(FIC) You could be Happy Part XI (Ry/Col)

[captanonymus.livejournal.com]

 The final part of my saga! 

Title: You could be happy XI
Author; captanonymus
Rating PG -13 (probably....quite a bit of swearing in this one...)
Main Character(s) and/or pairings; Ryan/Colin
Summary: The Challenge:  Ryan is desperate to be at Colin's 50th birthday, but his fear of flying is holding him back.  Write a story, as long or as short as you would like about what Ryan does to deal with this problem so that he can be with the man he loves on his very special day. 
wordcount: 2475

Ryan looked at him quizzically.

 

“Got to tell me what?”

 

Before Colin had a chance to reply however, the doorbell interrupted their conversation and Colin was forced to get up and answer it.

As he opened the door, he groaned. It was Brad. No doubt here to extend his good wishes for the new year and to meddle some more in his affairs…..He sighed again. Brad must have seen the apprehension on his face because he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

 

“I know, I know, you kicked me out 2 days ago but….who the hell did that to you!?” He grabbed Colin’s chin and turned his face left and right to inspect the bruises that had been left there by Ryan.

 

“It was Ryan, wasn’t it? Has he got his memory back?!” Brad sounded furious and before Colin could stop him, he had barged past him and into the living room, where Ryan was still on the sofa.

 

“What did you do to him Ryan? How did you manipulate him? How did you make him forget all the shit you put him through huh?! Did you tell him you never stopped loving him?

 

Colin had been right behind Brad and was helplessly watching the scene unfold. Brad seemed so incensed, he didn’t realise Ryan was gawping at him.

 

Then all three started talking simultaneously

 

“Brad! Ryan hasn’t got his memory back!”

 

“What do you mean I never stopped loving him?”

 

“Why have you still got this hold over him?!” Brad had grabbed Ryan by his shirt and hauled him to his feet, shaking with rage and frustration. This seemed to snap Ryan out of the state of confusion he was apparently in and he roughly pushed Brad away.

 

“Get your hands off me” Brad stumbled backwards and landed in an undignified heap on the floor but Ryan didn’t see it. He had turned to Colin, a strange look in his eyes.

 

“What did he mean? Why would I tell you I never stopped loving you?”

 

“Ry…I…..”

 

“Oh my god….he hasn’t told you and you don’t know?” Brad, from his position on the floor, couldn’t keep the disbelief out of his voice.

 

“Brad, shut up…”

 

“You let him fuck you and use you, just like he did all those years ago? What the hell is wrong with Colin? “

 

“Brad, I said shut up”

 

“Col, what does he mean?” Ryan sounded hesitant but Colin recognised the budding anger. This was the Ryan he had fought with so often. The stubborn man, who wouldn’t acknowledge he could be wrong on occasion.

 

“We were together before, but we had a fight and you told me we were over. You wanted to come over for my birthday to make up but you had your accident. They found the ring and a letter in the wreck of your car. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before but I didn’t want to scare you off.” Colin wearily explained.

 

“You lied to me” Ryan’s voice was cold and devoid of any emotion.

 

“No, Ryan, I didn’t. I never lied to you.”

 

“The way you spoke about your fiancé about how much you loved him…and all this time it was *me*!?” Slowly, fury started to emerge.

 

“Like I said, I didn’t want to scare you off..”

 

“But last night….you didn’t say anything!”

 

“I thought you were drunk and I didn’t want to take advantage…that’s why I protested”

 

“Are you always such a fucking martyr Colin? Jesus……I’ve got to get out of here” and with that Ryan turned on his heel and stormed out, kicking Brad in the process. Looking back, Brad couldn’t tell if he had done it on purpose or if it had been an accident. It still gave him a bruise the size of a grapefruit and a painful shin for about a week though…..

 

Colin slumped on the sofa, rubbing his hand over his face.

 

“Why, Brad, why?”

 

“He’s no good for you Colin, I wish you could see that…..”

 

“Who the fuck decides what’s good for me Bradley? You!? Who died and made you my goddamn keeper!?” Colin was nearly shouting in a rare show of anger.

 

“I saw what you were like after he told you the two of you were over….you were a mess. He’s hurt you so much. Why do you keep defending him!” Brad was getting increasingly frustrated “I’ve been here all this time! I want to take care of you! I love you dammit! But you’ve been so wrapped up in Ryan fucking Stiles, you fail to see there are better men out there! He’s a manipulative bastard, only out for his own gain”  Brad, too, had raised his voice.

