[FIC] Feel Me 14/?

[makingamochrie.livejournal.com]

Morning!  Here's more.  No sex, no drugs, yes Greg, AND a new friend is introduced!  We also have a bit of convo, a bit of angst, and a huge leap forward plot wise!  Yay?

TITLE:  Feel Me
PART:  14/?
PAIRING:  Mochrie/Stiles and friends!
RATING:  NC-17 for mansmut (NONE in this chapter)
DISCLAIMER:  FICTION.  DOn't own, don't sue, I don't mind.
SUMMARY:  Whores and gamblin, whores and gamblin that's Ne-VAAAAA-dah!  And a new friend!

“Oh, god, yes. That’s it!” Ryan groaned, lifting his head briefly before dropping it back to the bed.

 

“I’m glad it’s helping,” I replied, continuing my long, firm, oiled strokes down the lean planes of his back.  I’d invested in massage therapy classes shortly after Ryan’s accident with Chip, and as far as I was concerned, they were among the best investments I’d ever made.  I could feel every knot, every ripple of tension in the long body beneath me, and I set to work with a will; a search and destroy mission, if you will.

 

Ryan had stumbled into my room shortly after 1am, completely exhausted and his jaw clenched in pain.  He’d only stayed out so long because he’d continued playing long after I left, finally dropping out in third place.  He’d turned down the offer of female companionship and headed straight—so to speak—to my room for his promised candle-lit massage, and I was determined not to disappoint.

 

“Oh,” he moaned, “you have no idea.”

 

“I have some idea,” I replied, having been on the receiving end of more than a few massages myself.  Sometimes they seemed almost better than sex.  And, of course, sometimes they led to sex.  Either, at this point, was preferable.  I just wanted to take his pain away, by any means necessary.

 

I slid down so that I was straddling his thighs with my knees, and went to work on the most painful part of his back, his lower spine.  The deep massage caused grunts of pain, but the knots themselves were like lead balls deep beneath the skin, his over-stressed tendons bundles of frayed wire. I hated hurting him, but it was the only way to get those knots loosened enough for the oils to be able to penetrate and heat.  Hurting Ryan was like hurting myself.  Worse, really.  I’d much rather take pain than cause it.  Unless, of course, pain is the goal, or, as in this case, the means to an end.

 

His grunts soon became moans as I deliberately lightened my touch, coaxing the muscles, ligaments and tendons into a state of deep relaxation.  The sounds he was making were having a definite effect on me, but my main goal was to get him so relaxed that he’d drop off to sleep.  I’d simply take care of myself later if need be. 

 

“’m sorry,” he slurred, already halfway to dreamland.

 

“About what?” I asked, continuing to stroke his back, occasionally dipping down to his glutes, though I made sure to keep my touch purely clinical. 

 

“…girl…being an ass….”

 

“It’s alright,” I replied.  “You meant well.”  Sliding down still further, I worked on his thighs and calves, turning them into putty.  Soft snores soon began filling the room, and I smiled, lightening my touch still further until I was barely touching him at all. 

 

Finally, I swung my leg over him until I was kneeling on his right side.  I looked down upon him, his long, trim body oiled and glistening in the flickering light of the half dozen candles I’d lit, and felt such an overpowering rush of love and lust that, for a moment, I felt as I would explode from the pure force of it all. It felt as if I’d been hit squarely in the belly, and had the wind driven from my lungs.  Completely unexpected tears stung at my eyes, and the vision before me prismed, diffusing it, making it soft and fine, like muslin drawn over a light. How much I loved him then.  How much I love him still.

 

Bending over, I brushed a kiss against his ear.  “Sleep well, sweet prince,” I whispered.  Straightening, I brushed the very tips of my fingers against his hair, crisp where the gel still lingered, soft where it didn’t. 

 

A quiet knock sounded at the door.  Very soft, like a lone mouse scratching at the baseboard.  Sighing, I climbed down from the bed and shouldered into my robe, belting it over my naked body and crossing the room quietly.  Greg was on the other side of the peephole, dressed in casual clothes, his hair slightly mussed, and I eased open the door just enough for me to step through. 

 

When I did, I saw that Jeff was there as well and, with a grin, I embraced him, taking care to keep the lower half of my body prudently away.  Though I don’t know him as well as the others, I like Jeff, always have.  He’s an excellent singer and a wonderful improver, and there’s just something about his boyish charm and sparkling eyes that speaks to me.  “It’s wonderful to see you.  You’re here early.”

