Love Me, Hurt Me, Kill Me
Mar. 26th, 2010 10:22 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
saiya-tina.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
wl_fanfictionTitle: Love Me, Hurt Me, Kill Me
Pairing: Brad/Ryan
Rating: R for a few bad words and terms
Warning: Angst, angst, more angst and a suicide attempt.
Summary: What do you do when you destroy the person you loved most in the world and now they want to finish the job?
A/N: A/N: Yup, I'm actually writing a sad piece. Me! And that too in celebration of my summer vacation! So enjoy this piece which was inspired during my studying for my Psychology exam and written while studying and will later turn out to be the reason why I failed! Anyway, leave a comment please! I actually ahd tried to get this up yesterday, but that stupid LJ cut was messing with me.....
“Get out of my way!”
“No! Brad, please-”
“I said move!”
“Just listen-”
“NO!” Brad yelled, turning back to look at the other man who was holding onto his bag, trying to stop him from storming out of what was supposed to be their home. However, at the moment, Brad didn’t think that anything was ‘theirs’ anymore. He knew one thing for a fact: he had to get out of here before he did something he knew he would regret.
“Brad, it didn’t mean anything!” Ryan pleaded, not loosening his grip on Brad’s bag, “I-”
“I don’t want to hear it! I heard it plenty of times from you! ‘We’re just friends, Brad!’ ‘No, there’s nothing between us, Brad, you know I love you!’” Brad mocked Ryan’s voice, feeling his anger increase as he realized the falseness of those words.
“I do love you!” Ryan yelled back, his voice wavering a bit as he struggled to hold his emotions at bay, “It wasn’t-”
“It wasn’t what, Ryan? It wasn’t the first time or it wasn’t the last time? How long have you been fucking people behind my back?” he growled, his gaze steely and fired with anger that Ryan had never had directed towards him before. It threw him off slightly, but he knew that if he didn’t resolve this, he stood a good chance of losing everything that mattered to him.
“I haven’t been cheating on you!” Ryan begged for him to understand or to at least calm down enough for them to talk properly, “What happened wasn’t something I wanted!”
“Oh really? You seemed to be enjoying it pretty well from what I saw,” Brad laughed bitterly, remembering how he had seen Ryan’s brace his hands on Colin’s shoulders, clutching them tightly as Colin moaned into Ryan’s mouth. The image stayed with him like a shot of bad alcohol, burning and bitter.
“I didn’t! You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Brad, not Colin!” Ryan let go of the bag with one hand and lightly touched Brad’s face, “Please don’t do this....”
“Do what Ryan?” Brad asked, his hand shooting up to grab Ryan’s wrist, “Leave? You’ll probably be happy once I go. You’ll get the chance to fuck Colin without worrying -assuming you cared, of course- about me.”
“No!” Ryan insisted, tears threatening to leak from his eyes, “I’ve never wanted anyone besides you! I never will!”
“Liar!” Brad yelled, pushing him back and Ryan fell back against the wall, “It’s bad enough that you hid it from me but lying about it isn’t going to make things better!”
“Nothing happened!” Ryan yelled back, desperate to make him understand, “Why won’t you believe me?!”
“Is there a reason I should believe a whore?” Brad hissed, closing in on him. Ryan stared at him after that spiteful statement, not even bothering to hide the shock and hurt on his face. Brad moved close enough to pin Ryan against the wall and spoke in a low but restrained voice, “God only knows how many men you’ve been with already. I can’t believe I actually wanted to touch you, let alone live in the same house with you. I can’t believe Colin actually touched you at all. Must have decided that you’re so filthy, another one won’t make a difference.”
“Shut up,” Ryan spoke up, his voice trembling.
“You’re nothing more than a worthless slut, Ry,” Brad growled, not listening to him, “That’s all you were ever good for. I wonder if you actually did comedy in those strip clubs or entertained people in another way.”
“I said shut up.” Ryan’s voice was getting low and dangerous now, the trembling due to a different restrained emotion.
“Maybe that’s why you were so good in be-”
“I said, shut UP!” Ryan yelled, pushing Brad back and punching him hard across the face, knocking him to the ground. Brad touched his split lip and laughed. Bitterly and loudly.
“So the sex kitten has claws, huh?” Brad grinned, getting back to his feet, “Wonder how many people have called you that.”
