Choices - Part Six

[rycolfan.livejournal.com]

Title - Choices
Rating - NC-17
Pairing - Colin/Ryan, Greg/Ryan, mentions of Colin/Deb and Pat/Ryan.
Summary - Life is full of difficult choices, sometimes it's hard to know whether to follow your head or your heart....
Disclaimer - I only own the story...blah blah blah!
Feedback - is fabulous! :o)

Okay, here is the much anticipated next part of my fic! It's longer than the previous ones, which is just as well as it's gonna have to last you until Thursday at the earliest. I'm gonna be away from the computer over the next couple of days so I thought I'd better post the next part for those of you left hanging! Very much appreciate all your lovely comments - they are always guaranteed to put a big smile on my face! I hope you all continue to enjoy it *crosses fingers* :o) x

Part Six


Ryan ran down the maze of corridors, finally spotting Colin walking ahead as he turned a corner.

"Col," he called, increasing his pace.

"Leave it Ry," Colin said firmly, refusing to slow down, "I don't care what Dan says; I'm not going back in there."

Ryan shook his head and grasped Colin's arm, forcing him to stop walking. "I don't give a fuck about that Col. Where are you going?"

Colin's expression was pained as he freed his arm. "I need to get out of here. I'm gonna catch the next flight back to Toronto." He started walking again and Ryan was left standing in shock for a moment. He quickly pulled himself together and ran to catch up with Colin.  

"I really need to talk to you," Ryan said desperately, matching Colin's strides, "You've gotta let me explain......please."

Colin glanced at his pleading expression and sighed. "I've got to go back to the house first," he replied. "You'll have until I finish packing to say whatever it is you have to say."

Ryan heard Drew shouting behind him and reluctantly slowed down. "I'll be there," he called to Colin before turning to face Drew, who was accompanied by Greg and Wayne.

"What is it? I've gotta go," Ryan said quickly.

"Is he ok?" Drew asked, his voice laced with concern as he looked over Ryan's shoulder at Colin's retreating back. "I swear I had no idea it would affect him that way."

"No, he's not ok Drew," Ryan snapped. "In fact he's getting the next flight outta here unless I can convince him to stay." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry...but I really need to go."

"Ok," Drew held his hands up placatingly, "I just thought you should know that Dan is threatening to release Colin from his contract unless he comes back in."

Ryan shook his head, marvelling at the guy's arrogance. "Well you can tell that son of a bitch that, if he does, he'll be looking for two new performers," he said resolutely.

"Three," Greg said firmly.

"Four," Wayne added.

Ryan gave them both a brief smile.

"Okay," Drew said decisively, clapping Ryan on the back. "Now go get your man."

 

xxxxx

It only took Ryan ten minutes to get home; speeding through the LA traffic without a care for the consequences. When he arrived he opened the front door and ran inside, quickly checking downstairs before rushing up to their bedroom. He found Colin in the middle of packing his things, only sparing him a quick glance as he stood in the doorway trying to catch his breath.

"Please don't do this," Ryan panted, resting his hands on his knees as he took deep breaths and tried to slow his heart rate.

Colin didn't pause in his packing as he answered, "I can't stay Ryan. I thought I could deal with this but I can't; it hurts too much."

"Please," Ryan choked, walking forwards and grasping both of Colin's hands. Colin kept his eyes firmly on the pile of clothing in his suitcase as Ryan spoke. "I made a mistake and I know how much it hurt you. If I could turn back time and make it right I would but I can't."

Colin looked up with a serious expression. "I want you to tell me the truth Ryan," he said softly and Ryan swallowed convulsively. "How long has it been going on?"

"Nothing's been goin.....," Ryan began but Colin cut him off.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No," Ryan replied defensively, feeling a twinge of guilt at just how close he'd come to it. "It was just a kiss Col, one stupid kiss."

Colin's shoulders slumped slightly in relief but he kept his eyes locked on Ryan's face. "Just one kiss?" he pressed and Ryan faltered, knowing that Colin would see through any lie in an instant. Colin saw his hesitation and sighed, pulling his hands free and resuming his packing.

"No," Ryan begged, grabbing hold of him. "Please Col. I was upset that I couldn't find you and I drank too much.....it didn't mean anything. You have to trust me."

"I did trust you," Colin exploded, throwing his clothes down and facing Ryan who recoiled at his furious expression and released his grip. "You took that trust and stamped on it, smashing it into a million pieces. One kiss is a mistake Ryan, any more than that is a choice."

He took a deep breath, the anger visibly draining out of him, and lowered his voice, shaking his head miserably. "How can I believe anything you say after this?"

