[FIC] Under My Skin, 1/?

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

This is going to be a very unusual story coming from me. First of all, it's gonna be long - not sure yet just how long. Secondly, it's written from Greg's POV. I've never written Greg as a major character before and it was a very different experience. I found it really interesting. I hope he comes off half as interesting to anyone who reads this. Finally, this story contains something I NEVER thought I'd write - a Greg/Ryan pairing, lol. But it's not really a G/R romance. You'll see who Ryan's heart really belongs to. You won't be shocked ;) Anyway, I have more of it written but not the whole thing yet. I can't promise how quickly I'll get it updated, but if there's interest I'll try to get part two up soon. Feedback will be TREMENDOUSLY appreciated! I need to know if I'm getting this right...

The story is set in the early UK Whose Line days. I know my timeline as far as who was on the show when is a little off. For example, I'm pretty sure Colin's first appearance was not long after Ryan's, but for the purposes of my story, Ryan has been appearing for about a year by the time Colin gets a shot. I had to tweak that a little for the story to make sense. But hey, it's fiction. OK, enough rambling... 

Title: Under My Skin (1/?)
Author: Sun Green
Pairing: Greg/Ryan, mention of Ryan/Colin (not unrequited but unfulfilled), mention of Greg/others
Rating: This part PG-13ish
Word Count: 3310

“Seriously? Your CDs?” Ryan rubbed his eyes as he sat crossed legged on the end of the bed, completely oblivious to me as he talked on the phone. I didn’t mind. We’d given each other quite a workout earlier in the evening, and I had to admit it was pleasant just to relax for a few minutes, leaning back on the pillows and puffing on a Marlboro. Facing away from me, Ryan was affording me a perfect view of his bare back and nicely shaped ass, and my eyes swept languidly across the scenery.

 

It was a familiar routine, becoming more frequent as Ryan and I both put in more and more time on the set of Whose Line. Tape the show, head back to the hotel for a mind blowing fuck. Afterwards, Ryan would check the clock and calculate the time difference from England to Los Angeles, and pick up the phone to call Colin.

 

I’d never met Colin, which may seem strange considering how important he was to Ryan. I mean, Ryan worshipped Colin. They were old friends, having known each other since Ryan’s days as a stand up comedian, through a recent stint with Second City. They’d been through a lot together, from what Ryan told me. Honestly though, I didn’t remember much of it. Much as Ryan loved to talk to me about Colin, I tended to tune him out. When I was with Ryan, I preferred to concentrate on the here and now, and neither his past nor his time away from me in the present with some friend of his I’d never met, held much interest for me. And though he’d occasionally suggested that the three of us get together when we were all in LA, I’d never taken him up on it. I wasn’t big on hanging out, so I left the two of them to carry the banner of male bonding on their own.

 

But there was no escaping the knowledge that Ryan adored this guy. As more than a friend, too; it was obvious. The look in his eyes when he talked about Colin would have given it away, even if I hadn’t spent enough time around Ryan to notice the little details. The way he carried a picture of Colin in his wallet, and showed it to anyone who would look. The way he refused to miss their nightly phone call, no matter where in the world they happened to be. The way he wore a ragged Toronto Blue Jays sweatshirt, a gift from Colin years earlier, more than any other article of clothing I’d ever seen on his body. Or off it, as the case may be. 

 

So it wasn’t hard to deduce that Ryan’s feelings for the man he called his best friend were not entirely platonic. Too bad for Ryan that Colin was married.

 

Ryan was finishing his conversation. “Take care, Col,” he said into the phone. He paused. “Miss you,” he added, his voice dropping slightly. I don’t know why. I was the only other person in the room, and I’m not even sure he remembered that I was there when he got wrapped up in talking to his beloved Colin.

 

Apparently I was right about that, because he gave a start as I blew out a puff of smoke and asked “And how is Colin tonight?”

 

He looked up, blinking, as he replaced the phone on the desk, as though returning from one world with Colin, back to another with me.

