Ryan's Redemption

[the-empressar.livejournal.com]

Title:  Ryan's Redemption 17/?
Author:  The Empress of *send me some hugs, I HURT, I HURT*
Pairing: None
Rating:  PG
Summary:  Colin loses his resolve, and finds a set of huevos somewhere.  It's the beginning of the End of Chip.
Disclaimer:  Keep forgetting to mention this is AU in case you haven't figured it yet...*wink* No actual Chips were harmed in the making of this story...but dang someone needs to drop some chips in his nuts, or vice versa....HA!  

Many Many thanks to those who have stuck with me on my lil journey!!!  I Thank my Beta Fan, she's a good, patient girl!!  And I thank my new muse...she knows who she is...I banished the current one to the naughty corner....*grumbles I give her two weeks vacation she comes back with a migraine and stomach cramps!* (I'm feeling much better now!!!  Anyhoo....ENJOY!!)

Chapter 17

Colin sat on the worn out bench that overlooked the yard. There were lots of convicts milling around in the sunshine trying their best to keep themselves warm. Exhaled breath was prevalent in the air as was the smell of cigarette smoke and sweat. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to keep the warmth in and thought about the events of the last few days.

He knew Ryan was upset with him. He saw him only briefly in the past two days and whenever he did, Ryan turned and hurried off the other way. Colin was too weary to try and figure the man out. He didn’t want to go through anymore of his own personal brand of heartache. He only hoped that Ryan would understand that what he did, he did for a good reason. He hoped that after a few days, Ryan would think things over and try and work things out with him. He knew his reasons for wanting to leave this place. He had been here 13 years too long. Yes, he could admit his fault. Yes, he could admit his guilt. But being in the position he was now, he could admit that he wasn't the one entirely to blame. Truth be told, and he would never have said it in court, Richard had done the deed, Richard had sworn him to silence and Richard was the reason he sat here. He was just now coming to terms with the fact that Richard may have been wrong.

He thought over his life up to present. It had been mostly wallowing in the misery that Richard knew what was best for both of them. That if Richard would endure for their crime, then so would he until he was released. Now Richard was dead, not because of some botched accident where he was innocent, but because Richard had initiated an attempted rape on a fellow inmate. The inmate, as far as Colin was now concerned, had every right to defend himself.

He marveled now in the fact that Richard had been able to convince Colin to do so many things in their brief romance. How could he have been so blind all of these years not to see what had been in front of his face all along? Did it take knowing Ryan to bring out the truth in Colin?

Ryan.

The word paused both on the edge of his brain and the tip of his tongue. Colin thanked the moon and the stars above that Ryan had come into his life. He didn't see in the beginning what someone had incredible insight to foresee that Ryan would be the savior from this path of despair that he was on. He looked up to the sky and watched as a bird sailed by on an up current and thanked a man whom he rarely thought of as anything but a delightful annoyance once again. A calm gentle serenity overtook him and he breathed a contented sigh.

He wanted Ryan to be proud of him more than anything. He had always admired Ryan's fortitude and his resilience to bounce back from whatever this place and life had thrown at him. He wished he was as brave as he knew Ryan to be, wished he could see optimistically the way Ryan did. And that's why he tried to be as brave as he could in the face of his own parole and release. He wanted this for himself. It was his goal. It was his destiny. He had to prove that he was indeed innocent and that he could make a difference in this world.

Rejection. Failure once again reared its head as he sat there. But this time where there was no hope before, a light shown brightly because he knew there would be someone still waiting in here for him to love. And what would time spent with Ryan prove even more than time spent without him? He had fallen in love. Now if only he could convince Ryan.

He looked up once again smiling at the prospects of how he would show Ryan that their new found romance was worth something, and how he would happily help it grow. The smile faded from his face as he stared up into the eyes of Officer Chip Esten.

How long had he been standing there staring at him? Colin gave Chip a resigned look and studied the man. Chip was standing there leering at him and it could only mean one thing. It was not going to be pretty. Colin had neither the will nor the want to accommodate Chip in whatever scheme he had come up with to make his life miserable today. He had already done enough damage to Colin in the past.

Colin had often, just as Greg had been, the brunt of Chip's malicious endeavors. He knew Chip did not take homosexuality lightly. Colin did his best not to aggravate his animosity, but Greg on the other hand gave as often as he got. In the beginning, Colin would admonish Greg for fighting Chip so hard. All it would accomplish would be more time in the hole for Greg. Chip would win. He always would. With Colin, he knew best how to win in his own way. Nothing pissed Chip off more than to have Colin stare passively in his face and not give into the threats, the taunts, and the games. Eventually Chip had given up. Colin gave himself extra credit for having won at least one battle while doing his time here. He would never forget the look in Chip's eyes the day Brad had held Colin back from wanting to kill him. Yes, he wanted to kill the smug little bastard. He saw something in Chip's eyes that day that told him he had lost, momentarily. Chip would never have that satisfaction again.

"Well, Mochrie, beautiful day, isn’t it? Chip said, his boot resting squarely in the space between the middle of Colin’s thighs on the bench.

"It was." Colin said not looking away from his eyes.

Chip grinned widely at Colin and a silent consent to a staring contest began. Colin, the master at passive aggressive, wore down Chip’s resolve and his agitation won out. He took a step back and paced in front of Colin.

Colin would not let himself relax. He could not afford to. He stared through Chip as if he wasn’t there; all the while his mind was focused on the man in front of him.

