Fic- Telling It Like It Is (2/3)

[iamcrazyodo.livejournal.com]

(This is the second part as LJ has decided it was too long for one single post but had to be cut in three! At least it's letting me post now!)
 
Title: Telling It Like It Is 
Author: Odo (iamcrazyodo)
Paring: Colin/Ryan (hinting at future Greg/?) 
Rating: NC-17
Summary/Author's Notes: Secret Summer Fic for her Highness, The Empress, who asked for angsty unrequited love Colin for Ryan, lots of frustration with a very hot happy ending. First fic posted since I came back to the fandom and I'm glad to finally be really back. Thanks for suggesting the challenge and all your hard work, Indy. 
Flashbacks, "people talking", 'thoughts'.
Word count: 8,372 (whole story)
Crossposted to my own LJ and dedicated to

the_empressar
Darling, this is for you.
 

Telling It Like It Is (2/3)

“So what am I supposed to do now?” Colin asks, his voice almost a whisper, compared to Greg’s firm tone.

 

“You’re supposed to talk to me before it gets that bad. Or, you know, if you’d rather talk to someone else… Just don’t let it get to that point again. You have my numbers, so call me, okay? Whatever you say is just between us.” Greg waits until Colin finally acquiesces. “Good. Now, let me make a call and then we can get drunk until we pass out. You can stay here tonight, there’s a guest room somewhere.”

 

Greg keeps his eyes on Colin the whole time he’s on the phone.

“Hey, Ryan? How’s it going? … Yeah, I know, that’s why I’m calling. I kind of borrowed him for the evening. I needed to talk to him about something. We’re at my place but we’ve been drinking so I’m keeping him overnight, and yes, I’ll be taking advantage of him. … No, Ryan, we’ll be off having tea and scones while chatting about how the lilies are really beautiful this time of year. Of course I’ll drive him to the studio tomorrow, you idiot!” There a pause and then Greg puts on an exasperated sigh. “Yes, Mother Hen, I will take care of your little Canadian friend. Now, if you can fuck off, there’s a bottle with my name on it that won’t drink itself. Bye!”

 

Greg walks to his liquor cabinet. “So, same?”

 

 

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“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Greg hadn’t stopped me.” Colin rubs a hand over his face and looks at his friend. He can see empathy in those eyes but also, not surprisingly, a question. He forestalls it. “That’s a story for Greg to tell, not me. I think I need another drink,” Colin says as he heads to the kitchen.

 

“So, I suppose you want to know how Ryan and I went from there to living together.” He settles back on the couch. “Okay, from that smile I guess you know more I thought but now you’ll have the other side of the story. It’s Greg’s fault once again. You remember when we were taping the second season here and I had a big fight with Ryan.”

 

 

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Colin had thought that being closer to home and his family would make a difference but it hasn’t and he’s frustrated beyond belief. He can’t remember why they’re arguing. All he knows is, he’s about to wring Ryan’s neck. Greg picks that time to come into the Green room.

 

“We can hear you guys all the way to the end of the hallway. It’s a stupid argument, anyway. You know what this is, don’t you? Your marriages are dissolving quicker than ice on a tropical beach, you’re both tense because, let’s face it, a divorce is not everybody’s idea of having fun and relaxing. It’s just sexual frustration because you haven’t had any in ages so I suggest you get it off soon. As long as you trust the other person, a handjob between friends can be greatest thing ever. Oh, and yes, I speak from experience.” And he leaves.

 

Colin and Ryan turn and stare at each other, silent for a moment, until all the others come barging in, breaking the spell. A few looks are shared over the next week, but nothing more is said. That’s not the end of it, however.  

 

 

The next time Colin goes to L.A. to tape Whose Line, he stays at Ryan’s, as usual. It’s the third night when Ryan knocks on Colin’s door, tells him Greg was right and that there’s no one else he trusts more than Colin.

 

“I know you think the same way,” he says. Not caring about Colin’s stunned look, he comes into the bedroom, kicks the door shut and proceeds to kiss Colin like he hasn’t been in a very long time. And Colin lets him. His marriage is a thing of the past – it’s not her fault, he shoulders most of the blame – and Ryan’s had been holding by a thread for the longest time until it actually snapped a week ago. ‘We’re free now,’ he thinks.