 

“Not too good,” he said slowly, picking up his own pack and stretching out beside me on the bed. “He hasn’t worked in a while, and he’s having a hard time making the rent. He was telling me he just sold most of his CDs today to pay some bills.” Ryan lit up a cigarette and dragged on it thoughtfully. “He just got the CD player a year ago,” he added sadly. “He loves that thing.”

 

“Mmm,” I replied indifferently. Ryan didn’t pick up on my disinterest, however, and rattled on about Colin, how he refused to take money from Ryan, and how Ryan was worried that if things didn’t start looking up, Colin would head back to Vancouver. I sighed, wishing I hadn’t brought it up. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel for the guy; I’d had my share of starvation days too. But I’d been hearing all about it from Ryan lately, and it was getting old.

 

When Ryan paused to take a breath, I stubbed my cigarette out in the water glass on the nightstand and stood up. Ryan looked up at me. “You’re leaving?”

 

I stepped over Ryan’s pants, tangled on the floor, and reached for my own, which were folded neatly over the back of a chair (hell, they were expensive) and pulled them on, suppressing a sigh. We’d been fuck buddies for several months now, but Ryan still didn’t seem to grasp that I was not into post-coital snuggling. I never did stay the night after one of our encounters, yet he never failed to look hurt when I left. Sometimes, on my way out the door, I’d catch a glimpse of his face and see the loneliness there, and I’d feel a little bad. But I’d never led Ryan to believe I was going to behave any differently, nor did I allow him any delusions that we were or ever would be a couple. Commitment was not for me, and Ryan knew that. Whether he could deal with it or not was up to him.

 

I wasn’t about to get into all that, however. Instead I nodded, as I smoothed out my silk shirt and shrugged into it. “Yup. It’s been a long night.”

 

“Yeah.” He didn’t make any further comment, but watched me finish dressing with a forlorn expression on his face. When I was ready to go, he stood up, giving me a full view of his body that almost made me waver. But hell, I was tired.

 

“See you tomorrow,” I said, heading for the door. Ryan started to step towards me, and I think he would have touched me if I’d paused long enough to let him. Instead, he watched in silence as I let myself out.

 

******

 

Ryan arrived in the green room later than usual the next morning before the taping. In fact, he’d barely appeared in the doorway when we were called to the set. He waited for me to set down my coffee cup and join him.

 

“I got Colin an audition,” he hissed into my ear as we walked to the set.

 

“You what?” I looked at him in confusion. He grinned at me, clearly delighted.

 

“I was just in Dan’s office. I told him about Colin, about his background in improv and all. Dan remembers seeing him with Second City, and he’s gonna bring him out to audition for the show.” Ryan was nearly jumping up and down with excitement.

 

“Wow.” I had to admit, I was impressed. Dan Patterson, the executive producer of Whose Line, was not known for his warm and fuzzy side. Granting an audition to a down on his luck friend of one of the cast members wasn’t his usual style. Of course, this was Ryan asking the favor. Everyone knew Dan was dying to get into Ryan’s pants. More than once, I’d had to rescue Ryan at a cast party when our esteemed colleague had gotten smashed enough to try it. I looked at Ryan, eyebrows raised. “What do you have to do for the little weasel in return?” 

 

Ryan smiled innocently. “I didn’t promise anything.” As I eyed him suspiciously he shrugged. “I didn’t,” he insisted. “I take no responsibility for Dan’s interpretation of our discussion.”

 

I snorted with laughter as we walked out onto the set and took our places in the uncomfortable hard-backed chairs beside Steve and Josie. As per usual, the actual taping didn’t begin for ages after the four of us were ready. Techies raced around, adjusting lights and moving cameras as the studio audience stared at us and murmured restlessly. Ryan began yammering to Steve and Josie about Colin, and his upcoming audition.

 

Still tired from the previous evening’s late night activities, I watched through half closed eyes as my fellow performers conversed. I tuned out the words as I fixed my gaze on Ryan, studying the man who’d been my most frequent sex partner for the better part of a year, although not the only one by a long shot.

