She Can't Have You - Part 2

[improvfan88.livejournal.com]

Here's Part 2. Hope you like it, I'm not so sure about it. Still got newbie's nerves I think.

Title: She Can't Have You
Pairing: Colin/Ryan
Rating: I'll say R to be safe, but I have no idea of American ratings. For UK peeps, 15 ;)
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, if you wanna sue, you can pay off my debts. I have however, eaten all my cookies, and now need a cigarette.

She Can't Have You - Part 2


March, 1986

"I don't know if I can do this."

"Ry, shut up, and take the place."

"But I want you to come with me!”

"Stop acting like a five year old. I'll get in next time."

"But it's not fair!"

Colin rubbed his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time in the past hour. They were sitting in the kitchen of Ryan's small apartment, drinking cold coffee as his machine was broken. Both had auditioned for the legendary Second City comedy troupe, but Ryan had been offered the place. He wasn't taking it however, as it meant being away from Colin.

"Ry, you've got to go. You can't miss the opportunity, you go with P-Pat, and I'll get in next time."

When Ryan turned to him, Colin saw something in his eyes that should've scared him, that should have had him running. It was something he thought existed only in fairy tales. Ryan's eyes showed him love, through an emerald view, unquestioning, consuming, almost demanding Colin's full attention to the emotion Ryan was giving him.

"I don't want to miss you."

That simple line broke Colin, and he joined Ryan in sobbing into each others arms. At this moment, Pat, Ryan's girlfriend of seven years walked in, taking in the sight before her.

"Ryan?"

Ryan broke apart from Colin, rubbing his eyes, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm, uh, just gonna miss Col when we move."

"Right. You're both coming up for thirty years old, and you're crying about not seeing each other."

"Pat, he's my best friend."

"You will still see him Ryan." The conversation, which was quickly escalating into an argument, was taking place as though Colin was not in the room at all. Colin always got the feeling that Pat didn't like him, or was uneasy with the level of friendship between himself and Ryan.

"Not as often as I want to, that's why we're upset."

"You're twenty six years old! Grow up!"

"I have grown up. It might have escaped your notice that I'm the one earning round here! I think I've got the right to be upset from moving away from Col!"

"Maybe you could help by packing then! There's phones, Ryan! You can write to him, you can even drive to him! Vancouver's not that far away from Toronto, not to see your fuck buddy!"

Colin was watching the argument almost with the air of someone watching an interesting cricket match. Throughout it all, he never left Ryan's side. At her last words however, he felt anger bubbling up inside him. What he didn't expect was the look of shock on Ryan's face, and, although he considered himself mistaken when he looked back on it later, a quick flash of guilt crossing his face. He grabbed Colin's hand and led him out of the apartment, Pat screaming behind him like the devil possessed, walking and dragging Colin behind him until they reached a park, their park. A place of refuge for them both, especially when things were bad. Colin sat down on a nearby bench, watching Ryan pace up and down, attempting to get rid of his anger by mumbling to himself.

"She had no goddamn right......fuck buddy......phones...."

Colin decided to take a chance, ready to bear any of Ryan's already infamous temper.

"Ry? You OK?"

Ryan immediately stopped in his pacing and looked at Colin, almost as though he had forgotten his presence.

"Yeah, I'm just....she had no......sometimes I wonder why I'm with her, you know? I look at her, and sometimes I feel nothing. You should love the person you live with right?"

"Not always Ry." Colin said. He wondered to himself why he said that. 'Because you want him.' Said a little voice in his head. 'You've never liked Pat, here's your chance. He’ll leave her, take you to Toronto with him.' Shaking his head slightly, Colin wondered where they had came from, and vowed not to let it happen again.

 "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Yes." Colin said, not even thinking.

"Thanks, c'mon. I'll buy us something to eat."

They walked to the nearest McDonalds, Ryan feeling the need to eat something covered in at least two inches of fat. Colin barely noticed that Ryan had flung his arm over his shoulders, his thoughts consuming his mind. What, if anything, would happen tonight? Colin was sure that Ryan had looked guilty when Pat accused them of sleeping together, even though he had nothing to feel guilty for. He vaguely heard Ryan order for them both, they knew each other that well that if meeting for a meal, whoever arrived first would order for the other, so by the time they arrive, the food would be ready. Whenever asked, both men simply shrug, unable to explain how they know exactly would the other one would want to eat that particular day.

