[FIC] New Horizons - 5/5

[anesthesiagirl.livejournal.com]

Title: New Horizons 5/5
Pairing: Brad/Greg
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my twisted mind.
Author's Notes: This was inspired by a moment I witnessed at an Improv Allstars show. In fact, this whole story was basically inspired by that moment. I'm not sure it came across as powerfully in words as it did to see.



We were all sitting around backstage, trading jokes and insults, and waiting for the show to start. The Improv Allstars tour was in full swing, playing to sold out halls all over the country. Chip and Jeff sat off to the side, speaking softly, save a few outbursts of laughter that would permeate the room. I sat back, sipping my whiskey, and listened to the story Jon was telling. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned just in time to hear Drew ask, "Greg, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Uh, sure, yeah." I rose and followed him out of the room, curiosity getting the best of me.

"So, I felt like I should tell you about this first....." he stammered. "Brad is going to join us for a few shows. Are you okay with that?"

With those few words, my world exploded. It was no secret among our friends what I'd gone through those many years ago. They'd watched me sink and withdraw, trying to help me, but unsure what to do. Everyone had treated me so delicately, and had basically made a point of never mentioning Brad in my presence. Ultimately I'd been my own savior, pulling myself back from the grips of depression and starting over. I'd built up walls, barriers that helped me get through each day, that helped me get my career back on track, that helped me to forget. But in that moment I realized just how tenuous those walls really were.

I opened my mouth several times, not sure how to form a word, but finally settled on "Yes, its fine Drew. Thanks for asking."

And I must have been a better actor than I gave myself credit for, because Drew believed me, failing to see the pallor that had crossed my face, and smiled before turning to head back into the room. I remained in the hall, unable to move, unable to breathe. My mind raced with thoughts both coherent and not. I knew, in that moment, that I was still in love with him. I'm not sure how long I remained there, but I was ripped from my thoughts by the stage manager telling us that we were on in two minutes. Although I wasn't sure how I was going to perform, I walked down the hall and stood in the wings, breathing deeply.

The show had gone well that night, as had the shows since then. I had shut my thoughts and fears regarding seeing Brad in a room in the back of my mind and refused to deal with them. I hadn't seen him, save once, since that night after the show. The only time had been a few days later when he had come by the house to collect his belongings. He'd used his key, entering as if he hadn't been gone at all. He had gone up the stairs immediately, spending some time in our room packing, and had come back down, grabbing some of his albums from the stereo cabinet. He'd turned, catching sight of me, balled on the couch under a blanket, unshaven. I could only imagine what the sight had looked like, empty liquor bottles on the floor, ashtray full of used butts, and me, an empty shell of my former self. At the sight of Brad's face, I had begun to cry afresh. He looked at me, tears brimming in his eyes and said simply, "I'm sorry Greg.", and he'd left, placing his key on the small table in the entryway.

And now the night had come, the night when Brad was to join us on stage. We'd all flown in the night before and stayed at a hotel, but Brad had a show with Colin and had arrived that afternoon. The plan was to meet at the theater a few hours before the show to go over the games for the night. I stood outside the stage door, watching the sun set over the buildings across the park, and enjoying a cigarette. The smoke curled up against the darkening sky before disappearing into the mix, the picture of serenity. I had played this night over and over in my mind since Drew first told me, but I still didn't feel prepared for it. No one had heard from Brad yet, and I allowed myself a glimmer of hope that perhaps he wasn't coming. I snubbed out my cigarette and headed back into the building. The show was set to start in 15 minutes and joined the others, joking with ease after noting that Brad wasn't there. Drew made mention of his absence and hoped he was okay, a sentiment that was echoed around the room. We were all feeling rather jovial as we headed to the stage. Drew went out to start his monologue, and the rest of us chatted and watched, waiting for our cues to enter. Drew started to announce names, and just as he'd called my name, Brad appeared, but I only heard the beginning of his apology as I heeded Drew's cue and bounced out onto the stage. Drew caught sight of Brad and a huge grin adorned his face as he announced Brad's name. He skipped out onto the stage, taking a stool several places down from where I sat. The rest of the members took to the stage and Kathy launched into an explanation of what would be taking place. Brad stood and walked to the side of the stage to grab a beer. He returned, crossing directly in front of me. It was my chance, my opportunity to find out where we stood. I drew a deep breath, swallowed hard, and reached out to lightly punch Brad in the arm. It was one of the most 'manly' things I'd ever done, and I immediately regretted it, until, that is, Brad turned and reached back to gently grab my knee. His touch was like fire on my skin and his hand lingered there long enough to draw my attention to his face. The reassurance in his eyes conveyed more than a thousand words ever could and I couldn't help but return his look with a warm smile. And then it passed, Brad returned to his stool and the game began, but I could still feel his hand on my leg, warm and wonderful.

The night flew by, game after game drawing applause. We all truly enjoyed ourselves that night, and with the drinks flowing freely, we became a bit more free as the night wore on. The final game, Greatest Hits, drew to a close and we all bounded offstage. I looked over and saw the carts of mousetraps and groaned. Kathy headed back out onto the stage to explain the encore. I looked over to see Brad, sitting by himself and pulling off his shoes. Apparently he was one of the unlucky players for the night. Fighting back the overwhelming doubt, I crossed the distance between us and sat next to him.

"Hi." I said.

"Hey." he returned, with a smile.

Any further words were interrupted by Drew, calling to Brad to go play the game. He started to rise, but sat back down, turned to me, took my face in his hands, and kissed me....a soft, chaste, perfect kiss. "I still love you Greg."

And with that, he took to the stage, leaving me behind, lips tingling, eyes full of wonder........looking out on a new horizon.

~fin (12/3/05)~