[Fic] Amateurs and Professionals
Jul. 24th, 2010 11:07 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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wl_fanfictionTitle: Amateurs and Professionals
Author: Jie Jie
Rating: PG
Pairings: Colin/Ryan
Wordcount: 2850
Summary: Just before taping Colin gets some bad news. Ryan worries.
Warning: I let my angsty side out, be warned.
Any and all feedback would be much appreciated!
Disclaimer: Dialogue during the game is from episode 3x24...one of these days I'll be as funny as the Whose Liners...maybe not...
Amateurs and Professionals
A famous author once said that the most common question he was asked was where his inspiration comes from. The author said that only amateurs cared about inspiration, professionals had to write whether they were inspired or not. It's the same with comedy. That audience is there, day after day, night after night. They want to be entertained. If you don't make with the funny they'll rip you apart without a seconds thought. Got no sleep last night? Had fight with your girlfriend? Your dog ran away? It doesn't matter. When you're a professional comedian you have to leave it all behind the instant you step on stage. Strap on a smile and do all you can to make that audience love you. Smile, even when you feel like crying.
“Hey, so do you guys think you can make it through just one taping without kissing each other?” Drew Carey said with a grin as he sat his generous rear end down on one of the large comfortable couches that dominated the green room.
“Never gonna happen.” said Ryan with a playful wink at Colin who was sitting next to him. The Canadian man simply rolled his eyes and gave a long suffering sigh. Brad and Wayne, who were sitting on the couch opposite, gave each other a knowing look.
“I think someone's feeling a little left out.” Brad suggested, waggling his eyebrows.
“Come on Drew, give me some sugar.” Wayne leaned over the arm of the couch, puckering his lips in Drew's direction.
“Just make sure you don't drool on your stage clothes.” Colin suggested with a smile as he watched Drew try to fight off the ever enthusiastic Wayne. Ryan snorted and leaned in close to whisper in Colin's ear.
“There are worse stains...” Colin's shoulders shook with silent laughter. He elbowed Ryan firmly in the ribs.
“Do you think they need a time out?” Colin asked, looking at Drew and Wayne who had fallen off the couch and were now virtually wrestling on the floor.
“Oh, hi there Dan!” Brad said loudly.
“Crap!” Drew swore as he and Wayne scrambled to right themselves. They jumped back on to the couch and adopted innocent expressions, like teens who'd been caught doing something inappropriate by their parents. The other three comedians watched them with smiles, each silently placing bets on who would be the first to notice that Dan was no where to be seen.
“Hey dude!” Wayne said petulantly as he finally noticed they'd been had. “That's not funny.”
“Ha! Oh man, you should have seen your faces.” Brad crowed. “Classic!” He held up a hand in victory. Ryan leaned over and slapped Brad a high five.
“It's official. I'm working with children.” Colin declared.
“I bet you want to sit me on your lap and tell me I've been a bad boy, if you know what I mean.” Ryan said with his best leer.
“Oh man.” Drew covered his eyes.
“Yeah Colin.” Brad said. “I'll sit on your naughty step if you know what I'm talking about.”
“What did I say?” Colin asked with his patented puppy dog eyes. The moment was interrupted by two things. First, Colin's cell phone began to ring in an obnoxiously cheerful jingle that Ryan had programmed earlier. Second, the door opened and Dan Patterson appeared for real this time.
“Oh, hi there Dan!” Brad chirruped. Drew and Wayne shot him dirty looks.
“All right guys, I needed you in make up five minutes ago.” Dan said, his tone condescending as always, before hurrying away.
“Jackass.” said Ryan.
“All right you slackers,” Drew grinned. “Let's get this party started.” The group got to their feet and headed towards the door. Only Colin hung back, still holding his ringing phone.
“You coming Col?” Ryan asked as he looked back over his shoulder.
“I'll be there in a sec.” Colin promised, ignoring the easy joke. He held up the phone and shrugged in apology.
“Okay, we'll see you in there.” Ryan said before following the others out of the room. Colin hit the button on the phone relieved to end the annoying jingle.
“Hello?”
“Hi Colin, it's me.” Even though he seldom spoke to her over the phone, Colin recognised his sister's voice instantly.
