Story: "The Very Secret Diary of Greg"

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Author: Indy Baggins
Title: The Very Secret Diary of Greg
Pairing: Greg/Clive, Greg/Ryan, Ryan/Colin, some others.
Rating: R for language
Summary: Greg has a seduction diary… This is pure crack!
Author’s notes: This type of “diary” was very famous back in the LOTR fandom, originally written by Cassandra Claire but copied by many. I always thought they were hilarious, so I thought I’d give it a try…

You should read Ryan's first.











Day 1:

I am Greg Proops.

Although fabulous in many ways, feel sort of stuck in current relationship. Mike is wonderful person, but too pushy. Am too young to commit.




Day 5:

Tried to break it up with Mike, said we should see other people, bla bla bla. He cried on my shoulder all night.

Am sore now.




Day 7:

Mike sent me five dozen roses and a string quartet. The guy doesn’t know when to quit.

Cannot cope anymore. Off to Britain!




Day 19:

Britain v. rainy but wonderfully gay.

Met slightly balding guy behind a desk. Hear he is somewhat of a legend. Sense a challenge coming.




Day 23:

Slightly balding guy’s name is Clive. Tried to seduce him, but ended up in a shouting match. British are so much fun to piss off.

Also, accent is somewhat of a turn-on.




Day 25:

Feminine guy behind the piano keeps on winking in my direction. Think his name is Richard. Am keeping him as back-up, in case seduction of Clive fails.




Day 31:

Walked in on Clive bending Paul over the desk and screwing him quite enthusiastically. Was fun to watch, but feel somewhat depressed now.

Desk seems to be made out of v. sturdy material. Quite impressive really.




Day 42:

Decided to sneak up on Richard and kiss him senseless. Turns out he wasn’t winking at me, but at Clive.

Figures.




Day 45:

Went drinking with Tony to forget my sorrows.

Finally got me some too. Tony apologized in the morning, as he is already being screwed by Clive. Seriously, am I the only one the guy is not fucking around here?




Day 52:

Met tall, skinny guy. Seems somewhat desperate. Might finally be in luck.




Day 53:

Skinny guy’s named Ryan, and was quite articulate about wanting to fuck me. I might have slipped and called him “Mr. A.” but he didn’t seem awfully bothered by it.

Could be love.




Day 69:

Still being fucked by Ryan, occasionally fighting with Clive. Life is tense but wonderful.




Day 103:

Ryan finally figured out my unrequited love for Clive.

Explained to him I have no chance with Clive, as Clive already has been rumoured to be fucking both Richard and Tony, also Paul, and Mick the stage-hand, as well as John, the handy-man and at least four out of five of the camera guys. Ryan seemed sympathetic, even offered to fuck me on the kitchen table and pretend it’s the desk, but asked I’d shave my head in return.

Am convinced it is not the healthiest of relationships.




Day 175:

Ryan asked me if there are any straight men in Britain. Thought about it, but drew a blank. He ran off to make a collect call to Canada, seemed v. excited.




Day 186:

Met Colin. Balding men seem to be quite the hotties around here.

Am truly considering shaving my head now, but think it will look kind of neo-nazi.




Day 187:

Ryan has been forcing Colin to drink tap water all day. Is v. peculiar.

Has been fucking me when Colin isn’t looking though (probably spending time in the bathroom, all that water has to go somewhere) so I have no complaints.




Day 279:

Was curious what the fuss was all about, so tried to get it on with Colin in the bathroom. Jumped up behind him and whispered in his ear: “you are so very hot… you know we all want you right?” But he just smiled and ignored me.

Am starting to really feel for Ryan.




Day 356:

Ryan made out with Clive? Why???

Am feeling v. jealous.

Universe conspires against me.




Day 361:

Went out for a late-night cigarette, found Richard passed out face-down in the hallway, wearing a pink thong and feather boa. Dropped him off at Tony’s, who didn’t seem surprised.

Sometimes I really don’t want to know.




Day 367:

Was strung up to bed with leather ties, Ryan using some of our Christmas presents from Tony (was Friday night) when Colin knocked on door. Ryan let him in (probably hoping for a threesome, the pervert) but Colin didn’t notice.

Canadians truly are quite dense. Feel somewhat of a challenge there.




Day 413:

Colin spent the night with Ryan because of “bad dreams”. Suspect Tony had something to do with it. Ryan is blissfully happy though, has been whistling the theme from “YMCA” all morning.

Colin seems a little shell-shocked, so took it upon myself to comfort and assure him Ryan is quite the catch. He looked at me strangely. Maybe he pines for Clive too?




Day 439:

Am feeling increasingly desperate. Everyone coupled up but me.

Think I need to step it up with Clive.




Day 444:

Snarky shouting match with Clive turned into “can’t you see I love you” turned into hot, sweaty man-love.

Am feeling quite smug.

Sense a happy ending.








mood: plotting world domination