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[desiredeffect.livejournal.com]

Title: For Existing In The First Place
Author: desiredeffect
Summary: What do you do when you're hurt?
Pairing(s): I wrote it with Ry/Col in mind, but whatever goes.
Rating: PG-13. Mild swearing and stuff.
Author's notes: I dunno what the hell I was thinking. I don't even know if it makes sense. Guess I'll find out soon 'ey?
Disclaimer: It's not lying, it's a gift for fiction.
Words: 300 (:

When it starts, you do a double take, wonder what caused it all, what the beginning of it was. I mean, when something hard happens in your life, you seek comfort – and sometimes the comfort given isn’t enough so you look more outside the box and then when that isn’t enough you break all the rules instantaneously and seek the closest warmth of someone who keeps you grounded, keeps you on an even keel, while you try to slip away.

What we had? It was never going to last. Yet we did everything that was expected of us playing to our audience like we were both so experienced at, that no one ever suspected a thing. Keeping up a façade on stage isn’t really that hard, and pulling it off in real life – evasive excuses and late nights – was easier then it sounded.

Though what followed that wasn’t normal for two married men. Rough hand jobs in our trailers, quick blowjobs during the bathroom and then eventually the ultimate stimulation in the motel room that just completed the downfall. The walls observed the soft sighs and moans, the silent adjudicator of the act we were committing. And then we lay there, wrapped up in a sated cocoon of sex, sweat and salt.

It was within that safe haven that words were exchanged, and out of things like oh fuck, kiss me again and god that was good, you whispered I love you and the whole game changed. The protective shell snapped, reality claimed the vulnerable space and I couldn’t stop the, figuratively speaking, violent reaction it drew out. Whatever we had going all ended the moment I shut the door.

I wanted to believe you. I really did.

But I believed in you before, and look where it got me.