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[metowardmyself.livejournal.com]

Title: Shift
Author: metowardmyself
Pairings: Drew/Chip, Drew/Ryan, Ryan/Colin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 481
Summary: These are moments in time Drew can't forget.
Author's Note: I finally got over my dislike of Drew/Chip to write this for clayangel. Mainly because I love her and I'd do just about anything for her. I couldn't keep it strictly Drew/Chip, no matter how much I tried. Sorry! XD

Ryan fucks like an animal. He grunts and groans and pushes deep, fast, hard into you, never letting you catch your breath. He smells like sweat and musk and the cool morning air. When he’s done, he sighs, kisses you, and goes outside for a smoke. Being with Ryan means following his schedule, fitting into his life, the way he has it planned. I hate schedules. I hate feeling suffocated.

 

Chip came into my office two days after our first big fight. He had his eyes fixed on the carpet, and I couldn’t help but see him as a lost puppy. He mumbled something about how sorry he was that Ryan and I were done. Then he kissed me. I quickly explained that we’d just had a fight. He blurted out an apology and left the room blushing.

 

Ryan brought home a dog one day. He smiled as he explained it was a black Labrador named Leicester. He’d adopted him from the pound on a whim. That was the first time I suspected Ryan was cheating on me.

 

I drove over to Chip’s house the night Ryan and I broke up. We shared hushed words and soft kisses on his couch, and I fell asleep with him in my arms. I woke up to five voicemails from Ryan. I deleted each one without hearing a word.

 

The day I caught Ryan in bed with Colin, I drove to a small spot in the woods. I sat on the hood of my car and cried. I cried for myself, for investing so much into this man who’d left me in his heart months ago. When I collected myself, I drove back to the house and tried to sleep on the couch. I was awake most of the night, finally falling asleep to dream of a stranger’s warm embrace.

 

The day after Chip and I had our first fight, Ryan came into my office. He tried to kiss me, but a knock came at the door, and Colin’s sheepish face appeared. Ryan sighed and followed him. I slumped into my chair and took out my cell phone.

 

Ryan called me one night, completely drunk. I asked where he was, and the only reply I got was a giggle. I heard the sound of another man’s voice, a click, and a dial tone. I sighed and shut my phone. Maybe it was time to start reconsidering this relationship.

 

I moved directly out of Ryan’s house into Chip’s. The two didn’t speak for near six months unless they were taping together. I felt guilty, somehow.

 

The first night Chip and I made love, he straddled me on the bed, lowering himself onto me at an achingly slow pace. We finally got comfortable, and he began to move. I closed my eyes and remembered the dream of the embrace. It hadn’t been a stranger after all.