Story: "Consenting"

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Author: Indy Baggins
Title: Consenting
Pairing: Greg/Colin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Pretty much PWP. Sometimes you can lose yourself in the process of giving in…

Author’s comments: Greg/Colin is one of my very favorite pairings, so this fic was long overdue... Once again, with thanks to the wonderful clayangel for beta-duty!






He’d always thought Colin was attractive. Not incredibly so, obviously, but there was something appealing about him. Colin had the ability to glow, to radiate this utter kind of trust, gentleness, care, and while he knew it would never be directed at him, he’d seen it, and had acknowledged the attraction of it.

So when he’d had him in the silent and half-dark room, he’d focused on how Colin’s fingertips stayed in contact with the door after closing it, and how he seemed to breathe faster, barely audible in the heavily silent air.

He hadn’t seduced him, not really, because he wouldn’t have had any idea where to start anyway. This was a man who shrunk away from his words, and when touched only fixed his brown eyes on him, unassuming.

It was Colin who’d done this to him, in a way, even though he knew he could never prove it. It was Colin who had accidentally touched his hand just a second too long or who had generously wrapped him in loving hugs that left him feeling shaken and aching. It was Colin who had led him to groan in frustration, alone in the bathroom, afterwards splashing water on his face to hide the flush.

And now it was Colin who was here, just standing there in his hotel room, and he felt his heart beat heavily, for once no freaking clue what to say. And suddenly he felt stupid because really, it’s not like the man was made from glass and he could break him. Colin obviously wanted this himself, but then why was he standing there as if he didn’t even know what they were here for, waiting to be conquered almost.

So he stepped closer, fast, until he could see Colin take a sharp intake of breath, bracing himself, and he felt a pang of guilt at the thought that Colin maybe feared him, his touch.

He moved close enough that they were touching, Colin’s chest right up to his and he made a point out of looking into his eyes, turning it all into a familiar battle of who would look away first before he moved his hand to lie, possessively, on Colin’s thigh. Where he had thought Colin would have been shocked, at least a little bit, he just kept on looking, unmoving, and suddenly Greg felt a thrill race through him. There was something about this that he couldn’t name, and he intended to find out just how deep Colin’s indifference could run.

A moment later he was moving his lips over Colin’s cheek in fast and browsing kisses, but Colin still didn’t move; only after a while his hand came to lie at the small of Greg’s back, placid and warm at once.

Greg hated himself for being so fucking sentimental when he lingered his lips right next to Colin’s for a couple seconds before deciding not to kiss him after all. Colin had had his eyes closed, and when Greg pulled back from him they opened, followed by him unquestioningly copying what Greg had done, placing small, soft kisses on his face and neck. Greg allowed himself to feel both annoyed and touched with them for a moment before he decided not to take any crap and shoved Colin towards the bed.

Colin went along, naturally, and when he started to unbutton his shirt, Greg just watched him and swallowed, once.

He wondered if Ryan knew. If Ryan had sent Colin even, because he wouldn’t put it beside him to do just that. Ryan… Ryan with the hard and fast sex, the thrill and the roughness of it so familiar, and he sent out a quick thought to him, wondering what on earth he did with Colin in his bed.

When Colin caught his hand and put it on his own, leading it to touch his bare shoulder, the skin felt so soft Greg thought for a second it was like going to bed with a freaking girl, and he despised it. He almost wished he could bring himself to push Colin down roughly, to see those brown eyes widen in excitement, and maybe a hint of fear, but instead he held back, treasuring the mere awkwardness of it all. When he stripped down to his shorts, he made sure Colin heard every thump of clothing falling on the floor, holding his eyes all the while until he took off his glasses and placed them neatly on the nightstand.

As he stepped up onto the bed, Colin pressed him down, lightly, but he allowed himself to fall down limblessly anyway. Colin started kissing his chest, trailing his fingers over his nipples, and even taking one in his mouth for a short while, and for the first time since they started this whole insane thing he figured it might not have been such a bad idea anyway. He let him play for a while, gain confidence maybe, because before he knew it Colin was nipping at the side of his hip, biting there even, and he realised if he wanted to take control of the situation he had to do so soon.

So he moved and pulled Colin up by his arms, using more force than strictly necessary, and again he was surprised by the look in Colin’s eyes, not wavering, just unassuming, waiting, and it angered him in a way. He wanted something from Colin, the same something that had been so aggressively there in all his fantasies about the man, a reaction, an admission, love, hate, anything at all, and so he moved one hand to the back of Colin’s neck and pulled his face tantalisingly close.

