wl_fanfiction | [Songfic] Asking Too Much (Reply)

Title: Asking Too Much
Author: Jie Jie
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1350
Summary: Sometimes it hurts too much to stay friends.

Just an angsty little songfic I wrote under the influence of Forgiveness by Sarah Mclachlan. I own neither the lyrics or the characters. And yes before you say it, I am aware that it's one giant cliché...I have no defence.

I'm turning into a serial ficlet-er. One of these days I'm gonna have to grow me a plot.

“I'm still in shock,” Colin said as he took in the high ceilings and wide open spaces of the art gallery.

“Hey, I can do culture,” his companion said. Colin turned to look at Brad, one eyebrow raised. “Oh, hush you.”

“I didn't say anything,” Colin laughed. He turned to look up at the nearest artwork, a portrait of an old woman standing alone in the rain. “I am curious though. Why here and not your usual choice?” Brad's usual choice being any bar with a pool table and a sticky floor. When Brad shrugged and turned away Colin became suspicious. The younger performer was easy to read and he clearly had something to hide.

“How'd you hear about this opening anyway? Brad?” Colin stepped between his friend and the photograph he was feigning interest in.

“Don't be mad,” Brad said, realising that he wouldn't be allowed to dodge the question. He scratched the back of his head in a nervous gesture. Colin suddenly felt nervous himself. “The artist's a friend of Greg's. He got us the invite.”

“Please tell me he isn't here.” Both men knew that Colin was not referring to Greg Proops. The tense silence was all the answer Colin needed. He swore softly. Brad began to regret agreeing to Greg's well meaning plan.

“C'mon Col, it's been almost a year,” Brad said. “You can't still be mad.” The look Colin gave him was not a friendly one.

“I'm leaving.” Colin turned on his heel and walked straight into the man he'd been hoping to avoid.

“Woah, steady Col,” Ryan said and damned if Colin's heart didn't jump within his chest. He was so close he could feel Ryan's warmth, feel the rumble of his voice, smell that unique scent. All he had to do was tilt his head and he'd be able to press a kiss to those familiar lips as he had done so many times before. Things were different now though, so different. Colin stepped back, putting much needed space between himself and his former lover. The only problem was that now he could see Ryan properly. Maybe it wouldn't have been so hard if the man didn't look so good. He had always liked Ryan in formal wear.

“Hey, you made it!” The exuberant tones of Greg Proops seemed overly loud in the hushed gallery but it provided a welcome distraction from the awkward moment. Brad and Ryan smiled and made small talk. Colin echoed their sentiments as best he could but he knew his performance was paper thin. After going for a year without even hearing Ryan's voice this sudden closeness had fried his circuits.

“Hey isn't that whatshisname over there?” Brad asked in a tone which made Colin pay attention. His partner was up to something again.

“Why, I do believe it is,” Greg replied with a grin. “I'll introduce you. You guys will be okay, right?” Before either man had a chance to answer the scheming pair made good their escape.

“Ever get the feeling you've been set up?” Ryan asked. Colin could see how easy it would be to fall back into their old rhythms. They could joke about Brad and Greg, drink some champagne and make fun of the more pretentious guests. But then what? Heat flashed in Colin's groin. He knew exactly what would happen then. They'd go outside for a shared cigarette and end up sharing a kiss or two. Ryan would invite him back to his hotel and they would make hot sweet love in the moonlit room. It was what would happen the next day that Colin had a problem with. Ryan would go back to his real life, one with his wife and family, so much work and so many friends that all he could offer to Colin were scraps of affection and one-night-only's whenever their paths happened to cross. They had maintained their strange, long-distance relationship for years but Colin's heart had broken a little more with every goodbye until finally he couldn't take it any more. Their separation had been brutal and had left both men devastated. While Ryan had tried to contact Colin for months afterwards, Colin had kept his distance. And now, here they were. Together but separate. It was unbearable.

I remember your loving eyes
And the moonlit kiss
The evening lullabies I will truly miss
Through the years we had it all
Midnight whispers, the midday calls
This house of cards, it had to fall

“I have to go,” Colin brushed by Ryan, intent on making his escape. A warm hand caught hold of his wrist and held on tightly. Long fingers caressed the sensitive skin there and Colin felt his breath catch in his throat.

“I miss you, Col,” Ryan said in a voice rough with emotion. Colin felt like he was being split in two, wanting to push Ryan away and hold him close at the same time. Hearing that affectionate nickname from Ryan's lips flooded him with memories of bright lights and teasing laughter.

“Please don't call me that,” he said quietly. Hurt flashed in Ryan's eyes and he released Colin's wrist.

“Why can't we be friends?” Confusion and a touch of anger coloured Ryan's words. “Did I fuck up that bad?” The coarse language drew a few looks of disapproval but neither man noticed. The world had narrowed until only the two of them existed as it always did when they were together.

“You didn't fuck up,” Colin said. He couldn't leave Ryan feeling like it was all his fault no matter how much he'd felt it was at the time. “I knew what I was getting into. I wanted more than you could give. I still do.”

“You still love me?” Ryan asked. Colin couldn't lie to the man who had held and broken his heart a hundred times over.

“Yes,” Colin whispered. Ryan cradled Colin's face in a familiar gesture and pressed gentle kisses to Colin's lips.

“I love you too. Love you so much, Col,” he murmured against Colin's skin. It wasn't until he pulled back that Ryan noticed the tears shining in Colin's eyes. One single tear drop escaped and trickled over Colin's cheek. Ryan wiped it away with his thumb. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I don't believe you,” Colin struggled to speak past the tightness in his throat. “I can't let you break my heart again, Ry. Please don't...”

“I never meant to hurt you,” Ryan said. Guilt wrapped around his chest. “I'm sorry.” Colin looked at him and for a moment Ryan thought he might have finally said what Colin wanted to hear. It was not to be. Colin gave Ryan a wavering smile before he turned and walked away without even saying goodbye. “I'm sorry.” Ryan said quietly as he watched Colin vanish into the crowd.

“Aren't you going to go after him?” Greg asked as he and Brad reappeared having watched the scene unfold from the sidelines.

“Not this time,” Ryan said, his eyes suspiciously bright. He pulled a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and headed for the fire escape. Brad and Greg looked at each other in exasperation.

“How can two intelligent people be so god damned stupid?” Greg wondered out loud.

“You got me,” Brad replied. “Still, they've got to get it together eventually, right? Greg?”

“Uh, yeah. Right,” Greg said. If Brad had asked him that an hour ago there would have been no hesitation in his response. Now, he wasn't so sure. Maybe some things just weren't meant to last.

And you ask for forgiveness
You’re asking too much
I have sheltered my heart in a place you can’t touch
Don’t believe when you tell me your love is real
Because you don’t know much about heaven boy
If you have to hurt to feel