Claire's Get Well Drabbles and Ficlets

[simplysly.livejournal.com]

As some (most?) of you know, claireweasley has been sick recently.  In an effort to cheer her up, I've been writing her drabbles and ficlets.  One or two of these things may have actually been before the illness, but the vast majority are not.  She poked me to post them over here, so here they are.  All with at least Ry/Col undertones.

Title:  They're all untitled
Author: simplysly
Rating: G - PG-13
Characters:  Ryan, Colin, mentions of Drew, Wayne, Greg and Deb

First there were the Mary Sue talking cats.   This has no title, as it total crack, and since when does crack need a title?

Ryan was drunk. Or at least, he was pretty sure he was. He’d only had the one beer so far, but there was no other reason for this cat to be talking to him.

“You know you love him.” The cat, some sort of calico with pink (yes, pink) mixed into its fur smirked at him. Ryan blinked, looked down at the beer in his hand, and vowed to never buy any of that brand again.

“My human loves Whose Line is it Anyway? and we agree that you are totally infatuated with that guy that always sits next to you.” Ryan slowly put down the beer and walked to the phone. He dialed a number from memory, and waited until he heard a familiar voice before speaking.

“Hi, Colin. There’s a talking cat here that’s telling me that I’m in love with you.” There was a pause on the other end.

“Ryan,” the voice began slowly. “Are you completely trashed?”

“I think I must be, but I’ve only had one beer. Since when did one beer lead to pink fucking cats talking about love?”

“…The cat is pink?”

“Yup. And I’m feeling the strangest urge to pet it, and you know I hate cats.” The pause was longer this time.

“Ryan, where’s Pat?”

“She took the kids to visit her parents. What does that have to do with talking cats?”

“So, what you’re telling me is that your wife is out of town, and that there’s a talking pink pussy telling you to get some.”

“That’s not...”

“Sure, Ry, whatever you say. I’m here for you. Honest.” Ryan heard beeping as Colin pushed buttons on his cell phone while still talking to Ryan on the land line.

“What are you? Colin, I’m not crazy!”

“Of course you’re not, Ryan.”

“No, I’m really not! Here, you talk to him!” With this, Ryan thrust the phone in the direction of the entirely too smug cat that looked at him with sparkling cerulean eyes and practically begged to be petted.

“Hello, Colin. Has anyone ever told you that you’re completely in love with this tall goof?” There was silence from the phone for a long moment, and then

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”



Another part of this "universe" was posted later:

Of course Ryan would suggest the name for Drew's cat. Of course, he probably didn't realize quite what he was doing.

[Drew walks into the Green Room and sees Ryan, Colin, Wayne, and Greg. He heads over to them.]

Drew: Hey guys!

Everyone else: [various semi-enthusiastic responses]

Drew: So, uh, I got this cat yesterday. It's pink and it talks. Any idea on what I should name it?

Ryan (still pissed about the hoedowns)[sarcasticly]: Why don't you call it Rainbow Moonbeam Starshine Carey?

Greg (pissed about not being in more games)[also sarcasticly]: You can't forget the Princess, Ryan.

Ryan: True. Try Princess Rainbow Moonbeam Starshine Carey, Drew.

Drew [cluelessly]: That sounds great guys, thanks a bunch! [leaves]

Colin: So, when do you think he's going to figure out you were being sarcastic?


....That's enough of that.  We shall now never speak on this again.  What follows was originally intended to be a drabble.  Well, it decided to use steroids, and this is what it turned into.  This one doesn't have a name either.  Suggestions?

Ryan watched as Wayne took Colin's hand on the way back to their seats. Wayne had started this habit last year, and so far Colin didn't seem to be objecting. Aware that he was still onstage, and that they were still taping, Ryan kept his face purposefully impartial. Colin, however, knew him too well to believe it. He tossed Ryan a look that promised that they would talk after the show. Ryan nodded slightly and turned his attention back to what Drew was saying, something that got harder and harder after the conclusion of each game with Wayne touching Colin more than he needed to. Didn't he know that only Ryan was allowed the excessive touching? Well, and Greg occasionally, but they had known Greg much longer than Wayne.

After the taping had (finally!) ended (with enough hoedowns to make a person's eyes bleed), and they had done the mandatory congratulations and rehash in the Green Room, Colin followed Ryan back to the taller man's trailer.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, Col, really."

"Tell that to someone that doesn't know you as well as I do." Ryan paused, considering what to say. He finally decided on a compromise.

"I think I'm jealous."

"Did Pat say someone was cute? You do worse all the time. You know that finding other people attractive isn't the same as what you two have."

"I know, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I..." Ryan sighed. "It's really nothing, Colin."

"If it's enough to distract you from taping..." Colin paused and thought back over what had happened that day. "Unless it was something during the taping. You and I are in most of the games, so it can't be stage time. And despite what you say, you don't really want Drew's job..."

