My first Crackfic!

[blossomcup.livejournal.com]

I'm writing a crackfic, inspired by Sailor Moon! (Makingamochrie, if you're still doing Noble is the Head, update please!)

Title: Soldiers of the Stars
Rating: PG for now, rating may change
Couples: Drew/Brad, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Jeff, Chip/Wayne
Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were. Wives don't exist. TOTAL CRACKFIC! Inspired by Sailor Moon, also not mine.

REVIEW PLEASE!

Soldiers of the Stars

 

By Blossomcup

 

COUPLES:

 

Drew/Brad

 

Colin/Ryan

 

Greg/Jeff

 

Chip/Wayne

 

NOTE:

 

Not only do the wives not exist in this story, but IT IS TOTAL CRACKFIC!!!

 

This is partly inspired by Sailor Moon. Just so you know!

 

FOR REFERENCE:

 

Drew Carey – Soldier Moon, Crescent Moon Wand, Healing Powers

 

Colin Mochrie – Soldier Mercury, Water and Ice Powers

 

Greg Proops – Soldier Mars, Fire and Smoke Powers

 

Ryan Stiles – Soldier Jupiter, Thunder and Lightning Powers

 

Brad Sherwood – Soldier Venus, Light and Air Powers

 

Chip Esten – Soldier Uranus, Earth and Ground Powers

 

Wayne Brady – Soldier Neptune, Sea Powers

 

Jeff Davis – Soldier Pluto, Time Powers

 

 

A man stands among the stars, on nothing but air.

 

He carries a long staff, has a far-away gaze in his eyes.

 

“I am a prince…and I shall live on…eternal.” He whispers.

 

He raises his staff and swipes it down with a blinding light.

 

Drew Carey awoke with a start. He gets up, fumbles for his glasses and staggers into the bathroom. “That was some weird dream…” He thought. “No more leftover pizza before bed.”

 

He saw the pleasant sight of his shirtless lover, Brad Sherwood, entering the bathroom. “You okay?” He asked.

 

Drew nodded, smiling. “I’m fine. Just had a weird dream. I’ve already forgot it by now.”

 

“Okay. Remember, we’re meeting the guys for a picnic today.”

 

He sighs. “I know. I just hope we don’t get mobbed.”

 

“Not to worry. We’ve reserved a nice fenced part. Nobody as far as the eye can see, except food vendors.”

 

He grinned. “Now you’re talking.”

 

 

They arrived to see two of their friends, Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie standing near a large red-and-white checkered picnic blanket. A laden basket was on top, as well as a volleyball court and some food vendors.

 

“Hey, guys!” They gave them the proper handshakes and hugs, looking around. “This is a nice place.”

 

Colin nodded. “Yeah. Greg and Jeff should be here any…well, speak of the devil.”

 

The two came up carrying a volleyball. “Hey there.” Greg grinned. “Up for a little game?”

 

Brad nodded readily, Drew shrugged. “Okay, but I’m not very good.”

 

 

They stood on the flat court and Jeff spiked it over the net. “Mine!” Ryan called, doing a quick set, and Colin bouncing it over again. Greg cocked his arm back and did a harsh spike.

 

It was coming right for Drew, he prepared to try and hit it, but a blinding light appeared. Before he could know it, the ball came crashing down upon him and all was black.

 

He opened his eyes to everyone crouched around him.

 

“Drew?” Brad asked worriedly.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Greg repeated.

 

Drew’s eyes snapped open. “Wow…what was that light?”

 

Colin frowned. “What are you talking about?”

 

“The reason I couldn’t hit the ball. It blinded me.” He sat up and shook his head. “Oh, well. Why don’t we eat?”

 

They chuckled. “That’s our Drew.”

 

Sitting down on the blanket, Drew was chewing thoughtfully on a sandwich when something caught his eye. A crescent moon in the sky…in the middle of the day?!

 

“Look!” He pointed at the sky. “Right up there!”

 

They looked. “I don’t see anything.” Colin murmured.

 

Drew was confused. “You don’t see that big crescent moon?”

