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Title: You could be happy VIII
Author; captanonymus
Rating PG for some swearing
Main Character(s) and/or pairings; Ryan/Colin
Summary: The Challenge: Ryan is desperate to be at Colin's 50th birthday, but his fear of flying is holding him back. Write a story, as long or as short as you would like about what Ryan does to deal with this problem so that he can be with the man he loves on his very special day.
wordcount: 3287
They took a taxi from the airport and Colin showed Ryan around the house, leaving him time to settle in the guestroom whilst he went off to prepare a light snack. Colin was pleased that Ryan seemed to like the place because he hadn’t been so fond of it before. Too small for his tastes, not exciting enough; but then Old Ryan had always had a sense of restlessness, always looking for the next big thing, the next adventure. This constant energy had attracted Colin to him but it also made him difficult to live with sometimes.
When Ryan re-emerged, Colin has just put the finishing touches on a pasta dish which was not too rich but very tasty.
“Hmm, something smells good…”
“Would you like some? I’ve just made it, figured we could do with a little something”
Ryan nodded and Colin plated up for him. They sat down at the dining table, each lost in their own thoughts.
“How would you feel about seeing a specialist tomorrow?”
Ryan shrugged noncommittally “Sure, but it’s been three years…”
“Yes, but you’ve not had any tests or anything….you never know. Don’t you want your memory back?”
“Of course I do, but I’ve lived with it for three years and trust me, you start seeing things in perspective after being angry at trees for nearly 2 years….”
“You seem calmer in yourself, I had noticed”
“I don’t know about that seeing that I don’t know what I was like before but…I did a lot of walking, after I had healed enough. It calmed me down… a lot. Also, I thought I was a wanted murderer…figured I should make the most of the time I had left…” Ryan’s voice tailed off to a whisper.
Colin got up and wrapped an arm around Ryan’s shoulder “I’m sorry she put you through that…I looked for you every year, you know”
“I don’t think I’ve thanked you for that yet” Ryan said
“Don’t thank me, I wanted to”
And with that they concentrated on their food again.
The next day, Colin took Ryan to a specialist and had him checked out. All tests came back clear and the staff couldn’t see any reason why Ryan wouldn’t remember.
“Sometimes the brain defends itself. If you were going through a particularly stressful, emotional time at the time of your accident, the brain sometimes goes into hibernation so to speak and “blocks” the memories that would cause severe anxiety or stress” At this point the doctor had looked at Colin.
“Do you know why Mr Stiles might have been upset Mr Mochrie?”
Colin was torn, he wanted to tell the truth but he also wanted to hold on to Ryan. He tried to do both.
“Well, at the time, Ryan and I were not on speaking terms. We’ve always been very close you see and we had had an argument regarding my previous birthday, which caused us not to speak to each other again….”
“And you feel Mr Stiles was sufficiently bothered by this to come and see you in
“Er…I think so, yes”
“Well, there is no reason to assume you won’t regain your memory Mr Stiles but we don’t know when it will be, unfortunately”
If Ryan had been disappointed by the doctor’s diagnosis, he didn’t show it. In fact, he seemed rather upbeat as they left the hospital and made their way back to the house. In hindsight, Colin wished he’d never listened to the answer machine message when they came in but he hadn’t been thinking. He was so caught up with happy, smiling Ryan that he never gave it a second thought when he pressed play. It was the officer he had spoken to when reporting Beth. He informed them that, as they went to arrest her, she came out brandishing a gun, refusing to put it down and they had had no alternative but to shoot her. She had died on the way to hospital. The effect on Ryan was immediate. His turned ashen and he dashed to the bathroom, where Colin could hear him throw up. He didn’t know what to do. Should he go and console Ryan, or should he leave him alone with his thoughts for a while? He chose the first and tentatively knocked on the bathroom door when the sounds of vomiting had stopped. When Ryan didn’t answer, he slowly opened the door. Ryan was hunched on the floor, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
“Hey Ry, come on, let’s get you cleaned up..” he wetted a washcloth and wiped Ryan’s face. Then he gently took him by the arm and guided him into the guestroom. Ryan still hadn’t spoken, but he didn’t protest against Colin ministrations, which had to be a good sign.
