wl_fanfiction | [FIC] Free

sungreen70.livejournal.com posting in

OK, I don't really know where this came from... when I originally thought of it, it was going to take a whole 'nother direction, but it kind of steered me away from that. Hmm... I feel like I should include some kind of warning, but I don't know what to say without giving it away. So just realize it may not be everyone's cup of tea. Confused yet? ;-) Don't worry - it's not that bad...

Oh, and because I am a big loser and forgot to do it before, I am editing to say THANKS to Cae for the beta! :)

Title: Free
Author: Sun Green
Pairing: Implied Colin/Ryan
Rating: PG for like, one cuss word.
Word Count: 1299
Summary: Ryan is finally free
Disclaimer: Please, if I did own them, do you think I'd have all this time to spend writing fics about 'em?

His hands were shaking as he lifted the flimsy Styrofoam cup of convenience store coffee to his lips. They had been ever since he’d started up the car and backed down the driveway. Whether the tremor was a continuing reaction to what he’d done, or just from caffeine overload, he couldn’t say.

Ryan swore as the scalding coffee sloshed out the opening in the plastic lid and dribbled down his hand. Jamming the container back into the cup holder, he wiped his hand on his pants and briefly regretted throwing away the sturdy metal travel mug – filled with the real stuff he’d made himself in the Mr. Coffee – when he’d stopped for gas. It had been the only thing he’d taken with him besides his wallet and the car keys. But an hour into the drive he’d suddenly realized that the mug had been a Father’s Day present some years back. He couldn’t even remember from which kid. It had no sentimental value, since he’d never had cause to use it and he knew none of them remembered giving it to him anyway. Probably hadn’t even been with her when she’d bought it. And it had probably taken her all of five minutes to run into the store, grab it off a shelf, and have the cashier wrap it, he’d reflected bitterly.

Still, once he’d recognized it, the sight was a constant reminder, nagging at him and forcing unwanted thoughts into his head of what he’d left behind. So he’d tossed it into the trash can on his way into the mini-mart at the gas station, replacing it with this tasteless sludge that masqueraded as java. Pulling back out onto the highway, he’d cranked up the volume on the crappy soft-rock station that had started coming in when he’d driven far enough to lose the signal for the stations on his presets, more concerned with trying to drown out his thoughts than with trying to find something listenable.

Peering through the windshield into pitch darkness punctuated only by the occasional headlights of a passing car, Ryan frowned. The sign for his exit should be coming up soon…actually, it seemed as though he should have come to it by now. Shit, he hoped he hadn’t missed it. With an abrupt jerk of the steering wheel, he pulled off onto the shoulder, tires spitting gravel, and grappled for the directions he’d printed out from some online map site the night before, after their phone conversation.

Not that he’d been planning this, exactly. But he’d taken down the name of the hotel, as he always did, in case he needed to get in touch. Or in case you want to drop by, said jokingly, in a somewhat wistful tone, since after all, it wasn’t like he could just take off, leaving her and the kids. She would never have agreed to it. She knew full well what those visits entailed, and though she’d certainly made it clear that she didn’t want him, she wouldn’t let him be with someone who did, who made him happy. Not if she could help it. That’s what their marriage had become.

Scanning the directions, Ryan determined he hadn’t missed the exit after all – it was coming up in another half mile or so, which meant he’d be there in a matter of minutes. He exhaled deeply, feeling some of the tension finally drain away, and flexed fingers cramped from gripping the steering wheel. It was going to be okay, he thought, fully believing it for the first time since he’d left that dark house, that prison he’d been held captive in for so many years. Now that he was finally free, he couldn’t comprehend why it had taken this long.

For the kids, he’d been telling himself the last several years. He stayed because of the kids. But that was ridiculous, he knew. They didn’t need or want him any more than she did. They hardly knew him. All that time spent away from them, working, and later on simply away, whatever opportunity he got. Whenever he’d come back from one of those extended periods, they’d look at him blankly, like he was a stranger. Later, when they were old enough to realize exactly where he’d been and with whom, they’d eye him coldly, the way she did, taking her side as though he were committing some unpardonable sin against her. Against all of them. He hated the way they looked at him. So much so that he’d begun cutting back on the time away, until it hardly happened any more, even though it was killing him to stay in that house where he never felt half as alive as when he was out of it.

So yes, he had done the right thing – the only thing. It was what was best for all of them. They would all be together, and he’d be free, forever, with the one who really did love him and need him. A small smile touched Ryan’s lips as he pulled back onto the highway. It was all going to be okay. As soon as he got there, everything would be just the way it should be...

He was exhausted as he leaped up the last few stairs, too eager to wait for the elevator to take him to the third-story hotel room, but he was hyper with anticipation as he knocked on the door. Ryan was a little surprised when it opened almost immediately. At this time of night he should have been asleep, but there he was.

Colin.

Ryan nearly burst into tears at the sight of him, rumpled and bleary eyed, not having gone to bed at all judging by the wrinkled clothing that Ryan recognized as his stage clothes. He must have rushed right back to the hotel after the show without stopping to change.

Those beloved brown eyes were startled, but not really all that surprised. As if Colin had known he was coming. Well, of course he had. That psychic connection between them, that bond that came from years of loving each other, would have picked up on it.

But Colin didn’t look happy. Ryan studied his face with growing concern as his lover finally spoke.

“Ryan,” Colin said, an odd tremor in his voice. “What’s going on? What did you - ”

Ryan broke in, silencing him. “I couldn’t stand it anymore, Col,” he said urgently, the words tumbling out over each other. He gripped the other man’s shirt sleeves, dismayed when Colin backed slightly away. His voice grew pleading as Colin only stared at him, wide-eyed. “I need to be with you… forever. No more of this once a year shit. We belong together. They don’t need me, only each other. It’s better this way.”

Colin opened his mouth to speak, closed it again. He rubbed a hand across his eyes and simply stared mutely at Ryan, sending a chill down his spine.

“Col…” he whispered, “it’s not too late for us.” His voice broke. “Tell me it’s not too late, Col,” he begged. Not giving the older man a chance to respond, he hurled himself into his arms.

Dazedly, Colin embraced Ryan as he sobbed, his hands slowly coming up to pat his back. As if in a trance, he turned his head and looked over his shoulder into the hotel room, at the TV screen that had been tuned to CNN for the last several hours. It was on again, he saw, that aerial view of the house with its’ sprawling lawns cluttered with police. Scrolling across the bottom was the screen crawl that he’d memorized by now, it had gone by so many times.

Comedian Ryan Stiles’ family found slain in their Bellingham, WA home. Stiles missing. Police launch manhunt…

Current Mood: weird

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

razberrycreme.livejournal.com

O________O!!!! I am going to pretend that was just a coincidence and that Colin can comfort Ryan about his family later...>>

Dang. *hugs* that ending was intense!

From:

sungreen70.livejournal.com

I am going to pretend that was just a coincidence and that Colin can comfort Ryan about his family later...

Heh, well that's one interpretation! lol

Thanks for reading! :D