“Hey, what's going on?” He asked with concern. Nowadays he only ever spoke to his family during the holidays. All of the Mochrie clan were notoriously bad at talking on the phone. His concern grew into full fledged worry when he heard his little sister take in a shaky breath over the line. “You okay?”
“No,” she said, her voice full of tears. “There was an accident. Mom and Dad...they didn't make it.”
“...Oh.” Colin said quietly. His knees went weak and he sank back down onto the couch. “What happened?”
“Their car ran off the road last Monday night. It was snowing. The police think they hit a patch of ice just as they tried to turn. ...Colin? You okay?”
“Uh, yeah, yeah I'm okay.” Colin said. He ran a hand over his face as he tried to collect his thoughts. “When's the funeral?”
“It was yesterday.” Colin felt something twist sharply in his chest. “I'm so sorry Colin, I've been trying to get hold of you since it happened but none of us had your number.”
“I had to change it. Some fans published it on their website.”
“Still, I'm really, really sorry. The funeral home wouldn't let us delay any longer.”
“It's okay.” Colin said, sure that it wasn't but unable to get angry at his sister for something that was his own fault. He should have been there. “I have to go now. Can I call later?”
“I'll be at the house. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.” Colin hung up the phone and sat staring at it for a while. His parents were dead and buried and he'd never even got the chance to say – .
“Are you trying to give me an excuse to fire you?” Dan's voice intruded on Colin's thoughts. “Get your arse to make up. Now.” Colin stared at the British producer, twenty sarcastic replies on the tip of his tongue. He bit down on them, knowing from experience that arguing with Dan could get really nasty very quickly.
“On my way.” Colin rose to his feet and brushed by Dan as he left the room, refusing to acknowledge the dirty look that the shorter man cast his way.
“Who was on the phone?” Ryan asked, as Colin took his usual seat next to him in make up. The taller man looked at Colin's reflection as the make up artist brushed powder across his nose. He fought the urge to sneeze. Ryan noticed that Colin seemed more in his own world than usual and his face was way too pale. “You okay Col?”
“I'll talk to you later.” Colin said, giving nothing away. Ryan frowned at the unusually firm dismissal. His green eyes narrowed as he studied Colin's reflection with intent. The Canadian had his game face on, Ryan realised. The look he wore when he was getting heckled or teased or just plain tormented and he didn't want anyone to know that he was hurting inside.
“What happened?” Ryan asked, his voice soft. He reached out a hand to grasp Colin's and was surprised and stung when the other man pulled away.
“You're done sweetheart.” The make up artist interrupted the awkward silence and Ryan reluctantly got to his feet as she moved on to Colin. Something serious was troubling his lover and he'd get to the bottom of it whether Colin wanted him to or not.
*
An hour into the taping and Ryan was none the wiser. Although Colin was a little more subdued than usual he was still taking part in the games, still getting those all important laughs from the audience. None of the other performers seemed to have noticed a difference in him. Ryan on the other hand was getting seriously worried. Every attempt he'd made to have a private conversation with Colin had been deflected. Every effort he'd made to touch him had been avoided. Usually Colin soaked up contact like a sponge. Not today. Ryan would have been completely paranoid that he'd done something wrong if not for the fact that Colin seemed to be distancing himself from everyone else too. Something had happened in that five minutes they'd been apart. He just wished Colin would tell him what it was.
“Now let's play a game called Two Line Vocabulary. This is for Brad, Ryan and Colin.” Ryan was pulled from his thoughts by Drew's voice and quickly got to his feet. It wouldn't do to mess up the whole show just because he was preoccupied. He tuned out the routine explanation and listened for his lines. “Ryan, your lines are: 'that's my job' and 'someone needs a hug'.” Perfection. Ryan fought back a smile. If anything gave him an excuse to touch Colin that second line was it. Drew announced the scene: Colin, a female boss, inviting Brad and Ryan to a barbecue to discuss the fact that only one of them is getting promoted.
“I'm glad you could make it, help yourself to the dip.” Colin said, setting the scene in motion.
“I want one of those.” Brad said, his voice a little distorted as he stuffed himself with imaginary food.
“That's my job!” Ryan said and moved to finger feed the younger man. Colin grabbed his arm to stop him and Ryan's heart jumped at the unexpected contact. “Someone needs a hug.” He said and held out his arms in clear invitation. Panic flashed in Colin's expressive eyes and he quickly backed away, forcing Ryan to hug Brad in his stead. Ryan wanted to grab hold of Colin and force him to tell him was wrong but he knew he had to stay in the scene. When Colin hugged Brad, Ryan almost felt jealous but he could see that the movement was perfunctory, designed solely to get the laugh.
