[Whose-a-thon fic] Breaking Point

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Title: Breaking Point
Characters: Jeff, Ryan
Pairings: Ryan/Colin, Ryan/Greg, Jeff/Chip, Jeff/Greg, all implied
Rating: R for lots of cursing
Prompt: 170: “You can't have both of them.” “What makes you think I want either of them?”
Word Count: ~880



“You can't have both of them,” Ryan said, blowing out a white plume of smoke as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on the cold, metal railing of the fire escape. There was the slightest hint of a smirk in his voice.

The night was dark. A fourth quarter moon left the sky empty, muddied by the city so that not even a single star shown through. Instead the sky seemed to hang low, a featureless gray ceiling without as much as an amorphous cloud to break up the monotony.

Jeff returned the smirk, even though he didn't meet Ryan's eyes, nor even looked his way. “'What makes you think I want either one of them?'” he came back, shaking his head slightly. With a small snort, he finally turned toward Ryan. “Or isn't that your line?”

Ryan grunted softly. He just shrugged by way of answer, then took another drag on his cigarette.

“Well?”

Still, Ryan didn't answer.

“That was what you told me a few months back. You don't want Colin or Greg, so why can't I take a shot at Greg?”

Dropping the cigarette to the blacktop some ten feet below, Ryan blew out a final, long breath of smoke. He licked his lips, then turned from the railing to meet Jeff's eyes. “I never said that.”

“You said—”

“I said what makes you think that I want them. Not that I didn't.” Huffing, he turned away again, then leaned, very heavily, against the railing. “Of course I want them. Both of them.” Raking his fingers through his hair, he seemed to lean more heavily still, and the metal groaned beneath him. “And for you this is some fucking game.”

Now it was Jeff's turn to stay silent. Ryan wasn't usually this talkative, and there was something in his voice—something that made Jeff think that Ryan was just about to break and he needed to get this out of his system. He had the feeling that if he opened his mouth, then Ryan would clam right up again.

“A fucking game,” Ryan repeated. He picked himself up off the railing long enough to light another cigarette, then was right back on it, practically draped over the galvanized metal as he stared across the scantly lit back lot. “Go on the road and fuck for fun. Forget about it again when your real life comes back. Like it can go away. Like it doesn't mean shit all because what the fuck does it mean to you anyway? You're a kid. You're just a fucking kid.”

“You're not talking to me anymore, are you?” Jeff said as the realization hit him. He'd broken his own rule and opened his mouth, but it didn't matter. Ryan was long past hearing him.

“Think this is fun? You go to England, and she's not there. It's just you and the guys, so you fuck around, and then head back to Pat like it never happened? Fuck and drink and smoke. And fuck. And fuck some more.” He laughed, shaking his head. He took a long moment—just smoking—long enough that Jeff thought he wasn't going to continue at all.

Nearly a minute had passed when he said, very quietly, “Don't bring it home, Ryan. Don't bring it home. Leave it there.” He was shaking his head, all merriment gone from his voice. “Don't you let him back in your head. Fucking Colin. And then Greg. Where the fuck did he even come from? Stupid fucking glasses.” He smiled again and stubbed out his cigarette on the railing.

Heaving a deep breath, Ryan pushed himself to standing straight once more. His long fingers stayed curled around the cold metal. His head was bent, slumped at the shoulders. “Fuck.”

Finally he pulled himself back up, and, acting like nothing had happened, met Jeff's eyes. “We should get back inside,” he said. “We're on soon. Let's go.”

He practically marched past Jeff and grabbed the door knob. Yellow light spilled onto the fire escape as the door swung out, but before Ryan had a chance to step inside, Jeff had stopped him. He grabbed Ryan's arm, holding him in place, and Ryan snapped his head around to look at him, startled.

“Ask me again,” Jeff said, catching Ryan off guard with a mirthless smile, “what makes me think you want either one of them.”

Ryan just watched him for a full three seconds. Jeff could see his mind working behind those tired eyes as they tripped back and forth, searching Jeff's own.

“Just back off Greg,” he said at last. “Stick to Chip.”

The “Or else.” remained unspoken.

Jeff stayed quiet as Ryan turned and headed back inside, still wearing that mirthless smile. He'd lay off Greg. Chasing after Chip was far more fun anyway. And besides, he couldn't wait to see the way this story would play out.

Ryan couldn't have them both—Greg or Colin; he'd have to decide. One day soon it would all come to a head, and Jeff wanted a front row seat when the action went down.

He closed the door, hot on Ryan's heels.

End.

Comments

[goblover.livejournal.com]

Dear God I need more of this! I was invested from the first sentence, seriously I was in. Damnit, I've got all these feelings now and nowhere to put them. Seriously, there needs to be more of this. What happens? I must know.

Also, Jeff- you're a dick. Obviously you know nothing about love. And definitely, stick with Chip.

Ryan - you have to go to Greg, please! I know there's Colin and there's Pat but Greg needs you and fuck all if he's ever going to tell you that. And he's got adorable fucking glasses.

You're killing me Smalls! You're breaking my heart!

No offense to the lovely Ryan/Colin, but I'm pulling for Ryan/Greg. He so desperately needs love.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! ^__^

I don't know if Jeff knows nothing about love here so much as he's just not gone through the same things as Ryan. Jeff is like Ryan 20 years ago in this story, when it was all about having fun and just screwing—before feelings got into the mix.