 

Everyone turned to him. “No.”

 

Drew became irritated. “What are you all trying to fool me? It’s right there!”

 

Brad put a hand on his arm. “Drew, I think that ball may have knocked you silly.”

 

Drew frowned. “Maybe…” He shrugged. “Oh, well.” He took another bite of his sandwich.

 

 

It was growing late, and they were getting ready to leave.

Drew got up and stretched, jumping a little at the touch of his ankle and a soft ‘mrowwf?’ sound. He looked down to see a small black cat, and what looked like a crescent moon bald spot on its forehead. Drew smiled and picked it up. “Aww, aren’t you a cute kitty?” It mewed and purred as he stroked it. “You’re so cute.”

 

Brad grinned. Drew frowned. “Brad, it looks pretty thin. We should take it home, give it something to eat.” He made puppy eyes at him. Brad sighed. “You’re always the humanitarian. Or in this case, with animals. Alright, let’s go.”

 

Drew smiled and wrapped it up in his jacket. “We’re going to take you home and give you something to eat, okay kitty?” He asked. The kitty meowed warmly.

 

“We’ll see you guys tomorrow.” They all said goodnight and parted ways.

 

 

Drew laid out a small dish of tuna and the cat sniffed it before quickly eating it up. Drew kept on petting it. “I checked it out, it’s a girl.” He looked to Brad. “Can we keep her?” Puppy eyes again.

 

Brad looked away. “Oh, Drew…not the puppy eyes, you know I can’t STAND the puppy eyes!” Drew got up and hung on his neck. “Pleeease?” He whined.

 

Brad looked at him and sighed. “Oh, alright. Don’t whine, we can keep her.”

 

“Yay!” He kissed Brad warmly. “I’m calling her Luna. Her bald spot looks like the crescent moon I saw today.”

 

Brad frowned. “Oh, yeah. I think you should get some rest. If you had a concussion earlier, it should be safe by now.” Drew sighed and nodded. He took a small blanket and made a little bed for the kitty.

 

It spun around a few times before settling down and closing its eyes. Drew smiled and walked back toward the bedroom, Brad following suit. Drew yawned as he changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed. Wrapping himself in his share of the covers, he was almost asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

 

Brad kissed him on the temple and went to go change. “Goodnight, Drew.”

 

“Mmmf.” Was the only response he got.

 

 

In the middle of the night, Drew got thirsty and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. The kitty was sitting up and staring at him. Her crescent moon seemed to glow. “Drew.” A voice said. It was too feminine to be Brad’s. “Who said that?” Drew asked, spinning around.

 

The cat came up to him. “It’s me, Luna. I’m here to give you a message, Drew.”

 

Drew backed into the counter in shock. “But…you’re a cat. When did you learn to talk?”

 

“Long ago, but that’s not the point. Drew, you are a champion of justice.”

 

Drew cocked an eyebrow. “Like Superman?”

 

The cat sighed. “No. You are Soldier Moon, the leader of the Star Soldiers. I have been searching for you for quite some time.”

 

Drew sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I’m dreaming. This is all just a weird dream.”

 

The cat got impatient. “Drew, you’re not dreaming! Listen to me!” She got quiet again. “I can prove it to you.”

 

Drew shrugged. “Okay, I’ll bite. Prove it.”

 

The cat did a back flip and a gold locket with a crescent moon and a diamond on it appeared almost out of thin air. It rose above and Drew caught it in his hand. “Wow, if I’m dreaming, this looks pretty realistic.” He admitted.

 

“This is your transformation brooch. Whenever you are in danger, or something is threatening the forces of the Earth, you simply say the magical phrase, and you shall become Soldier Moon.”

 

Drew smiled. “Well, what’s the magic phrase? I’ve always wanted super powers.”

 

“Moon Prism Power.”

 

Drew held up the locket. “Moon Prism Power!” He called.

 

Time seemed to stand still as he was swept into a spectrum of light. Gloves, shoes, and clothes were simply poured on him and he emerged from the blast.

