[identity profile] walkingivy.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] wl_fanfiction
Title:  Unspoken
Author: Walking Ivy
Pairing: Colin/Ryan preslash
Rating: R
Summary:  Jeff makes an announcement.  Ryan reacts badly.  Colin learns why.
Word Count: 802
Disclaimer:  I own the plot, if you want to call it that, and nothing else.


“What the hell was that?” Colin seethed, his voice low and dangerous in a way that Ryan couldn’t ever recall being directed at him. He’d expected a confrontation, expected Colin to come bursting into his trailer uninvited, but he hadn’t expected the kind of fire that was burning in his eyes.

“What was what?”

Ryan played ignorant, but this only seemed to make Colin even angrier. The normally mild-mannered, even tempered Canadian clenched his teeth and took a step closer, trapping Ryan against the wall. His body was practically flush against his own and Ryan tried to shrink away, more from their position than from Colin.

“Jeff.” Colin ground out. “He came to us needing our support. And you!” Colin couldn’t even finish his statement, anger choking away his voice. Colin was gripping both his shoulders with bruising force, seemingly ready to shake some sense into him. Ryan dropped his gaze to the appendages, but it wasn’t Colin’s hands he saw, his mind drawn back to another man’s punishing hold.

Suddenly, Colin released him and whirled away, taking three large steps further into the room and dropping his shoulders in defeat. He didn’t bother to face Ryan as he spoke. “God, I always knew you were a bit of a homophobe, but Jeff’s our friend and he needs us now more than ever.”

Ryan kept his place against the wall, pressing his back against the hard surface as if he could disappear into it. He didn’t bother denying Colin’s accusation because Colin knew him better than anyone alive. Colin knew that those stage kisses were more of a testament to how far he was willing to go for a laugh than evidence to his tolerance towards homosexuals. Colin knew that he’d keep his silence and shift uncomfortably from foot to foot whenever conversation about gays turned serious and he couldn’t fall into his loud, slightly obscene jokes.

Colin spun back around and folded his arms over his chest, eyes piercing into him. “Are you going to behave like that every time Jeff’s around now?”

But Ryan wasn’t seeing Colin anymore; he’d been replaced by another hazy figure, slightly shorter but more built, who stood in the same position and watched him with a similar intensity. With the image came sensations: a belt knotted around his wrists, a chill across his bare skin evoking shivers, a gravelly voice taunting him.

“What if it hadn’t been Jeff?”

Ryan snapped back to the present, chanced a glance at Colin’s eyes then dropped his gaze back to the floor. “What?”

Colin took a step forward, and then another. Ryan tensed up enough to know that his back would be sore later. He tried to tell himself that it was stupid, that Colin wouldn’t hurt him, but still pressed backward. “What if I had come out of the closet instead? What would you do then?”

“But you’re not-”

Ryan’s response was cut off as Colin took one more step forward and pressed his lips to Ryan’s, hands resting gently on the taller man’s shoulders. Ryan froze, expecting the kiss to turn violent, the hands to force their way into his pants, and fingers to push inside of him. He expected to be shoved face first into the wall while an impatient heat entered him.

Rebellion shot through him and Ryan swung his fist at his attacker, hearing the sound of it connecting and the thud of a body dropping. He jumped onto the man, throwing panicky punches and trying to keep him down. Then, with unexpected speed and strength, Ryan found himself flipped over and being pinned to the floor. He struggled violently, feeling tears of despair escape and finally resorted to begging. “Please, don’t!” He gasped.

“Ryan!” Colin’s voice cut in, sounding worried and frayed. Ryan wondered how he’d gotten there, if he was there to help him, but then realized that it was Colin sitting on his chest and keeping him pinned. As reality settled back in, Ryan finally met Colin’s eyes and could see a horrified understanding creep over his features.

Ryan had never told anyone why he guarded his drinks so carefully when they went out to bars. He’d never explained how the mere mention of homosexuals would send his mind into dark memories, despite knowing that it wasn’t a fair association. And he had never allowed his brain to dwell on his feelings towards his best friend.

The second Colin freed him, Ryan sat up and dragged his knees to his chest, unable to keep the sobs from escaping. Colin gingerly rested a hand on his back and when Ryan leaned into his touch instead of jerking away, he wrapped both his arms around his shaking friend. As he soaked up the warmth and love of Colin’s embrace, Ryan finally felt safe.

A/N:  First fic here! Can I get an author tag?

Date: 2015-01-26 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] you-legwarmers.livejournal.com
Interesting take on Ryan's "real" feelings regarding gay people. I've actually considered that too, but I'm pretty sure it's not actually true (I hope! I like Ryan too much!). I like this fic-- short and...well, not sweet, but to the point. :)

Date: 2015-01-26 10:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rycolfan.livejournal.com
I agree. What an interesting (if horrific) take on Ryan's mindset. Hopefully this is the first step for him to start working his way through it, with Colin's help of course. Great job! I've added an author tag for you. :)

Date: 2015-01-27 10:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roseofpain84.livejournal.com
An interesting take on things, yes.
I enjoyed reading it. :-)

Date: 2015-01-30 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] clayangel.livejournal.com
“What the hell was that?” Colin seethed, his voice low and dangerous in a way that Ryan couldn’t ever recall being directed at him—I don't even need to know what's going on. I just love any story that starts with an angry Colin. ^_^

Colin knew that those stage kisses were more of a testament to how far he was willing to go for a laugh than evidence to his tolerance towards homosexuals.—I really like this bit of insight, especially as I have to wonder if there isn't some truth to it.

Oooh, that was dark. I really liked it. Do you have any plans on doing a follow up piece?

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