 

“Some last minute plans fell through, so I took an earlier flight.  How are you doing, Colin?  You’re looking well.”

 

“Very well, from what I can see,” Greg quipped, zeroing in on the obvious bulge hidden beneath the thick folds of my robe.  “We aren’t interrupting anything, are we?”

 

“Would I be answering the door if you were?”

 

“Fucked him stupid, did you?”

 

I glared at him, determined not to turn this into a game of “Questions Only”.  Greg can be merciless when he wants to be.  Which is pretty often.  “His back was killing him.  I gave him a massage, he’s finally asleep, end of story.”

 

“Not quite the end of your story, though, is it.”

 

“Greg….”

 

He held up his hands.  “Just telling it like it is, man.”  He waggled his eyebrows.  “You could come down to my room and I could take care of it for you, you know.  Believe me, it would be my pleasure.”

 

And I was tempted.  Sorely.  By this time, I was so aroused, I was in physical pain, and the thought of Greg, on his knees, well…it shouldn’t have to be spelled out.  “If this were any other time,” I said finally, “I’d take you up on that offer in a heartbeat.”

 

“But….”

 

I put a hand on his arm, inadvertently transferring some of the oil onto his t-shirt.  “You saw how he was tonight.  When he found out that I left him there sleeping while I went downstairs to have sex with you….”

 

“Who says he has to find out?”

 

“I do.”  Releasing his arm, I held up my hand to forestall his objection.  “Greg, it’s who I am.”

 

“We all keep secrets, Col.”

 

“Not ones this big.  At least, I don’t.”

 

“It’s only sex, man.”  He looked over at Jeff, who nodded.  By the look in his eyes, he wasn’t at all adverse to the possibilities.  And, heaven help me, I wasn’t either.

 

“I came here to help Ryan,” I finally whispered, though my body was screaming obscenities at me from all angles.  “Not to hurt him.  And this…this would hurt him.  And I won’t do that.”

 

After a moment of staring, he snorted and shook his head.  “You really are an alien, man.  That’s the only fucking thing that explains it.”  He cocked his head.  “You’re sure….”

 

“Perfectly.”

 

“Alright, then.  Have fun with Mr. Righty.  Or, in your case, Mr. Lefty.”

 

I rolled my eyes.  “Was…there another reason you came up here?”

 

He shrugged.  “Well, we figured if Ryan was out stuffing whores, you know….”

 

“Ah,” I replied, nodding.  Then I smiled.  “I’m sure there’ll be other opportunities.”

 

He clapped me on my back, grinning.  “Any time, my man.  Any time at all.”  Jeff smiled and nodded as well, giving my ego a boost.

 

“Well, you guys have fun.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, Col. We will!”

 

Waving to them both, I slipped back inside the room.  Ryan was deeply asleep, his light snores long and regular.  Walking back over to the bed, I looked at him, bathed in candlelight, once again committing every line, curve and angle to memory.  As flustered as I was, business didn’t take very long to be completed, and after making a quick detour to the bathroom to wash my hands, I snuffed out the candles, enjoying the scent of vanilla in the waning smoke. I slipped into bed on my back, sliding over until I was close enough to feel his heat, but not enough to wake him.  I stared at the ceiling in thought for a long time until sleep finally came to claim me.

 

*******

 

The next morning found myself and Ryan being awakened by a very insistent Drew, who had problems that only Ryan could help him with; problems that, apparently, were so pressing that if they weren’t handled that very second, the entire universe as we knew it would spin off of whatever axis universes have and who knows what would happen then?

 

Hanging up the phone, Ryan shrugged an apology to me, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes, which were once again hard and closed off to me.  I bit back a sigh, knowing that it was through my own choices that I had been transported into this world straight out of a soap opera—and not a very good one, either.  I could have stayed home with Deb and Luke, probably should have, but I hadn’t, and I was just going to have to make the best of it.

 

“Sounds like an all-day event,” I remarked from my place in the bed, blankets pulled up to my neck.  Amazing how cold it got when Ryan wasn’t there to warm me.  Though, to be honest, the Ryan I was looking at now seemed every bit as warm and inviting as an iceberg.  I shivered internally.

