Fic: Unrequited love?
Apr. 26th, 2008 02:57 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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wl_fanfictionA little story I wrote last week in between things!
Title: Unrequited Love?
Pairing: Col/Ry
Rating: NC-17 (For Sex, violence, language, other)
Summary: The title gives it away slightly
Mwah!
Rossini xx
Title: Unrequited Love?
Pairing: Col/Ry
Rating: NC-17 (For Sex, violence, language, other)
Summary: The title gives it away slightly
Part One
After a long day of filming in London and several hours of travelling during the rush hour, Ryan and Colin were looking forward to relaxing in their hotel. It was not to be however. The hotel had messed up their booking and they spent 2 hours waiting in the reception for a tiny twin room.
They dumped their bags at the door and surveyed the room. “At least we have a bed each.” Colin offered.
Ryan rolled his eyes and smiled, “So which bed do you want?”
“You take this one. Then if anyone breaks in they’ll kill you first.”
“Oh, thanks a lot!” He was just happy to have a bed to lie down on after their long day of filming. He kicked off his shoes and relaxed for the first time all day on the bed. “Finally.”
“Do you want a drink?” Colin reached into his bag and waved a bottle of scotch.
“Like you would not believe!”
They settled down on the edge of Colin’s bed as he poured their drinks. “Can I ask you something?” Colin stared at the bottle.
“Of course you can.” Ryan was sure he knew what was coming, but he looked at his friend patiently.
“You don’t mind sharing a room with me, do you?” Colin had made it clear to Ryan on a number of occasions that he wished they were more than friends. Ryan however, was sure he did not feel the same way and with two marriages on the line was less than keen to find out for sure.
“Are you kidding? Of course I don’t mind. It’s not like you’re going to jump me in the middle of the night.” Ryan stared at him, almost to reassure himself.
“No, of course not. I just wouldn’t like you to be uncomfortable.”
“I think after all these years we’re past feeling uncomfortable!”
They sat together drinking and chatting for hours, only to be interrupted by a phone call.
Ryan answered the phone curious about who would be calling. “Hello? Yes, go ahead. Oh, hi Dan, what’s up?”
Colin tried to work out what was going on from Ryan’s side of the conversation.
“You’re kidding! Can’t it wait? Fine.” Ryan slammed down the phone without saying goodbye. “They fucking want us tomorrow for filming. They got George Wendt but he can only work tomorrow.”
“Why does it bother you so much? It’ll be fun!”
“It’s the first fucking day off I’ve had in almost a month and now it’s fucked up because of other people. And today was such a shit day, I was just looking forward to a day off!”
Colin sighed and lay down on his bed. He hated seeing Ryan like that but there was nothing he could do about it. “We can still relax tonight.”
“Nah, forget it. I’m going to sleep.”
Colin watched on longingly as Ryan ripped off his clothes and threw himself into his bed wearing just his boxers. He thrashed around in the sheets like an angry child for a few minutes before calming down. Colin had stared at him so often he already knew every contour of his slender body, but seeing him in all his glory was almost too much for him.
He tried his best to take his mind off Ryan’s nudity. “You shouldn’t go to bed so angry Ry. You won’t be able to sleep.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m just a little tense” He said shortly. “Are you going to sleep?”
Colin realised it wasn’t a question. He changed into his pyjamas and climbed into bed. “Try to calm down and you’ll sleep better.” If there was one thing Colin hated more than seeing Ryan in a bad mood, it was Ryan in a bad mood after no sleep.
“Night Col.”
“Night.”
_____________
Colin was just drifting off when he felt Ryan’s breath on his neck. He jumped when Ryan whispered in his ear. “Help relieve my tension.”
Colin turned over to see Ryan sitting on the edge of his bed. “What?”
“You know what I mean.” He leaned over and licked Colin’s ear.
“What’s wrong with you? We can’t do this!” Colin sat up straight in his bed and stared at Ryan, trying to judge his expression.
“Oh come on.” He reached down under Colin’s bed sheets and grabbed his groin roughly. “You know you’d kill for an opportunity like this. Why are you holding back?”