“You're incredibly stupid,” Colin was busy berating Brad. “I spend too much time explaining things to you.”
“That's my job.” Ryan stage whispered, successfully gaining Colin's attention.
“That's not your job!” The Canadian said, waving a finger to exaggerate his point.
“Someone needs a hug.” Ryan said. He reached out swiftly to give Colin exactly that. He managed to pull the shorter man to him for only a second before Colin pushed away.
“I don't need a hug.” Colin growled. Ryan didn't know if the anger in Colin's voice was real or fake. That he didn't know for sure was really disturbing. He tried twice more during the scene to get Colin into his arms but was firmly rejected each time. When Drew called an end to the game Colin and Ryan retook their seats in silence. Ryan was battling hurt, worry and his own volatile temper. Thankfully concern for Colin won out and he decided to just try and help him get through the taping as best he could. They were sharing a hotel room and a bed after all. There would be plenty of time for interrogation after they got the job done.
The rest of the taping went relatively well, although Colin's distraction had shown during Greatest Hits. The two had played it off well though and the audience had eaten up their banter. After Dan called an end to production for the day Colin and Ryan had both begged off the traditional after show party and headed straight out to the parking lot.
“Would you mind driving?” Colin asked. Ryan frowned. They'd taken Colin's car to the studio that morning. Usually the man had to be physically held back before he'd let anyone else drive his car.
“Sure, I don't mind.” Ryan said. Colin flashed him a wan smile and handed over the keys. The journey to the hotel was spent in silence, save for the music on the radio. Ryan didn't want to start anything while he was driving and Colin had retreated into his own world completely. Within half an hour they were back at the hotel. The second the door to their room closed behind them Ryan couldn't hold back any more.
“You wanna tell me what the hell's going on with you?” He asked, the words coming out more confrontational than he'd intended. Colin looked up at him in surprise.
“You noticed.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Of course I noticed.” Ryan said as he ran a hand through his hair. “You wouldn't let me get anywhere near you Col. You've never pushed me away before.” Colin sat down heavily on the bed as if the strength in his legs had deserted him.
“I had to Ry.” He said. “God, if I'd have let you hold me I'd have just lost it.” Ryan's brow creased with worry and had to hold himself back from crossing the room and gathering Colin into his arms. Now that the other man had finally started talking to him he didn't want to scare him off.
“Why?”
“My sister called with some bad news.” Colin said, his voice thick. Ryan felt his stomach knot. “...My parents died last week.”
“Oh God.” Ryan strode across the room and dropped to his knees in front of Colin. He didn't touch him, not sure if his lover would welcome the contact right now. “I'm so sorry love. Do you know what happened?”
“Car wreck.” Colin said shortly. They sat like that for several long quiet minutes. Finally Ryan could stand the silence no more.
“I could fly up to Canada with you.” he offered, more than willing to brave air travel if it meant he could offer his support. “Help you make arrangements and things.”
“There's nothing to arrange.” Colin replied. “They couldn't get hold of me so they had the funeral yesterday.” Ryan opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He didn't know what to say to that. It must have been devastating enough to lose both parents so suddenly but to miss the funeral? It was just too cruel. “Fuck, I'm such an idiot.” Colin said. He punched his curled fists solidly against his thighs.
“What do you mean Col?” Ryan asked, finding his voice at last. He ached, seeing Colin in such pain was almost more than he could bear and there was nothing he could do to make it better. Ryan hated being so helpless.
“I changed my phone number.” Colin said. His posture was broadcasting his self loathing loud and clear. “What the hell kind of person changes his number and doesn't tell his own family?”
“You didn't know.” Ryan tried to soothe him.
“I should have been there!” Colin met Ryan's gaze, his brown eyes full of anguish. “I didn't get to say goodbye.”
“You can still do that Col.” Ryan said as gently as he could. “We can fly up there tomorrow if you want and you can...you can say your goodbyes if that's what you need to do.”
“We're filming tomorrow.” Colin protested, though Ryan could see that his lover wanted, needed to go home.
