Fic: Desideratum

[metowardmyself.livejournal.com]

Title: Desideratum
Author: metowardmyself
Pairings: Ryan/Greg, Ryan/Colin
Rating: R
Summary: "Yeah, there's someone else."
Author's Note: clayangel requested a Ryan/Greg from me. (And I promise, the other fic you requested from me will be started tomorrow.)
Word Count: 1,406

As he sat on the rocking chair, looking up at the bright stars, he was amazed at how much he had missed Washington. You couldn’t see stars like this in Los Angeles. The property around the house stretched out as far as the eye could see. Acres of green grass, the smell of flowers in the air, and nothing to worry about. This was home. He heard the sliding glass door open behind him, and he turned around with a smile.

 

Ryan silently handed him a beer, settling in next to him. They drank in silence for a while, letting the soft music from the house fill the emptiness.

 

“Who’s this?” Greg asked.

 

“Chicago,” came the reply.

 

“It’s good.”

 

“They’re okay. I like REM, Smashing Pumpkins, that kind of shit, you know?”

 

“I like that band with the guy everyone thinks is white until they see their music videos.”

 

“Hootie, man. Good shit.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Silence fell again until a familiar song came on, and Ryan started humming along. Greg mumbled the lyrics.

 

“This one goes out to the one I love…”

 

“Greg?”

 

“Yeah, Ry?”

 

Ryan turned his head, looked at Greg, ready to speak. The second he opened his mouth, the phone rang.

 

“Sorry. Be right back.”

 

Greg nodded. Ryan got out of his seat with a sigh and went into the house. He came out not two minutes later, looking agitated, his mouth drawn into a thin line. He started to speak again, but quickly shook his head and fished around in his shirt pocket.

 

“Dammit, I could’ve sworn…”

 

“Here.” Greg was offering a cigarette and a lighter.

 

“Thanks, man.” Ryan quickly lit up and puffed away.

 

“I…take it that wasn’t someone you—“

 

“It was Colin.”

 

Greg stood up and placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

 

“Look, man, I know—“

 

“No.” Ryan shook off the hand. “You don’t.” The piercing gaze Ryan gave him shut Greg up right away. “I know you…you want to help. But I’m not getting back together with him.” His eyes softened and he leaned closer to Greg. “I can’t, not when…”

 

Greg’s heart was pounding. Ryan’s emerald green eyes were too close…he could smell vodka on his breath…

                       

“What, Ry? There’s…someone else?”

 

In one fluid movement, Ryan flicked away the cigarette, grabbed Greg by the arms, and kissed him fiercely. Greg was too shocked to respond, his arms dead at his sides, his lips unmoved. When they broke apart, Ryan whispered, “Yeah. There’s someone else.”

 

 

 

“We’re not together.”

 

“Ryan, I saw you…I saw you kissing him.”

 

“ There’s nothing going on. You were seeing things.”

 

“Ryan, I’m not a fucking child with an oversensitive imagination. I know what kissing looks like, and you were sure as fuck doing a lot of it.”

 

A few moments of silence before Ryan held both hands in the air as a sign of surrender.

 

“Fine, you caught me. I’m fucking Colin. But we’re not together.”

 

“Fine,” Greg replied.

 

They stared at each other for a few moments before a knock came at the door. “Guys?” It was Colin. “They’re looking for you…we gotta start the show…”

 

Ryan slowly turned from Greg and exited, the anger still lingering in the air.

 

 

 

 

 

Greg’s back hurt. The wall he was currently pressed up against was cold and hard. But Ryan’s warm mouth against his own, and Ryan’s hand around his stiff cock lessened the pain.

 

“Fuck…” he whispered as Ryan’s thumb swiped over the tip. His own hand worked furiously on Ryan.

 

“Greg…shit…do you know…how long…”

 

He let out a whimper. “Yeah…yeah, I do…”

 

Ryan let out a soft moan, pressing his face into Greg’s neck, kissing the skin. “I’m so…so sorry…I waited…”

 

They kissed again, tongues sliding together, and Greg squeezed his eyes shut, bringing his left hand up to claim Ryan’s neck.

 

Ryan came into his hand with a soft grunt. He thrust forward twice, shuddered, and was still, save his right hand.