 

Months later, I was still somewhat surprised that we’d ever gone beyond a one night stand. He wasn’t my usual type. Not that I was overly picky when it came down to who I went to bed with, but I generally ended up with a very different kind of man. Intellectual, stylish, unemotional. Men more like me, you could say. Ryan was virtually my polar opposite. He was smart, but had no interest in the kind of intellectual and political debates I thrived on. He gave no thought to the clothes he put on his body, and had horrified me during one of our earliest conversations by asking “What’s an Armani?” – very nearly killing my attraction for him (but eventually, his gawky charm prevailed in that respect).

 

As for emotion, Ryan had cornered the market on that. I’d never known anyone who loved to talk about touchy feely stuff the way he did. He spoke freely of loving people – meaning his family, and Colin - he knew better than to use the word in reference to me, had he ever felt the urge. He liked to give casual hugs and touches (something I tolerated in the bedroom only). And he was completely incapable of covering up when something upset or hurt him. This was admittedly a good thing for me, as it had led to our first time together. Actually, I supposed I owed the legendary Colin a debt of thanks for that as well.

 

It was not long after Ryan’s first appearance on Whose Line. We’d hit it off right away. I was still fairly new myself, and being the newcomers made us gravitate together. Well, that and the immediate sexual attraction I’d felt for him. I didn’t know whether he was into men, though I had my suspicions the first time we went for a beer together and I was subjected to my first monologue of “Colin says” and “Colin and I”. He’s taken, I remember thinking. Well, no big loss. I went back to the hotel with one of the sound men that night instead.

 

The next time we’d gone out, we were joined by several members of the technical crew. That night, a few beers past his limit, Ryan was swapping stories with some of the camera guys, and the name “Pat” came up in the context of a rather raunchy tale he was telling. Curiosity got the better of me, and I cut right to the chase.

 

“Is Pat male or female?” I’d asked him point blank. The techies had doubled over, howling with laughter. Ryan looked stunned.

 

“Female,” he confirmed, once he found his voice. I’d simply nodded, and gestured for him to continue. He did, after shooting me a puzzled glance. The next night, we’d again gone out alone, and he told me that Pat was a woman he’d been seeing “on and off” for ten years, but, he’d added with a shrug, it wasn’t a big deal. In fact, he had the feeling she was ready to break it off, but he thought she was probably waiting until after Colin’s wedding the following month. Ryan was the best man, and Pat was maid of honor for Deb, the bride to be. “I guess she figures it’ll be less awkward,” he said with a mirthless chuckle.

 

I wasn’t really interested in Pat. However… “Colin’s getting married?” I asked, lighting up a smoke.

 

Ryan nodded, staring into his beer. “Yeah. He is.” He didn’t offer any further information, and I didn’t ask. But I studied him for a long moment. If I’d needed confirmation, this was it. It wasn’t difficult to see that Colin’s wedding was tearing Ryan apart. He obviously had feelings for this guy that were more than platonic. And, it would seem, those feelings weren’t being returned. Colin was getting married, and it was breaking Ryan’s heart.

 

However, I’d helped to heal more than a few broken hearts in my time. I stubbed out my cigarette and patted Ryan’s shoulder. “How about getting out of here?”

 

It was his first time with a man. I’d have known that, even if he hadn’t told me so later (have I mentioned that Ryan likes to share?). I could tell from the fear in his eyes after I leaned over the space between the two double beds in his hotel room, where we’d been sitting opposite one another, and kissed him. The fear remained there as he slowly moved to sit beside me and tentatively kissed me back, turning away quickly as we broke apart. It was there as I eased him back onto the mattress and covered his body with mine, even as he reached to twine his hands through my hair, then tugged me down closer to kiss him again. I could still see the fear even as the first signs of pleasure and desire began to creep into his expression, masking it.

 

Afterwards, he trembled in my arms as he lay clutching at me, his fingers digging into my skin as he stared wide eyed over my shoulder. When I shifted position a little, he clung harder, pressing his body against mine so I could feel him shaking. It got to me, I’ll admit. So I let him cling, something I didn’t normally do, and even held him a little closer as his breathing slowed and the trembling subsided.