"Hey, it would be nice sitting behind the desk for a change, not having to come up with everything."

"Please, you'd jump in every chance you got. There is no way that you could go the entire taping playing as few of the games as Drew does." Ryan acknowledged the truth in Colin's words with a slight smile.

"Like you're any better."

"True, but we're straying off topic, and you know that I'm going to keep badgering you until you tell me."

"...I don't like Wayne's new habit." Colin's eyebrows rose.

"I know he's been talking about his daughter a lot recently, but you were the same way when Mac was born." Ryan sighed.

"It's not that. I get the new father thing, and his daughter is pretty cute."

"Then what?"

"He keeps... touching you."

"Touching me."

"All the time. After almost every game, and it's pretty much guaranteed if he's sitting next to you."

"Still not seeing the issue."

"Damnit, Colin!" Ryan snarled suddenly, causing Colin to take a step back. "I'm the only one allowed to do that!"

To Colin's credit, he didn't burst out laughing. Ryan could tell he was thinking about it though. Colin came to a decision and stepped forward, well into Ryan's personal space (not that he had much with Colin anymore).

"Jealous of Wayne touching me. Why Ryan, if I didn't know any better, I could be excused for thinking that you were in love with me." Ryan swallowed heavily and stepped back to give them some space, but Colin just kept walking until Ryan was trapped between him and the wall. "But wait, I seem to remember something about that. In fact, I seem to remember saying something similar before your wedding, and again before mine."

"I..."

"And did you reply that it was just a crush, and that we'd grow out of it?"

"I might have said something like that, yes."

"But, judging from the jealousy, I'm guessing that you haven't." Colin leaned in, his hips firmly against Ryan's, and put his lips next to Ryan's ear. "You have no reason to be jealous, Ryan. I've only ever been attracted to one man. Wayne is sweet, something like a kid brother. But you..."

Colin leaned back slightly to look at Ryan, and Ryan took advantage of this opportunity, covering Colin's lips with his own.

There was no talking for a long time.

Outside, Wayne pat himself on the back for a plan well executed, and left to run interference, keeping everyone else away from Ryan's trailer for at least an hour. As the noises behind him rose in volume, Wayne amended that time frame to at least two.


A couple of days later, this almost drabbly thing was spawned.


"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You just sneezed," Ryan accused, glaring at his friend and occasional lover.

"So? It was just a sneeze, Ryan. People do it all the time." Colin turned his attention back to The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, which he was re-reading for the 42nd time.

"No, Col, sick people do it all the time. Healthy people, not so much."

"I'm fine Ryan, really." There was silence for a few minutes, interrupted only by the faint rustle of the pages of Colin's book.

"So, you're sure you're not sick?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Cause, I think that sick people should be in bed. And, being the nice person that I am, if you were sick, I would take your temperature for you. Of course, I have no idea where the thermometer actually is, but I'm sure that I could figure out if you have a fever or not depending on how, warm, your body is." There was another pause, much shorter than the previous one, only to be broken by

"You know what, Ryan? I think I am feeling a little warm."


In turn, Claire then wrote her own ficlet, which spawned yet more drabbles and ficlets.  Yay, an actual drabble.


Ryan and Colin walked slowly, hands stuffed in the pockets of their thick, woolen overcoats, shoulders brushing companionly. Their breaths were white clouds before them, and leaves crunched beneath their feet, heralding the coming winter. It was a rare quiet moment for themselves, the kind that were becoming more frequent as the children aged. Behind them, there was laughter and light, as their families gathered and bickered good naturedly. By now, Deb and Pat would have managed to get the children to the table, and were probably wondering where their husbands were. Ahead was dark and unknown, though Colin thought Ryan had a flashlight, and Ryan thought that the moon was enough. They paused at the end of the yard, their vehicles gleaming in the moonlight, asking to be driven. Deb called out that dinner was ready, and as one, the two turned to head back inside. They chose familiarity.


Apparently, I can't keep things too short, but neither can I get them up to acceptable (to me) length.  They just keep getting longer.

Sometimes Ryan wondered why. Not why any particular way, more why in the general sense. As in, why did he fall in love and marry Pat when he already loved Colin? Or, why didn't he fight more for mixing up Whose Line? instead of going with the same old, same old? Currently, he was wondering why he was going hiking in the middle of winter.

"Why are we doing this again?" Colin shrugged in response, and Ryan glared contemptuously at him for being so blasé about the cold.

"Mac wanted a "real" Christmas tree, she somehow managed to convince the others that said tree was the only way to go, and Deb and Pat finally got fed up enough to send us out to fetch said tree."

“I meant, why are we out here on this fucking hill looking for a tree instead of going to one of the numerous tree farms that were nearer?” It was now Colin’s turn to glare at Ryan.