He was right of course, but something about the situation made Colin feel uneasy. Yes, Ryan was the instigator, but he was upset and had been drinking. “You sure?”
Ryan moved towards him and began kissing his neck.
It was all the answer Colin needed. As he felt Ryan’s tongue on his neck, he ran his hand along Ryan’s bare shoulders before grabbing his hair and pulling his head away. He looked him in the eye and smiled, pulling his chin forwards and allowing their lips to meet for the first time.
The sensation was not completely unfamiliar, it was Ryan after all. He felt however like for the first time in his life he was completely connected with someone- his soul mate perhaps. Ryan’s lips parted slightly and Colin took the opportunity to plunge his tongue to the back of Ryan’s mouth. He allowed a moan to escape him as Ryan bit down gently on his lip.
Ryan pulled back for a moment and began pulling on Colin’s boxers. Colin grabbed his hand to stop him. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“Col, I’m positive. Let’s just get on with it.”
Colin released his hand and allowed him to remove his underwear. He was already hard, but Ryan’s hand touching him made him throb with desire.
Ryan pushed Colin onto his back and straddled him. He looked around the room searching for something to use as lube. Colin shrugged as Ryan looked at him for help. Ryan crawled up his body until Colin was face to face with his erect cock. He couldn’t believe that after all these years, Ryan was that hard because of him.
“Well? Suck on it.”
Though he was unsure, Colin did as he was told. He had imagined this in his head so many times before, but it had never gone like this. He ran his tongue up and down Ryan’s hardness several times before completely engulfing it.
He tried not to gag as Ryan’s hand on the back of his head forced it down his throat and held him there for a moment. Colin ensured Ryan’s cock was completely covered in saliva before pushing him away.
Ryan flipped him over and pulled his hips up so his ass was in the air. He repositioned himself so the tip of his cock was at Colin’s entrance. “Ready?”
“Wait, aren’t you going to stretch me out first?” Colin winced as Ryan answered his question. He shoved his throbbing cock deep inside Colin and rested there a moment before thrusting in and out roughly. The pain he felt initially was replaced by pure pleasure as the tip of Ryan’s erection slammed against his prostate with every thrust.
“Oh God, Ryan...”
Ryan grunted slightly with every thrust which, if it was possible, made Colin harder still. As His pace quickened, Colin reached for his own penis which was almost flat against his stomach.
“Oh no...” Ryan pushed his hand away. “That belongs.... to me...”. He replaced Colin’s hand with his own, almost paralyzing him with ecstasy. Each pound from behind forced his dick harder into Ryan’s hand where he pulled hard. Colin was in pain, but this was worth it.
Colin focused every fibre on not coming there and then. The pleasure was so intense he wanted it to go on for hours. He doubted however, that Ryan would continue to service him after he came himself.
Ryan leaned forward and bit down hard on Colin’s shoulder forcing him to release a small cry. Ryan apparently liked this reaction as he continued to bite on his neck and shoulders, Colin wincing in pain each time. He could hear Ryan laugh with each cry of pain, worrying him slightly.
Ryan began slowing his pace, and deepening each thrust. “I’m coming Col... just...uh!” He started squeezing harder on Colin’s cock, almost trying to make him release at the same time. The added pressure was too much for Colin and he came so hard he thought he might pass out. He felt his own liquid on his skin as Ryan placed his hand on his hip again.
Ryan too was just on the edge and the feeling of Colin’s come on his hands was enough to push him further. After one final thrust he pulled out and came over Colin’s back. Neither moved for a moment.
“What did you do that for?” Colin broke the silence, covered in Ryan’s cream.
“I wanted to see you covered in my come.”
Colin shifted uncomfortably, and got up and headed for the bathroom. As he showered off the mixture of Ryan’s seed and his own, he thought to himself, it was almost like Ryan was marking his territory. Colin had dreamed about this for so long, but something in the back of his mind worried him slightly.
When he returned to the bedroom, Ryan was in his own bed. He had got what he needed and could now sleep peacefully. Colin doubted if he would find sleep so easily.
