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[shandi-mai.livejournal.com]

Yay I've got it to work.
This is my first post in here. Hope its ok :)

Title: Bring Me Darkness
Author: Shandi-Mai
Pairing: Jeff/?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: angsty-romance

‘This wasn’t supposed to happen!’ The words were screamed, a vile projection of pain and anguish flung into the quiet night. They caused a flinch and a hooded glare before they were challenged.
‘But it did. You can’t ignore it now.’
‘Yes I can. It didn’t mean anything.’ The young dark haired man turned away then, stalking off into the darkness. He was soon followed, spun around by a firm hand on his arm. They faced each other, a mixture of emotions playing within them both across their shadowed faces.
‘Don’t walk away from me. You know as well as I do that it did mean something.’ The response was quick, quiet and brutal.
‘No.’
Again he walked and again he was stopped, grabbed, pushed roughly up against a wall.
‘Stop lying to me.’ The force of the push left them both panting, glaring, eyes searching each other’s faces for the signs neither of them were willing to give.
‘I don’t date men.’
This time when he walked, his friend didn’t follow. He just stared at the wall with his hands at his sides, anger flaring in his chocolate eyes.
‘No you just fuck them over.’ He hissed, but to a retreating back. This time he let him leave.

xxx

Jeff couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him as they crept down the corridor. There was something incredibly thrilling about hiding from people that left him feeling giddy and guilty at the same time. He grabbed his companion around the waist and pulled him closer, kissing him hungrily on the mouth just as voices could be heard from around the bend in the corridor. Jeff swore into the open mouth against his, making them both giggle as he stepped away and started hurriedly looking in his pockets for his room key.

The voices were getting louder as he finally located it and held it triumphantly above his head. A moment passed, one they couldn’t afford to lose, not if they didn’t want to get caught. His companion grabbed the key and slid it deftly into the lock, opening the door and rushing them both inside just as their party came around the corner and in to view. Slamming the door they leant against it, panting and giggling into their hands as the voices outside grew louder and then softer as they moved away. Jeff breathed a sigh of relief as they disappeared altogether and they were finally in the clear.

Without missing a beat he stepped towards his partner in crime and pulled him close once more, grabbing the back of his shirt and drawing him into a long kiss. The kiss deepened and Jeff went with it, grabbing hold of the other man’s belt and tugging him towards the bed. The other man didn’t complain, letting himself be pulled down and onto the soft mattress.

xxx

‘I can’t believe you could let this happen.’ His boss said, his hands folded over his considerable waist, eyes shining with disappointment. The young man before him sighed and shook his head, unable to meet such a penetrating gaze.
‘I didn’t exactly plan it.’ He huffed, shame making him sound petulant, a trait carried over from childhood that he couldn’t seem to shake off.
‘You didn’t do anything to stop it either though.’
‘I’m sorry’ It was all he could think of to say. He knew how badly he had messed up and that apologies were necessary, but he hated how pathetic he sounded. He stared at the floor, the walls, a potted plant, anywhere than into his superior’s eyes.
‘It better not jeopardise the show. I cant afford to lose one of you.’
‘You wont, I promise.’ A weary sigh escaped the older man’s lips and he ran a hand over his round face and tightly cropped hair. Shaking his head, he stepped around his companion, throwing words over his shoulder as he went.
‘Next time you want to have a one night stand, do it with someone you don’t know for god’s sake.’
‘Believe me, there won’t be a next time.’

xxx

Jeff panted heavily into his lover’s shoulder, attempting to slow his breathing and the erratic thumping of his heart. He buried his sweat-soaked forehead into the curve of his lover’s neck as arms came up to circle his back, stroking his skin softly. Lifting his head up, Jeff stared down into the eyes of the man below him, a small exhausted smile gracing his lips. He nuzzled into the hand that reached up to caress his cheek, kissing the fingers softly and then leaning down for a slow, sensual kiss. In that moment he felt more content than he had felt in a long time, and he wished that it could last forever.

xxx

‘Hey. I missed you this morning.’ He said
‘Sorry. I didn’t want to wake you.’ Was the reply, spoken quickly and to the opposite wall as his friend turned away. He laid a hand on his shoulder but it was shrugged off, leaving a frown to replace it. Confusion and tension were thick around them, coating their rigid bodies, the walls, even the air.
‘Last night was…’ The sentence began but was cut off with a swift turn.
‘A mistake.’ He shuddered to a halt; a halt of voice, movement and breath. Nothing inside him moved. Outside, he couldn’t find the words.
‘Oh.’ He finally managed. The other man closed his eyes and sighed, running a hand through his dark hair, an expression of sadness and pity on his handsome face.
‘I’m sorry.’ He offered, his hand reaching forward for something neither of them were sure they wanted, but felt compelled to respond to just the same. Then his companion turned and walked away, moving off to stand on the other side of the cramped room, leaving him alone but surrounded. Noises were rushing around him; the voices of the others, the sound of applause, his name being called. But none of it seemed to matter anymore.

xxx

Jeff was on fire. Laughter echoed around him, making him react faster, push further, breaking limits with abandon. His arms were wrapped around his friend and he was staring into his eyes. His words dripped off his tongue but he barely heard them, only responded to the smooth voice of the man beside him. He moved then so that he stood behind and his partner was in front, keeping his arms firmly in place.