 

“With him, God only the fuck knows,” he muttered darkly, fumbling around for his discarded clothing.

 

“Well, I think I’m going to try for a little more sleep, then play things by ear.  You know how to reach me if you get bored, or want a little company, or something.”

 

“Yeah,” he mumbled, voice obstructed by cloth as he yanked his t-shirt over his head, inside out.  Pulling on his boxers, he then draped his suit pieces over his arm, and dangled his huge shoes from his fingers.  “I’ll see you later, alright?”

 

I smiled as best I could.  “Sure thing.”

 

And then he left, without even a goodbye kiss.  Which I guess I should be thankful for, since it may well have frozen my lips. 

 

I woke again, all too short a time later, to the disconcerting feel of someone’s gaze on my back.  Turning my head, I blinked the sleep from my eyes and saw Ryan standing there, freshly washed and groomed, staring down at me.  I smiled.  “Did you forget something?” I asked, voice husky and thick with sleep.

 

“Yeah,” he replied, squatting and leaning forward so that his lips brushed over mine.  Then he laid his smooth, freshly shaven cheek against mine for a long moment.  “Seems like all I’m doing this week is apologizing to you,” he murmured, finally pulling away to look me in the eye.  “You don’t deserve the way I’ve been treating you.  No one does, but least of all you.”

 

“You’ve been under a lot of stress,” I said.  “I understand.  It’s alright.”

 

“No, damn it, it isn’t!”  He rose to his feet, swiping a hand over his face.  “Sometimes…sometimes I just wish you weren’t so damn accommodating.”

 

“Part of my charm,” I retorted, smiling up at him.  “Besides, I don’t think I’ve been necessarily that accommodating.  I mean, I have been deliberately withholding something I know you want.”

 

“Yeah, but there’s a huge difference between fucking me and just standing there, taking it when I lash out at you like I’ve been doing.  Or leaving you like I did this morning.”

 

“Maybe,” I agreed, “but regardless of how it makes me seem, I do understand, Ryan.  I know what stress does to people, and I especially know what it does to you.  Yes, you’ve…hardened…in the past several years, but….”

 

He snorted.  “Hardened?  Colin, I’m the fucking Petrified Forest!  Did you know that the other night, I actually saw fear in Pat’s eyes?”

 

I laid back, totally stunned.  I knew, obviously, about the fight, but Pat had underplayed things dramatically if what Ryan was telling me was the truth.  And I had no reason to doubt it was.  “Is that why you came down here so early?” I asked gently.

 

This time, Ryan didn’t merely swipe his face with his hands, he buried it in them.  “Yeah,” he mumbled.  “I mean, damnit, she’s my wife!  I’ve known her for so long, and I’ve seen her look at me a lot of ways, but fear….”  His hands dropped down and I could see that his eyes were shining, and not in a good way.  I stood immediately and gathered him into my arms, pressing his head so that it rested on my shoulder.  His own arms came around and clamped convulsively at my waist.  His hot tears scalded my naked flesh, and my heart broke more with every drop.  “I just…left,” he continued, tears still falling.  “Didn’t even tell her where I was going, say goodbye, nothing.  Just…gone.  And I thought, while I was driving, that if Pat could be afraid of me, what about my kids?  My kids….  God, Col, if I ever saw fear of me in their eyes, I’d just….”

 

“No,” I growled, fisting my hand in his hair.  “Don’t say it.  Don’t even think it, Ryan.  I’m warning you.  Don’t.”

 

“But….”

 

“No!  Those children adore you, and I know, I know!, that you’d sooner have yourself dipped inch by inch in boiling oil than to ever give them cause to fear you.  Pat knows that, too.  So do I.   And if you’d give yourself the smallest of breaks, you’d know it too.”  He was still withholding a large part of himself, too trapped behind the walls of his own making to even know where to look for a way out, let alone realize that there was one. 

 

Taking in a deep breath, I decided to let go the largest secret I was holding.  “Ryan, I know you and Pat had a fight.  She called me two days after it happened.”  He stiffened, and tried to pull away, but the attempt was half-hearted, and I didn’t let him go.  “You need to hear this, my friend.  She wasn’t scared of you.  She was scared for you.  Scared enough to come to me and ask for my help.  Not for her, or for the kids, but for you.”  I let him think about that for a moment.  “To inspire that kind of love and loyalty in a person, well, that makes you pretty special, don’t you think?”