 

As he opens his mouth to the questing tongue and feels a hand undo his jeans and slip into his underwear, Colin cannot hold back a moan. It hits him that all the dreams, the scenarios he’s played out, cannot compare to having a real body in his arms. He’s hard-pressed to remember the last time he’s felt so good. So warm. So alive. But still…he holds back.

 

 

‘If only I can get a break’ Colin thinks. He should now that the man of his dreams is finally kissing the living daylights out of him. But it’s just sex and he knows it. He doesn’t care, he tells himself. It beats the alternative. It beats the lonely nights and his own hand and cold empty beds. It’s more than he’s ever hoped for and he intends to enjoy it for as long as it will last. He’ll take what he can get and hope he doesn’t fall apart when it’s over. Not that he really holds any illusions, but he’s good at pretending.

 

And then… Then the warm mouth is pulling away and it brings him back to the reality of being pinned to the wall as Ryan presses down on him. He’s holding both his wrists and Colin hopes he releases them just so he can pull him even closer. As if he’s heard the plea, Ryan lets go of one of his arms and attacks his neck. Colin seizes the opportunity to grab his head and he holds it there. Ryan latches onto a soft patch of skin and starts licking and sucking and biting like he’s feasting on Colin. Perhaps he is. Colin knows it’s juvenile but he wants to see those bruises the next time he looks at himself in a mirror. He wants to be marked. By HIM. He wants to wake up knowing it wasn’t a dream and having the physical evidence to prove it.

 

Colin’s mind flashes back to the many nights he’s laid in a hotel room, alone, fantasizing about Ryan, even going as far as wishing Ryan would walk in on him. That he’d see Colin, pleasuring himself, and instead of apologizing and leaving he’d come in, close the door, and join him on the bed. Of course, it never happened; Colin was always careful to lock the door.

 

 

Colin has learned to keep quiet at night after the first time he cried out Ryan’s name as he came. The fear that someone had heard him through the paper-thin hotel walls had taken away what contentment his orgasm had brought. His heartbeat had been fast and erratic for the wrong reasons. Colin has never been particularly loud during sex but that one scare has turned him silent. He can’t afford to get caught caring too much. He’s already too attached and he can’t let that be known if he has any hope of keeping some dignity once it’s over. He tells himself control is the key, now more than ever. If he starts slipping, he’ll fall all the way and say things Ryan might not want to hear. And then what? Who’s going to pick up the pieces the day Ryan decides that Colin’s not enough, or too much, or too complicated?

 

Colin can’t let that happen. He must to hang on to what he has. So despite Ryan’s repeated encouragements and efforts, Colin clenches his teeth, only allowing breathless moans and groans to slip through. 

 

 

 

About a month into their affair, Colin is back on the edge of a nervous breakdown. With all the tapings for the new season and the live shows, they’ve been spending a lot of time together. His emotional walls are closing in, threatening to suffocate him. Trying to keep everything under control is an absolute nightmare. The nights when he could lower his guard, let go just a little, just for a while, are things of the past. Ryan is always there now.

 

Without seeming to, he’s broken down most of the walls Colin has put up to protect himself. All that he has worked so hard to achieve is crumbling and Ryan is relentless. Ryan knows what he’s doing, Colin is sure of that. There’s always something that drives the man; always a purpose to his actions. Colin needs to find out what it is. He thinks of confronting Ryan but that can turn out to be a double-edged sword and there are things Colin isn’t willing to admit to. Ryan’s behaviour is an enigma that’s driving him crazy. Colin is driving HIMSELF crazy with all this thinking. He’s so frustrated he’s snapped at Ryan a few times, but despite what his eyes said, Ryan, unusually for him, kept his calm, refusing to rise to the bait.  

 

“It’s not because you’re behaving like an asshole that I also have to,” he tells Colin.

 

It pisses Colin off that Ryan is the “mature” one. He even kicks him out of his bedroom twice without any particular reason but to prove to himself that he doesn’t need Ryan, and he feels like shit afterwards. Ryan walks out quietly every time, hands in his pockets and an angry but determined look on his face. And he’s back the next day as if nothing’s happened. Colin finds it incredibly frustrating that Ryan always seems to be there but not demanding, not pushing, not doing anything he’s come to expect from the man he’s been friends with for so long. It’s disconcerting to say the least. Ryan’s behaving as if Colin might break if he pushes him too hard and though it’s the truth, Colin thinks Ryan isn’t supposed to know that.

