Promises - Part 7

[improvfan88.livejournal.com]

Part 7! It's the big confrontation. I'm annoyed tonight cos my car's fucked. Completely. And a lead up to something else. (OK, I'll tell you, a big smut scene. Blindlyluv knows what I'm talking bout ;) ) It's also slightly AU now. You'll see later :D

Author: improvfan88
Story: Promises.
Pairing: Who else? :P Ry/Col
Rating: I'd say R? For roughly bad?
Disclaimer: I've currently sent them out for Chocolate Buttons. Then again, that was over five hours ago.........

Promises - Part 7

Whoever created hangovers is a cruel cruel person. I feel like a vampire. I can't currently face the sunlight, food turns my stomach, I've already thrown up most of the contents, including that lovely burger from the night before and Ringo Starr is pounding out a new drumbeat in my head. Everything hurts. And I can't forget my dream. But I woke up alone. Again.

'Was it actually a dream? I'm damn sure that there was someone in here.'

'Just me and you Ry Guy. I can't believe you dreamt about your mother.'

'Shut up! I love my mom!'

'I know, but you dream about her? That's fucked up.'

'It's not! Can we get back to the puzzle here? Someone was in my room last night while I was going to sleep-'

'You mean passing out...'

'Shut up! I remember asking if it was Colin. What did they say back?'

'Oh, I love watching you trying to remember.'

'Tell me what they said!'

'Oh, alright. Since I'm so kind. You asked if it was Colin. And they said "It's me. I'm here, go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning, I promise.'

'So he was here.'

'I don't know. But let's gather the facts here. The bed's warm, Colin does have a key to your room since he had to break in last time you got in this state. Someone did reply when you asked if it was Colin. If it was any of the other guys, they would've said no.'

A very high pitched beep interrupts my subconscious. I realised that it's coming from my phone, which is at the other end of the room after I launched it at the wall yesterday. There's quite a few messages, mainly from Drew and Greg asking if I was coming to the bar and if I was alright. The most recent one, it's from Colin.

'Hi Ryan. I got your message. Sounds like you were pretty bad last night again. I know I'm to blame for that. I hope you don't mind, I snuck in last night when you were asleep. I wanted to see you, but I didn't bank on you passing out when I walked in. In answer to your question, yes, it meant a hell of a lot to me. I'm sorry I wasn't there in the morning. I feel really shit for leaving. I hope we'll be alright. I really hope so. Col x'

I feel my heart melt. Which is pathetic really, I should be furious at him. In fact, I am! I feel furious at him for leaving me and then expecting a text to make up for it, but, at the same time, the love I feel for him overwhelms me. And I was right. He was here last night. Why didn't he stay? My phones starts playing 'Ballroom Blitz' and shows that Drew is phoning me.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Morning sleepy head! How's your hangover?" Drew's voice booms.

"Bad. Could you lower your voice? How did you know I got drunk last night?"

"Colin told us."

"You've seen Colin?" I question him, raising my voice.

"Er, yeah. He joined us for breakfast. Told us that he had to go into your room and he saw you in bed and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels."

"Gossip."

"He is. We all love gossip Ryan, especially when it's about you."

"Fuck you and the whore that jumps your bones, Drew." I tell him, a wide smile playing about my face. It feels good to be bantering. Now that I know that Colin feels bad, for some reason I feel really good.

"I'll do your mother at the same time Stiles, and you know it." Drew laughs, which sets me off. Drew's laugh is more contagious than most STI's.

"Anyway, just checking that you're alright. We haven't seen you in a couple of days."

"Yeah, sorry about that. What you guys doing for dinner?"

"Heading out somewhere. Wanna come with?"

"If I've recovered? Sure."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, at seven, I felt recovered enough to go out with the guys. Colin wasn't there though. Apparently he had some filming to do. We were all sitting, laughing about drunken exploits. I was bothered by the fact that Colin wasn't there throughout the whole thing though. From his text earlier, I thought that he'd want to apologise for his actions, but nope. Nothing. Nada. I felt slightly depressed at this, and then got more annoyed with myself. I was acting some kind of love sick puppy!