Ryan watched him walk to the window and stare out of it silently for a moment. "I always thought the bond we shared was unbreakable, the one constant in my life," Colin said softly before turning to look back at Ryan. "That's what hurts so much Ry; that the one person I loved and trusted most in the world could do this to me." Colin's voice cracked on the last few words and he turned away.

Ryan moved towards him, his heart breaking from the pain in Colin's voice, and tentatively laid a hand on his shoulder. "I never meant to hurt you Col," he whispered. "I was angry and upset; fed up with having to share you with Deb. It's something that I'll always regret and I can only try to make it up to you." He sighed, "I know it's only been a day but you've no idea how much I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," Colin choked and Ryan turned him around and pulled him into a hug.

"Then stay," Ryan pleaded, tearfully kissing a path down Colin's face and finally joining their lips together. He could only close his eyes and savour it for a moment before Colin was pushing him away roughly.

"I can't Ry," Colin said brokenly. "When you kiss me all I can see is you and Greg together." He walked back to continue packing, glancing over his shoulder at Ryan who was looking at him despairingly. "I've got to go back to Toronto for Deb's benefit gala anyway."

Ryan grimaced when Colin mentioned the very thing that had started this whole mess in the first place. "Will you be coming back?" he asked fearfully, his heart in his throat.

When Colin didn't answer, Ryan dropped his head and sighed heavily. "There's obviously nothing I can say to change your mind," he said wretchedly, "but I'll be damned if I'm gonna stay here and watch you leave." With that he turned and left the room without looking back.

 

xxxxx
 

Greg was sitting outside in his car when Ryan emerged from the house, clearly very upset. It had probably been a bad idea to follow Ryan home but he needed to know if they were gonna work things out. He was torn; on the one hand he really wanted Colin to leave and, on the other, he was hoping for a reconciliation to alleviate some of his guilt. Looking at Ryan's distraught face when he came out Greg knew that things must have gone badly but, instead of filling him with hope, it just made him feel empty inside.

He watched Ryan get into his car and speed off down the street then looked back at the house, suddenly deciding on a course of action. He knew the time had come to let Ryan go once and for all and he felt a calm acceptance creep over him. He got out of his car and walked up to the house, summoning all of his courage as he knocked on the front door. When there was no answer he raised his fist and hammered on it loudly.

A few seconds later the door opened and he came face to face with Colin who looked momentarily shocked but quickly recovered his composure.

"I have nothing to say to you Greg," he said coldly, trying to close the door. Greg quickly put his foot in the way and Colin glared at him.

"Look, I don't wanna fight Col," Greg said placatingly. "I'm here for Ryan."

Colin let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Well congratulations, you've got him."

"No," Greg replied firmly, "I haven't. As much as I wish it were otherwise, Ryan doesn't love me. He loves you....and I can't possibly compete with that."

Colin studied him for a moment. "I always knew you had feelings for him Greg but I made the foolish mistake of trusting you....I thought you were my friend."

Greg looked down, feeling a mixture of guilt and remorse. "I am your friend Col," he replied softly, looking back up into Colin's eyes. "I let my feelings cloud my judgement for a while and for that I'm truly sorry. I know now that Ryan's heart belongs only to you."

"Yeah, well it's too late."

"Is it?" Greg asked seriously. "I know you love him as much as he loves you Col. Trust me, if you walk away now you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life. If you wanna blame someone for this mess then blame me....I initiated it. What you two share only comes once in a lifetime....please don't destroy it on my account."

"I'm not destroying anything Greg," Colin said heatedly. "Ryan already did a good job of that."

Greg held his hands up. "Okay, he made a mistake, but you've got to acknowledge your part in all this Col."

"My part?" Colin said furiously.

"Yes, your part," Greg replied firmly. "You've kept Ryan dangling for months now, trying to have your cake and eat it without ever having to make a choice. You knew full well that he was prepared to leave Pat for you but you weren't willing to give him the same reassurance. Before this happened he was actually considering walking away from your relationship and, for someone who loves you as much as Ryan does, that takes a lot."

Colin stared at Greg silently, unable to ignore the truth in his words.

"Did you know that he'd planned something romantic for this weekend?" Greg asked and Colin shook his head slightly. "He told me that, as it was your anniversary, he was gonna take you back to where it all started, to where he first told you he loved you."

Colin looked taken aback, slowly beginning to realize just how much his actions had hurt Ryan. "I'd completely forgotten it was our anniversary," he whispered. "He never said anything."

"He wanted it to be a surprise," Greg said softly, then stepped forward and laid a hand on Colin's arm with a pleading expression.

"Don't leave him Col, it'll destroy him. I'll understand if you can't forgive me, hell I'll even quit the show if you want me to. Just give Ryan a second chance.....please."