The Whose Line is it Anyway Fanfiction Archive

Hey :)
Well, I liked this. I'm not the greatest at constructive criticism but I'll give it a bit of a go!

I thought the format, with the past and present flashes, worked well. It told the story efficiently, and you didn't get bogged down in description.

The second person point of view can often be hard or awkward to write in. You managed to pull it off fairly well, but I still think it could use a little work if it's something you'd like to stick with in your writing. Also, when writing in second person, present tense usually works far better than past, which is what you've used.
Eg;
"It's late. The street lights should be on. Well, they are - except for the one nearest to you. You chuckle sadly. Your face remains hidden."
as opposed to
"It was late. The street lights should have been on. Well, they were - except for the one nearest to you. You chuckled sadly. Your face remained hidden."
- Both are fine, but using present tense can convey emotion more as the reader finds it easier to put themselves in the character's shoes.

You picked it up again slowly, your fingers being ever so gentle with it. But the calloused pads of your digits felt a small blemish, frayed string - a tear in the back of the doll. You felt torn too. It was another piece of yourself tattered and beginning to taper off, to wear down.
- That is a part I really like. I think the metaphor is good, and you didn't over analyse the situation at all.

Anyway, that's what I can offer. I hope I was maybe some help?

Good work on this, I enjoyed reading it :)