Ficlet: Hold, Please
Feb. 21st, 2007 05:21 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
maradao.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
wl_fanfictionThis was written before the Biography prompt, so it might count as mushy enough, or it might not. You decide. :>)
Title: Hold, Please
Pairing: Colin & Ryan friendship
Rating: PG
Thanks: To![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
claireweasley, for reading this over and saying I should post it anyway. :>)
Summary: Choking audience members, unsympathetic producers, crying comedians -- just a typical day on set, really.
Disclaimer: The people are real and belong to themselves; Whose Line belongs to other people. No profits made; no libel intended. The story itself is fiction and is mine.
Notes: Inspired by the gag reels off the US Season 1 DVD. You don’t need to have seen those before reading this, but it helps.
***
“Hold, please!”
“What now?” said Drew, opening his hands. “I didn’t even say anything yet!”
“No, it’s nothing to do with you,” Dan said, passing by his desk. “Sir?” This to a man in the second row behind Drew, who appeared to be choking. “Could you please not do that? We’re trying to tape here.”
“Sorry,” gasped the man. “Too much... laughing....” His words ended in a coughing fit.
“Need some water?” Wayne picked up the pitcher on the table next to him. One of the interns hurried onstage with a paper cup and he poured some in for her to take to the man.
“I’d offer to do the Heimlich,” Greg remarked lazily, “if only, y’know, we didn’t have a censor in the house.”
“Like that’s ever stopped you before,” Drew scoffed.
Colin watched Greg dip his chin, regarding Drew over the top of his glasses, likely winding up inside his brain for the perfect verbal smackdown, but just then Ryan touched a hand to his shoulder.
“While everybody’s busy being distracted,” Ryan told him in an undertone, “I’m gonna go visit the little comedians' room.”
“Are you going to be able to get past Dan?”
“Watch me.”
Ryan got up, crept in exaggerated stealthiness across the stage accompanied by a scatter of hushed giggles from the audience. And he might have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for Drew getting curious just as he tiptoed past his desk.
“Hey, where you going?”
“Out,” mouthed Ryan, putting a finger to his lips, but it was already too late.
“No!” said Dan, turning his back on the coughing man. “There absolutely isn’t time for -- wait! Come back here! Ryan!”
Greg leaned forward, watching with a gleeful expression as Dan chased Ryan halfway down the red curtain aisle. “It’s like he thinks he’s going to lift his leg on the drapes or something.” While the producer’s eyes were elsewhere, he reached over and nudged Wayne. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“Out the other door.” He glanced pointedly at the opposite side of the stage. “I’m going to have a cigarette. You get to watch. Hurry up.”
They only got as far as the piano before Mark saw what they were up to. As he and then Dan set off in pursuit, Colin got out of his chair, reached around, sliding the power switch on his microphone battery pack to off. He went over to the desk to ask Drew if the choking guy was all right.
“I think so,” said Drew, glancing back at the growing huddle of crewmembers and interested bystanders. “When everybody stops smothering him. You taking a break?”
“Just going to get some coffee.” Colin waved a hand toward the red curtain exit.
“Yeah? Well, when you see Ryan, tell him to lay off Dan a little. I don’t want to be stuck here doing retakes till midnight.”
“If I see him,” Colin said, feeling slightly annoyed by the assumption. He turned and left without anybody else seeming to notice.
The coffee at the craft table was stale and stinking, so he poured it out, refilling a fresh pot from the water fountain. He went to the restroom to rinse his hands, figuring Ryan would have long since finished his business and left to join Greg and Wayne outside. But when Colin pushed through the door, there he was, standing with his hands on the lip of a sink, head and shoulders bowed over it. Colin couldn’t see Ryan’s face directly, but in the mirror he was crying.
Colin wanted to leave, but his feet wouldn’t cooperate. He wanted to ignore that anything could be wrong, because it was easier, but instead he found himself walking up behind Ryan, putting his arms around his ribs, leaning his head against Ryan’s shoulder and just standing there while his sobs subsided, and the pipes behind the tiles made ghost noises, and a fluorescent light flickered over both of them like something out of a silent movie. After a moment he started to step away, but Ryan laid a hand over his hands, holding him in place, and hiccupped. Then they heard footsteps outside and both of them broke quickly apart, chuckling a little awkwardly when nobody opened the door. Colin moved to a separate sink to wash his hands.