After a long day of filming in London and several hours of travelling during the rush hour, Ryan and Colin were looking forward to relaxing in their hotel. It was not to be however. The hotel had messed up their booking and they spent 2 hours waiting in the reception for a tiny twin room.
They dumped their bags at the door and surveyed the room. “At least we have a bed each.” Colin offered.
Ryan rolled his eyes and smiled, “So which bed do you want?”
“You take this one. Then if anyone breaks in they’ll kill you first.”
“Oh, thanks a lot!” He was just happy to have a bed to lie down on after their long day of filming. He kicked off his shoes and relaxed for the first time all day on the bed. “Finally.”
“Do you want a drink?” Colin reached into his bag and waved a bottle of scotch.
“Like you would not believe!”
They settled down on the edge of Colin’s bed as he poured their drinks. “Can I ask you something?” Colin stared at the bottle.
“Of course you can.” Ryan was sure he knew what was coming, but he looked at his friend patiently.
“You don’t mind sharing a room with me, do you?” Colin had made it clear to Ryan on a number of occasions that he wished they were more than friends. Ryan however, was sure he did not feel the same way and with two marriages on the line was less than keen to find out for sure.
“Are you kidding? Of course I don’t mind. It’s not like you’re going to jump me in the middle of the night.” Ryan stared at him, almost to reassure himself.
“No, of course not. I just wouldn’t like you to be uncomfortable.”
“I think after all these years we’re past feeling uncomfortable!”
They sat together drinking and chatting for hours, only to be interrupted by a phone call.
Ryan answered the phone curious about who would be calling. “Hello? Yes, go ahead. Oh, hi Dan, what’s up?”
Colin tried to work out what was going on from Ryan’s side of the conversation.
“You’re kidding! Can’t it wait? Fine.” Ryan slammed down the phone without saying goodbye. “They fucking want us tomorrow for filming. They got George Wendt but he can only work tomorrow.”
“Why does it bother you so much? It’ll be fun!”
“It’s the first fucking day off I’ve had in almost a month and now it’s fucked up because of other people. And today was such a shit day, I was just looking forward to a day off!”
Colin sighed and lay down on his bed. He hated seeing Ryan like that but there was nothing he could do about it. “We can still relax tonight.”
“Nah, forget it. I’m going to sleep.”
Colin watched on longingly as Ryan ripped off his clothes and threw himself into his bed wearing just his boxers. He thrashed around in the sheets like an angry child for a few minutes before calming down. Colin had stared at him so often he already knew every contour of his slender body, but seeing him in all his glory was almost too much for him.
He tried his best to take his mind off Ryan’s nudity. “You shouldn’t go to bed so angry Ry. You won’t be able to sleep.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m just a little tense” He said shortly. “Are you going to sleep?”
Colin realised it wasn’t a question. He changed into his pyjamas and climbed into bed. “Try to calm down and you’ll sleep better.” If there was one thing Colin hated more than seeing Ryan in a bad mood, it was Ryan in a bad mood after no sleep.
“Night Col.”
“Night.”
_____________
Colin was just drifting off when he felt Ryan’s breath on his neck. He jumped when Ryan whispered in his ear. “Help relieve my tension.”
Colin turned over to see Ryan sitting on the edge of his bed. “What?”
“You know what I mean.” He leaned over and licked Colin’s ear.
“What’s wrong with you? We can’t do this!” Colin sat up straight in his bed and stared at Ryan, trying to judge his expression.
“Oh come on.” He reached down under Colin’s bed sheets and grabbed his groin roughly. “You know you’d kill for an opportunity like this. Why are you holding back?”
He was right of course, but something about the situation made Colin feel uneasy. Yes, Ryan was the instigator, but he was upset and had been drinking. “You sure?”
Ryan moved towards him and began kissing his neck.
It was all the answer Colin needed. As he felt Ryan’s tongue on his neck, he ran his hand along Ryan’s bare shoulders before grabbing his hair and pulling his head away. He looked him in the eye and smiled, pulling his chin forwards and allowing their lips to meet for the first time.