 

He started to break down then, but somehow held it back, though the strength of will that took is something I don’t want to think about too deeply.  I heard him mumbling something over and over again into my shoulder, and when I sharpened my ears, I heard two words running together until they’d lost all sense of coherency.

 

I.

 

Can’t.

 

“What, Ry?” I finally murmured, stroking his back soothingly.  “You can’t what?”

 

After a moment, he pulled away enough so that our faces were a few inches apart.  Face flushed and tear stained, he opened his mouth and screamed, “I. Can’t. Feel!”

 

“Okay,” I whispered, pulling his head back to my shoulder.  “Okay, okay, okay.  We’re going to get through this, Ryan.  We will.  You’ll see.”

 

“I can’t feel,” he moaned over and over again.  “I can’t.  I just…fuck!  God!  I just want to…”

 

“Shhh.  Shhh.  It’s going to be alright, Ry.  It is.  Shh.  We’ll find a way through this.”

 

“No shrinks,” he warned, already sounding somewhat better for the pressure he’d just let off.  “I’m warning you.”

 

“No, no, none of that,” I assured him, stroking his back again.

 

The phone began to ring, and Ryan immediately stiffened, and I let loose a string of curses in my head that would have made a longshoreman stare at me in awe to hear.  “Let it ring.”

 

“It’s probably Drew,” he husked.

 

“Drew can go to Hell for all I care right now.”

 

His chuckle was watery, but it was there.  “He knows I’m here, Col.  And he won’t stop until someone answers.”

 

“Fine,” I bit off, releasing him.  “Don’t move an inch.”  Striding over to the phone, I yanked it off its cradle and put it to my ear.  “I’m sorry, Drew, but you’re going to have to do without Ryan for a little while longer.  He’ll be down when he’s ready, and so help me, if you call again I will come down there and personally treat you to a telephone enema.”  Slamming the phone back down, I looked up to find Ryan staring at me through wide eyes.  Drew Carey was no man to fool with.  But then again, neither was I.  Especially when my dander was up.  It doesn’t happen frequently, but despite what Greg accuses, I’m only human.

 

Striding back to him, I took him by the arms and decided to go for broke.  “I want you to listen to me, Ryan, and listen well.  I don’t care what plans you have for tomorrow night.  You’re going to break them. No Drew. No strippers. No gambling. And no booze. Do you understand?”

 

Taken aback, he could only stare at me and nod dumbly.

 

“Good.  Tomorrow night, at seven sharp, you and I are going to the club.  Greg and Jeff will be there as well.  Maybe some others, if I decide it’s right, but no one you don’t already know and trust.  This stuff has gone too far.  I’m taking matters into my own hands, and you are going to let me.  Is that understood?”

 

He nodded again, jaw slightly agape.  I didn’t know what thoughts were running through his mind, but I could take several good guesses.  I could also tell that he was beginning to get aroused, despite what we’d just been through.  There’s a very fine line between pain and pleasure, and I was using that, and my intimate knowledge of the man before me, to try and blast a hole through the wall he’d so studiously built around himself. 

 

If it failed, then so be it.  But I wasn’t going to admit defeat without having bothered to even try.  Ryan was worth far more than that to me.  In fact, he was, and is, priceless.

 

“Now,” I continued, in my more usual tone of voice, “if you’re still planning on getting together with Drew, I’d suggest going into the bathroom and splashing some cold water on your face, or he’ll never let you hear the end of it.”

 

He stood there for a moment longer, still staring at me.  “You came down here early,” he said finally, “to help?”

 

“I came down here because I love you.”

 

“But Deb!  Luke!  You hardly….”

 

“I’m here because I love you, Ryan Stiles.”  I let a small smile shape my mouth.  “Besides, Deb wouldn’t have let me stay up there, even if I wanted to.  She loves you too, you know.  Hell, she even packed my bags for me.”

 

He could only shake his head, dumfounded. 

 

“Don’t try to understand,” I said gently, going up on tiptoe to kiss him.  “Just accept.  If nothing else, it’ll keep you out of the loony bin.”

 

He began to grin, and I shrugged.  “Hey, you said I was too accommodating.  You may live to regret those words.”

 

“From you?” he asked, giving me a kiss that I felt all the way down to my toes.  “Never.”

 

*******

To be continued.  Thanks for the feedback!