[Fic] The Course Of True Love - Part 4/4
Dec. 5th, 2010 01:53 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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wl_fanfictionTitle: The Course Of True Love - Part 4/4
Author: Jie Jie
Rating: PG
Pairings: Colin/Ryan
Wordcount: 6020
Summary: Ryan and Colin's relationship breaks down. Can they pick up the pieces?
A/N - The final part...which as per usual went in a completely different direction than I'd intended! ^_^;;
Ryan slowly blinked his eyes open, groaning at the way his head was spinning and the bright sunlight which filled the room. He looked around and froze at the unfamiliar surroundings. He was in a hotel room but it was not his own. Ryan sat up in the king sized bed and realised with horror that he was completely naked underneath the sheets. The sound of a toilet flushing in the bathroom only contributed to his panic. What the hell had he done? The bathroom door opened and in walked Diedrich Baber, looking as well groomed and cheerful as ever.
“Well, good morning, sleepy head,” Deidrich said, oblivious to Ryan's reaction, as he slid back under the covers. Ryan's green eyes stared blankly at nothing as foggy memories of the night before slid back into his head. Diedrich kissing him in the bar. Getting drunk at his hotel. Telling Colin it was over. Walking out on him. Calling Diedrich and heading over to his hotel. That was where things started to get murky. He felt vaguely sick as blurry pictures of them touching, kissing, groping, danced behind his eyes. What the fuck had he been thinking?
A warm hand slid over Ryan's waist, making him jump. He jerked away from the questing hand and rolled out of the bed. Grabbing his boxers from where they'd been thrown on the floor Ryan pulled them on in a useless attempt to preserve what was left of his modesty.
“You going so soon?” Diedrich enquired. He didn't seem overly concerned that Ryan had jumped from the bed like it was on fire.
“Uh, yeah,” Ryan said as he pulled on his jeans and looked around for his shirt. He racked his brain for the first excuse it could provide. “We've got some technical things to go over at the theatre, Greg'll have my balls if I'm late.”
Diedrich laughed. “Well, we can't have that. Your shirt's up there by the way,” Diedrich pointed up at the curtain rail where Ryan's white shirt was caught.
“Thanks,” Ryan was sure that his cheeks were bright red, broadcasting his acute embarrassment. He reached up and pulled down the garment, shrugging it on and fastening the buttons with unsteady hands. Diedrich watched him from the bed, a lazy smile on his face.
“You can stop looking like someone's killed your puppy,” he said. “Nothing happened.” Ryan felt a huge flash of relief.
“I knew that,” he said with a grin.
“You call me when you're really over Colin,” Diedrich said. “I wanna do that for real sometime.”
Ryan honestly didn't know what to say to that. He nodded at the man who was his friend and co-star and all but fled the room.
*
By time Ryan had found his way back to his own hotel room the events of the night before had become sickeningly clear in his mind. He wished that he couldn't remember any of it. He'd gone to Diedrich's hotel with the full intention of sleeping with him. Thankfully his conscience had kicked in and he'd called a halt to things, though by that point he'd been too inebriated to make it back to his own hotel. Although his aborted tryst with Diedrich was not one of his proudest moments and had almost been another betrayal of Colin's trust it was not the most painful memory of the night.
Ryan opened his hotel room door and winced as the smell of stale alcohol threatened to trigger his gag reflex. He had to breath deeply through his mouth for a few moments before he became accustomed to the smell. The empty contents of the mini bar decorated his bedside table and there was a large empty bottle of scotch lying on the floor. Ryan frowned at the object in question, he remembered ordering it but not drinking it. He wondered if maybe that had been down to Colin. Just thinking Colin's name made his chest tighten with guilt. He'd been the world's biggest bastard last night and Colin really hadn't deserved it.
A furious pounding on his bedroom door interrupted Ryan's self flagellation. The pounding only made his own headache worse. Ryan yanked open the door, ready to give the person on the other side a piece of his mind. His mouth snapped shut with an audible click as Greg pushed his way into the room looking more pissed off that Ryan had even seen him.
“I can't leave you alone for one mother fucking minute! What did you do? What god damned idiotic thing did you say or do fuck this up so badly?”
Ryan was stumped by the unexpected wave of hostility. “What are you talking about?”
“Colin, you total jackass!” Greg said, the volume of his voice making Ryan wince. “He showed up this morning looking like shit and said he was quitting the fucking tour.”
“What?” Ryan said weakly. He could feel the blood drain from his face as snippets from his last conversation with Colin echoed in his head.
“He's gone Ryan, packed up his bags and left the god damned building.”
Ryan swallowed thickly. “Did he say anything?”
“He said if we wanted an explanation we should ask you,” Greg's voice was dangerously controlled. “So that's what I'm doing. I want to know what the fuck you did and how you're going to make it right.”
“I got wasted last night,” Ryan said first of all, he knew it was a pathetic excuse for what he'd done but he still wanted Greg to know that he hadn't been in complete control of himself. “Col came over real late and...I said some stupid things. I didn't mean any of them but I was just, I don't know, drunk and angry and I wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting.”
“Tell me what you said.”
“I told him about what happened at the bar and I said things were over between me and him and that he should go back to Brad.” Having to repeat those words, out loud and now sober, made Ryan's stomach turn. He could tell that Greg was disgusted with him and truth be told he was disgusted with himself.
“So how the fuck are you gonna fix this?” Greg wanted to know. Ryan shrugged, his posture defeated before he'd even tried.
“I don't know Greg,” he said. “I really don't know if I can.”
*
Colin had taken Ryan's words to heart and pulled out of the rest of his time with the Whose Live tour. His manager had been annoyed but Colin rarely caused trouble and so he let the incident slide. With Brad now healed up the pair got back on the road, following a gruelling schedule intended to cover the cities that they'd had to cancel on before. Things were almost back to normal. Colin was performing with his usual zeal on stage but once those stage lights switched off it seemed like he did too. The Canadian had always been a rather shy person when he wasn't performing but now he was almost completely withdrawn, barely speaking unless he was asked a direct question.
On the evening of yet another show Colin sat in his dressing room and stared at his face in the mirror. That tired man with the empty eyes couldn't possibly be a comedian.
A knock sounded at the door.
Colin stood and crossed the room, he opened the door and frowned down at the package which had been left outside his dressing room. He glanced up and down the empty corridor before reaching down to pick it up. With a final glance around Colin retreated into his dressing room and sat down on he couch. He prised off the lid of the small cardboard box and drew in a surprised breath as he saw what was inside. A raggedy doll lay ensconced in black tissue paper, from it's lack of hair and dark brown button eyes Colin surmised that it was supposed to represent him. A note which simply read 'faggot' had been pinned to the dolls chest by a short handled knife.