 

“Don’t you dare talk about Ryan like that” Suddenly Colin had gone from near shouting to a low growl.

 

“Or what?” Brad was so wound up; he had failed to hear the warning tone in Colin’s voice.

 

“Just get out Brad…..I’ve had enough of this…..You’ve quite possibly ruined my life….and you say you love me”  he chuckled mirthlessly “ Jesus, Brad….if this is what you do for friends….” He was interrupted by a sob. He looked up and saw Brad, hunched forward; trying to hide the fact he was crying.

 

“What the hell are you crying about?” Colin couldn’t find it in him to be kind.

 

 “I ruined it….I’m so stupid…” Brad choked out “I don’t know why Col…..when I fell in love with you, I knew I had more chance of bedding a nun than wooing you away from Ryan and at first I was OK with that but then, when I saw how he treated you….it broke my heart…..I wanted to kill him for hurting you….and then, after he disappeared, I thought I might have a chance but…you never even noticed me…..you didn’t notice anyone…..it’s like you stopped living…..I tried so hard to make you feel better but nothing worked…..and then he turns up again and it’s as if somebody switched a light on in you…..You’ve been fucking glowing since he came back…..how does he do that? Why him? Why not me?”

 

Colin shrugged his shoulders “I love him. He completes me and, no matter what you think, he protects me and he takes care of me and now, after all this, you made me lose him again. I can’t forgive you for that Brad.”

 

Brad knew Colin meant it and he was horrified, again, at his own behaviour. “You don’t know that…” he tried to sound positive.

 

“Oh I know Brad….you heard him…..he sounded more like he used to be than he has all this time. He’s a proud man, he’ll feel deceived and I’ve lost his trust. I think he’s been regaining his memory but he thought they were dreams. He’s not going to forgive me for not telling him…”

 

“Is it true?” Colin’s head snapped up at the sound of Ryan’s voice, and when he looked up, he saw Ryan standing in the door opening, eyes red-rimmed, as if he’d been crying.

 

“Ry……”

 

“Is it true” Ryan repeated again.

 

“Is what true?” Colin’s eyes never left Ryan’s face, fully aware this might be the last time they’d ever talk face to face.

 

“That you love me, that I complete you? That you haven’t looked at anyone else?”

 

Colin didn’t hesitate “yes”

 

“Why?…..It sounds like I was a selfish prick before”

 

“You’re always there for me. No matter what anybody says. They don’t know you as I do. ”

 

“You said yourself I’ve been nicer to you since the accident.”

 

“You have, but you were under a lot of stress before”

 

“Stop making excuses for me Col”

 

The fact that he was back to “Col” rather than “Colin” made Colin feel hopeful.

 

“I’m not making excuses for you Ry…You had it a lot tougher than I did when you got divorced”

 

“I divorced Pat for you, didn’t I?” Ryan looked pensive.

 

“Yeah, you did…”

 

Brad watched the interaction. He might as well not be there….The minute Ryan had walked back into the room, he had stopped existing for Colin….. He saw his future in that moment….always struggling to gain a foothold in a heart that was already so full of somebody else, it would, it *could* never accept or recognise him….He gingerly got to his feet and walked over to Ryan.

 

“He loves you. I don’t know how much you overheard but he loves you. Don’t ever think he does anything without your best interest at heart. He would die for you. He nearly did when you disappeared. Don’t throw it away…..” and with that, he turned to Colin, not missing the stunned look on Ryan’s face.

 

“I’m sorry Col, I wish I could make it up to you but I can’t….I’ll do anything you want….whatever you want” he walked over to Colin, gently kissing him on the cheek. From the corner of his eyes he saw Ryan clenching his hand, making a fist but catching himself before he’d stepped forward. Interesting…it might not be as hopeless as Colin might have thought…he thought.

With one last look at Colin, he turned and walked out of the room, feeling Ryan’s gaze burning a hole in his back.

 

“He’s in love with you”

 

“Apparently”

 

“You’ve never been tempted, honestly?”

 

“By Brad?”

 

“By anyone”

 

“No, I never stopped loving you. ”

 

“You say they found a letter in the car. Did you keep it?”

 

”Yes”

 

“May I read it?”

