FIC: LoveSick

[xrockoutx116.livejournal.com]

new chappie!

title - lovesick
author - moi!
raiting - 17+
pairings - brad/chip, greg/jeff
summary - greg and jeff have a nice talk

 

 

 

The wind blew ferociously as Greg walked quickly on the outer grounds of the hospital. After the doctor had left the three alone just sitting there, he realized he needed to escape. His feelings mixed with theirs would slowly consume him. There was already a slight awkwardness in the room, and now the silence just added to it.

 

He slowed his pace, panting slightly. He gritted his teeth, desperately wanting everything to return back to normal. Anger and self-hatred and regret were bubbling in his self-conscience. Feeling like his life was slipping out of his fingers slowly; he didn’t know what he had to do to get it back. Walking along the path that was unoccupied, the image of Jeff lying limp on the floor of the bedroom was stuck in his head, teasing and taunting him. He hadn’t wanted to say this in front of Brad and Chip, but when he had first seen Jeff there, the first thing he thought of was that it was all over.

Was Greg caught in some sick, depraved cycle that had no end and got worse as it went along? He lost Ryan and was depressed for years. Then, when the time came and he finally was happy, he felt he was too close and ruined it with Jeff. Because he did that, Jeff almost died.

 

He stopped walking and took a deep breath. He had fucked this up real bad. He constantly tried to think of how he was going to sort this out and how he was going to talk to Jeff, yet his mind kept slipping back to how he didn’t know when he was going to be able to talk to Jeff, because at the moment he was in a hospital bed.

He couldn’t keep it inside anymore. Opening his mouth, Greg screamed. He screamed in exasperation, in rage, in regret. He screamed until his throat felt raw. Jeff had done nothing to deserve any of this, yet he was receiving the all of the worst of everything. For what Greg had said and done to Jeff, Greg should’ve been the one in the hospital bed, not Jeff.

He stopped screaming, throat aching for a bit. Taking a deep breath, he shoved his hands into his pockets trying to regain all bearings. He began to pace around aimlessly on the small area of the sidewalk, muttering things under his breath.

Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to people like Jeff. Jeff was always so good to Greg, always worrying about how Greg was. In the end, Jeff made a huge sacrifice so that Greg wouldn’t have to suffer because of Ryan. And what he had done could’ve ended up with him a worse situation than it did.

Kicking at a pebble on the ground, Greg frowned. What was he going to do now? He had two choices. He could face what had happened over the past few days, come to terms with Jeff, and move on, maybe even becoming happy. Or…he could run from it all, avoiding every single confrontation in his path. He could leave now, ask Brad to tell Jeff what had happened, and never look back. It was cowardly, but it also prevented any sort of emotional work.

 

The phone in Greg’s pocket suddenly began to vibrate. He paused, reaching down for it. Pulling it out, feeling like he was trapped in a slow motion reel, he saw that Brad was calling him.

 

He opened it and swallowed, desperate to get rid of his sore dry throat. “Hello?”

“Greg…it’s Jeff…” Brad began tensely.

 

Greg felt his heart stop beating and plummet. Feeling himself begin to breathe shallowly, he whispered “What is it?”

“He’s awake, and he won’t see anyone but you.”

Greg exhaled a deep breathed, shutting his eyes in relief. “I’ll be there in a couple minutes…” Still breathing heavily, he felt a smile crawl up onto his face. He wasn’t a coward and he knew it. “Tell Jeff I’m on my way.”

 

 

When he entered the hallway where Jeff was, the chairs that Brad and Chip had been occupying were now vacant. He shrugged and stood outside of the doorway for a minute. He adjusted himself, took a deep breath, and realized it was now or never.

 

He grabbed the door knob and shut his eyes as he turned it. He realized his eyes were still closed as he walked in when he heard “Is this some sort of hint to say that I’m ugly, Greg?” Even though the voice was sleepy and slightly drugged, he would recognize it anywhere.

 

Greg started to laugh as he heard this, opening his eyes in the process. As soon as he did, the laughing slowly died. He took a look at Jeff, whose appearance made him gasp internally. The weight he had lost was apparent as his cheekbones popped more and his hipbones were jutting out more. An IV was attached in his right arm and left hand, as well as oxygen tubes into his nose.