Colin swallowed but didn’t look away. Greg almost wanted to release his hold on Colin’s neck then, tell him to go away, tell him that whatever reason he was there for he didn’t need to be, when Colin closed the gap and pressed his lips against his.

The first thing Greg thought was ‘Fuck’.

He didn’t want to be kissed. Not by Colin.

Not by a fucking caring Colin, one who was moving his lips so gently he felt his head spin.

He tried to break free, to take a breath, but Colin held him tight and took opportunity of his half-opened mouth to drag his tongue over Greg’s lips, slowly, savouring, and Greg kissed him back more on instinct that anything else. He felt overwhelmed, dazed, and as he lost his balance he pulled Colin with him to lie flat on the bed. The kiss deepened and changed into something more real, more familiar, with a flash of teeth and hard crushing lips, and before he knew it he was kissing Colin back, hard, nipping, biting, and unbuckling his pants with the other hand.

In the minutes following, speeding up because he was so damn horny, then slowing down again because it was really Colin who was setting the pace, he began to understand that there was an art in being with Colin. Colin was touching him slowly, testing out sensitive spots and trailing patterns with his mouth and fingers, and Greg secretly enjoyed it, the feeling of being in control but not being so at all. He wondered if Colin knew.

Ryan… Ryan needed to be startled, cracked up, pushed into something unexpected, and he would break up. Now with Colin he felt as he had to peel back his indifference, layer by layer, until there would be nothing left but… submission maybe? Whatever made Colin Colin, and he intended to find it.

After a bit, Greg started teasing. Trailing his nails up towards a particularly sensitive spot, and stopping just short of reaching it, hands moving back in a way that seemed a lot like tickling, finding some kind of odd pleasure in it himself. After a bit as Colin squirmed under his touch, eyes towards the ceiling, and Greg saw a sudden and unexpected glimmer of a smile trapped between his lips. At that sight, he couldn’t help but laugh out loud, startled, because there was a certain silliness to it all really, and Colin continued to look away.

He’d seen the smile though, and so he moved to trap all of Colin under him, suddenly confident, enjoying the warmth, the steady rhythm of Colin’s breathing, and he waited until Colin finally would look. When he did, it was with far more cheekiness than he had expected, and he wondered if he had been wrong about there being submission at Colin’s core. It wasn’t sex, he knew that, if it had been they’d both be sweaty and satisfied by now, not exchanging glances that both troubled and aroused him.

Once again, he wondered what on earth Colin was getting from this. A blow job from Ryan in exchange for the story of what happened? He wouldn’t put it past him, and the thought of Ryan made him conscious to Colin’s warm hands, rubbing, tickling, and when hey reached his side they poked, and he squeaked just a bit before grinding into Colin, once, twice, and then, in a rustle of sheets he was on his back and his legs were being straddled by Colin, Colin’s head dipping near his stomach, and he thought he had never been so freaking confused in bed before until Colin tightened his grip on his wrists again, and he couldn’t help but enjoy it.

Colin was over him now, still nothing but merriment in his eyes, and started touching him through his boxers. His fingers were sure, pushing, touching, and Greg could feel the spikes of pleasure travel through him. He had to force himself not to push back against Colin’s touch, but instead he moved up in one slow movement, and Colin took the hint, his hand trailing past the elastic of Greg’s shorts and wrapping itself over his shaft.

He moaned, just a little, not caring to hold it in. “God…” Colin looked over at him, surprised at the sound, and smiled shyly. Colin’s fingers were warm and smooth, touching the skin tentatively, searchingly, a little wicked too, Greg thought, and he grinned back at Colin.

Colin took the sign and moved faster, with more certainty, and Greg felt the heat of it grow, biting his lip for a second, keeping the moan inside this time.

Instead of losing himself in the emotion his mind did another double take at the fact that it was Colin who was moving over him, slowly getting him off, and he realised he’d always thought he’d be drunk for this. Not so damn conscious of every move, every feeling, every blink of Colin’s eyes,… and he closed his eyes, tried to concentrate just on the feeling and not on Colin and whatever he was doing with those fingers… And he had most certainly done it before, because he was good. Damn good. The at first alien feeling of Colin’s fingers was now so soothing, strong, arousing, pulling him from one wave of pleasure to the next, as if they had always been there, as if they actually knew the secrets of his skin and decided to hold nothing back.

And somehow his eyes refused to stay closed and he looked at Colin, Colin taking shallow breaths through partly opened lips, tongue darting out every once in a while to moisten them, the fabric of his half-opened pants straining, and he realised Colin himself was certainly enjoying this as well, even vaguely touching himself through his pants, eyes trained on what his fingers were doing to Greg.

