(FIC) You could be Happy Part IX (Ry/Col)

[captanonymus.livejournal.com]

This is turning into the neverending story.....any offers of help whilst writing the next part would be gratefully received... It might never get into NC-17 territory otherwise......

Title: You could be happy IX
Author; captanonymus
Rating PG -13
Main Character(s) and/or pairings; Ryan/Colin
Summary: The Challenge:  Ryan is desperate to be at Colin's 50th birthday, but his fear of flying is holding him back.  Write a story, as long or as short as you would like about what Ryan does to deal with this problem so that he can be with the man he loves on his very special day. 
wordcount: 3000
 

 

“You wouldn’t feel uncomfortable around me, if my fiancé were a he?” Colin asked, breaking the companionable silence. He was going for broke and he knew it….If Ryan’s answer was yes, he’d lose him. Again….

 

Ryan looked at him, a hint of confusion in his eyes “Why would I be uncomfortable?”

 

“Well, you know….worried about living with a gay man and all that…”

 

“I don’t see why, it’s not as if I’m your type” Colin imagined Ryan sounded somewhat wistful as he said it, but put it down to wishful thinking.

 

“I’m not, am I?”

 

“huh…what?”

 

“Your type…” Ryan looked at him, almost expectantly and Colin was foxed…..what the hell am I supposed to say to that? Is he testing me? If I say yes, is he going to move out?

He must have hesitated too long, because Ryan supplied his own explanation.

 

“Don’t worry, I already figured I wasn’t “ he smiled as he was saying it, but the smile didn’t seem to reach his eyes “ Hell, if I were, surely you would have made your move years ago and I wouldn’t have married. So “ Ryan looked at him speculatively again “ it’s a he then, is it?”

 

Colin couldn’t help but blush “Eh…..yeah…”

 

“Cool, what’s he like? Do I know him…I mean, *did* I know him?”

 

“Er….” Colin wasn’t sure how to handle this, he was too worried he’d give too much away “what do you want to know?”

 

“You say you’re not together anymore, do you still love him?”

 

Colin didn’t need to think about that “Yes, very much. I never stopped”

 

“How about him? Does he still love you?”

 

“I don’t know, I hope so”

 

“Do you want him back?”

 

“More than anything”

 

“Why don’t you call him and sort things out between the two of you?”

 

“It’s no that simple, I can’t just call him…”

 

“Why not? If you love him that much, surely nothing would stop you?”

 

“Like I said before Ry, it’s complicated…”

 

“But if you love him….”

 

“Sometimes love isn’t enough Ry! Sometimes there are things that interfere that you can’t control! Don’t you think I would have fixed this a long time ago, if I could?!” To his horror he heard his voice catch and for a second he feared he was going to start wailing like a teenager at a Justin Timberlake concert.

 

“You’re right, I’m sorry….I don’t know the whole story and I really should keep my big nose out. I just don’t like seeing you unhappy…“ Ryan shrugged his shoulders apologetically. “Do you want to go for a walk, to clear our heads, sort of thing?”

 

“What, now? It’s freezing!”

 

“Oh, come on, I’ll make you hot chocolate with marshmallows when we come back..”

 

“Hm….bribery with chocolate, alright, if you put it that way” Colin smiled and went to grab his coat. Before long, they were strolling around the deserted streets and glancing into other people’s living rooms. Some had rather garish Christmas decorations, which earned Ryan’s derision.

 

“I think ours are *so* much nicer” he remarked, when they walked past the sixth neon lit Santa that would give a funfair operator a headache.

 

“I agree, you did a great job” And it was true. Ryan had put up the decorations himself. Colin had left a bare house in the morning and had returned to a house that would even induce the Christmas spirit in the Grinch. Ryan had looked at him shyly and asked if he was sure he didn’t mind. Oh and by the way, would Colin like a Christmas Cookie in the shape of a reindeer. He’d just baked them….. It was like living with a male Martha Stewart and Colin loved it. It made him feel wanted and cared for which in turn made him feel pathetic and needy but he decided to ignore that in favour of the warm, fuzzy feelings Ryan created in him……It was disgusting really….

 

After a good hour they decided they’d had enough fresh air and they returned home. True to his word, Ryan made him hot chocolate. Colin had protested and said that he could take care of it for them, but Ryan didn’t take no for an answer.

 

“Thank you, you are spoiling me you know” Colin had smiled at him.

 

“You’ve done so much for me….you looked for me for three years, taken me in, arranged for my clothes to be returned, stored my stuff…….the least I can do is make you comfortable” Ryan had smiled back at him.

 

“Well, I suppose if you put it that way…..peel me a grape will you?” Colin teased.

 

It was true, Colin had refused to give up on the idea that Ryan was alive, so instead of donating his clothes and shoes to charity, he’d had them all professionally boxed up and stored. The Bellingham house had to be sold but Colin had made sure all Ryan’s furniture went into storage too. After he’d found Ryan and had returned to Toronto with him, he’d made sure the clothes and shoes were shipped over. He had hoped that maybe seeing his old clothes and outrageous shoes would return Ryan’s memory but it hadn’t. They’d had great fun unpacking the shoes though. Ryan loved them and he was like a kid in a candy story. He’d worn four different pairs on the day he’d unpacked them and couldn’t get the smile off his face for days…..

Ryan didn’t know it, but Colin had bought him two new pairs for Christmas and he was looking forward to seeing the joy on Ryan’s face at unwrapping them on Christmas morning.

