The Weakness Within - Chapters 9 and 10

[fbrobey.livejournal.com]

Hiya all,  here are the next two chapters teensy bit nervous, but hopefully you'll enjoy it.  The story is coming to an end soon.  Anywho, enjoy!!

Title: The Weakness Within 
Chapter(s): 9 and 10

Pairing(s) : Greg/Josie and Josie/Ryan

 

Rating: 12 (For Lanuage)

Words:  Chapter 9 - 1,579

             Chapter 10 - 893

 

Summary: Josie is torn between Greg and Ryan, but cannot face the guilt of dating both of them any longer.

 

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the story.  This did not happen, as it is purely a fanfic.  It is not intended to slander the people it dipicts.

Her mind lurched to the present. She felt even more sick having dwelled on her past actions. Greg didn’t deserve her she didn’t warrant his trust. Apparitions appeared in her mind’s eye of the two men stood side by side.

 

Greg or Ryan? The more she thought about it, the more confused she became. She had hoped by delving into the past months she would find some answers about her true feelings. The only thing she had confirmed was her love and desire for them both. Despairing but headstrong, she had reached her destination at last. She knocked.

 

“Josie?” Clive had taken a little while to answer the door. He stood in his pyjamas. She had dragged him from the warmth and comfort of his bed, to solve her problems in the early hours of the morning. Guilt finally becoming too much, she retched and vomited on the garden path.

“Sorry Clive” she stammered wiping her mouth. Clive grasped his friend’s hand and steered her into his elegant lounge. 

 

It was a large and immaculate room, a deep red with mahogany flooring. The walls consisted of many bookshelves, each spilling with many intellectual, leather-bound volumes. Many pricey antiques and elaborate plants acted as furnishings, but despite its grandeur the room had a cosy, homely feel which made Josie feel at ease in Clive’s house.

 

Clive knelt down at the hearth of the large old fashioned fireplace which was brimming with coal. He lit the fire for warmth completing the feel the room radiated one of safety and warmth, even some answers. Josie continued to gaze around the room, marvelling in Clive’s taste in art he had many original and beautiful paintings.

 

While he was busy igniting the coal Josie took a closer look at one of the more beautiful of the oil works, a scene of a small seaside town done high on top of a hill. It was the signature however that caught Josie’s eye. It was Clive’s own. She jumped as Clive placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“No one in their right mind would buy that rubbish, but I like them on my wall for sentimental reasons” Conversed Clive.

“No, it’s brilliant you’re really talented” Josie returned sincerity in her voice. Clive did truly have a way with paint. Josie just hoped he was as apt at solving problems.

 

She was forced to sit on a soft, comfy, leather sofa with decorative suede cushions. A brandy was offered and Josie drank the strong liquid gratefully.

“This is highly unusual Josie, I don’t normally entertain at 3 in the morning” Said Clive, his voice was soft, calm and soothing but it was clear he didn’t want Josie to avoid stating the reason for her visit.

 

Josie sipped at her drink. It filled her with the same warmth and comfort the crackling fire was giving her. She glanced nervously at Clive, who was consuming his own thoughtfully. He was looking intently at Josie, concern etched on his features.

 

Telling Clive about her problem had seemed the easiest thing in the world all the while she was walking but now she was here she found herself unable to confess. She was bashful about telling anyone but Mike she was seeing Greg, embarrassed about her behaviour with Ryan and sick at what it was causing.  Josie took another gulp of the amber liquid in the crystal glass and finally she had found the courage she needed to speak. 

 

“Clive, I have a problem, a really bad problem. I need you to help me. Please.” Josie panted subconsciously as Clive puffed thoughtfully on the pipe he had just lit.

“Out of interest Josie you have many friends Mike, Tony, Sandi, Greg, Ryan. Why did you pick me?” Clive seemed to be trying to uncover her logic so that he could analyse the problem correctly.

“Well…” began Josie “I’ve made such a mess of my life. Well, not just mine other people’s too… I’m cheating on my boyfriend but I love the man I’m cheating with too… Oh Clive I can’t pick between them I need them both. Love them both.” Josie looked down at the floor ashen-faced at her confession. When she looked up Clive had perched next to her on the sofa, smiling kindly at his friend and Josie filled with gratitude and managed to smile weakly back.

“I’m sure we can work something out.” Reassured Clive. He was now offering Josie his handkerchief to wipe the tears clinging to her long eyelashes.

 

“That still doesn’t explain why you asked me though” He continued thoughtfully. “Unless of course I know them, the men you are talking about?” Josie slowly nodded her head, tears still trickling familiar tracks down her cheeks.

 

Finally, after weeks of concealment, Josie told Clive that she had been dating Greg since their first episode together. Clive’s eyes widened not in shock but seemingly in thought.

“I thought the pair of you clicked with each other” he commented. “I see a lot more sat behind the desk than people seem to think.”