“Get out of here, you bastard,” Ryan spoke shakily but with a definite undertone of pure rage, “I had wanted to talk to you, but now I have no desire to see your fucking face. Get out of my house and if you come back, it better be to get your stuff.”
“Oh, I’ll leave, honey. Count on it,” Brad picked up his bag and then suddenly reached out, grabbing Ryan’s arm hard enough to make him wince, but he showed no other sign of pain, “But be prepared to be out on your ass soon enough.”
He shoved him aside hard enough to make him fall and made his way out of the door, into the pouring rain to the car that was waiting for him. Tossing his bag into the back seat, he backed out of the driveway and then headed towards the only place he could think. He didn’t see Ryan slump down the wall onto the ground, curling up with his knees under his chin and sob like his heart had been torn out of his chest.
Dl
Dl
“Brad?” Wayne blinked, seeing his friend standing outside his house in the rain, carrying nothing but a bag with him.
“Hey Wayne,” Brad responded monotonously, “Can I come in?”
“I...sure,” Wayne stepped aside to let Brad in, “What’re you doing here? Where’s Ryan?”
He saw Brad’s shoulders tense considerably and knew that he had just answered his own question. Now what remained was to find out what had caused Brad to come to his place at midnight looking like the world had just ended for him.
“He’s at his place,” Brad answered shortly.
“Don’t you two live together?” Wayne frowned.
“Not anymore.”
Wayne looked at him in concern but decided it was better to direct him to the guest bedroom to dry up first. After Brad had changed into some dry clothes and had sat down in the living room, Wayne got him a cup of tea and sat down next to him.
“You want to talk about it?” he asked softly.
“No,” Brad responded immediately, then sighed, “.....maybe. I don’t know what to say.”
“Why don’t you start with what happened?” Wayne asked gently, having the dreadful feeling that he already knew what this was about.
“I fought with Ryan,” Brad spoke, his gut churning as he remembered the words they had exchanged, “Horribly. I don’t think either of us has ever said anything like that to anyone, let alone each other.”
“Why did you fight?”
“He cheated on me,” Brad swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat, “With Colin.”
“How do you know?”
“I saw them kissing in the corridor.”
“Today?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh God....” Wayne let out a pained sigh and covered his face with his hands, “This is really messed up.....”
“I can’t believe he actually cheated on me,” Brad’s voice shook as he clutched the cup tight enough to nearly break it, “I always thought he loved me but turns out all I was to him was a substitute for Colin-”
“Ryan didn’t cheat on you,” Wayne interrupted, not moving his face from his hands, “Colin was the one who kissed him, not the other way around.”
“W-what?” Brad suddenly felt a cold chill run through him.
“That kiss. I’m guessing you didn’t stick around for the entire thing. Colin kissed Ryan but Ryan pushed him away. Yelled at him because he was afraid you might have seen it. He told him that you were the only one he loved. He turned Colin down, Brad, he was faithful to you.”
Brad literally felt his world shatter around him. Every second of that fight, every minute detail, every spiteful word uttered by him flooded back to his mind, threatening to choke his soul with guilt. All he could see was the hurt in Ryan’s eyes as he yelled at him. All he could hear were the insults, the pure hateful words that poured out of his month, tearing away all that they had once shared. God, if Ryan really hadn’t cheated on him....
“Oh my God!” Brad choked out, tears coming to his eyes as he realized that his jealousy may have very well destroyed all that he had ever cared for. Even if Ryan could forgive him for not believing him, he didn’t think that he could ever forgive him for what he had said to him.
“I’m sorry, Brad,” Wayne murmured, “If I had known you saw that, I would have told you the entire thing. But I didn’t want to just bring it up since I knew it was Ryan’s thing to tell you if he chose.”
“I yelled at him, Wayne,” Brad sobbed, now longer holding back his tears, “I told him that he never loved me and that I’d throw him out when I got back. I actually hurt him!”
“Crap,” Wayne hissed between his teeth, picturing the state Ryan must have been in, “You have to go back, man.”
“I can’t,” Brad shook his head, “Not after all that. Not after what I did and especially not after what I said.”
“What did you say?” Wayne asked, feeling dread fill up in him.
“I called him a whore, Wayne,” Brad said in between tears, “a whore. I hurt him more than anyone could possibly have and all he did was be faithful to me!”