 

They’d agreed to spend Christmas together, even though Ryan felt guilty about keeping Colin away from his friends and family. He still didn’t feel up to seeing anybody and tended to hide in his room whenever Colin had visitors. Except when Brad came round….Then, he’d always stay in the room and he seemed to watch Brad like a hawk. They spoke to each other but no more than necessary and it was always tersely polite. Colin had assured him he didn’t mind spending Christmas together.

 

  “Don’t be silly Ry, I’d love to spend Christmas with you, I’ve waited three years for it! Luke will stay with Deb and he won’t mind. I think he’s got a girlfriend, so chances are, Deb might not even see him!”

 

It turned out to be the best Christmas Colin had ever had. Ryan had been thrilled with his new shoes and Colin had been overwhelmed by Ryan’s present. He’d seen it under the tree but he couldn’t figure out what it was. It turned out to be a leather-bound book with all his recipes typed up and categorised. Colin loved to cook and whenever he saw a recipe in a magazine or paper that took his fancy, he’d rip it out and put it in the kitchen drawer. It was overflowing and he didn’t know what exactly was in it. Ryan had taken the time and effort to type them all up and put them in a book. Colin was touched by the thoughtfulness and by the amount of time it must have taken to type them out and it almost made him a little tearful…..almost….

 

 

 

They’d shared the cooking duties and it had been one of the most enjoyable afternoons of Colin’s life. Colin had poured them some wine, and they’d sipped it whilst they were preparing their feast.

Ryan had set the table and to Colin’s delight, he’d put candles on it. They ate their meal at a festive table, illuminated only by the lights of the Christmas tree in the corner and the candles on the table.

Ryan’s eyes sparkled and Colin’s insides turned to mush. The perfect Christmas dinner…..

 

Afterwards they’d gone for a walk and had mulled wine in front of the fire. It was so textbook perfect, Colin felt nothing could destroy the peace…..which of course, was a surefire way to get your peace destroyed……enter hurricane Brad….

 

The day after Christmas, Brad came round. Colin was still basking in the afterglow of Christmas and his eyes were glued to Ryan’s every move. Not that Ryan noticed of course, he was far too busy giving Brad the evil eye. Which Brad didn’t notice because he was looking at Colin…..After an hour of surreptitiously staring at Colin making cow eyes at Ryan, Brad had enough and he cornered Colin in the kitchen.

 

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

 

“What do you mean?” That’s it Mochrie, when in doubt, play dumb….

 

“You, staring at Ryan as if he’s the last pie in a pie eating contest!”

 

“Brad, really, I appreciate your concern but Ryan needs me”

 

“Ryan doesn’t know he’s Ryan! He’s been with you for more than a month, you’ve celebrated Christmas with him and nothing has happened! He might never get his memory back but in the meantime it’s eating you up! I’ve seen the way you look at him...” Brad had grabbed Colin’s upper arms and shook him.

 

Colin tried to get away from him but Brad’s grip was too strong “Brad, please I..”

 

“Let him go”

 

Brad turned around and saw Ryan looming at the entrance to the kitchen.

 

“Go away, this is none of your business” Brad snapped, turning back to Colin, who he was still holding so tightly, his knuckles showed white.

 

“Look, Col, you’ve…” Then a heavy hand fell on his shoulder and Ryan repeated his earlier command.

 

Brad turned round to face Ryan “Take a hike, Ryan, life has moved on without you, you know! He isn’t yours anymore! Colin winced at Brad’s comment, but Ryan didn’t seem to have picked up on the implication.

 

“Well, from where I’m standing, he ain’t yours either! Ryan growled as he punctuated the last two words by pushing his finger into Brad’s chest. 

Colin was stunned into silence for a second. Right in front of him, two grown men were looking to get into a fight….apparently over him. One of them his former lover who was suffering from amnesia and couldn’t remember a thing about his past life, the other somebody he considered a friend but who had apparently wanted more from him than he was prepared to give….He felt like the last carrot at a vegetarians’ buffet and he decided he didn’t like it.

 

“Excuse me! *he* is actually in the room!!”

 

Both looked at him and at least they had the good grace to look somewhat sheepish.

“Brad, thank you for your concern and your help in getting Ryan back, but really, this is between him and me…..I think you should go now” He couldn’t help but see the smug look on Ryan’s face. It irritated him mildly.  “And you” he pointed at Ryan “I think we need to have a talk” He noticed that Ryan looked somewhat worried and his first instinct was to allay those worries but he stopped himself. Talk first, allaying later……

 

“But Col, I….” Brad tried.

 

“No, seriously Brad, I will speak to you later, I need to talk to Ryan” and he shepherded Brad out the door. As he turned, he saw Ryan standing in the middle of the room, looking at his feet. He looked like a five year old to be scolded by his mother and Colin couldn’t help but melt a little but he hardened his heart, the truth needed to be told and he wouldn’t get anywhere by pussyfooting around.

 

“Do you want to tell me what that was all about?” He enquired sternly.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

That took him by surprise “Sorry? What for?”

 

“I ruined everything…” Ryan looked thoroughly miserable. “I’ll move out tomorrow”

 

“huh? Why?” Colin hadn’t seen this coming.

 

“You’ve been so kind to me and done everything for me and I’m a bastard…”

 

Colin really couldn’t follow Ryan’s train of thought on this one.

 

“What do you mean? Why are you moving out? Is it me? Why are you a bastard?” Colin felt he was rapidly losing his grip on this conversation.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry I was rude to Brad” and with that, Ryan turned on his heel and made a beeline for his room, leaving Colin alone and thoroughly bewildered.

continued in the comments