The sensation was not completely unfamiliar, it was Ryan after all. He felt however like for the first time in his life he was completely connected with someone- his soul mate perhaps. Ryan’s lips parted slightly and Colin took the opportunity to plunge his tongue to the back of Ryan’s mouth. He allowed a moan to escape him as Ryan bit down gently on his lip.
Ryan pulled back for a moment and began pulling on Colin’s boxers. Colin grabbed his hand to stop him. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“Col, I’m positive. Let’s just get on with it.”
Colin released his hand and allowed him to remove his underwear. He was already hard, but Ryan’s hand touching him made him throb with desire.
Ryan pushed Colin onto his back and straddled him. He looked around the room searching for something to use as lube. Colin shrugged as Ryan looked at him for help. Ryan crawled up his body until Colin was face to face with his erect cock. He couldn’t believe that after all these years, Ryan was that hard because of him.
“Well? Suck on it.”
Though he was unsure, Colin did as he was told. He had imagined this in his head so many times before, but it had never gone like this. He ran his tongue up and down Ryan’s hardness several times before completely engulfing it.
He tried not to gag as Ryan’s hand on the back of his head forced it down his throat and held him there for a moment. Colin ensured Ryan’s cock was completely covered in saliva before pushing him away.
Ryan flipped him over and pulled his hips up so his ass was in the air. He repositioned himself so the tip of his cock was at Colin’s entrance. “Ready?”
“Wait, aren’t you going to stretch me out first?” Colin winced as Ryan answered his question. He shoved his throbbing cock deep inside Colin and rested there a moment before thrusting in and out roughly. The pain he felt initially was replaced by pure pleasure as the tip of Ryan’s erection slammed against his prostate with every thrust.
“Oh God, Ryan...”
Ryan grunted slightly with every thrust which, if it was possible, made Colin harder still. As His pace quickened, Colin reached for his own penis which was almost flat against his stomach.
“Oh no...” Ryan pushed his hand away. “That belongs.... to me...”. He replaced Colin’s hand with his own, almost paralyzing him with ecstasy. Each pound from behind forced his dick harder into Ryan’s hand where he pulled hard. Colin was in pain, but this was worth it.
Colin focused every fibre on not coming there and then. The pleasure was so intense he wanted it to go on for hours. He doubted however, that Ryan would continue to service him after he came himself.
Ryan leaned forward and bit down hard on Colin’s shoulder forcing him to release a small cry. Ryan apparently liked this reaction as he continued to bite on his neck and shoulders, Colin wincing in pain each time. He could hear Ryan laugh with each cry of pain, worrying him slightly.
Ryan began slowing his pace, and deepening each thrust. “I’m coming Col... just...uh!” He started squeezing harder on Colin’s cock, almost trying to make him release at the same time. The added pressure was too much for Colin and he came so hard he thought he might pass out. He felt his own liquid on his skin as Ryan placed his hand on his hip again.
Ryan too was just on the edge and the feeling of Colin’s come on his hands was enough to push him further. After one final thrust he pulled out and came over Colin’s back. Neither moved for a moment.
“What did you do that for?” Colin broke the silence, covered in Ryan’s cream.
“I wanted to see you covered in my come.”
Colin shifted uncomfortably, and got up and headed for the bathroom. As he showered off the mixture of Ryan’s seed and his own, he thought to himself, it was almost like Ryan was marking his territory. Colin had dreamed about this for so long, but something in the back of his mind worried him slightly.
When he returned to the bedroom, Ryan was in his own bed. He had got what he needed and could now sleep peacefully. Colin doubted if he would find sleep so easily.
Part Two
Colin had lay awake most of the night thinking about Ryan. It was not the first time he had done this by any means but now he found himself full of dread. Last night had been wonderful, but he was sure it meant nothing to Ryan other than a way of getting to sleep. Thoughts had been racing through his head all night about the implications of what they had done... or what Ryan had done to him.
“Ry? Are you awake?” He rolled over onto his side to look at Ryan’s bed. “Ryan?”
Colin got up and glanced around the room noticing a piece of paper stuck to the mirror above the dressing table. “Went out for an early breakfast, see you at the studio. Ryan”
“Blown off by a note on the mirror. What a cliché.” Colin muttered to himself. He got dressed and went downstairs to the dining room for breakfast.