“Don't worry about it.” He said. “The show won't end if we have to delay taping for a couple of days.” Colin was quiet for a moment as his commitment to the show warred with his need to pay his respects to his parents.
“You'll come with me?” He asked with a tremulous smile.
“Of course I will.” Ryan assured him. “I'd have called off taping today if I'd have know. How the hell did you get through it?” The question surprised a quiet burst of laughter from Colin.
“I'm a professional comedian, we leave our issues by the stage door, right?” He said, his dark eyes shining.
“No one would ever call you an amateur.” Ryan said. Colin swallowed thickly.
“Do you think I could have that hug now?” He asked. Ryan wasted no time, reaching out with his long arms and pulling Colin against him. Colin fell into his embrace with a quiet sob. As Ryan held his lover tightly he realised just how strong and how fragile one person could be.
“It's okay.” He said as he stroked Colin's hair.
“Please don't leave me.” Colin's voice was faint, his face pressed firmly into the crook of Ryan's shoulder.
“I'm here.” Ryan whispered. “I'm here.”
Fin.
Author: Jie Jie
Rating: PG
Pairings: Colin/Ryan
Wordcount: 2850
Summary: Just before taping Colin gets some bad news. Ryan worries.
Warning: I let my angsty side out, be warned.
Any and all feedback would be much appreciated!
Disclaimer: Dialogue during the game is from episode 3x24...one of these days I'll be as funny as the Whose Liners...maybe not...
Amateurs and Professionals
A famous author once said that the most common question he was asked was where his inspiration comes from. The author said that only amateurs cared about inspiration, professionals had to write whether they were inspired or not. It's the same with comedy. That audience is there, day after day, night after night. They want to be entertained. If you don't make with the funny they'll rip you apart without a seconds thought. Got no sleep last night? Had fight with your girlfriend? Your dog ran away? It doesn't matter. When you're a professional comedian you have to leave it all behind the instant you step on stage. Strap on a smile and do all you can to make that audience love you. Smile, even when you feel like crying.
“Hey, so do you guys think you can make it through just one taping without kissing each other?” Drew Carey said with a grin as he sat his generous rear end down on one of the large comfortable couches that dominated the green room.
“Never gonna happen.” said Ryan with a playful wink at Colin who was sitting next to him. The Canadian man simply rolled his eyes and gave a long suffering sigh. Brad and Wayne, who were sitting on the couch opposite, gave each other a knowing look.
“I think someone's feeling a little left out.” Brad suggested, waggling his eyebrows.
“Come on Drew, give me some sugar.” Wayne leaned over the arm of the couch, puckering his lips in Drew's direction.
“Just make sure you don't drool on your stage clothes.” Colin suggested with a smile as he watched Drew try to fight off the ever enthusiastic Wayne. Ryan snorted and leaned in close to whisper in Colin's ear.
“There are worse stains...” Colin's shoulders shook with silent laughter. He elbowed Ryan firmly in the ribs.
“Do you think they need a time out?” Colin asked, looking at Drew and Wayne who had fallen off the couch and were now virtually wrestling on the floor.
“Oh, hi there Dan!” Brad said loudly.
“Crap!” Drew swore as he and Wayne scrambled to right themselves. They jumped back on to the couch and adopted innocent expressions, like teens who'd been caught doing something inappropriate by their parents. The other three comedians watched them with smiles, each silently placing bets on who would be the first to notice that Dan was no where to be seen.
“Hey dude!” Wayne said petulantly as he finally noticed they'd been had. “That's not funny.”
“Ha! Oh man, you should have seen your faces.” Brad crowed. “Classic!” He held up a hand in victory. Ryan leaned over and slapped Brad a high five.
“It's official. I'm working with children.” Colin declared.
“I bet you want to sit me on your lap and tell me I've been a bad boy, if you know what I mean.” Ryan said with his best leer.
“Oh man.” Drew covered his eyes.
“Yeah Colin.” Brad said. “I'll sit on your naughty step if you know what I'm talking about.”
“What did I say?” Colin asked with his patented puppy dog eyes. The moment was interrupted by two things. First, Colin's cell phone began to ring in an obnoxiously cheerful jingle that Ryan had programmed earlier. Second, the door opened and Dan Patterson appeared for real this time.
“Oh, hi there Dan!” Brad chirruped. Drew and Wayne shot him dirty looks.