"Mochrie, you know I’ve tolerated your little fairy ass here for quite some time now." Chip said continuing to pace. "Every day I see you and think about who you are and what you do, and it makes me want to throw up. Just the logistics are mind boggling, man!"

"I’m glad I stay on your mind, I’m flattered." Colin said flatly. He watched as Chip bounced around on one foot to another, fluttering around like an annoying gnat.

Chip stopped abruptly and turned slowly to face Colin an evil gleam sparked in his eyes. He grabbed Colin’s shirt collar and pulled Colin closer to his face, his lips bare millimeters from his own. "Not a good day to fuck with me, Mochrie."

"When is it ever?" Colin said, softly. The two men’s breath whispered over each others and Colin forced his to stay even. He didn’t want his fear to show, but it was a struggle. They continued their staring contest but with more intensity. There was pure evil lurking behind Chip’s eyes. Colin stood statue still. He would not even raise a hand. Other convicts in the yard had paused in their activities and had begun to turn their attentions to the stand-off.

Chip shoved Colin back on the bleachers, hard. "You know something Mochrie? You disappoint me. At least your little fuck buddy put up a decent fight. You just sit there. You never fight me back! Are you that big of a sissy girl not to even throw a punch? I’ve been looking forward to seeing what you’ve got!" Chip’s neck vein started to bulge as he now began shouting in Colin’s face.

Colin glared back at Chip. A tiny spark of anger began to grow deep inside of him. His fists began to tighten, his knuckles whitening, nails pressed into his palms.

"Hey Mochrie?" Chip said standing in front of Colin now, lowering his voice as if he had a secret to share. He knew his would get a rise out of the man in front of him. Just once, Just once, he wanted Colin to challenge him. It was all he needed to brighten his otherwise shit-filled life. He didn’t know why he needed it so much, this power over a weak little shirt lifter like Mochrie, but he knew he wouldn’t find his "peace" unless he pushed every single button the man owned. "Let me ask you a question. How does it feel to be denied your precious parole every single fucking year? Do you ever wonder why they just let you sit and rot in this hell? What you did that was so wrong that you have to spend the rest of your pathetic, useless life here? I know you’ve thought about it. God, Mochrie if you only knew what I know. Well today is your lucky day my friend, I’m about to let you in on a nice little secret." Chip paused overdramatically. Colin looked back at him the rage eating at the fabric of his heart. A fuzzy white haze was beginning to grow around the edges of his brain.

"Do you know how much tax payer dollars are sent to this fucking shit hole every year? Quite a bit if you’ve seen the car Warden Carey drives up in here every day. And you know how we are able to generate so much of it? Not because we turn scumbags like you loose to society every day, it’s because we keep you in here!! Damn, Mochrie, you know you would have been released years ago, being the little goodie two shoes you’ve been. And hell they’ve reviewed your case so many times; even they know you needed another trial that wasn’t rigged in favor of the victim’s family. They already knew it was your boy that did it anyway. We kept pushing it off and pushing it off year after year and so you’ll sit here as a permanent resident of this fine establishment for the rest of your poor excuse of a life. Thanks for paying my liquor tabs man!"

Chip in all his smugness, put his hands on his hips, and smirked so hard it went from one side of his face to the other. He threw his challenge down; knowing for certain that Colin would absolutely lose his mind and he would finally win.

Something inside Colin’s brain snapped. If you were standing close enough, you could have heard it. Everything processed itself so fast it was like years overlapping in the span of seconds. Colin saw himself years younger, scared, frightened, far too intelligent to be caged like an animal, spending countless days, nights, weeks, years, doing mindless, meaningless, useless tasks. Sitting in filth, eating stuff not fit for dogs, fearing for his life every night, knowing someone would be there to do him in. Putting up with Greg’s on again off again bouts of sanity, when he could have been free, could have been making something out of himself, never knowing what he was capable of. He didn’t want to think right about now, what he would be losing by not finding Ryan, but even Ryan would know that this was just not fucking believable. No human being should have to endure this.

"And Greg, Chip?" Colin said calmly in a sudden silence that had claimed the entire yard. "Did he have to die?"

"Oh he was something, that Proops." Chip said just warming up. "You should have heard him screaming, the fucking coward. He nearly pissed his pants as they strapped him in that chair. That was the fucking bee’s knees man!!" Chip laughed like a braying jack ass. He came close to Colin again resting his foot on the bleacher in front of him. He slapped his knee and leaned in on it. "Funniest shit about the whole thing man, Warden Carey told me that the fucker’s stay of execution came two minutes before we juiced him. Don’t that beat all? Do you know how much money the state gives us to execute somebody? Whoo boy…right out the pockets of the good people of the state of Alabama."

Before the word Alabama was uttered, Colin flew off the bench without warning. He literally flew. He tackled Chip to the ground and knocked the wind straight from Chip’s lungs. Colin raised his fist high and swung it with abandon. There was no time for Chip to react. It caught him square in the jaw and he felt another tooth break free. Another hand came down and broke his nose. Chip had no time to react as blow after blow rained down upon him. He couldn’t even bring his arms up to defend himself. He saw cold, clear, hatred and retribution shining through Colin’s darkened eyes. Convicts who had seemed to be frozen in time suddenly moved with great speed rushing to the clouds of dust and dirt being kicked up. Chip finally getting air back into his lungs barely, lifted a knee up squarely into Colin’s groin. Colin screamed in pain and rolled off of Chip. He saw black dots dancing in front of his eyes. Somewhere in the distance he heard his name being called. He didn’t even register the sound of which voice it belonged to, all he saw was red and all he heard was the blood rushing in his ears.