He entered the small dining room, almost hoping Ryan wouldn’t be there.
“Colin!” A voice called from the other side of the room. He joined the other man at his table.
“Morning Greg. I see they got you for an extra day’s work too.”
“Yeah, I’m afraid so!”
“Have you seen Ryan?”
“Yeah, I saw him storming out this morning. He barely looked at me. What happened?”
“Nothing, he was just really angry about having to work today.”
“Oh well. I’m sure he’ll get over it.”
Colin sighed, “Yeah, I bet he already has.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, never mind.”
“Ok. Are you going to eat something?” Greg pointed at the hot food counter.
“I’m not really hungry, just wanted some company.” Colin rested his head on his hand and stared into space.
“You sure you’re ok?” Greg moved his head to find Colin’s line of sight; his voice was light hearted, but genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s just been a weird couple of days.”
“Alright, but I’m going to leave soon, you coming?”
“Yeah, I suppose so.”
After Greg ran up to his room to grab his coat, they called for a taxi to the studio. Greg settled himself on a sofa in the hotel reception. He sighed, “Oh, the plans I had for today! It would have been beautiful! We could have been drinking for hours by now.”
“I wouldn’t say no to a few drinks right now!” Colin leaned back and laughed off Greg’s look.
Greg chose to ignore the comment. “We should have a real blow out tonight!”
“And then we can all stumble to work tomorrow with wicked hangovers. I like it!”
An hour and a half later they were in the studio waiting in the Green room. Colin and Greg sat quietly on a Sofa opposite Ryan, Clive and George Wendt who were deep in conversation. Colin was staring into space trying desperately to clear his head. All he could focus on was the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.
“Don’t you think?”
Colin jumped as he realised Greg had been talking to him. “Yeah, of course.” He replied hoping it wouldn’t draw further attention to his distance. It was all Greg had been looking for and continued talking. Colin glanced around the room again. He looked at the table in the corner where the refreshments were and considered getting some coffee. He looked over to the other group of people who were still talking, exchanging stories- except for Ryan. Like Colin he was looking around the room nodding along with the conversation.
Colin’s heart skipped a beat as their eyes met. While Ryan’s face was far from angry he looked like he would rather be looking at anyone in the world. He softened slightly when he saw the unease on Colin’s face. Colin tried to look away but his eyes were connected to Ryan’s by an invisible force, until Ryan was drawn back into the conversation.
“What the hell was that?” Greg waved his hand in front of Colin’s face.
“What?”
“Ryan giving you the death stare! What the hell did you do to him?”
“Nothing! Don’t worry about it.”
“You keep saying that, but it doesn’t seem like nothing.”
Colin sighed and decided he may as well tell Greg. He wouldn’t tell anyone and it would feel good to get the weight lifted off his shoulders. Before he had a chance to open his mouth, Ryan was standing in front on him.
“Colin, come and talk to me for a minute.” Noticing Greg’s look he added, “I need some relief from those two.”
Colin nodded and followed him to the other side of the room. Everything about Ryan’s behaviour made him feel uncomfortable, even the way he demanded his company.
“I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have done it.” Ryan blurted out as soon as they were out of earshot.
“Um... what for?” It wasn’t the reaction Colin had been expecting.
“For... you know, taking advantage of you like that.”
Colin’s head was swirling again. The relief he had felt initially was replaced by crushing disappointment. “Taking advantage...” Despite Ryan’s genuine tone he could feel anger growing inside him.
“Yeah. I knew you liked me and I shouldn’t have given you false hope.”
“False hope?” Colin was speaking much louder that he had intended and Ryan quickly pulled him out into the corridor. “Hope of what exactly? A quick fuck when you felt like it?”
Ryan’s face was showing nothing but disgust. “Colin, please. I was angry... and... this isn’t a very good excuse.”
“No, it isn’t. Have you any idea how many times...” Colin tailed off and sighed. “I thought you were my friend and then you do this to me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Colin, I know exactly how you feel! And it’s not like it meant absolutely nothing to me. I haven’t slept that well in months.”