As the scene continued and his co-star began to perform a drawled monologue to the audience, laughing occasionally along with them, Jeff bent down and placed a soft kiss onto the back of his friends neck. He felt the man in his arms take a breath, his lips stilled and his words momentarily fading into nothing as his heart tripped a merry tune against his ribs. Jeff relished in the feeling and squeezed his arms tighter as the monologue was taken up again, smiling to himself into his partner’s hair.

xxx

Jeff watched his friend silently as he pulled his top over his head, letting it casually drop to the chair beside him. Jeff found himself unconsciously licking his lips as his eyes travelled over the planes of the other man’s chest. For a moment their eyes met and Jeff took a step forward, but he was interrupted by the arrival of the others.

At once the room was filled with laughter and excited voices as the show was discussed and the evening’s drinking plans were formulated. Jeff tried to stay quiet but was dragged into the mist of it, somehow agreeing to meet everyone at eight in the hotel bar, even though he didn’t really want to. He looked across the room and met a pair of dark brown eyes, both expressing the annoyance that Jeff felt too. Starring into the chocolate orbs a wicked plan began to arrange itself within Jeff’s mind and he smiled, a sly smile alight with possibility and mischief. His partner, unable to look away, smiled back.

xxx

They were laughing as they ran, looking over their shoulders at empty corridors and closed doors. Red painted hallways stretched out before them, the pounding of their feet echoing off the walls. Hearing voices nearby they skidded to a halt and ducked into an alcove behind the leaves of a potted plant. They could hear their friends talking, heard their names mentioned in confused and frustrated tones, and pressed back even further into their hiding place.

They grabbed at each other, fighting giggles that threatened to give them away. Hands entwined together, running up soft skin and down to rest on jean clad hips. They tugged each other closer, faces moving together, breath panted, mingling together, and lips ghosting tentatively over soft skin. They pressed together, opening to each other and moaning as their tongues danced and their hands roamed. The voices down the corridor were momentarily forgotten as hands snaked beneath shirts to run over the hard planes beneath, soft sighs escaping both their lips.

But then the voices grew louder again and they drew apart, breathing heavily and smiling. Needing to stay ahead, stay hidden, they grabbed each other’s hand and darted out and down the corridor, narrowly avoiding the others as they turned the corner. With unspoken agreement they headed for a room, both craving what the other promised, their hands gripped together between them.

xxx

Another night cloaked them when they met again, this one sheathed in a light fog and the patter of gentle rain. Dark clouds hulked the sky, seeming to close in on the two figures standing apart, the space between them filled with questions neither of them knew how to ask.
‘What do you want me to say?’ Was the first, falling from his friends lips in a hollow whisper.
‘That you don’t regret it.’ Silence for a beat and he hung his head, feeling tears sting his eyes, a bitter spill to match the dampness of the rain on his face. Then.
‘I don’t regret it.’ Said so quietly it was almost lost. But he heard it, grabbed it and hung on.
‘Then why?’ Was all he could say, taking a step forward, expecting the other man to move away. But he didn’t. Instead he moved closer himself, almost shivering despite it not being cold.
‘Because I can’t…’He choked, his body tensing, his face contorting in misery.
‘Can’t what?’ They needed the answer, and both waited for the courage it took his friend to whisper the words.
‘I can’t deal with this. It’s too much. I’m not ready for it.’ They stare into each other’s eyes, the craving to be close almost unbearable. He sees fear flash across his friend’s face, hiding a streak of desire, passion, and something else. His head bows and a sob escapes him, drowned out by a crack of thunder over head, the beginnings of the storm raging around them.
‘I can’t fall in love with you.’
‘But I can’t stop.’

xxx

Jeff was excited, standing in the car lot beside the idling tour bus. The others were gathered around him, chatting amicably amongst themselves, but Jeff was interested in none of them. He was waiting for one more, the last person due to join them for the tour and who was currently ten minutes late.

Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Jeff didn’t even try to hide his impatience, the need to see the other man getting stronger with every passing minute and consequently harder to hide. And then a cab pulled around the corner and stopped before them and Jeff felt a grin break out on his face as he went to meet his friend, leaving the others behind him.

He had barely gotten out of the car when Jeff grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, pressing against him and as always questioning the feeling of the other man’s quickened heartbeat and panted breath. Pulling away, he stared deep into soulful brown eyes and caught a glimpse of something he hadn’t seen before. Something that made him happy with hope and wonder. He held his best friend, his co-star and partner in crime gently around the waist and smiled.
‘It’s so nice to see you Chip.’

END