wl_fanfiction | [FIC] Musings on a Rectangle (Reply)

I wrote something. Enjoy!

Title: Musings on a Rectangle/Premonitions
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ryan/Colin, Ryan/Pat, Ryan/Deb
Summary: Four views on Ryan and Colin’s relationship.

---Debra

Somehow, before it all broke up, I could tell it was coming. I’d known Colin loved Ryan for years. Once I even offered to split up with him on peaceful terms, but he refused. I still think that was the worst mistake he ever made. If he had left me, we could have avoided a lot of pain, for both of us. Sometimes I hate him for that. Usually I understand.
Colin missed his chance, but Ryan was still there, tempting him. They performed on the stage so often in perfect tandem that anyone could have seen their love. Their obsession with each other. When I was courting Colin, I didn’t go to enough of their shows to see that. I wonder what would have happened if I had been smart enough to see Colin’s thing for Ryan before it was too late.
Perhaps I could have pointed him in the right direction and found some other guy. Someone smart and funny and not in denial.
Perhaps.

---Ryan

Frankly, I encouraged him. I told Colin to get married out of fear. I was scared of our love and tried to break it off. I still wish I hadn’t even though I now have a loving wife. Well, I don’t think she loves me as much anymore. Pat knows I’m in love with Colin. She knows I used her to escape my own fears. I don’t think she hates me, but she doesn’t talk to me like she used to.
We aren’t a happily married couple anymore. The divorce is coming, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. I don’t love her, and she’s learned my dirty secret. Too much has been broken. The marriage is doomed.
I think I should hate Colin for this, but I can’t. I love Colin. I could go on for hours about him, describing every perfect feature. I’m not a romantic at heart, but something about Colin brings it out.
I will try to make amends with Pat and Debra after all of this, and after I apologize for everything. They are great woman who got caught in the middle of our love affair.
I hope everything turns out alright.

---Pat

I hate Ryan Stiles. Sure, I understand why he did it. Sure, I know he cares for me. (It’s not love!) I still hate him. Ryan used me. Married me and promised eternal devotion and everything! I promised to love him back. I still love him. Only. He used me to deal with his love affair. Toyed with my emotions, led me on.
I don’t know why Debra doesn’t hate Colin. He’s as guilty as Ryan in this.
I hate and love them both. You can’t help loving Ryan and Colin. They are lovable bastards. If Colin hadn’t existed, Ryan would still be the greatest husband and he would love me. Only Colin does exist.
It figures that I’d end up with the tall, funny, gay guy.

---Colin

I feel like I’m at the center of a giant tug-of-war.
Ryan loves me. I love him.
Debra loves me. I care for her, but it’s not love.
Pat wants me out of her life. I wish I could leave.
Trouble is, Ryan has my heart and I have his.
I keep wishing I could turn back time and undo all of our mistakes.
I can’t.
I know divorces are coming, and there’s nothing I can do.
I know I’ll end up with Ryan. It’s what I’ve been waiting for.
I know Ryan and I have hurt people. I wish we hadn’t.
I regret the entire mess, but there’s nothing I can do except apologize.
I wish I could do something to fix it all.
Trouble is, I love Ryan.