“Oh well thank God for that! Ryan got to sleep so anything else is a necessary loss.”
“Fine. I came to apologise but now I’m not sorry. That was the most satisfying fuck I ever had. Deal with it.” And with that he stormed off down the corridor.
Colin groaned and turned to find Greg standing in the doorway, staring wide eyed. “Greg! How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to know that you ‘like’ Ryan and you were the best fuck he ever had. When did that happen?” Greg looked like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.
“Last night.”
“Last night? Is that why you’re so weird today?”
“Yeah. You won’t tell anyone will you?”
“No, of course not. Who would believe it anyway?” He stared disbelievingly at Colin for a moment. “You should probably clear the air before we start though.”
“I don’t think he’s going to want to talk to me.”
“You can try. What have you got to lose? God, I feel like I’m giving advice to a teenager!”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Colin started off towards Ryan’s dressing room, taking one last look back at Greg who was waving him on.
He almost ran through the corridors to Ryan’s dressing room, unsure of what he could say to help the situation. He found Ryan fiddling with the lock on his door. “There are so many jokes I could make right now...”.
“What do you want?” Ryan didn’t take his eyes off the dressing room door.
“I want to clear the air before we start filming. People are going to notice something’s up.”
“Ok, fine. I’m sorry. Now can we move on?”
“That’s it?”
Ryan finally got his dressing room unlocked and collapsed on the sofa inside the door. “I don’t know what you want me to say!”
“Did it really mean that little to you?”
“Yeah, it did. And I hope it meant nothing to you too.”
Colin could feel himself welling up, but was determined not to show any signs of weakness. “Well, it didn’t. Now I have to live with the memory for the rest of my life knowing that was the height of our relationship.”
Ryan got up and stormed over to the window where he stared out over the car park. “How could I let this happen?” He said, more to himself than Colin.”
Colin was experiencing what almost felt like sympathy. He walked over and put his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Ry...”
Ryan pulled away from him instantly, “Don’t...”
“Are you really that disgusted by me?”
“I’m not disgusted by you. I’m disgusted at myself! How could I do this to you? I’m so sorry.”
“You better be.” Colin glared at him without saying another word.
Ryan’s expression softened as he sat down again. He buried his face in his hands as though it might make him invisible. “I had hoped when we eventually got together it would be under better circumstances.”
“Don’t fuck with me Ryan, I’m not in the mood” Colin crossed his arms and waited for an explanation.
“I’m not. I knew we would end up doing it eventually. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you forever. I just imagined it differently.”
“But... you never said anything before.”
“Yeah, well it’s hard enough to restrain yourself without knowing the other person wants it too. I didn’t want to put that on you.”
Colin didn’t know what to say. He wandered over to the mirror and stared at his own reflection. Ryan was right of course. If he had known Ryan felt the same way about him the situation would probably have been harder, but how could he keep it a secret? He sighed. “We could just forget it ever happened.”
Ryan looked at him pensively “Could you do that?”
“I can try.” He continued looking at himself in the mirror, doubting very much he would be able to wipe the event from his memory. Ryan appeared in the mirror beside him and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on Colin’s shoulder.
“Maybe we could replace it with a better memory.” Ryan attempted to smile at Colin’s reflection.
Colin smiled back at him. He turned to face Ryan, his hands still joined behind his back and exhaled nervously; he hoped Ryan wouldn’t detect his apprehension. Ryan leaned down towards Colin who craned his neck to meet him and they kissed again. It was different this time though. It felt like they were kissing for the first time, their bodies pressed together. Colin wrapped his arms around Ryan’s back and pulled him tighter, wondering if he would be able to let go.
“Last night never happened.” Colin smiled at Ryan knowing this time he meant it.
Colin had lay awake most of the night thinking about Ryan. It was not the first time he had done this by any means but now he found himself full of dread. Last night had been wonderful, but he was sure it meant nothing to Ryan other than a way of getting to sleep. Thoughts had been racing through his head all night about the implications of what they had done... or what Ryan had done to him.