“All right guys, I needed you in make up five minutes ago.” Dan said, his tone condescending as always, before hurrying away.
“Jackass.” said Ryan.
“All right you slackers,” Drew grinned. “Let's get this party started.” The group got to their feet and headed towards the door. Only Colin hung back, still holding his ringing phone.
“You coming Col?” Ryan asked as he looked back over his shoulder.
“I'll be there in a sec.” Colin promised, ignoring the easy joke. He held up the phone and shrugged in apology.
“Okay, we'll see you in there.” Ryan said before following the others out of the room. Colin hit the button on the phone relieved to end the annoying jingle.
“Hello?”
“Hi Colin, it's me.” Even though he seldom spoke to her over the phone, Colin recognised his sister's voice instantly.
“Hey, what's going on?” He asked with concern. Nowadays he only ever spoke to his family during the holidays. All of the Mochrie clan were notoriously bad at talking on the phone. His concern grew into full fledged worry when he heard his little sister take in a shaky breath over the line. “You okay?”
“No,” she said, her voice full of tears. “There was an accident. Mom and Dad...they didn't make it.”
“...Oh.” Colin said quietly. His knees went weak and he sank back down onto the couch. “What happened?”
“Their car ran off the road last Monday night. It was snowing. The police think they hit a patch of ice just as they tried to turn. ...Colin? You okay?”
“Uh, yeah, yeah I'm okay.” Colin said. He ran a hand over his face as he tried to collect his thoughts. “When's the funeral?”
“It was yesterday.” Colin felt something twist sharply in his chest. “I'm so sorry Colin, I've been trying to get hold of you since it happened but none of us had your number.”
“I had to change it. Some fans published it on their website.”
“Still, I'm really, really sorry. The funeral home wouldn't let us delay any longer.”
“It's okay.” Colin said, sure that it wasn't but unable to get angry at his sister for something that was his own fault. He should have been there. “I have to go now. Can I call later?”
“I'll be at the house. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.” Colin hung up the phone and sat staring at it for a while. His parents were dead and buried and he'd never even got the chance to say – .
“Are you trying to give me an excuse to fire you?” Dan's voice intruded on Colin's thoughts. “Get your arse to make up. Now.” Colin stared at the British producer, twenty sarcastic replies on the tip of his tongue. He bit down on them, knowing from experience that arguing with Dan could get really nasty very quickly.
“On my way.” Colin rose to his feet and brushed by Dan as he left the room, refusing to acknowledge the dirty look that the shorter man cast his way.
“Who was on the phone?” Ryan asked, as Colin took his usual seat next to him in make up. The taller man looked at Colin's reflection as the make up artist brushed powder across his nose. He fought the urge to sneeze. Ryan noticed that Colin seemed more in his own world than usual and his face was way too pale. “You okay Col?”
“I'll talk to you later.” Colin said, giving nothing away. Ryan frowned at the unusually firm dismissal. His green eyes narrowed as he studied Colin's reflection with intent. The Canadian had his game face on, Ryan realised. The look he wore when he was getting heckled or teased or just plain tormented and he didn't want anyone to know that he was hurting inside.
“What happened?” Ryan asked, his voice soft. He reached out a hand to grasp Colin's and was surprised and stung when the other man pulled away.
“You're done sweetheart.” The make up artist interrupted the awkward silence and Ryan reluctantly got to his feet as she moved on to Colin. Something serious was troubling his lover and he'd get to the bottom of it whether Colin wanted him to or not.
*
An hour into the taping and Ryan was none the wiser. Although Colin was a little more subdued than usual he was still taking part in the games, still getting those all important laughs from the audience. None of the other performers seemed to have noticed a difference in him. Ryan on the other hand was getting seriously worried. Every attempt he'd made to have a private conversation with Colin had been deflected. Every effort he'd made to touch him had been avoided. Usually Colin soaked up contact like a sponge. Not today. Ryan would have been completely paranoid that he'd done something wrong if not for the fact that Colin seemed to be distancing himself from everyone else too. Something had happened in that five minutes they'd been apart. He just wished Colin would tell him what it was.