 

 

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“And there I was, over a month after that first kiss. A day to remember. I’d just turned forty-two. If you remember, we’d spent the afternoon with you guys before going back home. You know, I can’t figure out when I started calling his place “home” in my mind.”

 

 “They say that Home is where the heart is.”

 

“That is so cliché and corny.”

 

“They say, it’s cliché because it’s true.”

 

“THEY say a lot of things, apparently.”

 

“Well, it IS true, isn’t it?”

 

Colin sighs. “Maybe. But don’t tell Greg I said that! I’ll never hear the end of it.”

 

“Promise. So, your birthday?”

 

“Yeah. Umm... A few days before, Ryan wanted to talk to me about that.”

 

 

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Colin is staring at the bathroom mirror, trying to talk himself out of throwing another tantrum, when Ryan walks in. How he’s ended up electing permanent residency at Ryan’s house, Colin can’t recall. It suddenly became a fact that Colin lives with Ryan and shares his bed. Now that he’s settled in, it seems a bit late to argue about it.  

 

Ryan puts his arms around Colin, resting his chin on a shoulder, and asks if they can spend Wednesday evening together, just the two of them, on account that it’s Colin’s birthday and they don’t actually have a show that night.

 

“You can see the guys for lunch or the next day,” he even suggests.

 

Colin feels suddenly very childish when the first thing he thinks is ‘It’s MY birthday and I can do whatever the heck I want!’ Still, that’s what he means to tell Ryan but he looks up and something in the eyes looking back in the mirror stops him. He inwardly curses himself as an “okay” leaves his lips. Then again, why deprive himself of time spent alone with Ryan? And on his birthday, on top of it? 

 

 

Colin is now forty-two but he feels like he’s sixteen and falling in love for the first time. They’re back home and the man of his thoughts is just standing there, in the hallway, hands in his pockets, and Colin knows it’s what he always does when he’s not sure what to say, when he’s debating what his next course of action should be. ‘Well, screw everything!’ Colin decides. The day is his and he intends to enjoy every minute of it and not think of how old he’s getting. He doesn’t give Ryan the chance to utter a word as he closes the gap between them and kisses him.

 

Colin likes that Ryan always returns kisses with an intensity matching his. There’s only one thought in his mind at that point: getting them both naked and horizontal as soon as possible. He already knows the place so well, he easily avoids obstacles as he walks backwards into the living room, pulling Ryan with him, the couch his ultimate goal. Ryan’s shirt is gone and Colin lets go just long enough to get rid of the undershirt. Skin, finally! That’s when Ryan throws him off-balance, physically and figuratively speaking. He suddenly turns around and pulls Colin on top as they land on the couch.

 

“How about you do the honours tonight?” he says.

 

It takes Colin a moment to realize what Ryan is offering, and even though whatever blood left in his upper body has suddenly rushed downwards, he isn’t so far gone not to notice the apprehension hiding behind the big smile. Colin being the one with more experience in these matters – if a few more or less successful attempts as a teenager can be considered experience – he’s automatically put himself on the receiving end. The fact that he loves it when Ryan takes him is added bonus. But for Ryan, it’ll be a first.  

 

Colin knows Ryan can put on a brave face just like anybody else. Now however, Colin wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to pretend, not around him, but that would be hypocritical. And as much as he wants to show Ryan how good it can be, how good he makes Colin feel, it will have to wait another day. He certainly doesn’t have the patience required to tackle such a task at that moment. He’s in too much of a hurry, his need for Ryan too strong to do things properly, and hurting him is not an option so he just smiles and shakes his head. At Ryan’s surprised look, he leans in and whispers, “Another time. Today, I get to pick.”

 

It’s quick but he notices the flicker of relief in his eyes. So he says, “What I want is for you to take me. Hard. So hard I’ll feel my teeth rattle. So hard that in a week, I’ll still remember tonight– with every move I make. Think you can do that for me, make this day memorable?”

 

The challenge is clear: ‘I want you to rock my world!’ Colin knows Ryan will give me what he wants when he pushes him off the couch and up the stairs with a swat on his jeans-clad ass and says, “Shower!”