“Ry? Are you awake?” He rolled over onto his side to look at Ryan’s bed. “Ryan?”
Colin got up and glanced around the room noticing a piece of paper stuck to the mirror above the dressing table. “Went out for an early breakfast, see you at the studio. Ryan”
“Blown off by a note on the mirror. What a cliché.” Colin muttered to himself. He got dressed and went downstairs to the dining room for breakfast.
He entered the small dining room, almost hoping Ryan wouldn’t be there.
“Colin!” A voice called from the other side of the room. He joined the other man at his table.
“Morning Greg. I see they got you for an extra day’s work too.”
“Yeah, I’m afraid so!”
“Have you seen Ryan?”
“Yeah, I saw him storming out this morning. He barely looked at me. What happened?”
“Nothing, he was just really angry about having to work today.”
“Oh well. I’m sure he’ll get over it.”
Colin sighed, “Yeah, I bet he already has.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, never mind.”
“Ok. Are you going to eat something?” Greg pointed at the hot food counter.
“I’m not really hungry, just wanted some company.” Colin rested his head on his hand and stared into space.
“You sure you’re ok?” Greg moved his head to find Colin’s line of sight; his voice was light hearted, but genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s just been a weird couple of days.”
“Alright, but I’m going to leave soon, you coming?”
“Yeah, I suppose so.”
After Greg ran up to his room to grab his coat, they called for a taxi to the studio. Greg settled himself on a sofa in the hotel reception. He sighed, “Oh, the plans I had for today! It would have been beautiful! We could have been drinking for hours by now.”
“I wouldn’t say no to a few drinks right now!” Colin leaned back and laughed off Greg’s look.
Greg chose to ignore the comment. “We should have a real blow out tonight!”
“And then we can all stumble to work tomorrow with wicked hangovers. I like it!”
An hour and a half later they were in the studio waiting in the Green room. Colin and Greg sat quietly on a Sofa opposite Ryan, Clive and George Wendt who were deep in conversation. Colin was staring into space trying desperately to clear his head. All he could focus on was the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.
“Don’t you think?”
Colin jumped as he realised Greg had been talking to him. “Yeah, of course.” He replied hoping it wouldn’t draw further attention to his distance. It was all Greg had been looking for and continued talking. Colin glanced around the room again. He looked at the table in the corner where the refreshments were and considered getting some coffee. He looked over to the other group of people who were still talking, exchanging stories- except for Ryan. Like Colin he was looking around the room nodding along with the conversation.
Colin’s heart skipped a beat as their eyes met. While Ryan’s face was far from angry he looked like he would rather be looking at anyone in the world. He softened slightly when he saw the unease on Colin’s face. Colin tried to look away but his eyes were connected to Ryan’s by an invisible force, until Ryan was drawn back into the conversation.
“What the hell was that?” Greg waved his hand in front of Colin’s face.
“What?”
“Ryan giving you the death stare! What the hell did you do to him?”
“Nothing! Don’t worry about it.”
“You keep saying that, but it doesn’t seem like nothing.”
Colin sighed and decided he may as well tell Greg. He wouldn’t tell anyone and it would feel good to get the weight lifted off his shoulders. Before he had a chance to open his mouth, Ryan was standing in front on him.
“Colin, come and talk to me for a minute.” Noticing Greg’s look he added, “I need some relief from those two.”
Colin nodded and followed him to the other side of the room. Everything about Ryan’s behaviour made him feel uncomfortable, even the way he demanded his company.
“I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have done it.” Ryan blurted out as soon as they were out of earshot.
“Um... what for?” It wasn’t the reaction Colin had been expecting.
“For... you know, taking advantage of you like that.”
Colin’s head was swirling again. The relief he had felt initially was replaced by crushing disappointment. “Taking advantage...” Despite Ryan’s genuine tone he could feel anger growing inside him.
“Yeah. I knew you liked me and I shouldn’t have given you false hope.”
“False hope?” Colin was speaking much louder that he had intended and Ryan quickly pulled him out into the corridor. “Hope of what exactly? A quick fuck when you felt like it?”