I ate what I could, seeing as my stomach still wasn't quite right. However, I did turn down Brad's offer of going out with them all to get drunk. I'm not drinking anything for a while yet. I said goodbye to them at the restaurant, nipping into a shop for more cigarettes and then made my way back to the hotel. I was shattered for some odd reason, so I planned to have an early night.

I hadn't text Colin back when he sent me that message, and so when I came in, I had sat on the bed, wondering whether I should, and also what I should say. That was an hour ago. I'm still sitting on the bed. What could I say? 'Yeah, sure, it's fine. Just fuck me and leave me, and I'll be alright.' I settle back into the pillows slightly, and close my eyes, trying to clear my head and think of at least one sentence I could say to him.

A sharp knock awakes me from my nap. I hadn't even realised I had fallen asleep. My phone had slid out of my hand onto the bed beside me. I pick it up and put it on the bedside table before walking to the door. What I didn't expect when I open it, was the person on the other side.

"Hey Ry." Colin said, a small smile on his face. A very unsure smile. For a second, I think about slamming the door in his face. But I don't. I can't. I love him too much.

"Hey Col." I say, trying to put as much coldness in my voice as I can. It doesn't really work. "What do you want?"

"Um, to say I'm sorry. I brought peace offerings." He holds up a blue bag. "Ice cream for your stomach, and chocolate cos I know you're a chocoholic at heart. I was gonna bring Jack Daniels but I wasn't sure whether you could face alcohol or not yet."

I step back, and allow him to come into the room. He knows me too damn well. Bring me chocolate and I'll be your best friend for life. That's how we first met. I had seen him munching on a chocolate bar and I had snuck up behind him and stole a piece when he wasn't looking.

"I know that this doesn't make what I did alright, but I just, just wanting to say sorry and it seemed pretty pathetic turning up with nothing. But I don't expect you to forgive me or anything." He's rambling now, but I just let him go. He's obviously making himself feel more guilty, and right now, I'm not gonna stop that. I want him to feel guilty. I want him to feel guilty for every bit of hurt he's put me through. Well, every bit of hurt he knows he's put me through.

"I hope you brought spoons." I tell him. He stops rambling and looks up at me.

"Sp-spoons?"

"For the ice cream. I don't have any."

"Um, I did actually. Swiped a couple from the restaurant downstairs."

"Good. Hand the ice cream over."

He takes the ice cream out, and I moan out loud. Ben and Jerry's Half Baked. My absolute favourite. I pop the tub open and hold my hand for a spoon. He hands it over and I sit myself down on the edge of the bed, savouring each spoonful. After about five mouthfuls, I look up to see him standing watching me, a kind of pitiful look on his face.

'He is truly sorry.'

'That's just what he wants you to think.'

'No. No, I can see it. In his eyes. He's good at acting, but he's never been able to hide his emotions in his eyes.'

I decide to take a chance and pat the space on the bed next to me. He walks over and sits himself down next to me. I offer the ice cream tub, which he accepts gratefully. We sit for a couple of minutes just munching the ice cream.

"You really hurt me you know." I say quietly. I almost don't believe that I actually said it.

"I do. And I can't really begin to say how sorry I am Ry."

"Why did you leave?"

"I don't know."

I'm beginning to get a little annoyed now. It was a conscious decision, and he's just pussyfooting around me. "You've got to know Colin. You kissed me."

"I know. I panicked, I guess."

"You guess? How about a definitive answer? Stop jumping around the real reason Col, and just tell me." The anger's beginning to build up, and I'm now powerless to stop it.