“Now let's play a game called Two Line Vocabulary. This is for Brad, Ryan and Colin.” Ryan was pulled from his thoughts by Drew's voice and quickly got to his feet. It wouldn't do to mess up the whole show just because he was preoccupied. He tuned out the routine explanation and listened for his lines. “Ryan, your lines are: 'that's my job' and 'someone needs a hug'.” Perfection. Ryan fought back a smile. If anything gave him an excuse to touch Colin that second line was it. Drew announced the scene: Colin, a female boss, inviting Brad and Ryan to a barbecue to discuss the fact that only one of them is getting promoted.
“I'm glad you could make it, help yourself to the dip.” Colin said, setting the scene in motion.
“I want one of those.” Brad said, his voice a little distorted as he stuffed himself with imaginary food.
“That's my job!” Ryan said and moved to finger feed the younger man. Colin grabbed his arm to stop him and Ryan's heart jumped at the unexpected contact. “Someone needs a hug.” He said and held out his arms in clear invitation. Panic flashed in Colin's expressive eyes and he quickly backed away, forcing Ryan to hug Brad in his stead. Ryan wanted to grab hold of Colin and force him to tell him was wrong but he knew he had to stay in the scene. When Colin hugged Brad, Ryan almost felt jealous but he could see that the movement was perfunctory, designed solely to get the laugh.
“You're incredibly stupid,” Colin was busy berating Brad. “I spend too much time explaining things to you.”
“That's my job.” Ryan stage whispered, successfully gaining Colin's attention.
“That's not your job!” The Canadian said, waving a finger to exaggerate his point.
“Someone needs a hug.” Ryan said. He reached out swiftly to give Colin exactly that. He managed to pull the shorter man to him for only a second before Colin pushed away.
“I don't need a hug.” Colin growled. Ryan didn't know if the anger in Colin's voice was real or fake. That he didn't know for sure was really disturbing. He tried twice more during the scene to get Colin into his arms but was firmly rejected each time. When Drew called an end to the game Colin and Ryan retook their seats in silence. Ryan was battling hurt, worry and his own volatile temper. Thankfully concern for Colin won out and he decided to just try and help him get through the taping as best he could. They were sharing a hotel room and a bed after all. There would be plenty of time for interrogation after they got the job done.
The rest of the taping went relatively well, although Colin's distraction had shown during Greatest Hits. The two had played it off well though and the audience had eaten up their banter. After Dan called an end to production for the day Colin and Ryan had both begged off the traditional after show party and headed straight out to the parking lot.
“Would you mind driving?” Colin asked. Ryan frowned. They'd taken Colin's car to the studio that morning. Usually the man had to be physically held back before he'd let anyone else drive his car.
“Sure, I don't mind.” Ryan said. Colin flashed him a wan smile and handed over the keys. The journey to the hotel was spent in silence, save for the music on the radio. Ryan didn't want to start anything while he was driving and Colin had retreated into his own world completely. Within half an hour they were back at the hotel. The second the door to their room closed behind them Ryan couldn't hold back any more.
“You wanna tell me what the hell's going on with you?” He asked, the words coming out more confrontational than he'd intended. Colin looked up at him in surprise.
“You noticed.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Of course I noticed.” Ryan said as he ran a hand through his hair. “You wouldn't let me get anywhere near you Col. You've never pushed me away before.” Colin sat down heavily on the bed as if the strength in his legs had deserted him.
“I had to Ry.” He said. “God, if I'd have let you hold me I'd have just lost it.” Ryan's brow creased with worry and had to hold himself back from crossing the room and gathering Colin into his arms. Now that the other man had finally started talking to him he didn't want to scare him off.
“Why?”
“My sister called with some bad news.” Colin said, his voice thick. Ryan felt his stomach knot. “...My parents died last week.”
“Oh God.” Ryan strode across the room and dropped to his knees in front of Colin. He didn't touch him, not sure if his lover would welcome the contact right now. “I'm so sorry love. Do you know what happened?”
“Car wreck.” Colin said shortly. They sat like that for several long quiet minutes. Finally Ryan could stand the silence no more.
“I could fly up to Canada with you.” he offered, more than willing to brave air travel if it meant he could offer his support. “Help you make arrangements and things.”
“There's nothing to arrange.” Colin replied. “They couldn't get hold of me so they had the funeral yesterday.” Ryan opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He didn't know what to say to that. It must have been devastating enough to lose both parents so suddenly but to miss the funeral? It was just too cruel. “Fuck, I'm such an idiot.” Colin said. He punched his curled fists solidly against his thighs.