Ryan’s face was showing nothing but disgust. “Colin, please. I was angry... and... this isn’t a very good excuse.”
“No, it isn’t. Have you any idea how many times...” Colin tailed off and sighed. “I thought you were my friend and then you do this to me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Colin, I know exactly how you feel! And it’s not like it meant absolutely nothing to me. I haven’t slept that well in months.”
“Oh well thank God for that! Ryan got to sleep so anything else is a necessary loss.”
“Fine. I came to apologise but now I’m not sorry. That was the most satisfying fuck I ever had. Deal with it.” And with that he stormed off down the corridor.
Colin groaned and turned to find Greg standing in the doorway, staring wide eyed. “Greg! How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to know that you ‘like’ Ryan and you were the best fuck he ever had. When did that happen?” Greg looked like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.
“Last night.”
“Last night? Is that why you’re so weird today?”
“Yeah. You won’t tell anyone will you?”
“No, of course not. Who would believe it anyway?” He stared disbelievingly at Colin for a moment. “You should probably clear the air before we start though.”
“I don’t think he’s going to want to talk to me.”
“You can try. What have you got to lose? God, I feel like I’m giving advice to a teenager!”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Colin started off towards Ryan’s dressing room, taking one last look back at Greg who was waving him on.
He almost ran through the corridors to Ryan’s dressing room, unsure of what he could say to help the situation. He found Ryan fiddling with the lock on his door. “There are so many jokes I could make right now...”.
“What do you want?” Ryan didn’t take his eyes off the dressing room door.
“I want to clear the air before we start filming. People are going to notice something’s up.”
“Ok, fine. I’m sorry. Now can we move on?”
“That’s it?”
Ryan finally got his dressing room unlocked and collapsed on the sofa inside the door. “I don’t know what you want me to say!”
“Did it really mean that little to you?”
“Yeah, it did. And I hope it meant nothing to you too.”
Colin could feel himself welling up, but was determined not to show any signs of weakness. “Well, it didn’t. Now I have to live with the memory for the rest of my life knowing that was the height of our relationship.”
Ryan got up and stormed over to the window where he stared out over the car park. “How could I let this happen?” He said, more to himself than Colin.”
Colin was experiencing what almost felt like sympathy. He walked over and put his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Ry...”
Ryan pulled away from him instantly, “Don’t...”
“Are you really that disgusted by me?”
“I’m not disgusted by you. I’m disgusted at myself! How could I do this to you? I’m so sorry.”
“You better be.” Colin glared at him without saying another word.
Ryan’s expression softened as he sat down again. He buried his face in his hands as though it might make him invisible. “I had hoped when we eventually got together it would be under better circumstances.”
“Don’t fuck with me Ryan, I’m not in the mood” Colin crossed his arms and waited for an explanation.
“I’m not. I knew we would end up doing it eventually. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you forever. I just imagined it differently.”
“But... you never said anything before.”
“Yeah, well it’s hard enough to restrain yourself without knowing the other person wants it too. I didn’t want to put that on you.”
Colin didn’t know what to say. He wandered over to the mirror and stared at his own reflection. Ryan was right of course. If he had known Ryan felt the same way about him the situation would probably have been harder, but how could he keep it a secret? He sighed. “We could just forget it ever happened.”
Ryan looked at him pensively “Could you do that?”
“I can try.” He continued looking at himself in the mirror, doubting very much he would be able to wipe the event from his memory. Ryan appeared in the mirror beside him and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on Colin’s shoulder.
“Maybe we could replace it with a better memory.” Ryan attempted to smile at Colin’s reflection.
Colin smiled back at him. He turned to face Ryan, his hands still joined behind his back and exhaled nervously; he hoped Ryan wouldn’t detect his apprehension. Ryan leaned down towards Colin who craned his neck to meet him and they kissed again. It was different this time though. It felt like they were kissing for the first time, their bodies pressed together. Colin wrapped his arms around Ryan’s back and pulled him tighter, wondering if he would be able to let go.
“Last night never happened.” Colin smiled at Ryan knowing this time he meant it.
Mwah!
Rossini xx
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