"I, um, I just-"

"Tell me what I am to you Colin!" I jump up, throwing the ice cream into his arms. "Do you know how much this hurts me? In fact, don't even answer that. I know you do now. Do you know how much I pine after you? I know it's childish Colin, but every time you make a promise to me and break it, it feels like you're pushing a knife into me every time. When did I become so worthless to you? And now what? I'm just something you can fuck, leave and then try to bribe back with chocolate and ice cream? It's not fucking happening Mochrie!" I pause, breathless, amazed at what I just said. He's shocked too, his eyes wide as he stares at me. It's only then that I realise that there are tears in his eyes, and my cheeks are also wet. I quickly dry them with my sleeve.

"I'm so sorry Ryan." He sobs, before bursting out into tears. I can't help myself, I begin crying too. I resume my place at the edge of the bed, and before I know what's happening, we're in each others arms, sobbing our hearts out. We remain like that for a good few minutes, Colin crying his guilt out, me crying my anger out. We eventually let go of each other. He looks up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes full of guilt and apologies, and I feel my heart melt all over again.

"Go put the ice cream in the mini freezer." I tell him. Sometimes being rich does have its upsides, you get snazzy extras in the rooms. Slightly puzzled, he stands up and does so. When he comes back, I've thrown back the duvet on the bed.

"Take your shoes off and come here." He takes his shoes off and then pauses. I lie down in the bed and pat the space next to me. As he climbs in, I turn the lights off. "Lie on your left side." I tell him.

"Why?" He finally gathers the courage to ask me.

"Just do it. You owe me." I didn't really want to stoop to that level, but well, needs must. He obeys my order, and I hug him from behind, clasping his slightly smaller hand in my own.

"Ryan?"

"Tell me why you left."

"I got scared." He explains instantly. I thought this would be easier for him. If he couldn't see me, then it would be easier for him to explain his actions. "I got really scared when I woke up."

"Why?"

"Because of how perfect it was. I woke up, and realised that I had never experienced a night like that before. I'd never felt so loved, so pleasured. And for some strange reason, I couldn't handle it Ryan. That amount of love, I just couldn't imagine it being for me. So I panicked. I got dressed and left. I felt shitty as soon as I left the room, but I thought I was doing the right thing."

I snort. I can't help it. How he thought that was the right thing to do was beyond me. But then again, he was panicking.

"Then I thought, why? Why am I running away? So I phoned Deb and asked her for advice."

"Mmm." I reply. He and Deb had split a couple of years ago, but still remained good friends. "And what did she say?"

"Finally." We both burst out laughing. Deb has a wicked sense of humour, and is easily one of the funniest women that I've ever met. I'd always thought that if I couldn't have Colin, then I was glad Deb was there. "I told her what had happened, and what I'd done, and she told me that I was the most stupid man she'd ever met."

"Smart woman."

"Yeah, I was pretty fucking stupid Ry. I've spent last twelve hours wondering how I could make it up to you. Short of kidnapping Marion Ross so you could finally kiss Mrs. Cunningham, the only thing I could come up with chocolate and ice cream."

"Well, it's worked. Kinda."

"Kinda?" He asks hopefully.

"Col. You did an immensely stupid fucking thing. I understand why you did it. But you hurt me so much Col. When I woke up that morning and realised that you weren't there, I've never felt more depressed and hurt in my entire life. I'll accept your apology, but I can't say that I've fully forgiven you yet."

He squeezes my hand. "I didn't expect anything, so thank you for accepting my apology." I press a small kiss to the back of his head. "I know that I have no right to be asking, and please, tell me to leave if I'm out of line, but-" He sounds really nervous now, I'm sure he'd be spinning his wedding ring if he still wore one. "Could I stay with you tonight?"

"Go to sleep Colin." I say in the form of an answer. He raises our joined hands to place a kiss on the back of my hand before snuggling back into me. "Are you gonna be here in the morning this time?" I ask him, hoping that I've hid my serious question with a joke.

"I will be. I prom-"

"Do not promise Col. Not if you don't mean." I've dropped any small veil of a joke now. I'm completely serious.

"I promise."