“Nice,” Colin muttered. He threw the doll, box and all, into the trash can. He wasn't too surprised at receiving such a hateful gift. Since coming out he'd had a mixed response from the general public. Most were indifferent or curious. He received a lot of letters of support from various people including an old friend from his days filming Whose Line in England. And then there were the haters. People who seemed to feel it was their duty to tell him that he was evil and would burn in hell for daring to love another man. It was all bullshit of course and most of the time Colin found it gratifying that most of his hate mail came from people who weren't exactly the most enlightened. The fact that most of them couldn't even spell homosexual was a source of constant amusement.
It was when the hatred seeped into his work that Colin was more affected. Suggestions from the audience, like the one that Jeff had seen, referencing his sexual preferences were few and far between but they always disturbed him. He tried to protect his friends and family from the backlash as best he could. Today, it was just one more thing on a long list which he couldn't make himself worry about.
“Hey Col, you decent?” Brad called from the hallway. The performer didn't wait for a reply before walking into the dressing room.
“Why ask the question if you aren't going to wait for an answer?” Colin wondered, arms crossed across his chest.
“You haven't got anything I haven't seen before, man.”
“Brad, you're my friend and I love you,” Colin's words were serious though a smile tugged at the edges of his lips. “But I don't want to you to see me naked.”
Brad stuck his tongue out at his co-star but let the argument drop. “Come get some food with me,” he said, making his voice deliberately whiny. Although Colin knew better than to deny Brad food he couldn't help but tease the man a little, to make him work for it.
“No, I don't think so. It's probably not a good idea,” he said, hiding a smile. “I don't like performing on a full stomach.”
“Oh, come on, man. Please?” Brad used his own patented version of the puppy dog eyes. He used them so well that Colin couldn't keep up his act any longer. He gave a long suffering sigh and watched as Brad's eyes lit up, knowing that he'd won the argument.
“Okay, but I'm not going far,” Colin said, having terrible visions of an audience kept waiting because he and Brad were stuck in traffic somewhere.
“Great,” a sunny grin broke out on Brad's face. “There's a pizza place down the street with our names on it.”
It seemed like autumn had truly arrived to the city. It was a crisp but pleasant evening that they both enjoyed as they walked down the street. An old craving played at the edge of Colin's mind and he decided that, what the hell, he deserved a pick me up after the week he'd had. He reached inside his jacket pocket to pull out a lighter and a packet of smokes.
“I thought you quit all that about a year ago,” Brad's disapproval was only vaguely hidden.
“Aw, give me a break,” Colin sighed. “It's just one pack.”
“Yeah that's how it starts,” Brad muttered darkly. “We're here now, why don't you put it out?” Colin rolled his eyes at his well meaning friend. The restaurant seemed warm and inviting, it had huge glass windows, allowing passers-by to see it's cosy interior.
“Why don't you go get us a table and I'll finish this?” Colin gestured with his cigarette. Brad threw up his hands in a gesture of defeat.
“All right, I give, I give,” Brad laughed and headed into the restaurant, leaving Colin to enjoy his cigarette in peace.
A group of three young men spotted him and crossed the street. One of them had a ticket for the Colin and Brad Show and a sharpie pen in his hand and Colin braced himself for the always awkward moment when fans approached him.
“Mr. Mochrie, could we get your autograph?” One of the young men thrust the ticket and the pen towards Colin, a tight smile on his face. Colin dropped his cigarette to the ground and accepted the ticket, scrawling his autograph across the paper before handing it back to the fan.
“There you go, enjoy the show,” he said genuinely. He was always happy to put his signature to anything the fans gave him, though god knows he'd been asked to sign some weird things over the years.
“Thanks,” the man said as he accepted the ticket. His smile turned nasty as he tore the ticket up into small pieces and threw it into Colin's face. “Me and my friends don't find your faggy show very funny.”
Colin took a step back away from the suddenly intimidating young men. He hoped like hell that Brad could see what was going on. Back up would be a very welcome thing right now.
“Well, that's good 'cus I think you might have invalidated your ticket,” the quip was out of his mouth before his brain could even process the seriousness of his situation. Provoking the men who currently surrounded him was not a great idea. Colin turned his back on them, looking for his co-star. Brad was talking to the maître d, he looked up and caught sight of the situation. Colin saw Brad's eyes widen in horror. A burst of pain at the back of Colin's head made him stagger forwards. His hands left smears across the previously clean windows of the restaurant as he stumbled against them. The door burst open and Brad yelled something unintelligible at the men. Through the roaring in his ears Colin could hear footsteps running away from them.
“Col? Col, you okay?” Brad's hands were on Colin's shoulders, steadying him.
“Should I call 911?” The maître d had followed Brad out of the restaurant and had a cell phone in hand, ready to dial. That was enough to force Colin to regain some semblance of coherency.
“No,” he said at exactly the same moment that Brad said, “Yes.”
“Brad, I'm fine,” Colin said, trying to ignore the throbbing pain at the back of his skull. He felt gentle hands rub against the back of his neck.
“You're bleeding, Col,” Brad held his fingers in front of Colin's face to show the truth of his words. Colin had trouble focusing on the hand in front of him but he could see that it was smeared with red.
“What the hell did they hit me with?” Colin wondered, his knees almost buckled and he held onto Brad's arm.
“A bottle,” Brad said, anger clear in his voice. Colin looked down at the floor and noticed distantly that shards of glass did now litter the side walk, catching the setting sun's light. “Call an ambulance.”
“Brad?” Colin gasped the name as his vision started to blur. “I really need to sit.” The roaring in his ears turned into thunder and Colin moaned as a wave of vertigo swept over him. He clung to consciousness purely through force of will, only vaguely aware of Brad and the maître d guiding him to a chair inside the restaurant. He sat down heavily and rested his forehead in his hands. Colin stared down at the off-white tiled floor, oblivious to the air of disturbance around him. Most of the patrons had seen the attack and were chattering with an air of concern and excitement.
“Here,” Brad pressed a cool, clean cloth to the back of Colin's head, making the Canadian hiss as a wave of pain rushed through him. His stomach rolled but he managed to control himself, barely. “Col, can you hold this on?” Brad urged Colin to apply pressure to the wound.
“Remind me why I thought coming out was a good idea?” Colin's said, voice laden with irony. The hint of humour surprised a laugh out of Brad. He was saved having to make a response when an ambulance pulled up outside and two paramedics quickly entered the restaurant. They made their way over to Colin and immediately took control over the situation. Brad was asked to step back as one paramedic assessed Colin's injury and the other drilled him with questions. Name, date of birth, what day it was, if he was experiencing nausea. Something obviously wasn't up to standard as they were soon leading him towards the ambulance. When he realised what was going on Colin ground to a halt, digging in his heels.
“The show, we have a show tonight,” he said, looking around desperately for Brad. His co-star was following him to the ambulance, fully intending to go with him to the hospital.
“Screw the show!” Brad couldn't believe that Colin was even thinking about it.
“Brad, go to the theatre,” Colin said, allowing the paramedics to urge him up inside the ambulance.