 

“You okay?” I asked finally, pulling back so I could see his face. I detected a glimmer of tears in his eyes, but he gave me a small smile and nodded.

 

“Yeah,” he replied, letting out a puff of breath. “I – yeah.”

 

I smiled, extricating myself from his grip, and patted his shoulder briefly. Climbing out of bed, I started getting dressed. Lying on his side, his arms wrapped around the pillow the way they’d been wrapped around me earlier, Ryan watched but didn’t appear to really see me. His thoughts seemed miles away. He finally spoke as I was buttoning my shirt.

 

“I’ve never done that before,” he said softly.

 

No kidding, I thought, but didn’t say aloud. I smiled as I pulled on my socks. “And did you enjoy it?”

 

He didn’t answer for a second. Then he nodded slightly. “Yes,” he whispered. His eyes were welling up again, making me uncomfortable. I hate emotional scenes. I quickly finished dressing and smiled brightly.

 

“Good,” I said cheerfully, shrugging into my jacket. “So did I. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

 

Ryan sat up, startled. “Where are you going?”

 

“Back to my room. I’ve got to get some sleep.”

 

He stared at me, looking confused. Then hurt crept into his eyes as understanding dawned on him. “Oh.”

 

I paused, watching as he looked away from me. He’d obviously been expecting me to stay the night. Perhaps I should have made certain ahead of time that we were clear on that.

 

I’d never made any secret of my ways. All I asked of any of the men I bedded was a few pleasant hours every now and then. No obligations and no strings attached. It was what worked for me. Commitment did not interest me at all, and I’d never allowed any of my partners to think it might be different with them. Still, occasionally I’d run into an awkward situation where the other one showed signs of wanting more. I’d found that the best way to avoid misunderstanding was to keep the encounters short and sweet – no overnights, out the door as soon as politeness allowed.

 

I’d told Ryan enough about myself that he should have been aware of that. I wouldn’t take responsibility for any false impressions he may have gathered. I wouldn’t feel guilty.

 

Still…

 

I came back to the bed, perching on the edge of it. “Look,” I said gently. “We had fun tonight, right? That’s all that matters.”

 

Ryan nodded silently, still avoiding my gaze. I continued.

 

“I’m not looking for anything more. I never said I was.”

 

“I know that!” he retorted sharply. “It’s fine with me.”

 

“Okay then,” I said mildly. “As long as we both know where we stand.” I got up off the bed. I hesitated for a second longer, then patted his knee through the covers. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

I left then, trying not to feel his eyes on me as I walked out the door.

 

Honestly, I'd never expected to fuck him again.

 

Ryan surprised me though. At the taping the next day, he was his usual goofy self. As was routine by then, afterwards we went out for a couple of beers. Back at the hotel, he paused at the door to his room and looked at me expectantly, the invitation clear. Surprised, but pleased, I’d followed him inside.

 

And so it had continued, a regular part of nearly every weekend spent in London, and occasional encounters back in the states. Soon I was spending more time with Ryan than with any of my many other fuck buddies, although certainly not exclusively. Time away from Ryan was more often than not spent in someone else’s bed, a fact Ryan was well aware of. He was fine with it. I wasn’t sure what, if anything, he did in regards to sex during the times we were apart. But I’d soon come to realize that my concern about what he may have wanted from me was unfounded. While he may have sometimes wished for a little more attention than I was prepared to give him, he made no demands. He really wasn’t any more emotionally invested in our sexual relationship than I was.

 

I knew who his heart really belonged to.

 

And since he couldn’t have the one person he wanted, I was an acceptable substitute. A warm body to keep him company when he was lonely, preventing him from thinking about Colin, and Colin’s life away from Ryan.

 

The arrangement worked for both of us. I’d grown quite fond of Ryan over the several months we’d known each other. Part of the reason he’d become my most regular lay was because I genuinely enjoyed his company out of bed as well as in it. Despite our outward differences, we actually had a lot more in common than I’d initially thought. He was funny, with a wry sense of humor that paralleled my own. We could always find something to talk about.