 

“If you want to”

 

“I do”

 

Much to Ryan’s surprise, Colin pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, opened it and drew out a piece of paper, handing it to him. Brown stains marred the white paper and it took him a few seconds to realise it was blood. His blood, to be precise. The letter had obviously been read many times, as the paper was creased and splitting where it had been folded. Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat and started reading. When he had finished, he looked at Colin again.

 

“I thought it was a dream…” he whispered

 

“I’m sorry Ry, I should have told you before…..I didn’t know you were having dreams…I didn’t want to deceive you…I was too scared of losing you. I’ve missed you so much…I didn’t want to split up before but when you didn’t ring, I thought you regretted leaving Pat for me…..I thought you’d gone back to her….I..” 

 

“I did ring you.” Ryan interrupted

 

“What?” Colin was confused.

 

“I remember ringing you. Brad said you didn’t want to talk to me. I kept ringing but then your voicemail picked up and the next day, your number had changed. Then you sent my stuff back…All my clothes smelled of you….I thought you didn’t want to know, that I’d finally driven you away….”

 

“I never said anything like that….I was waiting for you to call me, but when you didn’t, Brad said you might have gone back to Pat and that it’d be better if I sent you your stuff….”

 

They were both lost in their own thoughts for a minute, trying to process the new revelations.

 

“I want the ring back” Ryan suddenly said.

 

Colin paled. “Please Ry, let me keep it….It’s the only part of you I can have..”

 

“Give it to me” Ryan held out his hand.

 

“Ry….” Colin knew he sounded pathetic but Ryan seemed unmoved. He opened and closed his outstretched hand in a gesture that left no doubt.

 

“I need it back”

 

“Please, don’t do this to me Ry….” Colin tried to fight back the tears but was only moderately successful. He looked at Ryan. His mouth was drawn in tight line, his jaw was clenched and Colin knew he wasn’t going to back down. He bit his lip as he removed the cord from around his neck, undid the knot and released the ring. He held it in his hand, trying to think of a way that would make Ryan allow him to keep it but he couldn’t think of anything. He dropped the ring in Ryan’s upturned palm, staring at the floor, not wanting to show how much this hurt him.

Ryan inspected the ring, and buffed it on his shirt sleeve. Then he moved closer to Colin, who was still looking at the floor and dropped to his knees in front of him.

 

“I’m three years too late and I know I’ve not fully recovered yet, but please marry me?” He whispered as he grasped Colin’s left hand and put the ring on the ring finger. 

 

“Wha….what?”

 

“You said you were waiting for your fiancé to put it on your finger….Can I be him?”

 

“You…I…..” Colin was struggling for words.

 

“You complete me too, Col. I may not have regained all my memory but I know…I *feel* you are part of me…..I thought I was going crazy when I moved in….I wanted to claim you, possess you and I barely knew you….and then the dreams started and I had to fight so hard to keep my feelings from you…..I didn’t’ want to scare you away either…..and now I know why….Please marry me? If you want to wait until I get my memory back I understand but….”

 

“No! I mean yes! I’ll marry you! I don’t need to wait until your memory returns….it’s already returning and if you’re sure, then yes!”

 

“Oh, thank God for that” Ryan breathed as he pulled Colin towards him. Colin dropped to his knees too and then they were embracing, clinging to each other like survivors of a shipwreck cling to driftwood. Colin felt Ryan’s lips on his neck as he tried frantically to kiss every part of Ryan he could reach. Then Ryan pulled back, only to crush his mouth to Colin’s with a passion that bordered on desperation. Colin, just as eager, returned the gesture with a matching ferocity.

 

“Col, take me..”

 

Colin was taken aback….Ryan never volunteered and he had always automatically assumed the more dominant position in bed.

 

“Ry, you’ve never….I’ve never…”

 

“I don’t care about the past Col….I need you to take me….make me yours, claim me, I want to belong to you….” Ryan whispered it with such urgency that Colin felt himself surge to attention. He had been perfectly happy with the way things had been between them, but the idea of Ryan whimpering and needy beneath him, did things to him he had not expected….

 

“I don’t want to hurt you….”

 

“You won’t…”

 

“Ok, but not here on the floor….I want to make love to you in bed….Can we….”

 

“Yes….” Colin got to his feet, pulling Ryan up with him at the same time and together they made their way to the bedroom to start a new chapter of their lives, secure in the knowledge that whatever life threw at them, they would overcome it as long as they were together…..

 

The end.