Words Unspoken

[rycolfan.livejournal.com]

Title - Words Unspoken
Author - Rycolfan
Rating - NC-17
Pairing - Ryan/Colin
Summary - There's tension between our boys....can they sort it out before it wrecks their friendship forever?
Disclaimer - I only own the story peeps!
Feedback - is raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens!

Okay, I happened to come across this fic which I wrote ages ago but never posted.  It's not particularly good but I thought it could be a slightly bigger contribution to our fluff bomb mission.  I hope you enjoy it, comments are love!  ^_^ xxx




 

It was noticeable to everyone on the show that something was very wrong with Ryan and Colin. The playful banter and effortless rapport they used to share was missing, replaced gradually over the past few weeks with an unspoken tension and painfully obvious distance. They tried very hard to disguise it during tapings, but the spark was gone and nobody seemed to know why. Once or twice Drew had caught Colin glancing at Ryan with a frown, as if he was just as much in the dark as everyone else. After yet another uneasy taping, Drew talked to Greg about it and they both decided to corner Ryan when he was next alone to find out what the hell was going on.

As it turned out, that opportunity came sooner than either of them expected. They were all sitting in the green room after the show to wind down as usual. Ryan and Colin were sitting together on the sofa, which wasn't unusual in itself but the gap between them was an indication that something wasn't right. Colin was talking and laughing with Wayne who was in a chair next to him while Ryan sat and read a magazine quietly, jiggling his leg as was his habit. Colin and Wayne had been firm friends since the show started but recently, with Ryan being so distant, Wayne had probably become Colin's closest friend. Greg was a close friend too of course, but he wasn't at every taping like Wayne.

Drew was sitting with Greg and observing the others silently when it happened. Colin and Wayne were arguing good-naturedly about something insignificant. Colin, probably out of habit and without even thinking about it, reached across and patted Ryan's leg as he asked Ryan to back him up. The moment Colin's hand made contact with his leg Ryan visibly flinched and moved his leg away quickly.

Ryan didn't see the look of shock and hurt which crossed Colin's face, too intent on keeping his eyes on the page in front of him, but everyone else in the room did and a tense silence fell. Colin stared at Ryan for a moment before excusing himself and hastily leaving the room.

Drew and Greg shared a meaningful look and Drew nodded. "Wayne," Drew said, breaking the silence, "could you give us a minute with Ryan alone please."

Wayne nodded and got up, looking relieved to get out of there. Once the door had closed Drew leant forward in his chair facing Ryan, who was deliberately avoiding his gaze. "Ok Ryan, what the hell is going on with you and Colin."

"Nothing," Ryan replied firmly without looking up.

"Bullshit," Greg said, going over and ripping the magazine out of Ryan's grasp.

"What the fuck Greg?" Ryan yelled, making a grab for it. "What business is it of yours anyway?"

"It's our business because we care about both of you and it's affecting the show," Drew replied calmly.

"Ah, now we come down to it," Ryan said icily, "this is about you worrying that we'll take a hit in the ratings."

"No, it's not about that at all," Drew replied patiently. "Look, just talk to us about what's wrong and..."

"I don't want to talk about it," Ryan yelled, his temper coming to the fore as he got to his feet. "Just leave me alone, both of you."

Greg shook his head and moved to block the door. "No can do buddy," he said firmly.

"What? Why the hell not?" Ryan demanded.

"Because Colin's our friend too and you're hurting him," Drew yelled, finally losing his patience. "You're not leaving this room until we sort this out."

"I'm not hurting him," Ryan said defensively, although he looked a little guilty.

"Oh really?" Greg said sarcastically. "Well you didn't see his face just now when you snubbed him Ry. He looked like you'd stuck a knife in his heart and twisted it."

Ryan looked stunned for a moment before suddenly dropping back onto the sofa and putting his head in his hands.

"Look," Drew said softly, sitting down next to him, "we're your friends. Talk to us....please."

"I can't," Ryan replied wretchedly.

"Has Col done something to upset you?" Greg asked with a frown, moving to stand in front of him.

"No," Ryan replied firmly, "it's nothing like that."

"Then what?" Greg asked. When Ryan didn't answer Greg grabbed both his arms in frustration, "What the hell is this about Ry?"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!" Ryan shouted, looking up at Greg furiously before his anger seemed to drain away and he dropped his head back down as Greg released him. "I'm in love with him," he repeated softly.

There was silence for a moment as Drew and Greg stared at him in shock. Greg recovered first and asked, "How long have you felt this way?"

Ryan sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Months....probably years," he replied quietly, still looking at the floor. "I've been trying to deny it for so long but....I just can't anymore."

"Ok," Greg said gently, sitting down on the arm of the sofa, "so you love him. How exactly is pushing him away gonna help matters?"

"I can't help it Greg," Ryan replied, looking at him miserably. "It's so hard to be around him now without giving away my feelings, you know he can always read me like a book. It takes all of my willpower to stop myself from pulling him into my arms because I know he doesn't feel the same."

"You don't know that," Drew said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You have to talk to him about this."

"I can't Drew," Ryan replied, shaking his head in resignation, "it'll ruin our friendship."

"You're doing a good job of that already Ry," Greg pointed out. "If you carry on like this you're gonna lose him for good." He sighed. "Look, just talk to him.....he's your best friend. At this point you really don't have anything to lose."

Ryan stared at him for several moments, deliberating. If he told Colin how he felt and Colin didn't feel the same, at best things would be really awkward between them, at worst it might irrepairably damage their friendship. On the other hand if, by some small chance, Colin did reciprocate his feelings they could enter a whole new phase of their relationship together. He felt a rush of happiness at the thought and knew he had to take that chance and risk his heart for the rewards it could reap. Greg was right, this had to be sorted out; the current situation was hurting them both.