 

And he was getting to be pretty damn skillful between the sheets.

 

A smattering of applause from the audience caught my attention. Clive Anderson had just strolled out onto the set and was waving regally to the crowd as he slid into his chair behind the desk. His arrival signaled to us that we were ready to start. Ryan ended his Colin monologue in mid sentence as we all switched on the battery packs powering our body mics - much to the relief of Josie and Steve, I gathered from their expressions. Ryan did tend to ramble when he got going on his favorite topic.

 

I straightened up in my chair and smoothed out my jacket as techs scrambled into place, preparing for the start of filming. Looking up, I caught Clive’s eyes on me. He gave me a slow, sly wink. I smirked.

 

I knew what my evening’s plans would be.

Comments

[makingamochrie.livejournal.com]

Oh, yummy, yummy, yummy. You got my favorite pairings all in one part of one story. Well done! More! Please?

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!! Hopefully more will be coming... uh... soon. lol.

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Oh! I am very interested in how this will all play out... Wonderful start, looking forward to more! :)

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thanks Indy! I'm glad you liked :)

[almostjulie.livejournal.com]

Nice start. I eagerly await more :)

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!! Workin' on it... :)

[corliamat.livejournal.com]

Well if you don't update your IM box is gonna be full of nagging requests!

LOVE! Especially He gave no thought to the clothes he put on his body, and had horrified me during one of our earliest conversations by asking “What’s an Armani?” – very nearly killing my attraction for him *Snort*

You channel Greg very well and in a subtle way, nothing overplayed or over-dramatised. It is what it is type of thing.

I'm really looking forward to getting my teeth into this.

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

***hugs*** Thank you my friend! So glad you like. And you know you're the one responsible for getting my creativity flowing again, so thanks for that too :)

[mizzmeow.livejournal.com]

Awesome start! More please! :)

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! :) Part two is in the works!

[razberrycreme.livejournal.com]

AWWW! I hope Ryan and Colin get together sometime T___T they're so sweet. Even though I'm not a big fan of Greg/Ryan, I like this fic! it's interesting to see Greg's views on everyone. Ryan is adorable in this :3 and greg/clive! XDD

♥

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thank you Raz! I'm glad you enjoyed despite not being a Greg/Ryan fan. :) It's not gonna be a true Greg/Ryan pairing though, since I'm not a big fan of that either. Thanks for commenting!

[the-empressar.livejournal.com]

So far so great my friend:) I like an indifferent Greg. Of course I like a sarcastic as all get out Greg better, but you write him well here...add my name to the can't wait to see what happens next list...tee hee!

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thank ya! I'm gonna try to get some sarcastic Greg in there too... :)

[the-empressar.livejournal.com]

WOO HOO!!

[maradao.livejournal.com]

It's great way you're portraying these two, with Ryan more vulnerable and Greg more patient than I'm used to seeing in stories. It makes for a different sort of dynamic -- I'm interested now to see what happens when Colin steps in....

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I know it's a different characterization than usually seen in fics... it's kind of how I see them though. I always did kind of think Ryan had a vulnerable side. I'm actually working on part two right now, which is where Colin joins the story.

Thanks for reading!

[eatyourfudge.livejournal.com]

I really like it. I can hear Greg narrating this, so that's really well done. And I like your portrayal of him, it's really interesting.

One critism though:
"So it wasn’t hard to deduce that Ryan’s feelings for the man he called his best friend were not entirely platonic"
"He obviously had feelings for this guy that were more than platonic"
Those two sentences are a tad too similar, it smacks of repetition.

But! I love it. I'll get on to the other parts soon.

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you're "hearing" Greg. This was my first effort at writing him as a major character, so I'd no idea if I could capture him.

Good catch on the similar sentences - thanks for pointing that out.

Unfortunately, there's not too much of this left to read, so far... hoping to get back to it soon, I haven't abandoned it, but life (and writer's block) gets in the way!