Brad shook his head firmly and jumped up inside the ambulance, taking the seat opposite from Colin. “I'll call them from the hospital, don't worry about it.”
“Okay,” Colin said before promptly passing out in his seat. Brad jumped to his feet but was pushed back down by the attending paramedic.
Brad sat back and watched with wide eyes as the paramedic checked Colin's vitals. The whole evenings events had taken such a surreal turn. It had been one of the worst moments of his life, looking up and seeing those men surrounding Colin. Seeing one raise a bottle poised to smash down on Colin's head but unable to move quickly enough to do anything about it. He'd been frozen to the spot, watching with horror as Colin was struck over the head and stumbled against the restaurant window. Seeing his palm splay against the glass had been enough to snap Brad out of his shock and move. He'd chased off the louts but still felt the slow burn of guilt for not reacting faster, for not being there when Colin had really needed him.
*
Ryan was sitting alone in his cold, dark hotel room when a sharp knock came at his door. Reluctantly he got up to answer it. He could tell by the knock that it was Greg and he just hoped the other man wasn't going to tear another strip off of him. He'd been doing a decent enough job of beating himself up, he didn't need any more help.
“Ryan open up!” Greg's voice didn't sound angry, in fact he sounded worried which was rather unusual. Ryan opened the door and stood back as Greg and Jeff walked into his hotel room. Both men wore frowns and looked uncharacteristically serious.
“What's going on?” Their unease made Ryan nervous in turn. Greg and Jeff exchanged a look, each silently urging the other to speak. “Guys, come on,” Ryan said with exasperation when the quiet stretched on.
“Brad just called us,” Jeff said eventually. Ryan's stomach dropped as a hundred worse case scenarios ran through his head. “Colin got attacked in the street this afternoon.”
“Is he okay?” Ryan was surprised that he could even talk, his throat was so tight.
“Apparently he took a hit to the head but he's all right,” Jeff continued. “They're keeping him in for observation.” Relief swept over Ryan, thankful that Colin hadn't suffered any permanent damage.
Only one question was on Ryan's mind. “Who the fuck would want to hurt Col? He's sweet and selfless and easily the nicest person in improv. Why would anyone do something like this?”
“Yeah, one thing you missed off your list there big guy,” Greg said. There was an edge of bitterness to his voice that was heard easily by his two friends. “He's also gay. Openly gay. And there are still some ignorant sons of bitches in this country who'd like nothing more than to lynch him from the nearest tree.”
“I didn't know it was still that bad,” Ryan admitted. Jeff shifted uncomfortably before coming to a decision. He didn't want to make Ryan feel guilty but he really should know just what Colin had been facing.
“I think Colin's been having a rough time of it,” Jeff said. “Not that he'd ever complain. He told me he'd been getting some hate mail.”
A stab of what almost felt like betrayal caught Ryan by surprise. He had been Colin's confidant for more years than he could remember. That his best friend and former lover would no longer trust him with something so important made Ryan's chest ache. Greg caught sight of Ryan's crest fallen expression and sighed.
“Oh come on Ry,” he said. “Colin was hoping that you were gonna come out too and that the two of you could go public with your relationship. He wasn't exactly going to tell you how much crap he'd been taking because of it. Besides he probably just didn't want to set you on the warpath. We all know you aren't great with the fans when you're pissed off. If Col told you what kind of letters he'd been getting you'd have run into the crowd with a fucking machete.”
Ryan would have loved to deny that accusation but truth be told if he'd have known that someone in their audience had been sending malicious messages to Colin he'd have been sorely tempted to lock the doors and set the whole god damned auditorium on fire. He decided to let the argument drop. Greg was right and even if he wasn't, Ryan had more important things to worry about.
“Where is he?”
“Brad said he's at St Memorial in Philly,” Jeff answered. Ryan winced as he realised that they were on the other side of the country, if he wanted to get to Colin fast then he'd have to fly.
“Can you sort plane tickets out?” He asked Jeff, assuming correctly that his co-stars would want to go.
“No problem,” Jeff pulled out his cell phone and called up the next flights going to Philadelphia. “Next flight is seven am.”
“Book three seats then,” Ryan said, pushing the thought of the flight itself out of his mind. He had to get to Colin, it was only right.
“One problem man,” Greg chipped in. “You know you've messed up with Col on multiple occasions. He might not exactly welcome you turning up at his bedside like some knight in tarnished armour.”
Ryan frowned, he knew Greg had a good point but didn't know what he was supposed to do about it. He had to be there for Colin, he could feel a tightly coiled tension in his gut and knew that it would not disappear until he had checked Colin's well being for himself. “What do you suggest I do, Greg?”
“I think a grand gesture is in order, don't you?” Greg said, one eyebrow raised challengingly.
“I'm taking it you have something in mind.” Ryan didn't even need to make it a question, he could tell by the somewhat evil glint in Greg's eyes that the other man had a very detailed plan already worked out.
“Maybe,” Greg said. “It depends how badly you want to make things right with Colin though.”
That was the crux of the matter. How badly did he want to repair his fractured relationship with Colin? He knew that in order to make things right that real effort and probably a lot of sacrifice would be required on his part.
“Tell me.”
*
Colin yawned, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches in the back of his head. He pressed a hand against the bandages, wincing as the increased pressure made his head ache dully.
“I don't think you're supposed to be doing that,” Brad said from the doorway where he looked on in amusement. Colin stuck his tongue out at him.
“What did you bring me?” He asked with a grin. Brad's eyes widened comically.
“I was supposed to bring you something?”
“It is traditional,” Colin pointed out. “You know I did bring you decent food every day you were in hospital with your broken leg.”
“Okay, okay I'm a bad friend,” Brad admitted. “What are you craving? I'll go get you something right now.”
Colin felt his mouth water as he thought about what he'd like to eat. “Mm, Chinese would be good.”
“Kung pao chicken?”
“Sounds great!” Colin grinned. "You might have to sneak it past the nurses though."
“Not a problem, I'm on it,” Brad saluted and left the room. Colin slumped back against his bed, a small smile on his lips. He really wanted to just get out of there but the doctors had insisted that he stay for observation. It had been a difficult night with a nurse coming in to check on him every hour or so. He'd tried to push the thought of the attack out of his mind. Part of Colin felt rather safe in his private hospital room, he didn't know how he would react the next time a fan approached him for his autograph.
A knock on the hospital door snapped Colin from his daydream. “That was fast!” Colin said, expecting Brad to walk back through the door. His mouth snapped shut when the tall figure of Ryan appeared. As always a thrill of adrenaline shot through Colin and he tried to sit up straighter, suddenly conscious of the fact that he must look like death warmed over.
“Hey you,” Ryan said softly as he walked in. He walked over to the visitors chair and perched awkwardly on it. He looked at Colin's pale face, back of his head swathed with fresh white bandages. “How are you feeling?”
Colin shrugged his shoulders. “I'm fine, they're just keeping me in for observation, procedure you know.”