“You can’t leave this as it is,” Wayne responded firmly, “Even if Ryan never wants to see you again, even if he hates you, you have to resolve this. Maybe Ryan would be able to forgive you in the future or maybe not, but if you don’t go to him now, I know for a fact he will never be able to.”
Brad dwelled on Wayne’s words, his mind still on that awful, horrible fight. He knew that he was right. The least he could do was go back and talk to him, but he also knew that chances were that Ryan would never even allow him to get close enough for his voice to be heard if he shouted. But still, he had to try. He had not tried to listen to Ryan before and that had resulted in the total ruin of his life. He had to prevent it from getting any worse, but maybe now wasn’t the time to do it. Not so soon after what had happened.
“Wayne?” he asked in a small voice, “Will you go first?”
“Why me?” Wayne blinked in confusion, “I’m not going to ask his forgiveness for you!”
“I can’t see him tonight, Wayne,” Brad whispered, “I just can’t....but maybe you can at least talk to him maybe? Just....see if he’s okay for the moment?”
“Brad....” Wayne sighed, “Fine, I’ll go, but you two are talking about this tomorrow morning, do you understand?”
On receiving Brad’s nod, Wayne grabbing his jacket and dashed over to his car, grumbling the entire way on how he got involved in a spat that was sending him running from one part of town to another at one in the morning in the rain. However, he nonetheless got into his car and began the drive over to what was now Ryan’s house but he hoped temporarily.
Brad meanwhile sat on the couch, his mind reeling as he took in the information he had received in the short span of time. He could remember seeing Ryan and Colin kiss and now he realized Ryan had been trying to push Colin away. He had been so caught up in his own jealousy and anger, he didn’t even realize his lover was being pulled into an unwanted kiss and he hadn’t even helped him! He remembered coming home to Ryan smiling and asking how his day had been only to see his expression turn fearful as Brad yelled and came very close to hitting him. He remembered the shock and hurt on Ryan’s face as he threw his love in his face and called him hurtful names and most importantly, he remembered the pain he had felt flowing out of Ryan when he had finally struck him back, realizing that he had broken him in a way that no one had ever managed to do.
He didn’t know how long he sat there wallowing in his guilt when he heard Wayne’s phone ring, startling him out of his daze. He wondered if he should answer it- it was Wayne’s phone, after all- then figured no one would call Wayne so late if it weren’t important and picked up, intending to take a message to convey to him later.
“Wayne Brady’s residence,” he spoke in as clear a voice he could. He could barely make out the frantic words being uttered from the other end of the phone, “Who is this?”
“It’s Wayne!” Wayne yelled, “Brad, get to the hospital immediately!”
“What? What’s wrong?” Brad asked frantically. He then felt time slow down to a point that he could hear the long, drawn out tick of each second of the clock and his heart stopped beating for a short moment at Wayne’s next words.
“It’s Ryan. He tried to kill himself.”
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-26 06:02 pm (UTC)I am literally incoherent!
This is sooo good and the cliff-hanger! Tell me there is more!
I think I'm in shock!
(Can you tell by the fact I'm not making sense? :P)
Poor Ryan :( he seems to be having such a hard time of it lately :P
My heart actually clenched when Brad was shouting at him; and Colin! And, and, and awwww :'(
Also Wayne is awesome ^^
But I can't believe Ryan tried to kill himself, well no, I can believe it - I just don't want it to have happened!
*is both anxious for more and angry at Brad*
no subject
Date: 2010-03-26 06:16 pm (UTC)More soon hopefully!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-26 06:27 pm (UTC)Oh boy did you capture hurtful! Seriously, I was actually gasping at it
especially this bit:
“You’re nothing more than a worthless slut, Ry,” Brad growled, not listening to him, “That’s all you were ever good for. I wonder if you actually did comedy in those strip clubs or entertained people in another way.”
I actually said "nooooooooo" at my computer (yes I am just that cool) XD
Also, I don't know how I feel about Ryan/Drew yet I haven't really read enough of them to have an opinion XD
Also since I'm apparently going to cross-comment; I'm off to read Betrayal :D ... which I can't seem to find. I think I may just be being a bit blind... can you link me?
no subject
Date: 2010-03-27 06:48 am (UTC)Well, the fact that no one writes it is a statement in itself! ^^;
Oops, no wonder you didn't find it! I haven't posted it or Luck here! Oh holy crap! *runs off to post it*
no subject
Date: 2010-03-27 06:58 am (UTC)You can find the sequel to it called Luck too!