‘So he isn’t that innocent after all’, he thought, and decided he liked the thought of a dirty Colin. A Colin who wasn’t just Ryan’s shy friend but actually longed after sex, craved it.

Colin, suddenly picking up on his gaze and following it down to where his hand was on his pants, blushed just a bit, but then seemed to pull himself together and continued, a determined look in his eyes. Greg suddenly wondered if this was all a challenge for Colin, some kind of way of proving himself, and abruptly had enough of the slow and dreamy touches, wanting, no, aching for some sort of control and so he moved to sit upright.

He felt serious now, one hand reaching to steady Colin’s warm thigh and the other gently and methodically pulling Colin’s short and pants down. Colin, a slither of confusion in his eyes for a second, accommodated him and pulled them over his feet, tossing them somewhere in the vicinity of where Greg’s clothes had landed before, following them with his eyes.

Greg couldn’t help but study Colin before him, completely naked now.

Colin wasn’t beautiful. Not really. And even if he thought he was, Greg refused to admit it to himself. He had certainly slept with sexier people before, hot ones, models even. More muscle, more force, more of everything Colin so consciously wasn’t like. But they hadn’t had such a familiarity as the presence of Colin had. They hadn’t had the knowledge of what he’d been through these past years. What they both had been through.

There was a quality to Colin’s skin, so pale, so unmarred, that deep down made him want to claw at it, tear it apart, until he would know what was so deep down inside Colin that made him so much of everything at once, that made him so wanted that people hardly could stand it, everything twirling behind his eyes in an all-consuming mixture of hate and passion and he balled his hand into a fist, the sharp pain of his fingernails digging into his skin calming him down.

Instead of violently, he moved slowly closer towards Colin and kissed his stomach, softly.

Colin sucked in a quick breath, and continued to look away, biting his bottom lip, trying to keep up his composure, even when Greg spread him out on the bed with nothing more than the guiding touch of his hand.

Where Greg had always imagined it being fast, he started to take time he didn’t know he ever had wanted to take in exploring Colin. He started a slow tasting and teasing and memorising every inch of Colin’s stomach and thighs, moving downward without pretence but without hurry too, ignoring all sounds from Colin, ignoring the warm hand that had drifted into his hair, ignoring the way his own desire was growing to the point where it hurt, just focusing on nothing but the skin, the pale, white, slightly salty tasting skin. The way it turned red when he sucked at the same spot for a time. The way Colin’s stomach heaved up and down with every breath, the way he could see the muscles clenching and releasing under his lips, the way his skin broke out in goose bumps when he blew his breath over it.

After a while Colin started trembling, the hand in Greg’s hair becoming a caress, a desire voiced, and Greg felt amazed at the fact that the hand didn’t just push him down, didn’t order him into anything, but just was there, a gentle reminder, tantalising, holding him. When he finally moved down to close his mouth around the tip of Colin’s arousal, Colin only sighed; he would have missed it if he hadn’t been listening for it, and he continued to lick, and taste, and memorise it all for reasons he didn’t want to think about.

He had always known that he was good at what he was doing, hell, he had done this dozens of times to Ryan, knew what buttons to push; but when the next time he looked up he saw that Colin was panting hard, eyes closed and hands digging into the sheets, all composure gone, just him, he felt strangely affected by the sight, his stomach making lazy flops and his hands trembling, almost doubting that it was really him who had done this.

In his fantasies it had always been hard, fast, dirty, all about power and taking enjoyment from Colin. Not giving him very much. Never like this. Never getting lost in him like this.

He moved his hand from Colin’s thigh to trail over one of Colin’s hands digging in the sheets, to hold it, loosen it’s grip and play with the fingers, causing Colin to suddenly look at him, a heavy kind of lust in his half-lidded eyes that took his breath away. He didn’t even realise he had stopped moving until Colin’s hand in his hair moved to trail over his cheek.

He felt gently surprised at that. No pressure. No question.

Where Ryan, hell, any guy he knew would have at least cried out at the sudden stop of ministrations, probably cursed and pushed him back none too gently, Colin just looked at him, a thin layer of gentle sensitivity covering up his harsh breathing and trembling hands once again.

While he knew he probably should ask, his voice wasn’t working, and his legs trembled when he put weight on them again as he scrambled up quickly, stepping out of his boxers. He could feel Colin’s eyes scanning over his body, but felt oddly unaffected by that, his heart beating heavily in his chest, the sound thumping in his ears. He turned around, away from the bed and took the couple steps from the bed towards the bathroom quickly, focusing on the change from carpeting to cold tiles under his bare feet to regain some kind of composure.

They hadn’t done that much. He was breathing fast. He could taste Colin on his tongue, on his lips. He tried to steady himself, take deep breaths. Why did he feel as if he was falling apart?