“But you're okay?” Ryan asked, concern obvious in his voice.
“I'm fine,” Colin said again. “My brain didn't get mushed at all. What are you doing here?”
Ryan blinked at the rather abrupt question though he had known it must have been coming. “I came because I was worried about you.”
“You could have just called,” Colin pointed out. “You made it pretty clear that you didn't want anything to do with me any more.”
A long silence drew out between the two of them. Ryan swallowed thickly. “That's not fair Col,” he said eventually. Real ire flashed in Colin's eyes at that remark.
“You want to talk about fair?” Colin said, ignoring the headache that flared even brighter as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. “Fair would have been you telling me that you weren't ready to go public with our relationship, fair would have been you not sleeping with one of our closest friends. And fair would be me not being harassed and assaulted just because of the fact that I'm gay.”
“I'm sorry Col,” Ryan said. “For all of that. But I want to make things right.”
“I think it's too late for that,” Colin said, rubbing a hand over his burning eyes. His head throbbed with pain and a wave of nausea swept through him. “I just don't know where I stand with you any more Ry. I don't know from one day to the next whether you're going to want to be with me or whether you're going to deny that we're even together. That isn't the kind of relationship I can live with.”
“It hasn't always been like that,” Ryan said in an attempt to make Colin see reason. “Look, I bought you a peace offering.” Ryan placed a thin brown parcel on the bedside table.
Colin shook his head, the movement making the pain behind his eyes double. He pressed the heel of his palm hard against his temple in an effort to relieve the tension.
“Col? You okay?” Ryan asked in alarm.
“I'm fine,” Colin said through gritted teeth. “I think I need you to leave now.”
“Col – ”
“No, Ryan please. No more right now. Please go.”
With obvious reluctance Ryan got to his feet and headed out of the room. He lingered in the doorway but finally disappeared after Colin refused to look up and meet his eyes. When he was alone in the room Colin sank down on the bed with a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and took long, deep breaths. Slowly the headache died down and became more manageable.
When he eventually opened his eyes the first thing that Colin saw was the package that Ryan had left behind. He had always been a curious man and he couldn't stop himself from reaching over and picking it up. The parcel was light, wrapped in brown paper and fastened shut with twine. Colin undid the knot and let the twine and paper fall away. Inside was a magazine. Out magazine. Colin forgot to breathe for a moment as he saw a picture of Ryan on the front cover and the headline 'Improv's Coming Out Party'.
With trembling fingers Colin flicked open the magazine and started to read.
*
Ryan didn't intend on leaving the hospital for a moment. Seeing Colin so distressed and so pale he was almost camouflaged against the bed sheets was a disturbing experience. Right now he was trying to find a doctor, nurse, anyone he could get to take a look at Colin. Although Colin had said that he was fine several times Ryan just didn't quite buy it. The man protested too much. The nurse he stopped in the corridor didn't seem overly concerned by Colin's symptoms but she promised to send a doctor by as soon as possible. It wasn't what Ryan wanted to hear but it seemed like it was the best he was going to get.
He found a seat in the hallway outside Colin's room and settled himself in for what he was sure would be a long wait. Ryan's back had just begun to ache from the uncomfortable position when the door to Colin's room flew open with a bang and a bare footed Colin Mochrie dashed out into the corridor.
“Col?”
Colin spun on his heel, his dark eyes lit up like fire crackers when he spotted Ryan. The next thing the six foot six comedian knew, he had his lap full of Canadian as Colin engulfed him in a hug. Ryan noticed vaguely that a certain magazine was clutched in Colin's hand and felt a rush of warmth. It seemed like Greg's idea had paid off after all.
“You did it,” Colin whispered in awe before crushing his lips to Ryan's in a kiss that was laced with desperation. Ryan returned the kiss with equal fervour. It had been so long, too long, since he had tasted Colin. He didn't know how he had survived without him. “Why did you change your mind?”
“Greg made me realise that if I didn't do this now then I'd lose you for good,” Ryan said, his words choked with emotion. “And that I'd spend the rest of my life living a lie.”
“God Ryan,” Colin said with a laugh that sounded suspiciously like a sob. “You couldn't have figured this out three months ago?”
“I wasn't ready then,” Ryan said though he knew it was really no excuse. “Hell, I'm not sure ready now. But I couldn't be without you, I thought I could but I really couldn't. You complete me, Col.”
“You're a damned sap, Stiles,” Colin said with an affectionate smile. Someone cleared their throat loudly behind them. Ryan and Colin looked up to see Brad watching them with a broad grin on his face.
“You two kiss and make up then?” He asked. “I'm not sure this is exactly following doctors orders Mochrie.”
“Oh god,” Ryan gasped, suddenly remembering Colin's injuries. “You should be in bed.”
“I'm fine right here,” Colin tried to protest but neither Ryan nor Brad were having any of it. Brad's next comment was all the motivation Colin needed to get back to his private room.
“Nice ass, Col,” he said with a lecherous grin that made Colin's face and neck flush bright red. In his haste to get to Ryan he had completely forgotten that he was wearing a backless hospital gown.
“Shit!” Colin scrambled to his feet and rushed back into his room. He could feel his ears burn as Brad let rip an ear splitting wolf-whistle. Colin climbed quickly back into the bed, hiding his modesty underneath the hospital sheets. For a moment he was sorely tempted to pull the covers up over his head and it was only with a great exertion of self control that he managed to resist. Now that he was lying down again a wave of bone tiredness washed over him. The events of the last 24 hours hit him all at once and Colin's eyes slid shut.
“You okay?” Ryan said from his bed side. Colin jumped when Ryan took his hand in his but he couldn't muster the energy to open his eyes again. It was too much like hard work.
“Tired,” Colin muttered.
“Is he allowed to sleep?” Ryan asked Brad. Colin thought he should probably be annoyed that he was being talked about like he wasn't in the room.
“Yeah, they come and check on him every so often,” Brad replied, voice quiet.
“I'm awake you know,” Colin said. He heard both men chuckle and felt a smile curve his own lips. That noise, right there, was what he lived for. “This feels like some trippy dream.”
“Here,” Ryan put the magazine under Colin's hand, watching with amusement as the wounded man opened his eyes by the smallest amount possible to see what Ryan had given him. “Just so you know it's real.”
Colin opened his eyes fully. “Does this mean...Are we going to try again?”
“Yeah we are. Go to sleep, Col,” Ryan said, running a hand over Colin's cheek. “We'll sort it all out when you wake up.”
“You'll be here?” Colin felt stupid for asking the question but after the last couple of months he couldn't quite trust that everything had come good.
“I'm not going anywhere,” said Ryan.
“Brad?” Colin said, his eyes getting heavy once more. He only just heard his friends reply.
“Yeah Col?”
“Make sure he doesn't leave, okay?”
“You got it buddy.”
With that final reassurance Colin allowed himself to fall into a much needed sleep. He knew that it would take a long time before everything was fixed between him and Ryan. But they were going to try. And right then that was all he needed to know.
