Story: "Something Stupid"

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Author: Indy Baggins
Title: Something Stupid
Pairing: Drew/Colin, Drew/Ryan, Drew/Wayne, Drew/Greg, Chip/Jeff, Drew/Jeff
Rating: R
Summary: And then I go and spoil it all…
Author’s comments: Written for the challenge. I’m sure this isn’t one of my best, but I felt like I needed to show Drew some love, so there.

Betaed by corliamat, who is suprisingly fearless when it comes to Drew pairings ;) Thank you.



I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me


“So, what are you doing tonight?” he hopes he sounds casual, knows he doesn’t.

Jeff smiles a little, shaking his head, and jokes “What did you have in mind then?”


---

“Love you” he had whispered to Colin, who was half asleep and murmured something affirmative back they both knew he wouldn’t remember the next day. There was moonlight coming through the curtains, they were covered with nothing but a sheet and neither of them was drunk, they usually weren’t, so it should have been perfect, almost, but of course it wasn’t.

He didn’t know why Colin slept with him, and he didn’t ask. He thought it had something to do with Ryan, perhaps, and how it was something Ryan would never guess, might even be somewhat disgusted about if he ever found out. He wondered if it gave Colin some sort of strange satisfaction, if he only knocked on his door when he needed to get back at Ryan, or if it was something more, but he didn’t want to know, not really. So he only said these things, things that could sound real, when it was too late at night, when Colin wasn’t looking, when he thought he was talking about something else altogether.

He hated that Colin always thanked him though, as if it was a favour, as trivial as a ride home, or a hug perhaps. He knew that Colin was always thanking everyone, that that was what he did, but it still irked him. It should have been something more, he thought, something purer. But Colin didn’t even remotely belong to him, not even when he had him in his bed, asleep and stunningly beautiful like he was right then.

---


And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me


“I don’t know, maybe…”

“Let’s go dance!” Chip chimes in, and Jeff nods, oddly serious. “Let’s.”

When Drew joins them he knows it’s silly, a long lost cause, but he still does.


---

“Love you man” he had said to Ryan, and of course they both had been drunk off their asses, swaying back and forth in his front yard, leaning heavily on each other.

In any other circumstances it might have been funny, to see Ryan slowly lift an eyebrow, danger registering even in his drunken state, and claim something about “but I… I love… you honey! I do!” before tripping and falling head-first into the flowerbeds.

Without Ryan’s support he had sagged to his knees and crawled through the flowers to lean over Ryan and place a sloppy but enthusiastic kiss on his lips. He remembered kissing Ryan, what it had tasted like, but when his maid found them in the morning, curled up together with his hand still loosely wrapped around Ryan’s dick, he had been surprised as well.

Ryan had even managed to laugh about it, saying “I love you too Drew, but not that much” and things had gone back to normal so startlingly easy he couldn’t help but wonder how often that exact thing had happened to Ryan before.

---



Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two


“You’re drunk,” Jeff yells in Chip’s ear, loud enough for Drew to hear as well, and Chip laughs and presses an open-mouthed kiss to Jeff’s cheek.

Jeff just shrugs, seemingly unaffected, and Drew tightens his grip on his beer.


---

When Wayne came up to him and whispered “I want you”, he had known he was being played. What he didn’t know was the price, the how and the why. And so, even though he feared the consequences, he went with it, somewhat reluctantly.

The sex turned out to be surprisingly great, Wayne truly was shameless, and it should have warned him too, he thinks, but at the time he was too busy enjoying it.

In the end, his biggest regret is that he never said “I love you too,” when he wanted to, when he felt so sure it hadn’t been just a line from Wayne, when he actually did love him. But he couldn’t get it over his lips, not then, and so eventually, not surprisingly, Wayne had left. Not a note, not a word, just a knock from Colin and a long silence and he suddenly knew Colin slept with him because he thought it made him happy, and it made him care for him even more, long for yet another thing he could never have.

---


I practice every day to find some clever
lines to say
To make the meaning come through


“Jeff…” he speaks, too much of a whisper to be heard over the roar of the crowd, and Jeff doesn’t even look at him.

He sighs, downs his beer and calls it a night.


---

Greg… Greg had always been a complete mystery. The couple of times it happened they both were drunk, obviously. But it hadn’t seemed quite so ridiculous, quite so unreal as it had felt to trace his hands over Wayne’s chest, and marvel at the softness of his skin. Not quite so resigned and softly hurtful as it felt to fall asleep with Colin in his arms. Definitely not as embarrassing the morning after as it had been with Ryan, thankfully.

Greg… Greg just cursed about something or another, lit a cigarette, and everything that had happened before was forgotten, to never be talked about again. He had liked it, at the time. At least Greg was honest in his disgust.


---


But then I think I'll wait until the evening
gets late
And I'm alone with you


“Hey Drew!” he’s not completely surprised when Jeff follows him out, because he doesn’t believe for a second that Jeff did follow him, as it were. Coincidence, his mind tells him. No other way.

When Jeff motions him down to sit on some stairs and pulls out a cigarette, he’s reminded of how he never smoked in his life. He doesn’t know why, now. It seems like it would help to erase everything from his mind, everyone. When Jeff eyes him and asks “what did you want to say Drew?” his stomach makes a flip, he swallows dryly, and then…

…and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…


“I love you.” He coughs, rapidly.

There, he’s said it. Back to being nothing, back to being alone.

When Jeff flicks his cigarette away and advances on him, he actually scrambles upright, suddenly afraid. Jeff just looks at him, evenly, and when he moves this time, to push Drew backwards into a wall, he smiles a little.

“…then we’re just going to have to do something about that, aren’t we?”







mood: contemplative