Story: "The Very Secret Diary of Clive"

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Author: Indy Baggins
Title: The Very Secret Diary of Clive
Pairing: Clive/Greg, Greg/Ryan, Ryan/Colin, some others
Rating: R for language
Summary: Clive has a seduction diary… This is pure crack!
Author’s notes: This type of “diary” was very famous back in the LOTR fandom, originally written by Cassandra Claire but copied by many. I always thought they were hilarious, so I thought I’d give it a try…

You should read Ryan's, Greg's and Colin's first. This is the last part.












Day 1:

I’m Clive.

Britain is so boring. Am tired of rain, silly accents, pansy men.

Everyone always so polite. Is always “Oh Clive, if you have a minute, could we have tea and maybe sex on the desk after?” or “Oh Clive, if you have the time later could you let me suck you off in the bathroom?”

Am in need of someone who’ll talk back to me, so told Dan to bring in some Americans.






Day 4:

American plan paid off.

Met snarky, stylish witty oh so gay guy with glasses. Was stuck trying to decide if he was my type when he went into two-hour litany of why Britain is inferior to San Francisco. Will end up being either dead-annoying or true love.

Possibly both.






Day 5:

Tony was running hallways again, trying to scare women with his look-what-I-have-here trick. Richard told him raincoats are so last season, and sexually charged brawl ensued. Locked them both up in dressing room and told them not to come out before they made up.

In hindsight, bad idea.

Never knew one could do that with ping-pong ball and pointy end of guitar.






Day 7:

Snarky, stylish witty oh so gay guy with glasses’ name is Greg. Tried to seduce him, but ended up in a sardonic bitch-fight. Americans so entertaining when pissed off.

Is quite cute really.






Day 12:

Richard keeps on winking at Greg. Is slightly disturbing.

Feel like I should do something, but don’t know what. Maybe should hit on Richard myself, will tell him I would like make-over.






Day 23:

Keep on trying to hit on Greg, but is always either being fucked by Ryan, or fucking Ryan. Are like horny bunnies.






Day 39:

Ryan is bouncing off the walls because his boyfriend is coming to Britain. Hear is quite the sex-machine. Maybe will finally have a chance with Greg?






Day 45:

Had dream where Greg was gagged and bound under my desk, forced to pleasure me every time buzzer was used.

Fear Greg-obsession is starting to get out of control.






Day 56:

Thought I was making out with Greg, finally, finally, until someone bumped light switch. Am v. annoyed. Although likely Ryan tasted like Greg, so maybe was worth something.






Day 79:

Can’t take it anymore. Was crying behind desk.

Could fuck so many men on there, but want Greg. Begged everyone who passed by to yell degrading insults at me, or call me “Mr. A,” or let me use the buzzer on them.

Camera guy number four was v. kind, but is not the same.






Day 103:

Snarky shouting match with Greg, could no longer detain myself so in moment of utter desperation used Tony’s look-what-I-have-here trick. Greg sufficiently impressed.

Spent all afternoon having hot, sarcastic sex. Am feeling worn, but quite smug. Greg v. adventurous. Was even into kinky gagged-and-tied-under-desk scenario.

Am so lucky.






Day 106:

Colin walked in on Greg and me on top of desk. Uttered a small cry, covered his eyes and ran away. Colin v. strange man.

Must be Canadian thing.






Day 128:

Invited Ryan and Colin to come fuck Greg and me. Hadn’t done foursome since seventies. Greg and Ryan v. enthusiastic, was great fun to watch. Colin v. sweet man, little shy but once drunk indeed sex machine.

All had wonderful big cuddle on bed afterwards. Was bliss.






Day 129:

Dan pissed off because he wasn’t invited to orgy. Am starting to suspect won’t be made host when there is another series, but don’t quite care.

Dan v. unattractive.






Day 135:

Spent all day in bed with Greg. Doing crosswords, reading Wall Street Journal, discussing politics. Is quite the turn-on.

Even had sex twice, but was after trading recipes for Filet Mignon and argument about which Merlot has most intriguing bouquet. Never knew Americans so delightfully gay. Suspect they just hide it better.






Day 144:

Ryan and Colin always hand-in-hand now. Feeding each other, going to bathroom together, cuddling when think we’re not looking. Is hard to tell where one ends, other begins. Seem content though.

Tony still running hallways, but is chasing Richard now. Don’t know if love or just v. peculiar hobby.

Greg… Greg still fucking Ryan sometimes, but mostly me. Am v. happy to have found someone who will talk back to me. Spend every day both annoyed, and in love. Think we all do.


Is a happy ending.








Richard in drag:





mood: bliss