Fin
Author: Jie Jie
Rating: PG
Pairings: Colin/Ryan
Wordcount: 6020
Summary: Ryan and Colin's relationship breaks down. Can they pick up the pieces?
A/N - The final part...which as per usual went in a completely different direction than I'd intended! ^_^;;
Ryan slowly blinked his eyes open, groaning at the way his head was spinning and the bright sunlight which filled the room. He looked around and froze at the unfamiliar surroundings. He was in a hotel room but it was not his own. Ryan sat up in the king sized bed and realised with horror that he was completely naked underneath the sheets. The sound of a toilet flushing in the bathroom only contributed to his panic. What the hell had he done? The bathroom door opened and in walked Diedrich Baber, looking as well groomed and cheerful as ever.
“Well, good morning, sleepy head,” Deidrich said, oblivious to Ryan's reaction, as he slid back under the covers. Ryan's green eyes stared blankly at nothing as foggy memories of the night before slid back into his head. Diedrich kissing him in the bar. Getting drunk at his hotel. Telling Colin it was over. Walking out on him. Calling Diedrich and heading over to his hotel. That was where things started to get murky. He felt vaguely sick as blurry pictures of them touching, kissing, groping, danced behind his eyes. What the fuck had he been thinking?
A warm hand slid over Ryan's waist, making him jump. He jerked away from the questing hand and rolled out of the bed. Grabbing his boxers from where they'd been thrown on the floor Ryan pulled them on in a useless attempt to preserve what was left of his modesty.
“You going so soon?” Diedrich enquired. He didn't seem overly concerned that Ryan had jumped from the bed like it was on fire.
“Uh, yeah,” Ryan said as he pulled on his jeans and looked around for his shirt. He racked his brain for the first excuse it could provide. “We've got some technical things to go over at the theatre, Greg'll have my balls if I'm late.”
Diedrich laughed. “Well, we can't have that. Your shirt's up there by the way,” Diedrich pointed up at the curtain rail where Ryan's white shirt was caught.
“Thanks,” Ryan was sure that his cheeks were bright red, broadcasting his acute embarrassment. He reached up and pulled down the garment, shrugging it on and fastening the buttons with unsteady hands. Diedrich watched him from the bed, a lazy smile on his face.
“You can stop looking like someone's killed your puppy,” he said. “Nothing happened.” Ryan felt a huge flash of relief.
“I knew that,” he said with a grin.
“You call me when you're really over Colin,” Diedrich said. “I wanna do that for real sometime.”
Ryan honestly didn't know what to say to that. He nodded at the man who was his friend and co-star and all but fled the room.
*
By time Ryan had found his way back to his own hotel room the events of the night before had become sickeningly clear in his mind. He wished that he couldn't remember any of it. He'd gone to Diedrich's hotel with the full intention of sleeping with him. Thankfully his conscience had kicked in and he'd called a halt to things, though by that point he'd been too inebriated to make it back to his own hotel. Although his aborted tryst with Diedrich was not one of his proudest moments and had almost been another betrayal of Colin's trust it was not the most painful memory of the night.
Ryan opened his hotel room door and winced as the smell of stale alcohol threatened to trigger his gag reflex. He had to breath deeply through his mouth for a few moments before he became accustomed to the smell. The empty contents of the mini bar decorated his bedside table and there was a large empty bottle of scotch lying on the floor. Ryan frowned at the object in question, he remembered ordering it but not drinking it. He wondered if maybe that had been down to Colin. Just thinking Colin's name made his chest tighten with guilt. He'd been the world's biggest bastard last night and Colin really hadn't deserved it.
A furious pounding on his bedroom door interrupted Ryan's self flagellation. The pounding only made his own headache worse. Ryan yanked open the door, ready to give the person on the other side a piece of his mind. His mouth snapped shut with an audible click as Greg pushed his way into the room looking more pissed off that Ryan had even seen him.
“I can't leave you alone for one mother fucking minute! What did you do? What god damned idiotic thing did you say or do fuck this up so badly?”
Ryan was stumped by the unexpected wave of hostility. “What are you talking about?”
“Colin, you total jackass!” Greg said, the volume of his voice making Ryan wince. “He showed up this morning looking like shit and said he was quitting the fucking tour.”
“What?” Ryan said weakly. He could feel the blood drain from his face as snippets from his last conversation with Colin echoed in his head.
“He's gone Ryan, packed up his bags and left the god damned building.”
Ryan swallowed thickly. “Did he say anything?”
“He said if we wanted an explanation we should ask you,” Greg's voice was dangerously controlled. “So that's what I'm doing. I want to know what the fuck you did and how you're going to make it right.”
“I got wasted last night,” Ryan said first of all, he knew it was a pathetic excuse for what he'd done but he still wanted Greg to know that he hadn't been in complete control of himself. “Col came over real late and...I said some stupid things. I didn't mean any of them but I was just, I don't know, drunk and angry and I wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting.”
“Tell me what you said.”
“I told him about what happened at the bar and I said things were over between me and him and that he should go back to Brad.” Having to repeat those words, out loud and now sober, made Ryan's stomach turn. He could tell that Greg was disgusted with him and truth be told he was disgusted with himself.
“So how the fuck are you gonna fix this?” Greg wanted to know. Ryan shrugged, his posture defeated before he'd even tried.
“I don't know Greg,” he said. “I really don't know if I can.”
*
Colin had taken Ryan's words to heart and pulled out of the rest of his time with the Whose Live tour. His manager had been annoyed but Colin rarely caused trouble and so he let the incident slide. With Brad now healed up the pair got back on the road, following a gruelling schedule intended to cover the cities that they'd had to cancel on before. Things were almost back to normal. Colin was performing with his usual zeal on stage but once those stage lights switched off it seemed like he did too. The Canadian had always been a rather shy person when he wasn't performing but now he was almost completely withdrawn, barely speaking unless he was asked a direct question.
On the evening of yet another show Colin sat in his dressing room and stared at his face in the mirror. That tired man with the empty eyes couldn't possibly be a comedian.
A knock sounded at the door.
Colin stood and crossed the room, he opened the door and frowned down at the package which had been left outside his dressing room. He glanced up and down the empty corridor before reaching down to pick it up. With a final glance around Colin retreated into his dressing room and sat down on he couch. He prised off the lid of the small cardboard box and drew in a surprised breath as he saw what was inside. A raggedy doll lay ensconced in black tissue paper, from it's lack of hair and dark brown button eyes Colin surmised that it was supposed to represent him. A note which simply read 'faggot' had been pinned to the dolls chest by a short handled knife.