 

Josie blinked miserably. “I have made a fool of him.” Clive said nothing, so Josie reluctantly continued to reveal to Clive about her cheating on Greg with Ryan.

“But he’s a married man Josie.” Clive was incredulous. Despite this there was no blame in his voice. He was not guilt tripping her. Many years working as a barrister prior to hosting the game show, gave Clive the ability to listen to people’s story without blaming them.

 

 Her face and voice told Clive all he needed to know. She loved them both, and never intended for the hurt she was causing anyone. Clive stood up and pondered as he poured Josie a second drink. He sank back down opposite Josie this time, in his armchair, expression one of severe thought.

 

“Well Josie, there’s no easy way out of this one as you’re more than aware.  I wish I could tell you who to pick but I can’t. The only advice I can give you is to listen to your heart and head in equal measures.” Josie looked up it seemed like a lame solution to her.

Clive continued, “I know it’s corny, but it’s the only solution there is to this problem, you can’t keep both dangling, it’s unfair on them and you. The only way you are ever going to sort yourself out is by dropping one of them and confessing to the other. The longer you leave it the worse you’ll get and eventually they will find out from someone other than you. Then they will have no respect for you. If you have the bravery to tell them yourself, there may be a chance you can repair some of the damage put this mess behind you.”   

 

Silent tears of painful realisation continued to cascade down Josie’s burning cheeks. Clive stood up, pulled Josie to her feet and hugged her warmly. The comfort was automatic and Josie gripped Clive back, what seemed like her only lifeline.

 

After a while they broke apart and Clive offered her to stay the night in the spare room, so that she’d be refreshed for the very difficult task she had ahead of her the following day.  An exhausted Josie gratefully accepted and the pair made their way up the winding stairs.

 

 

Josie sank into the comfortable but unfamiliar bed, and pulled the crisp white sheets and warm duvet around her. It was a release in a way, void of memories of snuggling close to Greg. As Clive’s advice buzzed around her brain, Josie thought.

 

She thought about Greg. She knew he loved her and respected her. He was the type of man she had always dreamed of finding even as a teenager fantasising about a future husband. He was intelligent, good-natured and stable. He trusted her, respected her and made her happy. He had been a rock, restored her faith in men he was like her best friend. But would he forgive her?

 

Josie felt sick inside at the prospect of telling Greg about what she had done. How would he react? Would he never speak to her again? She couldn’t bare the thought of that. She valued him as both a friend and lover, and they were colleagues. They depended on each other onstage, when they didn’t know what they were going to say or do a strong bond of trust was essential.

 

Then there was Ryan. He was married, true but that didn’t stop Josie loving him. Maybe he had plans to leave his wife for Josie? Yet what if she had got it wrong, what if he was a father? Could she really expect him to destroy his children’s world ending things with his wife for her?

 

Yet Ryan did things to Josie that made her feel special. She adored Ryan and had done since the very first meeting. Was she able to just turn off these feelings and put on a front? Would Greg be jealous if she remained friends with Ryan? Assuming she stayed with Greg?

 

The thoughts whirred and churned like a blender for over an hour, staring at the dark ceiling. Clive had provided a listening ear. His support helped her clear her head enough to make these very important decisions.

 

The knot in her chest had loosened slightly. She knew what she had to do. Josie had come to her decision at last as she fell into a restless sleep.

Josie awoke to the sound and smell of a traditional English breakfast. Despite herself she couldn’t help but smile, the smell always reminded her of home. Her mum used to cook fry ups all the time. As she sniffed happy memories flooded her mind of her childhood.

 

“Morning Clive” yawned Josie. She had made her way downstairs and found her way into the kitchen now she was dressed and ready to face the world. Clive looked odd in just a pair of jeans and a shirt, no suit, no tie.

“Morning Josie your breakfast is ready now.” He piled a plate with greasy, comfort food and handed her a large mug of freshly brewed breakfast tea.

 

She was grateful but apologised in advance for not eating it all.

“Soldiers fight better on a full stomach. Get it all eaten” smiled Clive, he tone was gentle yet filled with authority. 

 

Josie was surprised to find she did indeed polish off the whole lot. She and Clive made small talk before Josie decided she had outstayed her welcome. Hugging Josie one last time for luck Clive waved her off as she departed to carry out the decision she had come to, unbeknown to anyone but Josie herself. 

 

“Meet me at Hyde Park at 11:30am!” Clive called after Josie’s retreating back. He could then at least console her as soon as she had executed the task in hand. Secretly, Clive prayed she’d pick Greg. Not that Ryan was any less decent, just he was married and the affair could never last. Greg could offer Josie the support, love and stability Clive knew she deserved…

 

 

Stomach still full from Clive’s cooking, Josie knocked apprehensively on his door. Her stomach squirming she begged for him to answer door quickly before she lost her recently acquired courage.