“Because you drove us here. It would be easier, you said. We’d have a better selection, you said. The tree had to be perfect, you said. Only the best for your little girl, you said.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Ryan interrupted before Colin could continue to list every little thing that had occurred to get them there. “I get the picture. I take it all back. We’re buying one of the trees on the stupid fucking lot down the street from Sears.” Laughter was the reply. How great. Spend nigh on twenty years on stage with the guy saying funny things and he hardly ever cracks, and now, when Ryan’s actually being serious, he laughs. Life sucks.

“We’re already in the woods, Ry. We might a well just pick a tree from here and be done with it.” Colin flashed a grin at him, the type that almost never showed on stage, and Ryan’s breath caught in his throat. “Besides, aren’t you having fun? I mean, I wouldn’t want to do this every day, or anything, but there is something special about being up here this time of year.” Ryan swallowed heavily.

“Yeah, Col. It’s magical.” Anything that could bring that sort of smile to Colin’s face had to be. He fought down the urge to do something sappy like take Colin’s hand, or declare his love, or something that he would do with a woman. He was losing, his hand was creeping out of the pocket, and oh god, he was reaching for Colin who was blissfully unaware, enjoying his surroundings.

“Hey! Look at this one! It’s perfect!” Colin walked faster, leading the way over to said perfect tree. To Ryan, it looked much like the four million other trees that surrounded him, but he knelt down with the hack saw anyway.

“So, you’re sure this is it, right? Don’t want to cut down the wrong tree and have to do this again.”

“Yes, I’m sure. Here, let me hold it for you.” With Colin holding it, and Ryan’s desperation to get out of the cold, the tree was quickly separated from the ground. It was then that Ryan realized the other issue.

“Hey, Col? How are we going to get this tree down the hill?”


And longer.

“So, how long have you and Ryan been a couple again?” Colin choked and then sprayed the beer he had just taken a sip of all over the table.

“What?!?!?!” It is one thing when the fans asked, because they were hardly ever serious. It was another for one of his friends to ask the same question and honestly expect a positive answer. “Ryan and I aren’t, you know,” a couple “gay.”

Beside him, Deb rolled her eyes. “Twenty-five years.” Across the table from them, Greg’s jaw dropped.

“Wow, I knew it was a while, but damn. A quarter of a century, good for you guys.” Colin was growing more dumbfounded with each passing second. Did Deb really think…? And Greg? Was that why…? Oh crap.

“Ryan and I aren’t a couple.” Deb looked at him in disbelief. Was it really so hard to believe that he and Ryan weren’t going at it like rabbits every time someone turned their back to them?

“Colin, honey, it’s ok. I knew you too were together before I married you.”

“What?!?!?!” Ok, so he was now repeating himself, but damn it, “I’ve never had sex with Ryan!” And that was slightly too loud, now the people at the surrounding tables were looking at them. Colin felt his cheeks begin to flush, but he was an actor damn it! He could stay cool and calm with people staring at him. So what if he was also painfully shy, and this was real life and not on stage. Damn it.

“Well, why not?” Greg this time. “Twenty-five years is a long time to go without consummating a relationship.” Colin felt like whimpering and banging his head against the table, but that would be sure to attract more attention that he didn’t want. Damn it.

“What about all those time that Pat and I have taken the kids off somewhere and left you and Ryan alone for hours? Or those long weekends when you go down to visit him? Or staying at his place when you were working on Whose Line? or the Drew Carey show? You really mean to tell me that in all that time, you two never had sex, not even once?”

“No! Not even once, not even a non stage kiss! We would never cheat on you or Pat even if, and that’s a mighty big if, we felt that way about each other, which we don’t.” Great, and now they were both staring at him in disbelief.

“You’ve declared your love to each other on national television. I was there, and for some of those “stage” kisses that didn’t even make the cut.”

“We didn’t mean love like that! We meant love, like for brothers, not romantically!”

“Uh-huh. And the kissing?”

“It got a laugh, didn’t it?”

“Colin,” Deb said slowly, as if to a small child. “I’ve seen the Chyna episode. The person there that was most shocked by Ryan kissing you was her. And yes, that includes the audience.”

“Ooo, or the Drew Carey spit take, when he had to fake it for your kissing, because he wasn’t all that shocked.” Colin stared at Greg.

“What do you do, watch all the old Whose Line? episodes?” Greg pouted. Actually pouted at him.

“They’re on late at night, and I have insomnia.” Colin blinked at him.

“Riiiight. Anyway, Ryan and I have never kissed when it wasn’t to get a rise out of someone.”

“Never?” Deb and Greg managed to ask this in unison. Creepy. Very creepy.

“Never.” There. Hopefully now they’ll get this crazy idea out of their heads.

“Why not?” Or, you know, not. Damn it. Slowly, Colin lowered his head, and then began to bang it on the table. More people were staring, but he just couldn’t care right now.

“I hate you both.” Deb and Greg looked at each other and smiled. Now, if only Pat and Drew were having as good a conversation with Ryan…


This last one *points up* might actually get continued, most likely if Claire pokes me about it.

Anyway, thank you for reading!