 

He was wearing a tuxedo with a long pearl-white silk tie, polished shoes, white gloves, and a crescent moon was on his forehead, as he saw from a reflection in a now present mirror. Drew froze. “How the…”

 

The cat smiled. “Now you know I speak the truth. You’re going to have to find the other Star Soldiers. You are their leader, so when you find them, you’ll know. Keep that locket close to you at all times, danger will always strike at the strangest of places.”

 

“How many more are there?”

 

“There are seven more you need to find. Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Venus, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. They all have different powers to suit them. You have healing powers, and I’ll tell you why.” The cat smiled. “I told you I had been searching for you. When you came to the park, I saw that you were trying to take care of me. That is proof that you were always the kind man you were when you ruled the Moon Kingdom many years ago.”

 

Drew blushed a little, embarrassed at the praise. “So, how do I use my powers?”

 

The cat did another back flip. A pearl white wand, with a gold crescent moon at the top appeared. Drew held it in his hand, and felt a sudden warmth in his fingers.

 

“This is the Crescent Moon Wand. Use this and say, Moon Healing Eternal, and whoever is possessed by the dark will be healed. However, the objective we have here is grave.” The cat sighed. “The seven Spectrum Crystals are missing. You must find them and use them for good. If not, the dark side will get them and destroy us all. They are inside people, causing them to be possessed. Find them and heal them, and the jewels will become yours.”

 

The wand disappeared. “It’s gone!”

 

“Relax, it will appear when you ask for it.”

 

“Drew? What are you doing up?”

 

Drew froze, and looked to the cat. “Just act normal. Don’t let him know.” It hissed, and lay down again.

 

“Uh…I was thirsty. Would you like some water?” He went to get some glasses.

 

Brad touched his shoulder, and Drew felt a sudden warmth on it. He spun around, Brad was moaning a little. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Something…in my head. Feels like a throbbing pain.”

 

“The first sign!” The cat called. Drew gasped as he saw the gold heart on his forehead. “Soldier Venus.” The cat told him. “The powers of light have emerged.”

 

Brad looked to the cat. “You can talk?”

 

“Things catch on fast.”

 

 

By dawn, the couple had learned of their new status as soldiers. Brad had a little pen he could keep in his pocket to transform, and Drew kept the locket on a chain under his clothes. They were going to have to keep this quiet, however hard it may be.

 

They were all due to meet at Colin’s house for a barbecue. Colin was making his famous chili-rubbed chicken, and they all couldn’t wait.

 

“Hey, Col!” Ryan called out to his lover. “Does this need anything?” He held up a spoonful of sauce to Colin’s mouth. Colin tasted it for a moment. “Hmmm…maybe some more curry.”

 

“Hello, hello!” Jeff’s voice called out, as Greg followed him in. “Smells great in here, guys.”

 

“Thank you.” Ryan said, setting the table. “Are Drew and Brad here yet?”

 

“I just saw their car pull up.”

 

Drew came in carrying a jar of something. “Hey there. I brought my special barbecue sauce.”

 

Colin smiled. “Well, we’ll have to try that, won’t we?”

 

Soon they were all eating and laughing and talking with each other, and to be honest, Drew and Brad forgot all about last night, at least for a little while. Brad felt it first. “Do you feel that rumble in the floor?” He asked anyone who was listening.

 

Ryan could feel it. “Yeah, what is that?”

 

Drew braced himself. “Is it an earthquake?” He’d been in two before.

 

“No, it doesn’t feel like one.” Jeff frowned. Greg gasped as he looked outside. “Why is it pitch black in the middle of the day?”

 

Drew and Brad looked to each other in fear and anticipation. They all took shelter under the table as the windows shattered. “What is going on?!” Colin yelled, the winds were beginning to howl loudly.

 

A deep voice boomed. “Star Soldiers, show yourselves…”

 

“Star Soldiers?” Ryan asked confusedly. “Drew, Brad, what are you doing?!”

 

They had started out the door running.

 

-TO BE CONTINUED-

Reviews are my crack, people! Please deal me!