Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Chap 13/18

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A/N: My homegirl, Captanonymus, has pointed out that her taggage is misspelled. Could that be fixed, pretty please?

Word
PD



Chapter 13

The following morning they were both a little bleary eyed and both were cursing Uck for demanding their presence at work, the day after they’d flown in.

“They could have given us a day to be vaguely human again…” Colin grumbled to Ryan, who didn’t say anything, just grunted.

“Do you want to hitch a ride with me? We could go in my car, if it’s two of us, the car makes more sense. not that it talks to me of course, I meant it would make more sense to choose the car…” Colin realized he was babbling but Ryan was making him nervous. He noticed that Ryan had never fully relaxed after they had returned to bed and now he was barely talking and they hadn’t made love again since they left Florida… He knew, of course that there hadn’t really been time to make love, or even to fuck, but that didn’t really enter his mind. Maybe Ryan was changing his mind, and his nightmare had been about Colin clinging to him like a bad smell and he could have sworn Ryan had flinched when he suggested going in together…

“I know what you meant.”

“Oh… Ok… so, you want to?”

“Sure.”

The non-talking continued all the way to the car and during their journey to work. Colin was glad he had the radio on. The silence would have been unbearable. He wondered when Ryan would ditch him, if he would do it as soon as they arrived at work, or maybe he would wait and just not come back to the apartment…

The radio was not helping at all. It was his favorite station but they were currently playing one love song after the other.

It had started with At Last, a song he had always loved but which was a bit close to home now. He tried to concentrate on the road and traffic as Etta James’ soulful voice drifted through the speakers

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you

It had then continued with Let’s Do It, and Colin had had to bite his lip not to blurt out and beg Ryan not to leave him. He could really see them falling in love and being happy together…hell, he was already in love…head over heels….he glanced at Ryan who was staring out the window, apparently oblivious to the whole song torture that was going on.

But when he recognized the intro to Not Alone Anymore, he made a move to switch it off, only to be halted by Ryan’s voice, the first time he had actually initiated talking to him

“I like that song…”

“Oh…ok…” and he withdrew his hand again, desperately trying to read anything in Ryan’s comment, but Ryan had gone back to playing taciturn.

When the song finished, the voices of the presenters interrupted Colin’s thoughts.

“Hey there audience of ours, it’s the Captain and Delaire bringing you the Best Love Songs in the World until noon, in which we’ll be bringing you All Frankie, All @#$% Day. So! What do you think Delaire, isn’t this one of the best songs on how not to behave in a relationship?”

“Very true Captain, but hell, some people are just too afraid sometimes! Because who knows what the other might say? But you still have to say something, because always wondering ‘what if’ will hurt more than anything else. That downing thought over, happiness is a good, depressing Roy Orbison song,” you could hear the grin over the speakers.

The Captain laughed before clearing her throat, “So…words of wisdom of today, don’t hold back in telling your loved one how you feel because they might be thinking the same and you’d never know it! And then, when you finally do get the courage, well, it might be too late! Hey Delaire….you know what…”

But by then, Colin was no longer listening. Could it be that simple? Just tell Ryan how he felt and….

“Hmpf… Chicks eh?” Ryan looked over at him and grinned…Ok, screw that theory Captain and Delaire… I think I’ll stick with booze and emotional blackmail…

“Uh…yeah…” he managed to get out; hoping he’d convinced Ryan of his dislike for discussions about ‘feelings’.

He changed stations, pretending to be scanning for traffic information but in reality he wanted to avoid the show that spoke about new lovers and how to treat them. The voice of the announcer droned on about a pile up here and a broken down truck there, Colin barely noticed it had changed to an Elvis song. It was only when he felt Ryan’s leg move in time with the music that he started paying attention. Ryan was singing along with Elvis’ Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear, imitating the King to near perfection if it hadn’t been for the slight exaggeration he put in his voice. For some reason, it made Colin laugh and when Ryan threw him a puzzled look, he couldn’t help himself and guffawed openly.

“What?”

“You… I never realized I was in the presence of the King.”

“Oh…that…” Ryan blushed slightly, which Colin thought, predictably, was adorable.

“I didn’t realize you were an Elvis fan?”

“I’m not…really… just, you know…I have the urge to sing along…”

“Hey, it was good… very life like...” Colin said, as he turned into the parking lot of Uck. He was glad they were talking again. Maybe they could still be friends after Ryan dumped him…

He maneuvered the car into a parking bay, took the key out of the ignition and was about to get out when Ryan stopped him. “Hey Col, you know what they said on the radio, about telling people how you feel…” Ryan swallowed, “Maybe this isn’t the right time for it but…”

“I know… it’s ok… I knew this was coming… and I don’t think there is ever a right time for that, you know…” This is it…he’s dumping you… well, at least he’s being honest about it…

“Well, I’m sorry, I can’t help how I feel,” Ryan said, a tad angrily.

“I know, and I don’t blame you… I’m hardly the most attractive guy and well…”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re saying you don’t want to see me anymore, right?”

“What?! No! Why would you think that?!”

“No?” Colin was getting very confused “But… you barely spoke to me… and last night, when we went back to bed, you were so tense and… and... you haven’t made love to me since we came back…” He felt so stupid for saying it but it had really bothered him.

“Col, I was worried you’d come to your senses once you were back on familiar ground. That’s what my nightmare was about. That you offered me a lift to work and just before we got there, you kicked me out of the car and told me to walk the rest because you couldn’t be seen arriving with a janitor… I’m in love with you…” Ryan sounded so desolate, so afraid it would all come true.

But Colin was sticking to the words more than how it sounded. “Really?!” Colin couldn’t help but sound elated.

Ryan blinked, catching up with a struggle but smiling quietly anyway. “Yeah… I’m sorry if this is not what you wanted but…”

“Are you crazy?! I’m in love with you too, you idiot! I thought you were going to kick me to the curb the minute we got back,”

Ryan looked at him as if he had grown two heads. “You’re in love with me?”

Colin’s indignant features softened and he smiled gently. “Yeah…”

But before he had time to respond further, Ryan had grabbed him and kissed his shoes off… right there in a parked car in the parking lot of Uck and without a care in the world.