And technically, Colin wears glasses, too. ^_^ He just wears contacts in public or maybe he just doesn't wear his glasses in public.

It is interesting to me to see people choosing sides, though, because weirdly enough, it never entered my mind when writing this. Ryan is incapable of choosing between them. I don't know if he'd ever make a decision. I'm not sure that Colin or Greg are even aware of the struggle he's going through. I think, by this point, both would have given up on the idea of ever really getting to be with him because it's been so long. They gave up a long time ago...and they just don't realize that he hasn't yet—that he's still working through it.

Hah. And now my response is like half as long as the story, itself. :P

[rycolfan.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love this. The whole conversation feels very real. I'm obviously on the other side of the fence, rooting for Colin, but I can imagine Ryan being stuck somewhere between the two and not wanting to give up on either. Very nicely done.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. ^_^ And I'm glad that this has a realistic feel to it. And hell, just that it's enjoyable to read in general. I was thinking when writing this: what the hell am I doing writing Ryan and Jeff talking? I feel like it's a weird thing to write, and that I do it too often besides. (Of course, I've done it, like, once, which is apparently too often in my head. :P) But so yeah. It's nice to see people actually full on enjoying it as a story. ^__^

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

What strikes me most while reading this is how much I love the way you write Ryan and Jeff interactions. I always do, but in this piece what really grabs me is that Jeff seems to kind of model himself after Ryan, from taking Ryan's line to copying his attitude about relationships, even though he doesn't really get it (as Ryan points out). I love that, because I can sort of imagine this in real life. Jeff seems kind of in awe of Ryan, and his interactions with him seem so different from the way he interacts with Greg and Chip. And I do think they're similar in some ways. It's not that hard to imagine Jeff having "grown up" in a sense around Ryan (he was what, early 20s when he did his first Whose Line?) and seeing him as kind of a role model, for better or worse. Anyway, that's what I got from this fic, and it rings very true for me. Awesome writing!

[goblover.livejournal.com]

Sun, I think you have to pick a side on the Ryan/Colin, Ryan/Greg that Rycolfan and I have started :-P

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

It's an obligation now, apparently. ^_^

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Can we get T-shirts that say Team Colin or Team Greg? And make up cute combinations of their names like Rylin and Gryan?

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

You know, this gets me thinking. If we could get enough people, it would be fun to do group challenges. We could have teams that could write fic together or maybe the team could be responsible for multiple fic or graphics and they could split the responsibilities up. And then we can vote on the team results rather than the individual and have, like awards or something.

Of course this depends on getting people, which is the whole problem with events in the first place. :P

[rycolfan.livejournal.com]

Well, for what it's worth, I'd totally be up for that. :) I had another fun idea a little while ago but, like you say, we need people to join in.

[natyu0815.livejournal.com]

Please this must happen now!!! :D

[rycolfan.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes. No fence-sitters allowed. :P

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Well, like I was saying to Roz, I feel like Ryan, himself, is viewing Jeff as a younger version of himself here, and that probably comes from me feeling the same way as you about Jeff IRL, and his adoration of Ryan and whatnot. I do like the idea of Jeff having "grown up" around Ryan though. I think that that's definitely true in a sense, and this story was talking about another way how they're similar, I guess. ^_^

[deaconite.livejournal.com]

Ryan's very interesting here, and it's kind of weird seeing him opening up a little with Jeff. I can imagine him talking like this to Greg, Colin or Drew, or Jeff with Chip or Greg, but not them together. (Greg's like the go-between guy ^_^ He kind of works with everyone.)

“Just back off Greg,” he said at last I love how he's basically saying "Keep the fuck away" here, and I like to think he'd have the same reaction if Jeff was flirting with Colin.

Chasing after Chip was far more fun anyway. I think this is interesting as well; I can imagine Jeff seeing Chip as more 'fun' as I can see Chip as being more of a challange to Jeff/more defensive of his sexuality, while Greg always seems to have this "Fuck it, why the hell not?" attitude in my mind. Now I'm rambling, but this is definitely a great take on the prompt!

I think the best solution is a massive orgy.

[natyu0815.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. This was a great story! Ryan talking to someone he thinks is like him in the past and then talking to himself with his past-self just standing there... It made it all so credible and interesting that I was leaning close enough to the screen as to have my eyes square now. :P

I don't think I'd be able to make a choice here, guys :/ I've been there, and sometimes there just isn't any choice. It's like having two hearts. You love each one of them with a whole heart, and when asked to choose... You just can't.The trick is to accept each person individually and the relationship itself too, I'd say. You love wholeheartedly two people at once, and you can't choose. I can understand the dilemma Ry's in, and I feel for him.

And I guess it's just that Jeff's so young next to wise ol' Ryan, but I felt as if it all were a game to him.

More, please? :D

[jie-jie.livejournal.com]

Late to the party I know but really enjoyed this little snippet. Ryan's written really well, love how that pent up tension just comes bubbling out when he's given the opportunity. And I thought Jeff was rather fun, I can't imagine him taking life too seriously.

Noticed that people are plugging for Ryan/Colin or Ryan/Greg...I'm cheering for a boypile, Colin/Ryan/Greg all the way! ^_^