“Nice,” Colin muttered. He threw the doll, box and all, into the trash can. He wasn't too surprised at receiving such a hateful gift. Since coming out he'd had a mixed response from the general public. Most were indifferent or curious. He received a lot of letters of support from various people including an old friend from his days filming Whose Line in England. And then there were the haters. People who seemed to feel it was their duty to tell him that he was evil and would burn in hell for daring to love another man. It was all bullshit of course and most of the time Colin found it gratifying that most of his hate mail came from people who weren't exactly the most enlightened. The fact that most of them couldn't even spell homosexual was a source of constant amusement.
It was when the hatred seeped into his work that Colin was more affected. Suggestions from the audience, like the one that Jeff had seen, referencing his sexual preferences were few and far between but they always disturbed him. He tried to protect his friends and family from the backlash as best he could. Today, it was just one more thing on a long list which he couldn't make himself worry about.
“Hey Col, you decent?” Brad called from the hallway. The performer didn't wait for a reply before walking into the dressing room.
“Why ask the question if you aren't going to wait for an answer?” Colin wondered, arms crossed across his chest.
“You haven't got anything I haven't seen before, man.”
“Brad, you're my friend and I love you,” Colin's words were serious though a smile tugged at the edges of his lips. “But I don't want to you to see me naked.”
Brad stuck his tongue out at his co-star but let the argument drop. “Come get some food with me,” he said, making his voice deliberately whiny. Although Colin knew better than to deny Brad food he couldn't help but tease the man a little, to make him work for it.
“No, I don't think so. It's probably not a good idea,” he said, hiding a smile. “I don't like performing on a full stomach.”
“Oh, come on, man. Please?” Brad used his own patented version of the puppy dog eyes. He used them so well that Colin couldn't keep up his act any longer. He gave a long suffering sigh and watched as Brad's eyes lit up, knowing that he'd won the argument.
“Okay, but I'm not going far,” Colin said, having terrible visions of an audience kept waiting because he and Brad were stuck in traffic somewhere.
“Great,” a sunny grin broke out on Brad's face. “There's a pizza place down the street with our names on it.”
It seemed like autumn had truly arrived to the city. It was a crisp but pleasant evening that they both enjoyed as they walked down the street. An old craving played at the edge of Colin's mind and he decided that, what the hell, he deserved a pick me up after the week he'd had. He reached inside his jacket pocket to pull out a lighter and a packet of smokes.
“I thought you quit all that about a year ago,” Brad's disapproval was only vaguely hidden.
“Aw, give me a break,” Colin sighed. “It's just one pack.”
“Yeah that's how it starts,” Brad muttered darkly. “We're here now, why don't you put it out?” Colin rolled his eyes at his well meaning friend. The restaurant seemed warm and inviting, it had huge glass windows, allowing passers-by to see it's cosy interior.
“Why don't you go get us a table and I'll finish this?” Colin gestured with his cigarette. Brad threw up his hands in a gesture of defeat.
“All right, I give, I give,” Brad laughed and headed into the restaurant, leaving Colin to enjoy his cigarette in peace.
A group of three young men spotted him and crossed the street. One of them had a ticket for the Colin and Brad Show and a sharpie pen in his hand and Colin braced himself for the always awkward moment when fans approached him.
“Mr. Mochrie, could we get your autograph?” One of the young men thrust the ticket and the pen towards Colin, a tight smile on his face. Colin dropped his cigarette to the ground and accepted the ticket, scrawling his autograph across the paper before handing it back to the fan.
“There you go, enjoy the show,” he said genuinely. He was always happy to put his signature to anything the fans gave him, though god knows he'd been asked to sign some weird things over the years.
“Thanks,” the man said as he accepted the ticket. His smile turned nasty as he tore the ticket up into small pieces and threw it into Colin's face. “Me and my friends don't find your faggy show very funny.”
Colin took a step back away from the suddenly intimidating young men. He hoped like hell that Brad could see what was going on. Back up would be a very welcome thing right now.
“Well, that's good 'cus I think you might have invalidated your ticket,” the quip was out of his mouth before his brain could even process the seriousness of his situation. Provoking the men who currently surrounded him was not a great idea. Colin turned his back on them, looking for his co-star. Brad was talking to the maître d, he looked up and caught sight of the situation. Colin saw Brad's eyes widen in horror. A burst of pain at the back of Colin's head made him stagger forwards. His hands left smears across the previously clean windows of the restaurant as he stumbled against them. The door burst open and Brad yelled something unintelligible at the men. Through the roaring in his ears Colin could hear footsteps running away from them.
“Col? Col, you okay?” Brad's hands were on Colin's shoulders, steadying him.
“Should I call 911?” The maître d had followed Brad out of the restaurant and had a cell phone in hand, ready to dial. That was enough to force Colin to regain some semblance of coherency.
“No,” he said at exactly the same moment that Brad said, “Yes.”
“Brad, I'm fine,” Colin said, trying to ignore the throbbing pain at the back of his skull. He felt gentle hands rub against the back of his neck.
“You're bleeding, Col,” Brad held his fingers in front of Colin's face to show the truth of his words. Colin had trouble focusing on the hand in front of him but he could see that it was smeared with red.
“What the hell did they hit me with?” Colin wondered, his knees almost buckled and he held onto Brad's arm.
“A bottle,” Brad said, anger clear in his voice. Colin looked down at the floor and noticed distantly that shards of glass did now litter the side walk, catching the setting sun's light. “Call an ambulance.”
“Brad?” Colin gasped the name as his vision started to blur. “I really need to sit.” The roaring in his ears turned into thunder and Colin moaned as a wave of vertigo swept over him. He clung to consciousness purely through force of will, only vaguely aware of Brad and the maître d guiding him to a chair inside the restaurant. He sat down heavily and rested his forehead in his hands. Colin stared down at the off-white tiled floor, oblivious to the air of disturbance around him. Most of the patrons had seen the attack and were chattering with an air of concern and excitement.
“Here,” Brad pressed a cool, clean cloth to the back of Colin's head, making the Canadian hiss as a wave of pain rushed through him. His stomach rolled but he managed to control himself, barely. “Col, can you hold this on?” Brad urged Colin to apply pressure to the wound.
“Remind me why I thought coming out was a good idea?” Colin's said, voice laden with irony. The hint of humour surprised a laugh out of Brad. He was saved having to make a response when an ambulance pulled up outside and two paramedics quickly entered the restaurant. They made their way over to Colin and immediately took control over the situation. Brad was asked to step back as one paramedic assessed Colin's injury and the other drilled him with questions. Name, date of birth, what day it was, if he was experiencing nausea. Something obviously wasn't up to standard as they were soon leading him towards the ambulance. When he realised what was going on Colin ground to a halt, digging in his heels.
“The show, we have a show tonight,” he said, looking around desperately for Brad. His co-star was following him to the ambulance, fully intending to go with him to the hospital.
“Screw the show!” Brad couldn't believe that Colin was even thinking about it.
“Brad, go to the theatre,” Colin said, allowing the paramedics to urge him up inside the ambulance.
Brad shook his head firmly and jumped up inside the ambulance, taking the seat opposite from Colin. “I'll call them from the hospital, don't worry about it.”