He cursed as he rummaged through the little bathroom cabinet, bumping over a shampoo bottle in his haste, the half-uttered sound sounding broken in the silence. He glimpsed in the mirror. He always looked naked without his glasses, but his face looked more frustrated than soft right then, and he liked it that way, didn’t want it to reveal anything more. He grabbed the small bottle of lube he had been looking for, a condom from his travel bag, and headed back. If Ryan had taught him anything, it was to never show how desperately he wanted it.

Colin was still lying on the bed, but had curled up his legs a bit, arms crossed in front of him. He looked aroused, with red lips and a glassy look in his eyes, but also fearful, guilty almost. Greg wondered if Ryan whispered sweet words into Colin’s ear, and held him tight before he touched him. Because those were things he wasn’t going to get from him, and he hoped he knew that. As he edged closer on the bed though, his hand found Colin’s thigh in what almost could have been a caress, a long fluid movement, and he could hear a sigh escape from Colin’s lips.

He only had to push Colin’s shoulder for him to turn over to lie on his stomach, and all of a sudden there was only Colin’s back and long legs left, his gaze gone, and Greg realised he missed it. He, searchingly, trailed his hand over Colin’s side, and then moved close enough to press a small kiss on his lower back. He could feel a shiver go through Colin.

He reached for the condom and opened it, with slightly shaking hands, as always hating the moments that simple act took, because he felt so lost, but once he put it on he felt glad Colin wasn’t looking at him. They had already gone on too long, there was no pretence of ‘it just happened’ left, they both knew what they were doing, and it scared him, in a way. His one hand found its way back to Colin’s side, fingers tightening their hold now, and with his other he popped the cap from the lube and poured some on his fingers.

Bringing his fingers closer, pushing them into Colin, he heard him let out a long shuddering breath, relax, trust him, and he felt his heart rate speed up again. This was it. He was going to have Colin, Ryan’s Colin, and once he did there was going to be no way back. He almost felt doubt flare up, until Colin turned his head and gave him a sideway look, his expression a mixture between amusement and ‘would you hurry the fuck up already?’.

Greg laughed, a quick and harsh sound, and he could see the amusement radiate right back from Colin’s eyes. This was ridiculous. They were doing something utterly crazy, and they both knew it, but when Colin started moving, pulling his fingers in deeper in a silent, pleading gesture, he replaced them with his erection, took a deep breath, and pushed forward.

His first thought was that it was different. It was very different from all the nameless boys and men who had passed through his bed and life through the years, meaning very little but a body to move into. It was different from Ryan too, who had only let him have him a couple times, and those had been fast and blurry and alcohol induced, nothing as conscious as this. This was Colin, Colin, and as he moved in deeper and Colin moved right back to meet him, that knowledge came together into a big ‘fuck you world, but I want him’, and he heard himself whisper something to that effect.

As he moved out and pushed in harder this time, he could feel Colin tense and see his face flush, and he couldn’t help but whisper, “That good?” Colin answered with a vague and long-stretched “Yes” that made his blood boil, and he moved faster, and harder, again, and again until he was sure he was going to come, only one more thrust, one more, and then he felt Colin tense under him and come with a series of soft and whiny sounds. He could smell him, the tacky smell of the lube and the sheets and sweat and Colin. He could see the so familiar small lines next to Colin’s eyes and the thin line of his mouth open in a wordless cry, the blush creeping up over his cheeks, the shivers roll through his body, and then he came too, his mind lost in Colin, hands gripping his shoulders, his body shivering and spinning into a mad rush.

When his mind landed again he fell still, moving most of his weight away from Colin and rolling over to his side, catching his breath, his senses.

After a minute or so he turned onto his back and flung the condom away to land somewhere near the end of the bed. He tried to avoid Colin’s gaze dutifully, and tried to gather up the courage to get up from the bed, put his clothes on and make remarks that meant too little and sounded too cynical until Colin would be gone. Then he would have the room to himself again, to sit on the bed that still smelled of sex and eye the condom lying on the floor, while he smoked one cigarette after another until he felt ready for life again. That’s how he wanted it to end; he told himself, that’s how it always ended.

He hadn’t counted on the gentle touch of three fingers, barely discernable points of pressure on his shoulder in a questioning movement from Colin, one that he understood too well. He knew it was a warning. He had had many lovers’ touches and arms that held him where he didn’t want to be, silently begging for something he would never be able to give, but this wasn’t a lovers touch, he knew, it was a friends, it was Colin’s, and so he turned around and without looking into Colin’s eyes, he held out his arms and pulled him close.






mood: busy