Story: "The Very Secret Diary of Ryan"

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Author: Indy Baggins
Title: The Very Secret Diary of Ryan
Pairing: Ryan/Colin, Ryan/Greg, some others.
Rating: R for language
Summary: Ryan has a seduction diary… This is pure crack!
Author’s notes: This type of “diary” was very famous back in the LOTR fandom, originally written by Cassandra Claire but copied by many. I always thought they were hilarious, so I thought I’d give it a try…










Day 1:

My name is Ryan.

Am v. lonely and in need of man. Must try and get one. Possibly two.



Day 5:

Met slightly balding guy doing improv.
Realized it’s good thing I’m tall, as people will never notice any bald spots.

Told him on stage I wanted to fuck him and he agreed. Tried to find him later but he went home.

Big tease.



Day 7:

Balding guy’s name is Colin, seems shy. Will just have to put in an effort.



Day 19:

He called me “big goof”. Am pleased he noticed I’m big, not so pleased about “goof”. Will work on that.



Day 23:

Attempted to be v. serious.

Took Colin to museum and talked about Renaissance for several hours. Then suggested to have a go at it in the dinosaur section. He laughed.

Am afraid still not serious enough.



Day 44:

Invited Colin over for wine. He fell asleep after first bottle. Big wuss.

Has lovely blush when asleep though. Tried to feel him up a little but he murmured something about “No… Phil!”. Probably ex-lover. Will remember name to bring up on stage later.



Day 75:

Tried to kiss him. Big fiasco, as he thinks I’m just being friendly, tongue and all.



Day 79:

Tried to get him hot by suggesting he’d tie me up and lick whipped cream from every inch of my body. He patted my shoulder and walked away. Starting to think I’m missing something.

Maybe just need better plan.



Day 99:

…still nothing.



Day 148:

Decided to send him Valentine with copy of Kamasutra, handy little post-its at the interesting pages. Didn’t look me in the eye all day. Have the feeling I’m finally getting somewhere.



Day 176:

A woman? A woman??? Who is he kidding?

Feel v. depressed.



Day 323:

Had to go to wedding. Asked me to be his best man. Tried to convince him best man gets at least a small pre-wedding fuck, but ignored me. Am not able to be angry at him though, as he looked v. sad all day. I would be too, wife seems v. bitchy.



Day 381:

Got married myself, as Colin made it seem v. easy. Was not sad, fucked best man twice.

Quite like weddings.



Day 474:

Since both married now, proposed sinful affair to Colin. He didn’t even smile. Suspect wife bad influence on him.



Day 650:

Took horrible plane ride. British are so far away. Tried to fuck steward in bathroom, but too much turbulence.

Am feeling excessively disappointed in life.



Day 652:

Met snarky guy with glasses. Might finally get some.



Day 653:

Snarky guy’s named Greg, said I wanted to fuck him. He seemed pleased, so fucked him twice against the wall of his dressing room later. Called me “Mr. A” but who cares. Life is good again.



Day 667:

Took up smoking, as well as drinking. Fucked Greg three times today, seems still v. into it.



Day 703:

Found out what “Take me Mr. A!” and “bend me over the desk and fuck me raw!” is all about. Am not v. disappointed, as Greg says he has no chance with Clive, since Clive already is fucking both Richard and Tony.

Am struck by the thought there are no straight men in Britain. Quite like it.



Day 785:

Convinced Colin to come over to Britain. Might be in the water, after all.



Day 787:

Shared long, meaningful glances and hugs with Colin. Fucked Greg when Colin wasn’t looking.

Am feeling both torn and v. horny.



Day 902:

Told Greg about issues with Colin. He said he’d tried to get it on with Colin in bathroom but was ignored. Had to fuck him twice just for that.



Day 954:

Could not take tension anymore, snuck up on Colin in dark hallway and started making out. Was v. enthusiastic. Bumped light switch by accident, turned out it was not Colin. Blame self, lack of neck should have warned me. After awkward moment excused myself to Clive.

Bugger.



Day 956:

Told Greg about making out with Clive. Was fucked repeatedly, so totally worth it.



Day 967:

Had Greg strung up to bed with leather ties and was using multiple colorful dildo’s when Colin knocked on door. Let him in gingerly, but seemed oblivious.

Greg agrees Colin might be hopeless case.



Day 1012:

Was almost ready to accept never fucking Colin when he crawled in bed with me and fondled me. Almost thought I was dreaming or Greg had shaved head, so turned on the lights to check. Said he had had bad dream. Was v. excited, pinned him down and kissed him repeatedly. Seemed flustered, but not unhappily so. Made hot sweet love all night. Am quite sure he read Kamasutra after all.

Sense a happy ending.








mood: nuts