“Okay,” Colin said before promptly passing out in his seat. Brad jumped to his feet but was pushed back down by the attending paramedic.
Brad sat back and watched with wide eyes as the paramedic checked Colin's vitals. The whole evenings events had taken such a surreal turn. It had been one of the worst moments of his life, looking up and seeing those men surrounding Colin. Seeing one raise a bottle poised to smash down on Colin's head but unable to move quickly enough to do anything about it. He'd been frozen to the spot, watching with horror as Colin was struck over the head and stumbled against the restaurant window. Seeing his palm splay against the glass had been enough to snap Brad out of his shock and move. He'd chased off the louts but still felt the slow burn of guilt for not reacting faster, for not being there when Colin had really needed him.
*
Ryan was sitting alone in his cold, dark hotel room when a sharp knock came at his door. Reluctantly he got up to answer it. He could tell by the knock that it was Greg and he just hoped the other man wasn't going to tear another strip off of him. He'd been doing a decent enough job of beating himself up, he didn't need any more help.
“Ryan open up!” Greg's voice didn't sound angry, in fact he sounded worried which was rather unusual. Ryan opened the door and stood back as Greg and Jeff walked into his hotel room. Both men wore frowns and looked uncharacteristically serious.
“What's going on?” Their unease made Ryan nervous in turn. Greg and Jeff exchanged a look, each silently urging the other to speak. “Guys, come on,” Ryan said with exasperation when the quiet stretched on.
“Brad just called us,” Jeff said eventually. Ryan's stomach dropped as a hundred worse case scenarios ran through his head. “Colin got attacked in the street this afternoon.”
“Is he okay?” Ryan was surprised that he could even talk, his throat was so tight.
“Apparently he took a hit to the head but he's all right,” Jeff continued. “They're keeping him in for observation.” Relief swept over Ryan, thankful that Colin hadn't suffered any permanent damage.
Only one question was on Ryan's mind. “Who the fuck would want to hurt Col? He's sweet and selfless and easily the nicest person in improv. Why would anyone do something like this?”
“Yeah, one thing you missed off your list there big guy,” Greg said. There was an edge of bitterness to his voice that was heard easily by his two friends. “He's also gay. Openly gay. And there are still some ignorant sons of bitches in this country who'd like nothing more than to lynch him from the nearest tree.”
“I didn't know it was still that bad,” Ryan admitted. Jeff shifted uncomfortably before coming to a decision. He didn't want to make Ryan feel guilty but he really should know just what Colin had been facing.
“I think Colin's been having a rough time of it,” Jeff said. “Not that he'd ever complain. He told me he'd been getting some hate mail.”
A stab of what almost felt like betrayal caught Ryan by surprise. He had been Colin's confidant for more years than he could remember. That his best friend and former lover would no longer trust him with something so important made Ryan's chest ache. Greg caught sight of Ryan's crest fallen expression and sighed.
“Oh come on Ry,” he said. “Colin was hoping that you were gonna come out too and that the two of you could go public with your relationship. He wasn't exactly going to tell you how much crap he'd been taking because of it. Besides he probably just didn't want to set you on the warpath. We all know you aren't great with the fans when you're pissed off. If Col told you what kind of letters he'd been getting you'd have run into the crowd with a fucking machete.”
Ryan would have loved to deny that accusation but truth be told if he'd have known that someone in their audience had been sending malicious messages to Colin he'd have been sorely tempted to lock the doors and set the whole god damned auditorium on fire. He decided to let the argument drop. Greg was right and even if he wasn't, Ryan had more important things to worry about.
“Where is he?”
“Brad said he's at St Memorial in Philly,” Jeff answered. Ryan winced as he realised that they were on the other side of the country, if he wanted to get to Colin fast then he'd have to fly.
“Can you sort plane tickets out?” He asked Jeff, assuming correctly that his co-stars would want to go.
“No problem,” Jeff pulled out his cell phone and called up the next flights going to Philadelphia. “Next flight is seven am.”
“Book three seats then,” Ryan said, pushing the thought of the flight itself out of his mind. He had to get to Colin, it was only right.
“One problem man,” Greg chipped in. “You know you've messed up with Col on multiple occasions. He might not exactly welcome you turning up at his bedside like some knight in tarnished armour.”
Ryan frowned, he knew Greg had a good point but didn't know what he was supposed to do about it. He had to be there for Colin, he could feel a tightly coiled tension in his gut and knew that it would not disappear until he had checked Colin's well being for himself. “What do you suggest I do, Greg?”
“I think a grand gesture is in order, don't you?” Greg said, one eyebrow raised challengingly.
“I'm taking it you have something in mind.” Ryan didn't even need to make it a question, he could tell by the somewhat evil glint in Greg's eyes that the other man had a very detailed plan already worked out.
“Maybe,” Greg said. “It depends how badly you want to make things right with Colin though.”
That was the crux of the matter. How badly did he want to repair his fractured relationship with Colin? He knew that in order to make things right that real effort and probably a lot of sacrifice would be required on his part.
“Tell me.”
*
Colin yawned, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches in the back of his head. He pressed a hand against the bandages, wincing as the increased pressure made his head ache dully.
“I don't think you're supposed to be doing that,” Brad said from the doorway where he looked on in amusement. Colin stuck his tongue out at him.
“What did you bring me?” He asked with a grin. Brad's eyes widened comically.
“I was supposed to bring you something?”
“It is traditional,” Colin pointed out. “You know I did bring you decent food every day you were in hospital with your broken leg.”
“Okay, okay I'm a bad friend,” Brad admitted. “What are you craving? I'll go get you something right now.”
Colin felt his mouth water as he thought about what he'd like to eat. “Mm, Chinese would be good.”
“Kung pao chicken?”
“Sounds great!” Colin grinned. "You might have to sneak it past the nurses though."
“Not a problem, I'm on it,” Brad saluted and left the room. Colin slumped back against his bed, a small smile on his lips. He really wanted to just get out of there but the doctors had insisted that he stay for observation. It had been a difficult night with a nurse coming in to check on him every hour or so. He'd tried to push the thought of the attack out of his mind. Part of Colin felt rather safe in his private hospital room, he didn't know how he would react the next time a fan approached him for his autograph.
A knock on the hospital door snapped Colin from his daydream. “That was fast!” Colin said, expecting Brad to walk back through the door. His mouth snapped shut when the tall figure of Ryan appeared. As always a thrill of adrenaline shot through Colin and he tried to sit up straighter, suddenly conscious of the fact that he must look like death warmed over.
“Hey you,” Ryan said softly as he walked in. He walked over to the visitors chair and perched awkwardly on it. He looked at Colin's pale face, back of his head swathed with fresh white bandages. “How are you feeling?”
Colin shrugged his shoulders. “I'm fine, they're just keeping me in for observation, procedure you know.”
“But you're okay?” Ryan asked, concern obvious in his voice.
