[Worst Case Scenario] Colin Ball

[sungreen70.livejournal.com]

Title: Colin Ball
Author: Sun Green
Rating: PG
Characters: Wayne, Greg, Colin, Ryan
Word Count: 552
Summary: For the prompt "Wayne, Ryan, keeping score without a pencil". Also inspired by the "Calvin Ball" strips from "Calvin And Hobbes" ;) 
Disclaimer: Please, if I did own them, you think I'd have all this time on my hands to write fics about 'em?

 

“Wayne!” Greg yelled, and hurled the ball with all his strength. With a running leap, Wayne caught it and sprinted the length of the field, through the obstacle course and past the bunkers and trip wires until he crossed the goal line.

“Yes!” he shouted, slamming the ball to the ground in triumph. “Score!” But just as he was starting a victory dance, Colin’s voice came from the opposite end of the field.

“Sorry, Wayne. But I’m wearing the Alternate Universe Boutonniere” – Colin gestured to the dandelion tucked into his shirt - “and in an alternate universe, your goal never happened.”

Wayne stopped in his tracks. “What?”

Behind Colin, Ryan nodded his head gravely. “I’m afraid he’s right. The score is still thirty-seven to Q.”

Wayne stared. “Are you fucking kidding me? What the - ” Greg’s hand on his shoulder stopped him mid-tirade.

“Just do as he says,” came the murmured voice in his ear. Wayne whipped his head around to glare at Greg, who simply looked back at him, eyes solemn behind his glasses, and nodded slowly.

“You gotta be - ” Exasperated, Wayne threw his hands up in the air. “Oh, all right. Whatever.” Scowling, he picked up the ball and tossed it down the field. Gameplay resumed as all four ran after it. Ryan caught the ball in mid bounce and simultaneously snatched a red cloth flag that was stuck in the ground.

“I captured your flag!” Ryan shouted to Colin. “You have to re-enact the plot of a Sweet Valley High book. In mime!”

“No, I don’t!” Colin retorted. “I’m standing in the Deflection Zone. My penalty gets deflected onto you.”

“It doesn’t count!” Ryan protested. “You didn’t declare it!”

“But today is Opposite Day,” Colin replied smugly. “I declared it oppositely by not declaring it.”

“But… you…” Ryan fumbled. He sighed, then resignedly began an elaborately mimed performance as Colin watched critically. After staring opened mouth for several seconds, Wayne tore his eyes away and looked at Greg.

“What the fucking hell – "

“I’m not loving your Lila Fowler, Ryan,” Colin cut in.

Wayne shook his head in disgust and waited for Greg’s reply. To his heightened annoyance, Greg looked amused.

“This is your first time playing Colin Ball, isn’t it?”

“Ya think?” Wayne snapped. “This is crazy shit, man!”

Greg chuckled. “I thought so too, once…” he said enigmatically, a faraway look in his eyes as he gazed off into the distance. Abruptly, he looked back at Wayne. “Okay,” he said briskly, “there’s basically just one rule to Colin Ball. That is, you do whatever Colin says.”

“What?” Wayne sputtered. “Why do we -”

“Don’t ever question it!” Greg interrupted.

“But - ”

“EVER!” They stared at each other, Wayne’s eyes wide with surprise and more than a little alarm; Greg’s dark and fierce.

“Game on!” Colin shouted. “Score two hundred twelve to R!” Greg snapped to attention and began running back down the field.

“Whatever you do, don’t get trapped in the ABBA Karaoke Box,” Greg cautioned over his shoulder, as Wayne stood rooted into place, looking after him in bewilderment.

“You didn’t recite the Immunity Poem as you went through the Point Vacuum Sector, Greg,” Colin called from his goal post. “Sixty one point penalty! Score is now seven hundred and three to Pi!”