“What do you mean Col?” Ryan asked, finding his voice at last. He ached, seeing Colin in such pain was almost more than he could bear and there was nothing he could do to make it better. Ryan hated being so helpless.
“I changed my phone number.” Colin said. His posture was broadcasting his self loathing loud and clear. “What the hell kind of person changes his number and doesn't tell his own family?”
“You didn't know.” Ryan tried to soothe him.
“I should have been there!” Colin met Ryan's gaze, his brown eyes full of anguish. “I didn't get to say goodbye.”
“You can still do that Col.” Ryan said as gently as he could. “We can fly up there tomorrow if you want and you can...you can say your goodbyes if that's what you need to do.”
“We're filming tomorrow.” Colin protested, though Ryan could see that his lover wanted, needed to go home.
“Don't worry about it.” He said. “The show won't end if we have to delay taping for a couple of days.” Colin was quiet for a moment as his commitment to the show warred with his need to pay his respects to his parents.
“You'll come with me?” He asked with a tremulous smile.
“Of course I will.” Ryan assured him. “I'd have called off taping today if I'd have know. How the hell did you get through it?” The question surprised a quiet burst of laughter from Colin.
“I'm a professional comedian, we leave our issues by the stage door, right?” He said, his dark eyes shining.
“No one would ever call you an amateur.” Ryan said. Colin swallowed thickly.
“Do you think I could have that hug now?” He asked. Ryan wasted no time, reaching out with his long arms and pulling Colin against him. Colin fell into his embrace with a quiet sob. As Ryan held his lover tightly he realised just how strong and how fragile one person could be.
“It's okay.” He said as he stroked Colin's hair.
“Please don't leave me.” Colin's voice was faint, his face pressed firmly into the crook of Ryan's shoulder.
“I'm here.” Ryan whispered. “I'm here.”
Fin.
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no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 11:10 pm (UTC)“Please don't leave me.” Colin's voice was faint, his face pressed firmly into the crook of Ryan's shoulder.
“I'm here.” Ryan whispered. “I'm here.”
SO wonderful, and a perfect way to finish. ^^ I love a good dose of angst, and you gave! xxx
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Date: 2010-07-24 11:49 pm (UTC)Aw, yes, poor boys. *cuddles* Why do we ff authors always get the urge to whomp our favourites? ^_^
no subject
Date: 2010-07-26 02:11 am (UTC)But wow, so sad and lovely. I love how Ryan doesn't make it all better but is just there for Col. The banter is funny too, you've got the right mix of funny then angsty and sad.
I love that game, Col really does seem to be pushing Ry away doesn't he... lovely inerpretation!
And Colin being a strange mix of strength and fragility? *melts*
no subject
Date: 2010-07-26 03:41 pm (UTC)Yeah, I thought Colin seemed off for the whole of that taping, still amazingly funny as always but just different somehow. And he really doesn't seem like he wants to be touched in that taping so it set my mind to wondering..
..there's an ep where Ryan seems quite down so I might have a go and writing something similar for him. Just have to see if my muse co-operates! ^_^
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Date: 2010-07-26 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-26 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-27 06:38 am (UTC)I looked it up and there seems to be only one other episode from that taping (6X6) and normally they'd get more than that from a taping. If Ry was quiet for some reason that could explain that. He is more lively in the ep6 but still, he doesn't do anything that isn't actually part of a game. (Him not getting horse noises in sound effects is hilarious!)
Poor Ry, now then, what's wrong with him? XD
no subject
Date: 2010-07-27 04:49 pm (UTC)Have you got anything in the works at the mo? I miss your fics! ^_^
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Date: 2010-07-27 05:43 pm (UTC)Yeah I'm working on stuff, I'm doing a very good blackbird impression at the moment though and keep getting distracted by shiny things every time I try to write!
Doing a little ficlet right now that may get posted soon actually. *fingers crossed that I don't get distracted... oh I have to go get dinner out the oven now or it'll burn... sigh*
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Date: 2010-07-27 06:37 pm (UTC)Thwarted again...damn those shiny things! *shakes fist*
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Date: 2010-08-01 12:43 am (UTC)I'm loving all this catch up reading! :o) x
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Date: 2010-08-01 08:22 am (UTC)Yay for catch up reading! I love coming back to ficcage after being away. Speaking of which... *skips off to read WFI*