“Come on, let me get your shoes off” he sat Ryan on the edge of the bed and unlaced his shoes for him. When the shoes had come off, he encouraged Ryan to stretch out on the bed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No..”
“I’ll leave you alone for a bit then..” as he got up to leave, Ryan reached out and grasped his wrist.
“Would you mind…..staying for a bit?”
“Of course not Ry” and he settled himself in the chair next to the bed.
It was a good 20 minutes before Ryan spoke again.
“You think I’m being silly about this?”
“No, no I don’t think you are. You lived with her for 3 years, and in her way, she took care of you. It’s natural that you’re upset by this.”
“Are you glad she’s dead?”
Colin had to think about that “No, I’m not glad she’s dead. She was a human being after all. I’m sorry this affects you so…”
“I don’t know what to feel, you know. She took care of me, but she also lied to me. Made me believe I was a horrible person….. I nearly killed you…” Ryan’s breath hitched and Colin saw fresh tears pooling in his eyes. He got up from the chair and sat next to Ryan on the bed, wrapping his arms around him.
“Ry, you weren’t to know, I don’t blame you, I never did” He stroked Ryan’s hair and it seemed to be calming him. He kept stroking until he felt Ryan relax. When he saw that Ryan had drifted off to sleep, he quietly got up, covered the sleeping form with a quilt and crept out off the guestroom.
He poured himself a scotch, which he downed in one gulp. He desperately wanted another one but decided against it. It wouldn’t do to get blindingly drunk. He could always save that for later when Ryan found out the truth about the two of them…..
The ringing of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. It was Brad. Brad knew Ryan was alive, not just because Colin had rung him as soon as he had gotten Ryan back to the hotel but also because by now, the story had been picked up by several newspapers. Colin had successfully avoided journalists so far, but he was worried he wouldn’t be able to fend them off much longer.
“hey Brad”
Hey Colin, how’s Ryan? “
“Not to great. We went to a specialist this morning. No reason for him not to remember apparently. And the woman who kept him was killed in a police shootout” Colin hated how his voice trembled slightly.
“Jesus…..I’m coming over
Before Colin could protest, Brad had hung up. Colin was torn. Part of him wanted Brad here so he could talk to him about Beth, but another part was worried about how Ryan would react to his presence. Brad would be the first person to see him and Ryan had specifically said he *didn’t* want to see anyone. 45 minutes later Brad had arrived and Ryan was still asleep. Maybe, they won’t even meet. Brad had enfolded Colin in a bear hug as soon as he had opened the door and for a moment, Colin had leaned into it. It felt good to be held, even if it was the wrong person doing the holding.
Brad had steered them to the sofa and sat next to Colin, his arm still slung across his shoulders.
“Now, talk to me…” Maybe it was the concerned tone of Brad’s voice, or the fact that Colin had been bottling up his emotions but as soon as Brad told him to talk, he did. He told him everything. How he found Ryan, how Ryan believed he was a murderer. He even told him Ryan had been told to kill him. Brad stiffened at that revelation but he didn’t say anything. He just held Colin a little tighter. Which was, of course, the point where Ryan walked in.
Ryan looked at Brad, who was holding Colin and Brad looked at Ryan and suddenly the temperature in the room seemed to drop by several degrees.
“Ryan, this is Brad, we used to work together on Whose line” that seemed to interrupt the staring competition between the two, with Ryan being the first to recover.
“Sorry I don’t recognise you, man” which sounded neutral enough but Ryan’s tone indicated he wasn’t sorry at all. In fact, translated, what Ryan was really saying was Who the fuck are you and why are you pawing Colin!
“No problem, Ryan, Colin told me about your problem” I’m here for Colin, you bastard. He trusts me!
“Yeah, the doc said my memory could return at any moment though” Don’t get too comfortable with him. I’m back and he’s *my* friend!