“I'm fine,” Colin said again. “My brain didn't get mushed at all. What are you doing here?”
Ryan blinked at the rather abrupt question though he had known it must have been coming. “I came because I was worried about you.”
“You could have just called,” Colin pointed out. “You made it pretty clear that you didn't want anything to do with me any more.”
A long silence drew out between the two of them. Ryan swallowed thickly. “That's not fair Col,” he said eventually. Real ire flashed in Colin's eyes at that remark.
“You want to talk about fair?” Colin said, ignoring the headache that flared even brighter as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. “Fair would have been you telling me that you weren't ready to go public with our relationship, fair would have been you not sleeping with one of our closest friends. And fair would be me not being harassed and assaulted just because of the fact that I'm gay.”
“I'm sorry Col,” Ryan said. “For all of that. But I want to make things right.”
“I think it's too late for that,” Colin said, rubbing a hand over his burning eyes. His head throbbed with pain and a wave of nausea swept through him. “I just don't know where I stand with you any more Ry. I don't know from one day to the next whether you're going to want to be with me or whether you're going to deny that we're even together. That isn't the kind of relationship I can live with.”
“It hasn't always been like that,” Ryan said in an attempt to make Colin see reason. “Look, I bought you a peace offering.” Ryan placed a thin brown parcel on the bedside table.
Colin shook his head, the movement making the pain behind his eyes double. He pressed the heel of his palm hard against his temple in an effort to relieve the tension.
“Col? You okay?” Ryan asked in alarm.
“I'm fine,” Colin said through gritted teeth. “I think I need you to leave now.”
“Col – ”
“No, Ryan please. No more right now. Please go.”
With obvious reluctance Ryan got to his feet and headed out of the room. He lingered in the doorway but finally disappeared after Colin refused to look up and meet his eyes. When he was alone in the room Colin sank down on the bed with a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and took long, deep breaths. Slowly the headache died down and became more manageable.
When he eventually opened his eyes the first thing that Colin saw was the package that Ryan had left behind. He had always been a curious man and he couldn't stop himself from reaching over and picking it up. The parcel was light, wrapped in brown paper and fastened shut with twine. Colin undid the knot and let the twine and paper fall away. Inside was a magazine. Out magazine. Colin forgot to breathe for a moment as he saw a picture of Ryan on the front cover and the headline 'Improv's Coming Out Party'.
With trembling fingers Colin flicked open the magazine and started to read.
*
Ryan didn't intend on leaving the hospital for a moment. Seeing Colin so distressed and so pale he was almost camouflaged against the bed sheets was a disturbing experience. Right now he was trying to find a doctor, nurse, anyone he could get to take a look at Colin. Although Colin had said that he was fine several times Ryan just didn't quite buy it. The man protested too much. The nurse he stopped in the corridor didn't seem overly concerned by Colin's symptoms but she promised to send a doctor by as soon as possible. It wasn't what Ryan wanted to hear but it seemed like it was the best he was going to get.
He found a seat in the hallway outside Colin's room and settled himself in for what he was sure would be a long wait. Ryan's back had just begun to ache from the uncomfortable position when the door to Colin's room flew open with a bang and a bare footed Colin Mochrie dashed out into the corridor.
“Col?”
Colin spun on his heel, his dark eyes lit up like fire crackers when he spotted Ryan. The next thing the six foot six comedian knew, he had his lap full of Canadian as Colin engulfed him in a hug. Ryan noticed vaguely that a certain magazine was clutched in Colin's hand and felt a rush of warmth. It seemed like Greg's idea had paid off after all.
“You did it,” Colin whispered in awe before crushing his lips to Ryan's in a kiss that was laced with desperation. Ryan returned the kiss with equal fervour. It had been so long, too long, since he had tasted Colin. He didn't know how he had survived without him. “Why did you change your mind?”
“Greg made me realise that if I didn't do this now then I'd lose you for good,” Ryan said, his words choked with emotion. “And that I'd spend the rest of my life living a lie.”
“God Ryan,” Colin said with a laugh that sounded suspiciously like a sob. “You couldn't have figured this out three months ago?”
“I wasn't ready then,” Ryan said though he knew it was really no excuse. “Hell, I'm not sure ready now. But I couldn't be without you, I thought I could but I really couldn't. You complete me, Col.”
“You're a damned sap, Stiles,” Colin said with an affectionate smile. Someone cleared their throat loudly behind them. Ryan and Colin looked up to see Brad watching them with a broad grin on his face.
“You two kiss and make up then?” He asked. “I'm not sure this is exactly following doctors orders Mochrie.”
“Oh god,” Ryan gasped, suddenly remembering Colin's injuries. “You should be in bed.”
“I'm fine right here,” Colin tried to protest but neither Ryan nor Brad were having any of it. Brad's next comment was all the motivation Colin needed to get back to his private room.
“Nice ass, Col,” he said with a lecherous grin that made Colin's face and neck flush bright red. In his haste to get to Ryan he had completely forgotten that he was wearing a backless hospital gown.
“Shit!” Colin scrambled to his feet and rushed back into his room. He could feel his ears burn as Brad let rip an ear splitting wolf-whistle. Colin climbed quickly back into the bed, hiding his modesty underneath the hospital sheets. For a moment he was sorely tempted to pull the covers up over his head and it was only with a great exertion of self control that he managed to resist. Now that he was lying down again a wave of bone tiredness washed over him. The events of the last 24 hours hit him all at once and Colin's eyes slid shut.
“You okay?” Ryan said from his bed side. Colin jumped when Ryan took his hand in his but he couldn't muster the energy to open his eyes again. It was too much like hard work.
“Tired,” Colin muttered.
“Is he allowed to sleep?” Ryan asked Brad. Colin thought he should probably be annoyed that he was being talked about like he wasn't in the room.
“Yeah, they come and check on him every so often,” Brad replied, voice quiet.
“I'm awake you know,” Colin said. He heard both men chuckle and felt a smile curve his own lips. That noise, right there, was what he lived for. “This feels like some trippy dream.”
“Here,” Ryan put the magazine under Colin's hand, watching with amusement as the wounded man opened his eyes by the smallest amount possible to see what Ryan had given him. “Just so you know it's real.”
Colin opened his eyes fully. “Does this mean...Are we going to try again?”
“Yeah we are. Go to sleep, Col,” Ryan said, running a hand over Colin's cheek. “We'll sort it all out when you wake up.”
“You'll be here?” Colin felt stupid for asking the question but after the last couple of months he couldn't quite trust that everything had come good.
“I'm not going anywhere,” said Ryan.
“Brad?” Colin said, his eyes getting heavy once more. He only just heard his friends reply.
“Yeah Col?”
“Make sure he doesn't leave, okay?”
“You got it buddy.”
With that final reassurance Colin allowed himself to fall into a much needed sleep. He knew that it would take a long time before everything was fixed between him and Ryan. But they were going to try. And right then that was all he needed to know.
Fin
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