"Col? You zoning out buddy?"

Colin started out of his thoughts, and looking into the thoughtful gaze of his best friend. He was almost surprised to find himself sitting down, halfway through his burger. He couldn’t remember eating it, but by the look on Ryan’s face, he had the strangest feeling that he knew where his burger had disappeared to.

"Yeah, sorry. Still trying to get over my insane jealously."

"The Second City thing?"

"What else?"

"Why does that make you jealous?"

"Is that answer obvious?"

"Do you wish you were coming with me?"

"Do you really need to ask?"

"Do you wish you were coming with me instead of Pat?"

Colin stared. He didn't know how to answer that one. Well, he did. Cover it with a joke.

"Do I really have to answer that?"

It was one of the rare times when a joke from Colin fell flat. Ryan was staring at him in the same way he was in the kitchen. When he spoke, his next words stopped Colin's heart.

"I do."

Colin raised his gaze to look at Ryan, feeling like his eyes were piercing though his very soul. Determined not to be the one to back down, he stared back. And stared. And stared, until Ryan sneezed, looked away and the moment was gone.

"You don't mean that really, do you Ry?"

"No, I supposed I don't really. I mean, I wish you were coming with me, but I'm glad that Pat's coming too." Ryan played with his food, as he spun out the last lie. Ever more recently, he had been questioning how much he loved Pat. He hadn't been lying to Colin when he told him that. What he didn't tell Colin was how much he was questioning his love for Colin, and at what level that love lay at. Not too much, because the answer's he had come up with scared him shitless.

"I’d better go back actually. She might get worried if I stay with you. It won't help her suspicions either."

Colin laughed, a kind of nervous laugh. He had never been nervous with Ryan before. He stood as Ryan did, walking slightly behind as they walked out of the restaurant. They walked in silence until they came to a corner of a street where Ryan had to continue on, but Colin had to turn left towards his own apartment.

"Thanks Col."

"For what?"

"For making me feel better."

"I didn't do anything."

"You were just you."

"You're such a sap."

"You love me for it."

"I don't love you." Colin blushed.

"You do! Admit it Col, you love me!" Ryan giggled, as he attempting to tickle Colin.

"Ry! Get off! I don't! OK, I do, I do!" Barely able to talk through the laughter trying to force its way out of his mouth.

"Say it properly!"

"I love you!"

Ryan ceased his tickle, only to grab Colin into a tight hug, which he returned whole heartedly. After they had been standing for a few minutes, Colin felt something wet dripping down his neck, only to realise that Ryan had started to cry again. They broke apart, and Ryan reached up to Colin's face, wiping away tears that Colin hadn't even noticed he had shed.

"I'm gonna miss you Col."

"I'm gonna miss you too Ry."

Ryan suddenly stopped wiping away Colin's tears and cupping his face in his hands. To an outsider, they looked like two young men swept away in romance. To them, it was part and parcel of their friendship.

"You'd better get in next time." Ryan whispered fiercely.

" I will." Colin promised.

Looking into the deep pools of brown that were looking at him with such love, Ryan leaned forward and kissed Colin. It was a simple, close mouthed peck to say thank you, but it shocked both of them. Colin couldn't believe that Ryan had just kissed him. Ryan, however, was shocked at how much he liked the feel of Colin's lips against his, and how much he wanted to feel it again. Throwing caution to the wind, Ryan leaned in again, pleased to find that Colin met him halfway. He began nipping at Colin's bottom lip, begging entrance to his mouth. Colin responded instantly, allowing Ryan's tongue to invade his mouth as they shared their first kiss. Ryan loved the taste of Colin, a mixture of cigarette smoke, the burger and salt tinged tears, and something that was uniquely Colin. It wasn't until he pulled Colin closer that he felt that he was hard. Colin undoubtedly had felt it too, and they stopped kissing. Ryan shifted slightly, and felt Colin’s erection against his thigh.

"Stay with me tonight." Colin whispered.

"OK."