Ryan started to say something, an excuse or an explanation, but his voice was low and the running water drowned out most of it. Colin turned off the tap.
“...all the extra hours. Sometimes things get to be too much. You know?”
“I know,” said Colin quietly. He handed Ryan a paper towel, staying just long enough to see him start wiping his face -- carefully, because of the stage makeup -- before turning for the door.
“I was going to get myself some coffee....” Ryan said in a congested voice. He hiccupped again, and blew his nose squelchily.
“That’s where I’m going. I’ll leave a cup out for you.” Colin dropped his crumpled towel in the bin. “Just worry about cleaning yourself up. And when we get back onstage, please try to be nice to Dan.”
“Yes, mommy.” The sarcasm sounded raspy and tired in his voice, but it was there.
In the green room, Colin poured two potential lawsuits out of the scalding-hot coffee machine, leaving one on the table to cool with a chocolate chip cookie on a napkin next to it. He went back onstage to his seat.
Ryan returned a few minutes later, wiping crumbs from his tie. Applause greeted him, along with a few cheers, Greg and Wayne raising the roof, and Dan Patterson in a sour voice mumbling, “Took bloody long enough.”
Ryan smiled to Dan’s face, flipped him off once he’d passed. Colin gave his friend a slightly reproachful look as he took his seat.
“What?” Ryan said. “I was nice. I smiled.”
Crew members left the stage in ones and twos, cameras aligned, and mics were turned back on. Somebody with a headset signaled the audience to quiet down.
“Ready?” the director said, glancing at the choking man from earlier, who raised him a thumbs-up around his water cup. “...And action!”
“Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where the games are made up and the points--”
“Hic-URRRRRP!”
Half the audience groaned, the other half laughed and clapped. Ryan widened his eyes, tapped his stomach, looking a little surprised and a more than a little pleased with himself. He turned and winked at Colin, who only shook his head, waiting for the inevitable call from Dan:
“Hold, please!”
*****
Title: Hold, Please
Pairing: Colin & Ryan friendship
Rating: PG
Thanks: To
claireweasley, for reading this over and saying I should post it anyway. :>)Summary: Choking audience members, unsympathetic producers, crying comedians -- just a typical day on set, really.
Disclaimer: The people are real and belong to themselves; Whose Line belongs to other people. No profits made; no libel intended. The story itself is fiction and is mine.
Notes: Inspired by the gag reels off the US Season 1 DVD. You don’t need to have seen those before reading this, but it helps.
***
“Hold, please!”
“What now?” said Drew, opening his hands. “I didn’t even say anything yet!”
“No, it’s nothing to do with you,” Dan said, passing by his desk. “Sir?” This to a man in the second row behind Drew, who appeared to be choking. “Could you please not do that? We’re trying to tape here.”
“Sorry,” gasped the man. “Too much... laughing....” His words ended in a coughing fit.
“Need some water?” Wayne picked up the pitcher on the table next to him. One of the interns hurried onstage with a paper cup and he poured some in for her to take to the man.
“I’d offer to do the Heimlich,” Greg remarked lazily, “if only, y’know, we didn’t have a censor in the house.”
“Like that’s ever stopped you before,” Drew scoffed.
Colin watched Greg dip his chin, regarding Drew over the top of his glasses, likely winding up inside his brain for the perfect verbal smackdown, but just then Ryan touched a hand to his shoulder.
“While everybody’s busy being distracted,” Ryan told him in an undertone, “I’m gonna go visit the little comedians' room.”
“Are you going to be able to get past Dan?”
“Watch me.”
Ryan got up, crept in exaggerated stealthiness across the stage accompanied by a scatter of hushed giggles from the audience. And he might have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for Drew getting curious just as he tiptoed past his desk.
“Hey, where you going?”
“Out,” mouthed Ryan, putting a finger to his lips, but it was already too late.
“No!” said Dan, turning his back on the coughing man. “There absolutely isn’t time for -- wait! Come back here! Ryan!”
Greg leaned forward, watching with a gleeful expression as Dan chased Ryan halfway down the red curtain aisle. “It’s like he thinks he’s going to lift his leg on the drapes or something.” While the producer’s eyes were elsewhere, he reached over and nudged Wayne. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“Out the other door.” He glanced pointedly at the opposite side of the stage. “I’m going to have a cigarette. You get to watch. Hurry up.”