 

“I love you,” Greg whispered against Ryan’s lips. He let out one last moan as his orgasm hit him.

 

Ryan chastely kissed Greg’s cheek before grabbing him by the hand. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

 

 

 

“You son of a bitch.”

 

Greg didn’t usually eavesdrop. But he could clearly hear Colin’s strained voice coming from Ryan’s dressing room.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You slept with Greg.”

 

Greg’s eyes widened. He quickly glanced around the studio. Nobody else was around, so he pressed himself against the wall next to the door and listened.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard me. You fucked Greg.”

 

“What…what would ever give you that idea, Col?”

 

“His shirt was in your closet.”

 

Greg furrowed his brow, confused. When had he ever given Ryan one of his shirts?

                       

“What shirt? I don’t have any—“

 

“That stupid fucking black one with the band on it.”

 

And Greg understood. He had lent Ryan his Nine Inch Nails shirt after he wore it at a taping. But—

 

“That was years ago. I’ve had that shirt forever.”

 

“And why do you still have it? The thing’s got holes, Ryan.”

 

“Look.” He could hear the serious tone in Ryan’s voice. He was getting frustrated. “I kept it because Greg is one of my best friends. I kept it because it means something to me. I’m allowed to have other friends, Colin. I’m not your fucking possession.”

 

Suddenly, the door swung open and Greg had to jump to avoid being hit by it. Ryan stormed off without seeing him.

 

“Ryan, wait…” Colin’s whine reached Greg’s ears, and he slowly backed off, trying not to be seen.

 

 

Greg’s fingers traced an aimless pattern on Ryan’s right arm. He lay on his side while Ryan was on his back, slowly drifting off. Greg leaned down and kissed his arm gently.

 

“Do you ever regret leaving him?”

 

Ryan slowly opened his eyes, fixating them on Greg. “I did. When it first happened. But then I realized…I just wanted the stability. I wasn’t in love with him anymore. He was overbearing and nagging…but I knew he would take me back an in instant…and I wouldn’t be alone anymore. But I also knew…I also knew I was in love with someone else.”

 

“Me.”

 

Ryan propped himself up on his elbows and smiled. “Yeah. You.” His hand snaked its way around Greg’s neck, and he pulled him in for a kiss. When they broke apart, Ryan pressed their foreheads together. “It was always you. I just…had to put you and me and Col through years of torture to figure that out. I’m sorry. Again. Sorry I waited.”

 

“I’m not. This is happening. The rest of that bullshit doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

“Glad to hear it.”

 

 

“That’s it!” The scream was coming from one of the guest rooms of Drew’s house. The guys stopped talking and stared at the hallway leading to the guest room. “I’ve fucking had it with you and your paranoid bullshit!”

 

Ryan flew down the hallway and yanked open the front door. Colin was right behind him, and caught his arm before he could leave.

 

“Would you just listen to me?”

 

“No. I’m not going to fucking listen to your fucking bullshit anymore. I have tried, and tried, and tried again for the last fucking five years to convince you I’m not cheating on you. Not with Greg,” At the mention of his name, Greg became extremely uncomfortable and tried not to meet any of the eyes in the room. “Not with anyone. I wouldn’t fucking do that to you because I love you. Well, I loved you. I guess that’s the proper wording for it now.”

 

 The door slammed behind him. Colin looked around at the room, opened his mouth, closed it, and then followed Ryan.

 

Silence.

 

Brad was the first one to speak. “Poker? Anyone?”

 

 

 

Ryan was on top of Greg, kissing him softly and threading his fingers through the thick curls. Greg smiled and ran his hands down Ryan’s back.

 

“You know,” Ryan said, looking down at Greg. “You should move out here. Stay with me.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, really.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Really? That…that quick, huh?”

 

“Yeah, really. That quick, just like you.”

 

Ryan laughed and kissed Greg again. “You do know how to tell some outrageous lies.”

 

“I come up with them off the top of my head, you see.”

 

“Cheeky bastard.”

 

A grin came to Greg’s lips as he grabbed ahold of Ryan’s ass, pressing their half-formed erections together.

 

“You wouldn’t have me any other way.”