 

Colin feels good. Ryan has offered something of great importance to him and no matter how much Colin wants it, he knows he’s made the right decision. Having some measure of control over his feelings and hormones makes him feel, if not happy, at least content for the moment. Colin starts to believe that this can be a lasting thing, that he might actually find a way to keep himself in check.

 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Colin is far less confident. As if the way Ryan rimmed him in the shower wasn’t enough to drive Colin out of his mind, his lover is now leisurely sucking on his cock as he takes his time preparing him. Fingers and mouth work together, making his nerves tingle, taking him close to the brink without allowing him any release. And there he thought the blowjob Ryan gave him that morning qualified as torture. Colin doesn’t know what to do anymore. Ryan won’t let him return the favour and squirming is quickly becoming old, so he grabs his lover’s hair and pulls hard to get his attention.

 

“Get on with it,” he growls.

 

“In due time,” the taller man replies.

 

At least another minute passes before he finally stops and Colin seizes the opportunity to turn around, pushing a pillow under his hips and spreading himself for Ryan. “Now!”  

 

With a chuckle that sounds strained, Ryan finally complies. And delivers.

 

Colin doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of feeling Ryan slowly slide into him until he’s fully sheathed. He is stretched, filled, and loves the feeling that at that particular moment, Ryan owns him; that he sees all Colin really is and still wants it, claiming it as worthwhile. Colin has never felt like he belongs to and with anyone like he does with Ryan. That, and the feel of those big hands roaming his skin is an amazing turn on. To feel that body on top of his, all hard and heavy… He has high definition cinematographic dreams about it.

 

Ryan suddenly stops, prompting an undignified whine from Colin as he moves off him. “I want to see you,” he says.

 

Colin tries to quell the panic rising inside but he can’t help but obey the hands that are urging him on his back. He pulls his legs up and feels another pillow being pushed under him. He can’t remember ever feeling that vulnerable. ‘Only for Ryan,’ he thinks. He feels Ryan enter him again, this time more forcefully, and suddenly, he is bent in half as Ryan leans in and kisses him. Colin moans loudly into Ryan’s mouth, his arms instinctively going around Ryan’s shoulders, a hand gripping the back of his head to hold him closer. The fleeting thought that this position can’t be good for Ryan’s back crosses his mind but then Ryan sucks on his tongue and Colin forgets everything but the overwhelming assault on the senses his body is being subjected to.

 

“Look at me, Col.”

 

Colin’s eyes snap open; he hadn’t realised he’d closed them. He blinks a few times because the world’s just a blur, but then Ryan moves back slightly, creating enough distance between them that they can see each other.

 

And Colin thinks the view’s magnificent. Ryan’s body, towering over him, trapped between Colin’s hairy thighs, glows in the dim light coming from the open window. The sunset might not be much to look at today, but Ryan is. The hypnotic movement of his hips and the twitching muscles in his arms make shadows dance across his skin and Colin’s dizzy trying to follow them. His hands stroke up Ryan’s arms, over the shoulders and down his chest, pinching and pulling at the already hard nipples. His eyes finally meet Ryan’s dilated pupils and Colin can only stare, caught by the hungry, almost black, pools.

 

Ryan keeps driving himself deeper and harder into Colin with every push but his hand still strokes him slowly, inexorably towards completion. Colin thinks he’s going to die if he doesn’t come soon so he speaks. He says “more”, and “harder” and “harder” again and pushes back, and Ryan gives him what he’s asking for. His thrusts become shorter but more and more forceful. He’s stroking Colin’s prostate with every move, grazing it and sending sparks through every nerve ending in his body. Colin is so hard his vision is blurring. The sheets are bunched up in white-knuckled fists. Colin doesn’t think that bed has ever rocked that hard before. Sweat droplets from Ryan’s body are landing on his. The hand that isn’t holding his cock is roaming, caressing, moving from his thigh to his side to his arm and back down, and then back up again; full lips are kissing everywhere they can reach. The terrifying thought that he’s losing the battle crosses Colin’s mind but he’s almost too far gone to care. He bites his lip not to cry out Ryan’s name, a last attempt to save himself. Between the hard thrusts and the gentle hands – the harshness and tenderness a treacherous combination – Colin doesn’t think he’s ever been so thoroughly fucked. That’s when Ryan delivers the killing blow.

 

 

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TBC in part 3.