 

The door edged open and he smiled when he saw who was standing in the corridor of his hotel. He went to kiss her, as usual but Josie stopped him. 

 

“Greg. Can I come in?” He knew instantly that whatever it was Josie had come to talk about was foreboding. She noticed that he was toying distractedly with something in his pocket.

 

“Okay then.” His voice was strong but sad. He stood aside to let her pass into his hotel room. He had wilted visibly. The loss of confidence was frightening. He was not bouncy and cheerful as usual, and Josie’s heartstrings tugged at the aftermath of her stupidity, all ready starting to take place.

 

“Greg.” She gripped his hand. “We have to stop seeing each other. I…” she faltered. “I didn’t want anything serious. I don’t deserve you.”

He stared at Josie with dry eyes. Although he said nothing, his expression was one of pain. Josie saw his heart rip in half behind his glasses.

 

“Is there anyone else Josie?” He asked, his voice wavering, desperate. “Are you leaving me to be with another guy?” The American struggled to hide his emotion from the Briton. He felt he had to in her presence, but it was not an inbuilt response as it was for her.

 

“There’s no one Greg.” Josie glanced in his direction. “It’s just not going to work out. I’m so sorry.” She kissed his cheek, which was burning. One last time her fingers briefly made contact with his soft, fluffy hair. For the last time their eyes met, brown looking sadly into brown. 

 

Josie departed, sobbing silently into a white handkerchief by the time she had reached the door. Her conscience was lifted considerably, but her heart felt like a dead weight in her chest. She would miss Greg.

 

As the door shut, he could no longer prevent them. Tears, hot, bitter tears leaked from his eyes and slid down finally dripping of the end of his nose and into his lap, where his head was bowed.

 

He reached into his pocket and his fingers clutched the small velvet box he’d been playing with earlier. He opened it and pulled out the precious metal band, studded with subtle, beautiful diamonds.

“Fuck” he screamed his fury and acid at the small object as he flung it with all his force across the room.

 

He no longer cared. He didn’t want to feel anymore. He had loved Josie unconditionally. He had been planning to propose to her. He felt like a fool. Desperate for a release from the emotions whirring within him, he frantically leapt of the sofa and began tugging at the pockets of his large black overcoat, hung behind the door. Searching.

 

Shakily he removed the small pouch. It hadn’t been opened for months. He’d had no need to Josie had made him happy. He hadn’t needed to escape. He pulled out one of the long joints raised it to his lips, clamping it in his teeth.

 

Greg drew the marijuana into his lungs as he lit it. He sat, coughing on the floor, his back against the bed for support. He was out of practise it hadn’t made him cough this much for years. As he inhaled the drug the feelings gradually numbed.

 

A temporary release of all sentiment, the dope didn’t make Greg happy like usual, it just provided an escape route from the hurt. He disappeared in a cloud of smoke and a world of his own, one where loss and sadness were unheard of.

Comments

[ally-pops.livejournal.com]

Wow Flo this was amazing!
Ready for my full-blown analysis?
*cough*
It was a large and immaculate room, a deep red with mahogany flooring. The walls consisted of many bookshelves, each spilling with many intellectual, leather-bound volumes. Many pricey antiques and elaborate plants acted as furnishings, but despite its grandeur the room had a cosy, homely feel which made Josie feel at ease in Clive’s house.- JUST like I imagined. I actually have used quite a similar description in a piece that I am writing! I loved that paragraph! I actually also have written 'leather-bound books' like you have. Great minds think alike, and all that ^_^
Clive paints? AWESOMEness. And you made him a GORGEOUS character, seriously, I nearly fell in love! :D
Clive puffed thoughtfully on the pipe he had just lit. - Oh my god Clive is my GRANDAD ^_^
Josie's thoughts in bed were good, as well, it was nice and it explained her feelings really well.
Greg could offer Josie the support, love and stability Clive knew she deserved… Too BLOODY true. I like this sentence ^_^

And OMG poooor Greg *cries* That is so sad!! :( You write angst well, Flo. But oh man.... and drugs is NOT THE ANSWER GREG!

I loved it. Soooo sorry about the novel comment.
Ally xxxxxxxxx

[fbrobey.livejournal.com]

Awwww yay! I love novel comments!

"Great minds think alike, and all that ^_^" haha without a doubt!! Lol it was funny at first I made Clive sound like a wise old wizard so toned him down slightly, but yeah just had to write him sweet because like Greg I imagine he is under all that bickering they get up to!

I was very unsure about the drugs bit, but really felt I should include it, just beacause I would imagine Greg doing that to calm himself -definatley not the answer :(

Anyways mabye I'll post the ending later to put you out of your miisery ;)
Thanks again for the comments!! I love knowing what people think, I just get so nervous about posting the chapters.

I'm rambling now! Lol!

Flo xxxxxxxxxx