Jeff took observance of the sudden silence in the room. He glared back at Greg. “You can stop staring at me any time now. I’m not going to disappear.”

 

Greg stopped and walked over to the chair in the corner. He grabbed it and pulled it over to the side of the bed.

 

He sat in it and began to pick at the thread on his shirt, unsure of what to start with. When he looked up a few minute later, he realized Jeff was staring at him. “What?” Greg asked.

 

“Greg. I wanted to talk to you, not watch you pull apart you clothes. So either let’s talk, or you can leave,” Jeff snapped, furrowing his brow. Greg was slightly put off by the response. “Don’t think that because of what happened I don’t remember the events of the night at the bar or the morning after.”

 

“That’s good. It’s good that you haven’t forgotten, because I wouldn’t want you to forget any of that night,” Greg simply stated, pulling the chair closer to the bed. He laid his arms on the bar that surrounded the bed.

 

Jeff face suddenly became confused. “You lost me. These painkillers aren’t helping either…”

 

“After we had that teensy argument yesterday morning, I did a lot of thinking and rationalizing,” Greg answered, to which Jeff responded with an eye roll. Greg cleared his throat. “In which I realized you were right.”

Jeff froze, slowly turning toward Greg. “What?”

 

“All those things you said were right, and I wasn’t ready to face them yet. I’m not the type of person who like to face my problems. Instead I enjoy placing them in my rearview mirror until they become really really big and I can no longer control them. That morning, I figured why should I do that to someone I enjoy hanging out with, care about and who cares about me, and…”

 

Jeff, who had begun to smile, stopped. “ ‘And’ what?”

 

Greg rolled his eyes now. “Jeez Jeff, you’re like dog with a bone, Can’t give it a rest. I can’t do this to someone I truly care about, even may have feelings for.”

 

Despite Greg speeding up the latter part of the sentence in hopes that it would be incomprehensible, Jeff’s eyes were now extremely large.

 

“…I’m sorry, did you – what did you – WHAT?”

Greg jumped up from the chair in a tiff. “Look! It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just that I sorta kinda maybe happen to have discovered that I possibly am in love with you.”

 

“WHEN?” Jeff exclaimed, clutching onto the bar of the bed, trying to climb out of it.

 

“Relax. It was only yesterday afternoon. I was looking back at the argument, and this past week, and even the kiss, and I realized that I had enjoyed them all.”

 

“Were you ever planning on telling me?!” Jeff yelled sarcastically, climbing out of the bed even more.

Greg came over to him, placing his arms of Jeff’s shoulders to ease his back into the pillow. “It’s not like I had much time. We fought that morning, and I knew you were very angry. I was still planning on moving out, so I didn’t want to come in to your room and just say ‘Oh, hey Jeff. I’m still moving and all, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you.’ You would’ve killed me. Then, when I finally had the chance...” Greg’s head fell. “It was too late. This was the next possible chance I could talk to you.”

Jeff nodded, seeming a little bit more calm now. “So what exactly changed you mind?”

Greg sat back down in his chair. “The main this was that I realized that I was acting like Ryan. On no terms do I ever want to be held in the same category as Ryan. So I knew I had to figure out some differential between the two of us that I could defend, because at this point I was still planning on leave. The only difference between us that I could find was that I truly loved you, and Ryan never loved me. After I figured that out, I realized – I realized I could never leave you even if I wanted to,” Greg said, his voice fluctuating in volume and pitch.

 

Jeff remained motionless. “You – you love me?”

 

Greg, gaze focused on the floor, nodded. “You’re looking at a hopeless romantic over here, Davis.”

 

“And, and you’re not leaving?” Jeff continued, his voice beginning to shake.

 

Greg sighed. “Not unless you want me to. I said a lot of hurtful things that morning, and in some way, the reason why you’re here can be attributed to that argument, so I can understand if you don’t want to forgive me, but -”

Greg stopped talking as Jeff slowly slid his hand into Greg’s. “Don’t,” Jeff whispered, shaking his head. He squeezed Greg’s hand, smiling at him. “Everything is going to be fine, just as long as we have each other.”