Disturbing drabbles

[crabby-monkey.livejournal.com]

Ok, this is what I came up with based on that generator...

I Saw Brad Kissing Santa Claus

Colin woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one tubular box that looked like a book.

Then Colin noticed that Brad was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Colin thought that he would surprise Brad. Maybe even sneak up behind him and skip him on his pulsating butt. That always made Brad knobby.

Colin crept snidely down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its bouncy lights, and the presents, heaped up hastily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Brad. Kissing someone.

Colin was so angry, he picked up a banana from a table and threw it quietly in your ear.

They both looked around.

"Brad, you glittering monkey!" Colin yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Colin looked and then rubbed his kneecap and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Brad said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a globular kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Colin said outrageously. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be silken."

That seemed reasonable. Colin went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, glazed with lust like a warm jelly donut. He made Colin's neck feel all fantastic.

"You see?" Brad said moodily and Colin saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

A Banana In Time

On a fantastic and exciting morning, Colin sat in your ear. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His butt ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Brad to love someone with a glittering kneecap?

Outrageously, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a tubular bouncy book, all on a summer's day. I wish my Brad would skip me, in his own globular way..."

"Do you?" Brad sat down beside Colin and put his hand on Colin's neck. "I think that could be arranged."

Colin gasped hastily. "But what about my glittering kneecap?"

"I like it," Brad said quietly. "I think it's pulsating."

They came together and their kiss was glazed with lust like a warm jelly donut.

"I love you," Colin said snidely.

"I love you too," Brad replied and skipped him.

They bought a monkey, moved in together, and lived moodily ever after.

The Tubular Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Brad and Colin went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Brad hit Colin in his butt with a big fantastic iceball. It hurt a lot, but Brad kissed it outrageously and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really pulsating snow man!" Brad said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Colin said. "That would be more globular and politically correct."

"I know," Brad said. "We can make a snow monkey. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up snidely and made a glittering snow monkey. Brad put on a book for the kneecap. The monkey was almost as big as Colin.

"It looks bouncy," Brad said hastily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Colin said and held up an exciting television. "I found this in your ear." He put the television onto the monkey's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the monkey, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl glazed with lust like a warm jelly donut.

Colin screamed quietly and ran but the snow monkey chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow monkey skipped him moodily.

"Nobody does that to my little Knobby Banana," Brad screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow monkey through the neck. It fell down and Brad kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Colin said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The television lay in the yard until a silken child picked it up and took it home.


 

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