They only got as far as the piano before Mark saw what they were up to. As he and then Dan set off in pursuit, Colin got out of his chair, reached around, sliding the power switch on his microphone battery pack to off. He went over to the desk to ask Drew if the choking guy was all right.
“I think so,” said Drew, glancing back at the growing huddle of crewmembers and interested bystanders. “When everybody stops smothering him. You taking a break?”
“Just going to get some coffee.” Colin waved a hand toward the red curtain exit.
“Yeah? Well, when you see Ryan, tell him to lay off Dan a little. I don’t want to be stuck here doing retakes till midnight.”
“If I see him,” Colin said, feeling slightly annoyed by the assumption. He turned and left without anybody else seeming to notice.
The coffee at the craft table was stale and stinking, so he poured it out, refilling a fresh pot from the water fountain. He went to the restroom to rinse his hands, figuring Ryan would have long since finished his business and left to join Greg and Wayne outside. But when Colin pushed through the door, there he was, standing with his hands on the lip of a sink, head and shoulders bowed over it. Colin couldn’t see Ryan’s face directly, but in the mirror he was crying.
Colin wanted to leave, but his feet wouldn’t cooperate. He wanted to ignore that anything could be wrong, because it was easier, but instead he found himself walking up behind Ryan, putting his arms around his ribs, leaning his head against Ryan’s shoulder and just standing there while his sobs subsided, and the pipes behind the tiles made ghost noises, and a fluorescent light flickered over both of them like something out of a silent movie. After a moment he started to step away, but Ryan laid a hand over his hands, holding him in place, and hiccupped. Then they heard footsteps outside and both of them broke quickly apart, chuckling a little awkwardly when nobody opened the door. Colin moved to a separate sink to wash his hands.
Ryan started to say something, an excuse or an explanation, but his voice was low and the running water drowned out most of it. Colin turned off the tap.
“...all the extra hours. Sometimes things get to be too much. You know?”
“I know,” said Colin quietly. He handed Ryan a paper towel, staying just long enough to see him start wiping his face -- carefully, because of the stage makeup -- before turning for the door.
“I was going to get myself some coffee....” Ryan said in a congested voice. He hiccupped again, and blew his nose squelchily.
“That’s where I’m going. I’ll leave a cup out for you.” Colin dropped his crumpled towel in the bin. “Just worry about cleaning yourself up. And when we get back onstage, please try to be nice to Dan.”
“Yes, mommy.” The sarcasm sounded raspy and tired in his voice, but it was there.
In the green room, Colin poured two potential lawsuits out of the scalding-hot coffee machine, leaving one on the table to cool with a chocolate chip cookie on a napkin next to it. He went back onstage to his seat.
Ryan returned a few minutes later, wiping crumbs from his tie. Applause greeted him, along with a few cheers, Greg and Wayne raising the roof, and Dan Patterson in a sour voice mumbling, “Took bloody long enough.”
Ryan smiled to Dan’s face, flipped him off once he’d passed. Colin gave his friend a slightly reproachful look as he took his seat.
“What?” Ryan said. “I was nice. I smiled.”
Crew members left the stage in ones and twos, cameras aligned, and mics were turned back on. Somebody with a headset signaled the audience to quiet down.
“Ready?” the director said, glancing at the choking man from earlier, who raised him a thumbs-up around his water cup. “...And action!”
“Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where the games are made up and the points--”
“Hic-URRRRRP!”
Half the audience groaned, the other half laughed and clapped. Ryan widened his eyes, tapped his stomach, looking a little surprised and a more than a little pleased with himself. He turned and winked at Colin, who only shook his head, waiting for the inevitable call from Dan:
“Hold, please!”
*****
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Date: 2007-02-21 11:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 08:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 08:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 12:20 pm (UTC)“What?” Ryan said. “I was nice. I smiled.”
snicker!
no subject
Date: 2007-02-23 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-24 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-25 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-25 03:44 pm (UTC)"and the pipes behind the tiles made ghost noises, and a fluorescent light flickered over both of them like something out of a silent movie" This is a great description.
I especially liked how Colin doesn't seem so... puppy-ish in love with Ryan, whatever. Even a little fed up almost. But he still loves him, I mean, the cookie... :)
no subject
Date: 2007-02-26 04:46 am (UTC)I imagine Colin’s feeling a little bit that way by the end of the story. :>P