saw the look on his face.
“I found the DVDs on the attic. Why on earth have you hidden them there?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he muttered, and looked down on the newspaper again, ears still burning red.
“Oh, come on. You’re so great at it, I envy you. You don’t know how many times I wish I could have shut my friends up with just a clever remark.”
He still didn’t look up, and she nudged him.
“Come on, Charles, I’m giving you a compliment here. And I was kind of hoping you would prove him wrong.”
“Huh?”
“Colin.”
And she sang again, and laughed as Chip threw himself out of the chair and went chasing after her.
“Oh, by the way, Chip has a little penis.”

After she had fallen asleep, Chip sneaked out of bed and down to the TV room(?), where he quite right found the DVDs scattered across the floor. By God, she had even found the British ones. He picked up one of the covers; the American fourth season, part one, and put it in the player. He flicked through the episodes and found one with him as the guest player. He cringed, he hated seeing himself on TV. Still, he couldn’t keep his eyes of the screen, nostalgia washing over him. Drew’s voice introducing them, Wayne’s laugh, Colin’s kind brown eyes and of course, Ryan. Chip took a deep breath, and reached out to touch the screen.
It’s been so long.

He pressed fast forward through the games, only stopping to see the hoedown. Drew picked blind date as the subject, and Chip tried to remember his verse before the Chip on screen came up with it.
“Once I had a blind date, I really liked his smile.
He was very tall though, his name was Ryan Stiles.
I went right on through it, that date was pretty rough.
Sure it was a blind date, but I wasn’t blind enough.”
That wasn’t the first time, and certainly not the last he had mocked Ryan in his hoedown. Chip pressed next until he found another episode with himself. The first game was Hollywood Director, and Chip moved closer. Is this the one...? Yes. Colin told them to do it as rodeo riders, and Chip felt a surge of nausea. He almost shouted to himself on the screen to stop when he jumped on Ryan’s back, and he had to look away for a second. He had felt the same nausea then, for a second deathly afraid he had actually hurt Ryan, and though they laughed it away, he had checked on him after the show. But Ryan had put a reassuring hand on Chip’s shoulder and told him shit happens, no damage done, and he had turned to leave, only stopping to drop a remark about how Chip always seemed to hurt him. Chip had asked him what he meant, and he had turned his head ever so slightly and asked him if he didn’t remember...

“Shit.”
Chip rummaged through the DVDs, cursing his wife for having no sense of order whatsoever. Not that it mattered that much, he had no idea which season it was, even though he hadn’t been in that many episodes. He picked up one of the covers, read through the description on the back and found his name. He put the DVD in the player, and waited for it to load.
He cringed again, actually having to look away a moment just in shame. That ridiculous hair! He pressed fast forward, quickly discovering this wasn’t the right episode, but instead of skipping it, he pressed play as they came to Scenes from a Hat. He had been so shy back then, though he also felt he’d never really gotten the chance to shine. He had always preferred the American version, where they could play all of their ideas for one suggestion. But something else was on his mind now, as he saw Ryan and Tony do “two flies on a date”, himself and Greg in “breaking very bad news to the emperor”, and Ryan and Greg standing so close to eachother while being “locked in the freezer”. Clive picked another suggestion.
“There’s... Two lovers in a hottub, realising- and then the handwriting goes wobbly... It’s two lovers in a hottub... realising something.”
And he and Ryan had sat down, Ryan had put a hand on Chip’s knee and an arm around him, his fingers rubbing him gently.
“We’re both men, aren’t we?”

Chip saw the rest of the episode in a daze, and didn’t quite wake up before Clive announced that had been the last game, and tonight Chip was the winner. Chip saw himself, and he saw both Tony and Ryan pat his arm. Only Ryan kept it there. Chip hit pause. The image flickered, and Chip only had eyes for Ryan’s hand on his shoulder.

He moved on, he was still looking for a particular episode, the one Ryan had asked him if he remembered. It had been during Film and Theatre Styles... there. They had made fun of “Chip’s Pet Shop”, Ryan faking a British accent as he parroted Clive. They had done Molliere, ’50s B-movie and while they were doing Laurel and Hardy, Chip had accidently poked Ryan’s eye.

“You always seem to hurt me.”
“What do you mean?”
”Don’t you remember that Film and Theatre Styles we did back in England? Or, we did it here, but... and you nearly poked my eye out?”

Another cover, switching DVD, pressing play.

“Barman!” someone in the audience shouted, and Clive laughed. For a second he actually considered it, and the camera showed Ryan and the glance he shot Chip. Chip rewinded the tape. He felt that surge of nausea again.
“Barman!”
He tried to read Ryan’s face. Most of all he seemed sceptical, and maybe even a bit disgusted. Chip got a sinking feeling as Clive went for “in love with his dog”.

Would things have been different? He remembered well how things had turned out when Wayne had been “excited about Brad”, and they were a couple now. Chip hit himself over the head with the remote control.
“Wake up,” he muttered, and checked his wristwatch.
It was nearly 3 AM, no wonder he was dreaming. But when he thought about it... He was probably the one who had kissed, and been kissed, the least over the years. He could hardly think of anytime at all, except of course...
He blushed, hard. Why did he follow this trail of thoughts? But yeah, there had been once, he had talked about it with Colin, how he and Ryan wasn’t shy about kissing eachother on camera. Colin had smiled and asked Chip who he wanted to kiss. Chip had turned red, and started stuttering that Colin had misunderstood him, when Colin simply pulled him into a long, deep kiss; longer and deeper than Chip had ever seen him kiss Ryan. And afterwards he had leaned even closer and breathed into Chip’s ear:
“You know, on the stage you always has an excuse. Use it.”
But Chip hadn’t ever.

It was a feeling he could never forget, kissing another man, and now it hit him with renewed force. Colin’s lips had been firm, yet gentle, and surprisingly soft. Chip would have thought men kissed far more fiercely, violently even. He had a feeling Ryan did –
He had to hit himself with the remote control again, to stop his mind from wandering any further.

Among all the covers, there was one in bright green that particularly stood out. Chip tossed the others aside, and picked it up. The first and only season of the Green Screen Show. He looked at all the familiar faces, himself between Greg and Brad; Jeff, Colin, Jonathan, Kathy, Drew, Sean, Julie. He missed it, and thought it was a shame there had only been one season, but still... It hadn’t been the same. Without Ryan...
He put the cover away without watching it.

Another cover, switching DVD, pressing play.

The body odour hoedown. Chip had never seen Ryan so angry and frustrated. Genuinly frustrated. The audience laughed, but Ryan wasn’t doing it for show. The camera had caught Ryan’s brief conversation with Drew, and Chip heard swearing after swearing getting bleeped. He had asked Ryan afterwards, and this time Ryan hadn’t laughed it away.
“I just really need to get some sleep.”
And he had said sleep like it was an unattainable dream, a utopia.
Chip pressed stop, and turned of the player. In the ringing silence he felt his heart beat hard against his ribs.

You always seem to hurt me.
On the stage you always have an excuse.
Colin’s lips. Ryan’s hands.
They hadn’t been on stage, what excuse had Colin?
Always.

---

The next morning, when his wife looked for them, she found that the DVDs had been put back on the attic, and she understood it was best to leave them there.