He got to his feet and took a deep breath. "Ok," he said nervously, heading towards the door. Greg and Drew both followed and clapped him on the back supportively.

"Good luck buddy," Drew said with a smile.

Ryan gave them a quick smile and opened the door.

 

Ryan's palms were sweaty and his heart was racing as he walked down the corridor towards Colin's dressing room. Part of him wanted to turn around and run but he was determined to tell Colin the truth; the rest was up to him. When he reached Colin's door he raised a shaking hand and knocked softly, his heart now hammering in his chest.

The door opened abruptly but it wasn't Colin who stood in the doorway; instead he found himself face to face with Wayne.

"Is he in there?" Ryan asked Wayne, his voice sounding calmer than he felt. Wayne just stood and looked at him with his arms crossed.

Deciding Wayne wasn't going to be any help he called hopefully over his shoulder, "Col?"

There was a pause before a familiar voice called dejectedly, "What do you want Ry?"

Ryan swallowed and called back, "I need to talk to you.....please." He held his breath as he waited for an answer, ignoring Wayne who was still blocking his way and looking at him coldly.

After a few moments, Colin called softly, "It's alright Wayne, you can let him in," and Ryan breathed a sigh of relief as he followed Wayne inside and waited nervously by the door.

Colin was sitting on the sofa, still in his stage clothes, with his back to Ryan. Wayne walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder.  "I'll be in my dressing room if you need me ok?" he said, giving Ryan a dirty look.

"Thanks Wayne," Colin replied, patting his hand. Wayne walked back to the door, glaring at Ryan as he passed, and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Silence descended as Ryan stared at the back of Colin's head and tried to decide how best to start. Why the hell hadn't he practised this in his head on the way? Come on, he told himself sternly, you're an improviser for God's sake.....just tell him how you feel. His thoughts were interrupted by Colin's voice.

"What did I do Ry?" he asked quietly, still not looking at him.

"Do?" Ryan asked with a frown, confused by the question.

"What did I do wrong?" Colin clarified, his voice rough. "I've been racking my brain but I can't think of anything. If I've said or done something to offend you...."

Realisation dawned on Ryan's face and he moved forwards quickly to sit down beside him. Colin still had his back to him so he laid a hand on his shoulder. "No, no, you haven't done anything wrong Col," he reassured him firmly.

Colin turned to face him and Ryan was shocked to see that his face was streaked with tears. Now he knew why Wayne had been so cold towards him. It took a lot to make Colin cry; he'd only ever seen him cry once before and that was when his father had died.

"Then why?" Colin asked wretchedly, tears glistening on his eyelashes as he searched Ryan's face for an answer. "Why have you been acting that way? Why Ryan?"

There was so much misery and despair in Colin's eyes that something in Ryan snapped and he leant forward, pressing their lips together firmly.

He felt Colin freeze as he made contact and gently sucked in his lower lip, running his tongue across it and tasting the salt from Colin's tears. When Colin made no attempt to return the kiss Ryan pulled back, his heart heavy, and took in Colin's shocked expression.

"That's why," Ryan whispered. He sighed and shook his head, looking into Colin's warm brown eyes which were still swimming with unshed tears. "I'm sorry Col," he said softly, "but I knew you wouldn't feel the same and..."

Colin quickly put a finger to Ryan's lips, silencing him, as they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Then, in one swift movement, Colin leant forward and dropped his finger, replacing it with his lips and kissing Ryan forcefully.

Ryan's shock at this sudden turn of events lasted only a matter of seconds before he was kissing Colin back just as passionately, bringing his hands up to cup his face and opening his mouth to deepen it as Colin did the same. Ryan explored Colin's mouth with his tongue, finding the taste of him addictive and extremely arousing. His heart, which only moments ago had been close to breaking, was now ready to burst with happiness.  His only regret was all the time he'd wasted.

The need for oxygen finally became too great so they broke apart, flushed and panting, and looked at each other in wonder. Ryan could see a mixture of happiness, relief, and desire in Colin's eyes as they both attempted to get their breath back.

"How long have you....?" Ryan trailed off uncertainly.

"Since the day I met you," Colin confessed quietly and Ryan's eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm so sorry Col," Ryan said sincerely, taking his hand gently, "I guess I was just trying to protect myself, but I never meant to hurt you. Please tell me I haven't ruined this before it's even begun."

Colin sighed and looked down at their joined hands. "I understand that your actions were motivated by self-preservation Ry," he replied, before looking back up into Ryan's eyes. "Just don't ever push me away again, okay?"

Ryan wrapped his arms around Colin and pulled him close. "I won't, I promise." He felt Colin nod into his neck and he hugged him tightly. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Colin lifted his head and looked at him thoughtfully. "Hmmm, well I can think of several things," he replied with a smile, eyes twinkling mischievously.

Ryan chuckled and dipped his head to kiss him softly before pulling back slightly to gaze into his eyes. He raised his hand to caress Colin's cheek tenderly and whispered, "I love you Col."

A smile lit up Colin's face as he whispered back, "I love you too."

Ryan closed the gap between them and kissed him again, this time pouring all of his love into it as he gently lowered Colin onto his back and they both got lost in the taste and feel of each other.

When Greg happened to come across both of them later on, it was like looking at two completely different people from a few hours earlier. He watched with a huge grin as the pair of them walked hand in hand down the corridor together, positively glowing with happiness.