“So, where will you be staying? Are you going to check into a hotel?” So, you’re going to be sponging off Colin until you’re well again! How very like you!
“I suggested it but
On the surface the conversation sounded pleasant enough but Colin felt the undertones and he saw the glint in Ryan’s eyes.
“Brad, thanks for stopping by and I don’t mean to be rude but Ryan and I have some things we need to take care of….”
“Sure, sure, I’ll give you a ring, yeah? We’ll get together for dinner or so”
“That’d be great” and with that, Brad left and once again peace returned to their little sanctuary.
The following weeks were pure torture for Colin. If he hadn’t been head over heels in love with Ryan already, he would have fallen for him faster than a bug finds a clean windshield.
Ryan cooked, cleaned and did everything to make Colin’s life easier. He got him drinks, saved him his paper, taped his favourite programs, it was sickening. If Colin didn’t know any better, he could have sworn Ryan was trying to court him. But that was a ridiculous notion, not to be further entertained….so there.
It had started out innocent enough. The first few days, Ryan kept to himself, not wanting to bother Colin and trying, for all intents and purposes, to blend his 6’6 frame into the wallpaper. It was only after Colin had noticed that he hadn’t seen Ryan all morning, went in search of him, to find him in his room, fully dressed and staring out the window, that the issue was addressed.
“Are you not happy here? Do you want to live with Pat?” Colin had asked gently.
“No! why!? I haven’t been in the way, have I?” Ryan sounded anxious.
“No, not at all, but you seem to be hiding in your room…..if I make you uncomfortable then….”
“No…I…er…I……donwannabeanuisance”
“Sorry?” Colin really couldn’t make out what Ryan was saying.
“I said” Ryan took a breath “I don’t want to be a nuisance, that you feel you have to entertain me the whole time…..you might want to see your friends and I would be in the way….”
“Ry, you *are* my friend. I love having you around, I love spending time with you!”
“but how can you when I’m not the same anymore?”
“There’s still an awful lot of old Ryan left in you, remember the flying?” Colin grinned and Ryan sheepishly joined him.
Colin had assured him that he welcomed his company and that if he needed “alone time” he would tell Ryan “Now, will you trust me on this?” Colin had asked.
“I suppose….hey, in that case, would you mind if I, you know, cooked on days when you’re home late? So you don’t have to do it?”
Colin was surprised, but very pleased “Of course, that’d be great!”
And that seemed to have been the starting signal to fatten Colin up for Christmas…..
Whenever he had long days at CBC to negotiate new shows or simply for endless meetings, he would come home and the house would smell of freshly prepared food, the fireplace would be roaring and a drink would have been placed on the table near his favourite chair.
All he had to do was go upstairs, get changed, come down again, have a drink and sit down at the table where every time without fail a wonderful dish would appear. Then he and Ryan would talk for hours about everyday things or things that Ryan had seen in the news but never about the past. Colin never asked if Ryan remembered anything yet, trusting that Ryan would let him know if that was the case. After the meal when Colin felt sleepy and relaxed but offered to do the dishes all the same, he would be shooed out the kitchen by Ryan saying that he didn’t need to do anything and for him to sit down by the fire.
It was heaven and hell at the same time. Ryan was so thoughtful and so kind that Colin couldn’t help but love him even more. Occasionally he thought he saw Ryan looking at him with a hint of something in his eyes, but as soon as he realised he’d been spotted, he’d look away. He still hadn’t told Ryan about the state of their previous relationship and he was very careful not to touch Ryan too much but it was made damn difficult by Ryan himself. The man had more cling than a static dishcloth…. He seemed to take every opportunity to touch Colin, whether it was brushing up against him as they were passing in the hallway, hugging him when he came home, touching his hand when handing him drinks, the list was endless. They had gotten very comfortable, very quickly around each other again and Colin found it hard to keep a distance.
One night, after Ryan had made the most delicious lasagna Colin had ever tasted, they were relaxing in front of the fire. Colin had the first two buttons of his shirt undone, and it clearly showed a patch of chest hair and the cord with the ring.
continued in the comments......