The Whose Line is it Anyway Fanfiction Archive

But Colin, it seemed, did understand. Releasing his grip, he moved back along the couch so that there was a palpable distance between them. When Ryan’s heaving finally stopped, he spoke, soft and low. “Ryan, I want you to look at me.”

“No, man. I can’t…can’t do that. No.”

“Yes, you can. Look at me Ryan.” Reaching down, he tugged his t-shirt free of his jeans and yanked it off, baring his chest. “Ryan, look at me. Please.”

After an eternity, Ryan slowly raised his head and swung it in Colin’s direction. His eyes were absolutely shattered.

“Look at me,” Colin calmly repeated. “Look at my chest. Look at my face. What do you see?”

“I…I don’t….”

“Do you see any scars? Any blood?”

“I….”

“Do you?”

“I…no. I don’t.”

“Right. That’s because what you’re imagining isn’t really there. It’s in the past, Ryan. Where it belongs. Not here. Not now. In the past.”

“I can’t stop seeing it!” Ryan bellowed.

“You can, Ryan. You will.” He shook his head. “Close your eyes for me.”

“What?”

“Just do it, okay? Close your eyes.”

Ryan’s eyes reluctantly slipped closed. Colin moved forward the slightest bit and grabbed Ryan’s hand again, raising it to his face. He trailed the long fingers over his own nose and lips where hard, angry knuckles had landed three years before. “See? No scars. No swelling. Just a nose. Just lips. Just like before.” Bringing Ryan’s hand down, he traced a path along the middle of his chest. “No scars, Ryan. No blood. Just my chest. Just like before.”

“No, it’s not! It’s not like before, Colin! It’s all still there! Maybe I can’t see it, or feel it, but I know it’s there! It’s there underneath!”

“No, Ryan. No. Blood washes off. Bruises fade. Scars heal. The only thing that’s left are memories. And memories have no power over you unless you let them. Don’t let them have that power, Ryan. Let it go. Let them go. Let the past stay the past. The only thing we can ever change is here and now. That’s where we need to live.”

“I can’t!” Ryan cried. “Don’t you see? It comes to me in my dreams! Every fucking night, it’s there. Every night! I can’t just take it and wrap it in a box and stow it away somewhere, Colin. It’s in my mind!”

“Ryan, I forgave you for what happened that night a long time ago. You need to forgive yourself. That’s the only thing that will stop the dreams. Forgive yourself, Ryan. You made a mistake. We all make them. Accept it as a mistake and move on from it. You’ll have peace, if you let yourself forgive.”

“But…but I hit you!”

“You did. And I’ve tried my best to move past it. Please, for your own sake, do the same.” Releasing Ryan’s hand, he stood. “Forgive yourself,” he murmured before turning away and leaving the car.


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